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m&ms487

:: 2006 27 September :: 10.36am

It's just one of those days.

I forgot to return my library book, which means I'll get a fine.

I forgot to do a Lab assignment for my computer course that was due today and worth fourty points.

I didn't do my reading for Pride and Prejudice last night, and am currently looking on sparknotes for a quick review.

BAH.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 25 September :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Waking up this morning was the toughest thing I've done in a long time.

I am incredibly sick. I even skipped a class. I only skip a class for a really good reason, such as sitting in my dorm trying not to throw up.

I really want some hot chicken noodle soup right now. That would make me feel better.

Your selfish needs polluted my perfect night. When are you ever going to learn? When is it not going to be about you anymore? When will you open your eyes and see the world that you so desperately claim to know so much of? Your actions are not beautiful, they are not heroic. They are just another intelligently masked motive for self gain, for pleasure.

There was a time when I thought everything you touched was beautiful. I thought you really understood how everything worked. I thought you could feel how life changed us minute by minute, hour by hour, through painful thought, tearless loss. Now I see you're the same as everyone else. That was my fault, my mistake, for you are only human, and I shouldn't have expected anything more out of you than anyone else. I'm terribly sorry for that.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 24 September :: 8.59pm

I had a really fun weekend. I went home and saw everyone, did many things, you know what I mean.

I went to shakedown street and priscilla's for the first time Saturday. It was definately awesome.

I had such a long night last night, I got about two hours of sleep. I almost fell asleep numerous times while I was driving back to Central. That wasn't too great.

I will be back for red flannel.

I like jello.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 22 September :: 9.53am
:: Mood: contemplative

I went out to breakfast with my parents today. It was very, strange. I felt like I didn't belong to them anymore, however, that's not a bad thing. I think it startled them when I followed the waitres to the table, instead of following them following the waitress (I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but with my family the actions and unspoken moves you make are very important). I could see in their eyes that I had changed.
They are getting old. I could see it in their eyes. It feels so good not to live at home that I'm almost dreading the summer when I'll move back in.
They are on their way up to Beaver Island for a vacation.

I'm leaving today after my english class at noon. I'm going home, and they aren't going to be there, and it's going to be like old times.

I'm very excited for this weekend.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 21 September :: 4.16pm

So i WAS going to the writing center to get someone intelligent to proofread my paper, however, they are closed at the moment. It's only four in the afternoon. How can they be closed?

Eh. My paper is too good for them anyway.

Right.

Michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 20 September :: 10.11pm

I finally got done with my english paper. Who doesn't love Transcendentalism? Seriously.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 20 September :: 2.28pm

I'm so tired. I feel like my head is so...confused. Perhaps it's just been from lack of sleep, although I've been getting eight hours a night. I really need to take a nap, but I can't for some reason.

It's horrible.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 19 September :: 7.56pm

I am going to kill the piccolo player that sits next to me in U band.

I know how to play my fucking flute.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 19 September :: 2.24pm

I can feel the wind cut through my sweater. That same sweater that seemed like last night, but so many nights ago, you gave me, to keep me warm. I recollect this moment not as a moment of passion, or love, or even burning desire, but of one of friendship, of caring, of compassion. The three of us went swimming together that night. I was so scared of the cold water. I'm not sure exactly why. My body was cold, but so was my soul. And underneath those stars, that night, my body was renewed in that water, with both of you, and I felt whole. I felt as if all the world was content. I was content. I was shivering from the cold midnight breeze, and I felt childish with the sand between my toes, but I was content. I was happy. That was how summers should be. That's how summer was.

michelle

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upchuck

:: 2006 19 September :: 10.23am

After spending a significant amount of time this morning reconnecting with my network (catching up on friends page and going to facebook), I realize how relatively important that all of this was to me nearly a year ago. I put my life back together online. I hate to admit it, but Mica and I would never had even started talking had I had to meet her in real life to begin with. And look how fantastically that has turned out.

But now, now my life on here does not seem so important. Maybe it's because I've fallen back into my old habits, as far as just using it to maintain knowledge of all of you. Yes, I do, I read, very detailed entries, so just remember that when you keep going on about things. But I really think the reason is that I have a life outside of this. I can keep up with my friends, but I don't need to be intimately involved anymore because I have a life outside of this. I wonder if there is any research on this as far as people retreating to the internet in times of depression or lonliness. Hmmmm.............

But anywho. I've decided to try an make this a long entry, just to punish you all.

Stress is starting to get to me, but I don't want to talk about it because I just have to get perspective on work. Once I do that and realize that they are not paying me enough to stress out over little things like the stuff I get upset about, I'll be fine. It's kind of like those nights that I used to come home from Monday night practice, extremely tired, but also still wound up from rehearsal. I used to fall into a half-sleep state where I was in a dream, but back on the field. Until I could actually get some good sleep I would have to convince myself in this dream state to put down my Tuba and lay down at the back of the field and fall asleep. Then I would be fine. It's just a matter of perspective.

I got a weird call last week. Thursday night at work my dad called me and said that he had gotten a rather strange phone call from a guy who was looking for a bass player. This guy was a completely stranger and he got my name from a guy that I haven't seen in about three years. Anyways, his bass player had quit on him and he had a party to play this weekend. He wanted me to come play with his band cold. I'd never met the guy, never played with anyone in his band. I didn't even know what kind of music they played. We talked a couple of times on the phone, he told me where the party was and I showed up. Kind of a weird circumstance. I've had weird things happen all because of music, but this was the strangest. We played, at the end of the second set (I didn't know many of their songs, and I faked it, some good others really bad), my amp started to cut out. They had to go get another amp for me to play through. I felt really bad. One of the things you don't wanted to happen when you're playing with a bunch of new people is for your equipment to not work. They got me another amp and by that time it was around 11:30pm. They, the rest of the guys in the band, had given up on playing anything that they had on their song list. WHich is good, because some of the stuff was a little complex, not the kind of music you want to play on the fly. So we tossed around ideas and started playing some of the simplest songs that they knew. That set ended up rocking. Up to that point I didn't really have a good feeling about the night. I started to think that maybe i was just out of it. I hadn't played in awhile, I might just have lost what I had. But I didn't. We played stuff that I knew and that was easy and we really fell into a groove. It was awesome. I haven't had that experience all summer. So it was a good time.

Okay, well now I think I've bored you enough with the mindless details of my life. So now that you've read all that pointless crap, I will say good bye.




Good Bye.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 18 September :: 1.29pm

When I grow up I'm going to be a teacher.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 17 September :: 7.24pm

Do you remember when we went camping and made criss cross potatoes in the Wok?

Do you remember when we learned how to play Mau?

Do you remember how it was?

It was wonderful, wasn't it?

-michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 15 September :: 6.50pm
:: Mood: crappy

I miss my music terribly.
I'm in University band, of course, but it's not enough.
I feel so empty without it.
I don't think you could ever understand what I mean.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 15 September :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Friday. Music to my ears.

I only had one class today, but eh...I stil had to get up for it. I'm feeling a little under the weather. I hope I'm not getting too sick.

I'm coming home next weekend. Since everyone loves me so much, I'm sure my schedule is going to be jam packed. Right.

If you want to hang out, leave me a comment and I'll make some time for you inbetween eating my parent's food and watching T.V from the couch.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 13 September :: 11.33pm

Sitting here in a computer lab that won't accept my flash drive because it's too new, and the printers don't have any toner so I can't print my Speech.

Lovely.

I'm going to get a job. Yay for me.

I'm going to bed now. To sleep. I like sleep. I love lamp. And the Romantics, they, well, they love nature.

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