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m&ms487
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2005 3 June :: 1.02pm
This summer is going to be unpredictable. We're already on a track that no one thought they would be on.
I love you Jessie, and I know you can get through this, however it's gonna happen. I've known you forever and I know you're strong to enough to do whatever is meant for you.
It feels like it's going to rain, but I can't tell. The forecast says no, but I have this inckling that what others feel is certain is going to change dramatically.
Sometimes even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
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m&ms487
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2005 27 May :: 10.29am
I hate you, you're such a fucking bitch.
Leave me alone.
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upchuck
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2005 21 May :: 6.13pm
:: Music: "Untamed Man" Rose Colored Glasses
Life
Well. We have all had those days. It seems I'm having that week. Or maybe that month.
A lot of what you say is true. Things that you do in your adult life take over your identity. Your pregnant, your going to be a mom, I'm a college student. Mine's goign to pass, so I can live with it, yours isn't. I think we're all finding out that life is both more than we anticipated and less.
I haven't been working for almost two months now, and I think it's starting to wear on me. I've been so busy, but everything is so frustrating right now. I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing in the past few weeks. I feel, now, being out of school for the summer and without a job like I'm powerless. I cannot seem to get anyone to cooperate with me at all. The things that I thought would make me feel like I'd accomplished something are not giving me the satisfaction that I thought they would.
It doesn't help that Kim is being overworked, tied down to her family because she's back at home. Right now, it's been one full week since we've spent any time together. And when we did last week it was with other people and only for about two hours. There was a point in here somewhere when we spent nine straight nights together last year.
I spent today up in LeRoy at our drummers uncle's place recording our demo. I'm listening to it right now. Soon I'll have a web address for you all where you can order that CD, but that all depends on Ashley. I swear, I had all winter to do this crap and now, during softball season, when I'm super busy, we've got push to get this done because they couldn't think ahead enough to get this taken care of. Oh well.
P.s. Jessa, I haven't seen you pregnant. So to me, your still the girl I remember in high school. I don't think you could be anything else to me ......
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m&ms487
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2005 21 May :: 11.13am
I have work in a few hours.
I spent the night up at the lake. It's so odd how everyone has changed, yet it seems like it was just yesterday we were playing flashlight tag in the pine woods.......
Work tomorrow, then concert an hour after that.
Hmm.
We are in the midsts of summer. Green is wonderful. I hate sunburns.
Happy Saturday.
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m&ms487
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2005 13 May :: 6.21pm
:: Mood: awake
I just don't know quite what to say. I'm afraid that humanity has sunk to a new low.
"He didn't know what he was doing! How could he have known it was dangerous?"
Well then I suppose that is proof of Americans not instilling the importance of education in their children. He's not stupid. We all know that, but what he did was stupid. Because of ignorance, a lack of education, which was readily available, yet overlooked, he inconvienced thousands of people. Hundreds of people are mad. They have the right to be. They want to place the blame on him. It is his fault, yes, and I'm not even defending him to the least bit because I think he knew, to some degree, what he was doing.
But at some point you have to ask yourself, why didn't he know it was dangerous? Who's to blame for that?
Another quite heated situation at school, election. I believe I voted for the right people. They will do what needs to be done. If you didn't win, then you didn't do your job good enough to be reelected. If they fail, so be it, it's only high school. It's not like they can take us to war with another country, or have the power to kill thousands of people.
They have control over our senior year, yes. But guess what, it's only a year, actually less. I bet you won't even remember what the theme to homecomming was in fourty years.
It's very green outside today. I like it.
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m&ms487
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2005 8 May :: 8.30pm
I don't know what's going on tomorrow. The ap test is tuesday morning. I have this feeling inside my stomach that is telling me I'm going to fail. Hmm.
My parents are watching a show about cows. Seriously. It's about cows.
My cousins are really stupid. I think I lose brain cells everytime I'm around them.
I'm sad and tired. And I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow about cooking and whatnot.
I don't understand why some people bother talking to me when I'm blatantly ignoring them. It really confuses me. They keep on talking. Shut the fuck up, enough is enough.
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m&ms487
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2005 1 May :: 6.49pm
This is the hardest part. Resistance.
It's going to be one hell of a week. Fine Arts Night, Flute choir concert, studying for the AP chem test, Rueben's birthday, dinner.....blah blah blah.
It all just has to happen in one week, doesn't it?
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upchuck
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2005 21 April :: 7.40pm
Something for everyone to consider:
The high school is considering running a "freshman academy" next year. This would entail freshman wearing a certain shirt to every assebly and on designated days, or being sent home.
I just got done reading an article where a school is giving breathalyzers before allowing kids into dances and football games.
Is it just me or is this going a little too far?
Today my history prof was railing against the Patriot Act. He was saying that no one has had the courage to stand up to the President for fear of becoming a victim of it. Well, he made a god point about the things that can be done to you under the Patriot Act. It is a bit disconcerting. Silda would say that I am stupid for trusting the government. The are not opposing the Patriot Act out of fear, but out of political gain. If the damned bill wasn't supported by a crap load of Americans, the Democrats would be agianst it. Hell, most Republicans would be too. It's not about fear of reprisal, it's about fear of the voters.
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m&ms487
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2005 21 April :: 6.51pm
:: Mood: sad
It's going to be cold out again. Gas went up.
If I know I was born to perform on stage, then why does it scare me so much to know that I want to do that for the rest of my life?
Maybe because it's not a stable job like being a teacher or an accountant or a dietician.
Maybe it's because I want it so bad that if I fail I'm not going to know what else to do.
Maybe it's because I love it so much.
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m&ms487
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2005 20 April :: 5.26pm
I wore my brand new woohu.com t-shirt today.
It made me feel special.
Spahgetti for supper tonight. Summer is filling in with things by the week. I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I remember all those summer vacations where I sat and did nothing every single day. I didn't go anywhere for days at a time. Those were my most precious days. Those were the days when I knew things, characters in books don't betray. The lilac bush outside my window is budding. In a few weeks it will be bursting with purple and white. And then in a week it will be over.
The flower only gets a while to shine, while the bush lives the year 'round. It seems like that sometimes. We have only a few select times in our lives in which we can impose our beauty on the world. Are you a lilac or a venus fly trap?
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m&ms487
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2005 14 April :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Everything is upon me. Or so it seems. Do you ever have those days where your head is just buzzing with things that you think you have to do, or just actionless emotions, and then you realize that it all means nothing? Everything is going to be just fine. You aren't being overstretched or spread too thin as the jumble of things in your head might want you to think. Like a well organized space. Things take up a lot of room when they are unorganized and you don't know what to do with them, but if you just sit down and figure out where everything goes, in the closet, on the shelf, next to the window, on the bookcase, and you know that it's where it belongs and you can easily find it again, then they take up a lot less room and you have more area to move around.
I've taken to observing people a lot lately. How they walk, talk, gesture. It's all very interesting. I realized that I do it a lot when I become withdrawn. It doesn't make me as happy, but I learn a lot. Just slow down and not talk, pretend that I'm not there, and just watch what happens without interacting. Many things are apparent when you only sit and watch. Today I watched a group of three people. All three are "involved" with another person. Two are guys, one is a girl. She controls them like nothing could ever control a man. She touches them and looks at them with large eyes when they are jokingly rough with her. She knows it's just play, but likes the attention. She gets hugs and lots of physical touch between both the guys. The two guys are friends, although from very different social cliques. They bonded in the way men do best, through competition. You can easily tell the younger is the submissive one because he always walks just a little behind the older, although he is in better physical condition. Both practically beg for her attention, although I'm sure not intentional, but the practices are reminiscent of some long burried mating interaction they do not recognize, but still put to action by their instincts.
Are you scared yet? I'm sure most of you know these three people. Have you ever looked at people in this way? Not as your friend, enemy, or associate, but as a human. Humans are quite odd creatures.
I've also observed that the overweight female, as long as she carries herself with convidence and a friendly nature, along with good grooming habits is far more accepted by her peers than a female with a perfect figure and ugly diposition.
It's all in the way you carry yourself.
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m&ms487
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2005 13 April :: 12.20pm
Rueben
Hey, if you get out of class and want to come to the auction at grand valley tonight.....go to grandvalley's campus (take 131 to Pearl, get in either one of the two center lanes, go past GVSU to fulton, turn left onto fulton and park in the parking lot just before the river)
to the L.V eberhard center walk past the back of the bulding, past the other parking lot, go in glass doors and follow signs
you don't have to come, but if you get this i'll be there til almost 11pm
We can give you a ride home if you want to come and volunteer....free chinese food!
And for anyone else, those are the directions.....if you want to volunteer you have to be there by five pm....you'll get free food and be on tv (if you want) for a little bit...Plus it counts as community service hours.
The people are really nice...and it runs through saturday.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2005 11 April :: 9.07pm
School tomorrow. That sucks ass.
I fucked up.
I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
I have lessons tomorrow.
I have a AP Chem test tomorrow.
I'm voluntering at WGVU's auction Wednesday evening. My mom was one of the people that put the auction together. Jessie's probably comming too. Anyone one else interested? Let me know by tomorrow.
Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. ~William Feather
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lil_bill06
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2005 8 April :: 5.12pm
:: Mood: neutral
I'm so bored. I want to go golfing. I wish I had somebody to go with. I want to hang out with Joey. I wish that he would get ahold of me. I want to go somewhere. I wish that somebody would get a hold of me. JOEY.
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