this music is seriously magical, in a way that nothing else is.

you can just get lost in it. lost only in your mind, maybe, but the music is the catalyst.

and it has been that way for hundreds of years.

man, i really haven't been able to focus at all lately. hopefully that will change after thanksgiving break when i've had some time off.

i really need to figure out how i work, so then i can make it happen.

i'm still hemming hawing about the party. but things are beginning to lean that way, as the evening transpires.

teil zwei (this is more just for me than anything else)
but if you get something out of it too, then cool.

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"Caffeine is a xanthine alkaloid compound that acts as a stimulant in humans. Caffeine is sometimes called guaranine when found in guarana, mateine when found in mate, and theine when found in tea. It is found in the leaves and beans of the coffee plant, in tea, yerba mate, and guarana berries, and in small quantities in cocoa, the kola nut and the Yaupon Holly. Overall, caffeine is found in the beans, leaves, and fruit of over 60 plants, where it acts as a natural pesticide that paralyzes and kills certain insects feeding upon them.

Caffeine is a central nervous system (CNS) stimulant, having the effect of temporarily warding off drowsiness and restoring alertness. Beverages containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea, soft drinks and energy drinks enjoy great popularity: caffeine is the world's most widely consumed psychoactive substance. In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily.[1]

Many natural sources of caffeine also contain widely varying mixtures of other xanthine alkaloids, including the cardiac stimulants theophylline and theobromine and other substances such as tannins."
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"The general public in the U.S. commonly believes that eating too much sugar (not only sucrose, but also other varieties such as glucose) will cause some children to become hyperactive — giving rise to the terms "sugar high", "sugar rush" and "sugar buzz". Recent studies[citations needed] have not shown a link between the consumption of sugar and hyperactivity levels"
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"Nicotine is an alkaloid found in the nightshade family of plants (Solanaceae), predominantly in tobacco, and in lower quantities in tomato, potato, eggplant (aubergine), and green pepper. Nicotine alkaloids are also found in the leaves of the coca plant. Nicotine constitutes 0.3 to 5% of the tobacco plant by dry weight, with biosynthesis taking place in the roots, and accumulates in the leaves. It is a potent neurotoxin and is included in many insecticides.

In lower concentrations, the substance acts as a stimulant and is one of the main factors responsible for the dependence-forming properties of tobacco smoking.

Nicotine acts on the nicotinic acetylcholine receptors. In small concentrations it increases the activity of these receptors, among other things leading to an increased flow of adrenaline, a stimulating hormone. The release of adrenaline causes an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and respiration, as well as higher glucose levels in the blood. Cotinine is a break-down product of nicotine which remains in the blood for up to 48 hours and can be used as an indicator of a person's exposure to smoke. In high doses, nicotine will cause a blocking of the nicotinic acetylcholine receptor, which is the reason for its toxicity and its effectiveness as an insecticide.

In addition, nicotine increases dopamine levels in the reward circuits of the brain. Studies have shown that smoking tobacco inhibits monoamine oxidase (MAO), an enzyme responsible for breaking down monoaminergic neurotransmitters such as dopamine, in the brain. It is currently believed that nicotine by itself does not inhibit the production of monoamine oxidase (MAO), but that other ingredients in inhaled tobacco smoke are believed to be responsible for this activity. In this way, it generates feelings of pleasure, similar to that caused by cocaine and heroin, thus causing the addiction associated with the need to sustain high dopamine levels."
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"Endorphins (or more correctly Endomorphines) are endogenous opioid biochemical compounds. They are peptides produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates, and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a sense of well-being. In other words, they might work as "natural pain killers." Using drugs may increase the effects of the endorphins.

The term "endorphin" implies a pharmacological activity (analogous to the activity of the corticosteroid category of biochemicals) as opposed to a specific chemical formulation."

- and on a related note -

"
"Orgasm is the conclusion of the plateau phase in a release of sexual tension. Both males and females experience quick cycles (typically 0.8 seconds apart) of muscle contraction of the anus and lower pelvic muscles, with women also experiencing uterine and vaginal contractions.

Males ejaculate approximately 2–5 mL of semen, with the volume varying considerably depending on the period of abstinence and degree of sustained arousal prior to ejaculation.

Orgasms in both men and women are often associated with other involuntary actions, including vocalizations and muscular spasms in other areas of the body. Also, a generally euphoric sensation is associated with orgasm. Orgasm generally causes perceived tiredness, and both males and females often feel a need to rest afterwards. This is often attributed to the release of endorphins during orgasm causing relaxation and drowsiness, but can also be due to the body's need for a short rest after a bout of vigorous sexual activity.

Orgasms in females may also play a significant role in fertilization. The muscular spasms are theorized to aid in the locomotion of spermatozoa up the vaginal walls into the uterus. Some also hypothesize[citation needed] that if the woman remains in a horizontal position for some time, due to sexual exhaustion and post-orgasmic pleasure, the chances of impregnation will increase.[citation needed]"
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"Epinephrine [adrenaline] plays a central role in the short-term stress reaction—the physiological response to threatening, exciting or environmental stressor conditions such as high noise levels or bright light (see Fight-or-flight response). It is secreted by the adrenal medulla. When released into the bloodstream, epinephrine binds to multiple receptors and has numerous effects throughout the body. It increases heart rate and stroke volume, dilates the pupils, and constricts arterioles in the skin and gut while dilating arterioles in leg muscles. It elevates the blood sugar level by increasing depolymerization of glycogen to glucose in the liver, and at the same time begins the breakdown of lipids in adipocytes. Epinephrine has a suppressive effect on the immune system."
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"Stages of sleep

* Non-REM accounts for 75–80% of total sleep time:
o Stage 1, with near-disappearance of the alpha waves seen in awake states, and appearance for the first time of theta waves. The stage is sometimes referred to as somnolence, or "drowsy sleep". It appears at sleep onset (as it is mostly a transition state into Stage 2) and is associated with the sudden twitches or hypnic jerks many people experience when falling asleep. While these are normal and of no concern, the hypnagogic hallucinations which some people may experience at this stage can be more troublesome. During this period, the subject loses some muscle tone, and conscious awareness of the external environment: Stage 1 can be thought of as a gateway state between wake and sleep.
o Stage 2, with "sleep spindles" (12–16 Hz) and "K-complexes." The EMG lowers, and conscious awareness of the external environment disappears. This occupies 45–55% of total sleep.
o Stage 3, with delta waves, also called delta rhythms (.5–4 Hz), is considered part of slow-wave sleep (SWS) and functions primarily as a transition into stage four. Overall it occupies 3–8% of total sleep time.
o Stage 4 is true delta sleep. It predominates the first third of the night and accounts for 10–15% of total sleep time. This is often described as the deepest stage of sleep; it is exceedingly difficult to wake a subject in this state. This is the stage in which night terrors, bed wetting, and sleepwalking occur.

Stage 4 Sleep. EEG highlighted by red box.
Enlarge
Stage 4 Sleep. EEG highlighted by red box.
REM Sleep. EEG highlighted by red box. Eye movements highlighted by red line.
Enlarge
REM Sleep. EEG highlighted by red box. Eye movements highlighted by red line.

* REM sleep is popularly associated with dreaming, especially bizarre, visual, and seemingly random dreams; however, dreams can also occur during sleep onset (hypnogogia) and during all stages of Non-REM sleep. REM sleep is predominant in the final third of a sleep period; its timing is linked to circadian rhythm and body temperature. The EEG in this period is aroused and looks similar to stage 1, and sometimes includes beta waves. Also known as Stage 5 sleep.

Sleep proceeds in cycles of NREM and REM phases. In humans, the cycle of REM and NREM is approximately 90 minutes. Each stage may have a distinct physiological function. Drugs such as alcohol and sleeping pills can suppress certain stages of sleep (see Sleep deprivation). This can result in a sleep that exhibits loss of consciousness but does not fulfill its physiological functions.

Each sleep stage is not necessarily uniform. Within a given stage, a cyclical alternating pattern may be observed.

Both REM sleep and NREM sleep stages 3 and 4 are homeostatically driven; that is, selective deprivation of each of these states subsequently causes a rebound in their appearance once the person is allowed to sleep. This finding leads to the ubiquitous assumption that both are essential in the sleep process and its many functions. REM sleep may also be driven by a circadian oscillator, as studies have shown that REM is temporally coupled with the circadian rhythm of temperature."
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"Body modification (or body alteration) is the permanent or semi-permanent deliberate altering of the human body for non-medical reasons, such as spiritual, various social (markings), BDSM "edgeplay" or aesthetic[citation needed]. It can range from the socially acceptable decoration (e.g., pierced ears in many societies), to the overtly religiously mandated (e.g., circumcision in a number of cultures) to corporal punishment, to provocative statement by the rebellious (e.g., tongue splitting). Some even become physically addicted to the adrenaline/endorphin release associated with a painful procedure in a way analogous to that experienced by those who self harm. Some people experience an abstract but distinct compulsion to modify their body that appears to have no underlying or external reason.

Some futurists believe that eventually humans will pursue body modification with more advanced technological means, such as permanently implanted devices to enhance mental and physical capabilities, thereby becoming cyborgs[citation needed]. For the substantial number of people with heart pacemakers and brain implants such as cochlear implants and electrical brain stimulators for Parkinson's disease, this is already a reality[citation needed].

Body art is any body modification for artistic or aesthetic reasons. However the term is often extended to all socially significant markings, often displaying the bearer belongs to some hereditary (e.g. tribal), age, religious or other group, and therefore on body parts that remain or can be 'decently' exposed in public, except if the group is private or even secret[citation needed].

Self-harm (SH) or Self-injury (SI) is deliberate injury inflicted by a person upon his or her own body. Some scholars use more technical definitions related to specific aspects of behavior. This injury may be aimed at relieving otherwise unbearable emotions, sensations of unreality and numbness, or for other reasons. Self-harm is generally a social taboo. It is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder and is sometimes associated with mental illness, with a history of trauma and abuse, with eating disorders, or with mental traits such as low self-esteem or perfectionism. There is a positive statistical correlation between self-harm and emotional abuse.[1] [2]

Self-harm has traditionally been known as self-injury (SI), self-inflicted violence (SIV), self-injurious behavior (SIB), and self-mutilation[3], although this last term has connotations that some people find worrisome, inaccurate, or offensive. However, a broader definition can also include the phenomenon of those who inflict harm on their bodies by means of disordered eating, or compulsive tattooing or body piercing. When discussing self-harm with someone who engages in it, it is suggested to use the same terms and words which that person uses, e.g. "cutting".[4] Self-harm is usually dissociated from an attempt at suicide; the person who self-harms is not usually seeking to end his or her own life, but is instead hoping to cope with or relieve unbearable emotional pressure or some kind of discomfort.[5]

A common form of self-injury involves making shallow cuts to the skin of the arms or legs, and this is casually referred to as "cutting"; a person who routinely does this may be colloquially referred to as "a cutter". Localized multiple cuts, especially those similar in appearance, are sometimes characteristic of cutting, but are not reliable indicators of self-harm. Less frequently, this behaviour may involve cutting other parts of the body, including the breasts and sexual organs."
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i could keep going, but you know. i should probably get to bed. it's all very interesting, anyway.

chemistry
"Since their introduction, preparations containing the over-the-counter drug dextromethorphan have been used in a manner inconsistent with their labeling, often as a recreational drug or to induce intoxication (sometimes referred to as "robo-tripping"). Dextromethorphan has little to no psychological effect in the doses used medically, however alteration of consciousness generally occurs following ingestion of approximately 7 to 50 times the therapeutic dose over a relatively short period of time. [2]

People who study the specific effects of psychotropic substances classify DXM as a dissociative drug, a major subclass of hallucinogenic drugs, along with Ketamine and Phencyclidine. It generally does not produce withdrawal symptoms characteristic of physically addictive substances, but psychological addiction has been reported by some users.

DXM, when consumed in low recreational doses (usually under 200mg), is often described as having a buoyant, vaguely psychedelic effect similar to a mixture of alcohol, opiates, and marijuana. With higher doses, intense euphoria and vivid imagination may occur as bizarre feelings of dissociation increase. With very high doses, profound alterations in consciousness have been noted, and users often report out of body experiences or temporary psychosis. One of the unique features of a high dose DXM trip is the ability to relive past memories. [citation needed] Most users find such high doses to be extremely uncomfortable and most are unwilling to repeat it. Flanging (speeding up or slowing down) of sensory input also occurs, which is another unique feature of high dose DXM trips. In 1981, a paper by Gosselin estimated the lethal dose between 50 and 500 mg/kg.

Individual reactions to recreational doses of Dextromethorphan vary widely. Some find the effects of the drug to be immensely pleasurable, similar to a combination of opiates and hallucinogens, while others find that the drug produces dysphoria, panic, or dread.

Physical side effects that can occur after ingestion of recreational doses of DXM include a blotchy skin rash, itching (sometimes referred to as "robo itch," short for "Robitussin itch"), and sweating. Many people vomit from recreational doses or feel ill for the first part of the “trip”. When taken in higher doses, physical side effects can include dilated pupils, difficulty urinating, increased urination frequency, extreme diarrhea, fever, tachycardia, loss of appetite, shakiness, seizures, and possible coma and death (however, in pure DXM, this has only been reported when doses exceed 2,000 mg)."
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"Tetrahydrocannabinol, also known as THC, Δ9-THC, Δ9-tetrahydrocannabinol (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol), Δ¹-tetrahydrocannabinol (using an older numbering scheme), or dronabinol, is the main psychoactive substance found in the Cannabis plant. It was isolated by Raphael Mechoulam and Yechiel Gaoni from the Weizmann Institute in Rehovot, Israel in 1964. In pure form it is a glassy solid when cold and becomes viscous and sticky if warmed. THC has a very low solubility in water, but a good solubility in most organic solvents such as ethanol or hexane. As in the case of nicotine and caffeine, THC's most likely function in Cannabis is to protect the plant from herbivores or pathogens [1].
...
Its pharmacological actions are the result of its binding to the cannabinoid receptor CB1, located in the brain. The presence of these specialized receptors in the brain implied to researchers that endogenous cannabinoids were manufactured by the body, so the search began for a substance normally manufactured in the brain that binds to these receptors, the so-called natural ligand or agonist, leading to the eventual discovery of anandamide, 2 arachidonyl glyceride (2-AG) and other related compounds. This story resembles the discovery of the endogenous opiates (endorphins, enkephalins, and dynorphin), after the realization that morphine and other opiates bound to specific receptors in the brain.

THC has analgesic effects even at low doses that do not cause a "high", and cannabis was once commonly used to treat pain. Other effects include: relaxation; euphoria; altered space-time perception; alteration of visual, auditory, and olfactory senses; disorientation; fatigue; and appetite stimulation. It also has anti-emetic properties, and also may reduce aggression in certain subjects."
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"In the kitchen, alcoholic beverages are added to dishes not only for their inherent flavors, but also because the alcohol dissolves flavor compounds that water cannot.

Ethanol is commonly used in beverages to promote flavor, reduce social inhibitions, or induce a euphoric intoxication commonly known as drunkenness.
...
Ethanol is a drug, with potential for overdose or toxic poisoning if taken in excessive quantities. Alcoholism, the physiological or psychological dependency on ethanol, is one of the most common drug addictions (caffeine causes chemical dependency, but not the mental longing known as addiction) in the world. Upon cessation or decrease of use, the physiological dependency can lead to physical withdrawal symptoms, such as restlessness, trouble sleeping, "the shakes," or even death. Not everyone who abuses alcohol becomes physiologically dependent upon it, but can become psychologically addicted to it, similar to marijuana. Psychological addiction produces no physical withdrawal symptoms upon cessation of drinking alcohol, but the urge, or craving, to drink again can become quite intense and irresistible."
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"In low doses, nutmeg produces no noticeable physiological or neurological response. Large doses of 7.5 g or more are dangerous, potentially inducing convulsions, palpitations, nausea, eventual dehydration, and generalized body pain. In amounts of 1.0 g or more it is a mild to medium hallucinogen, producing visual distortions and a mild euphoria. Nutmeg contains chemicals called MAO inhibitors (MAOIs), which disable the brain's ability to stop amines, found in most common foods, from affecting the brain and body. A test was carried out on the substance which showed that, when ingested in large amounts, nutmeg takes on a similar chemical make-up to MDMA (ecstasy). However, use of nutmeg as a recreational drug is unpopular, because of its strong taste and sand-like texture. Also there are potential painful physical side effects, the risk of Nutmeg Psychosis (see below) and the inconveniently long span for which the effects of a single dose can persist. A user will not experience a peak until approximately six hours after ingestion, and effects can linger for up to three days afterwards. Any unpleasant side-effects would persist throughout this period. [citation needed]

A risk in any large-quantity ingestion of nutmeg is the sudden onset of Nutmeg Psychosis, an acute psychiatric disorder marked by hallucinations, excitement, thought disorder, a sense of impending death and agitation. Some cases have resulted in hospitalization and reportedly few who have experienced the effects of nutmeg poisoning recommend it or repeat the experience. [citation needed]

Even in smaller doses, nutmeg can still be toxic. Ingestion of as little as 3 g may cause dry mouth, fast pulse, fever, flushing and posibly death. It has amphetamine-like effects and may cause the desire to ingest of large volumes of water. There is no specific antidote; the adverse effects wear off after 24 hours (or more) of rest. [citation needed]

Nutmeg is extremely toxic when injected intravenously. Nutmeg can also cause liver damage if used regularly in large quantities. Nutmeg has in the past been used as an abortifacient. Nutmeg may also be fatal if used regularly in large quantities, but this is not a problem while cooking, since small amounts are used. [citation needed]"
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okay, so i'm a dork, but still, it's interesting stuff.

whoa there!

so, i've been in good spirits lately. things are going fairly well. substance use and overall experimentation has been interesting to say the least. at least i feel it hasn't reached the point of substance ABUSE. it's just use. which i think is still okay. but i'm really not sure.

aside from that, things are happening way too quickly, and lately i've been feeling particularly unmotivated. well, that's not true; intermittently motivated would be more accurate. and that's a difficult way to work.

the world appears tremendously accelerated in juxtaposition with my accustomed, stereotypical lethargy. (just in case you wanted to hear it the verbose way).