spinder
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2013 9 March :: 1.01am
Generally, when people have stage four cancer they freak out a little bit. They emotion dump. Something.
Aside from beating it back as best as possible, my mother seems to be generally more concerned with other people freaking out. I think the fact that she has described chemo as "sort of fun" and stage IV cancer as "One of the worse ones, I'm not sure, I don't think it goes to V" kind of highlights why she's one of the few people in life I'd rather not have die of cancer right now.
She's always been intensely unconcerned with what the world thinks is important. She had kids, grew some gardens, and now she's likely dieing. Why the hell is everyone so concerned with this?
The way you act, the way you live, the way you die is all up for scrutiny. Its nice to see someone saying to hell with it and just enjoying the ride.
Its just not so nice when its your mother. I cant tell If I can pull off her particular brand of life philosophy right this instant.
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mochababy49319
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2013 23 February :: 1.27pm
I now work at Cirilla's on 28th st. Yes, the "adult" store.
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spinder
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2013 28 February :: 8.45pm
I'm beginning to think that what you give up on in life is far more defining than what you acquire, or what you have lost.
What you acquire is rarely tied to any rational explanation. What you lose is even more random. What we give up intentionally is perhaps the one choice we can say is our own. Less influenced by things outside of our intentions.
I imagine we mostly lump giving up on a thing with a loss of a thing. Perhaps I'm splitting hairs best left whole, perhaps not. Its interesting to look at things from my life and decide which was which. What did I cast aside, and what has life cast aside without my input?
Sometimes life removes something important and you realize just how long its been since you cast it aside with disinterest and apathy. Even if the day before you wouldn't have described it in such a way.
Family is like that. You get a call and the word "cancer" makes you think about how little you've kept in touch.
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acidtears
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2013 25 February :: 1.38pm
Shoot him, then cut out his tongue. And then shoot his tongue.
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moomoo
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2013 24 February :: 3.30pm
Well this week sucked, I havent had a week like that in a long time. So glad things are already looking up.
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spinder
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2013 20 February :: 9.07pm
Seems about as good a point in time to give up on life as any.
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edit- Touche. Very funny life. Very funny.
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jayzulla
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2013 18 February :: 2.42am
Sometimes I just start shit with people for no reason. You know, because it's fun.
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jayzulla
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2013 12 February :: 11.50pm
Funny how some of yall put on such a pretty front over on that there facebook, then come on here and just bitch bitch bitch. If you dont like something about your life, CHANGE IT.
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mochababy49319
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2013 7 February :: 1.09pm
Sick of being sick and I am sick of all these stupid dreams the codeine makes me have at night. My inhaler sucks and makes me cough more. I woke up this morning and could barely breathe. SO OVER IT.
Also, my boyfriend is in Colorado. He left for there a few weeks ago. He left me behind to watch his dog. I don't know when I will be seeing him. I miss him. I am pissed at him. He never talked to me about moving. He just assumed that there was nothing else he could do but to move 20 hours away from me. Never asked me if it was something I wanted to do. He'll be making money out there, PROVIDED he doesn't blow it all.
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mochababy49319
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2013 13 January :: 12.49pm
Bronchitis sucks.
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