【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

6 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 6 February :: 3.57pm
:: Mood: exasperated... frustrated with myself
:: Music: the 13th warrior (jim's watching it)

ahem, superbowl.

so, this stereo sounds pretty damn sweet in my little cave under my bed.

i got not a whole lot done last night, as anticipated. at some point you'd think i would have to quit raping my own asshole with procrastination, but apparently that's not the case. i guess i have the anus that takes a licking and likes it.

...

yuck.

...

moving on,
we.
..urm..

... that's all i have.

okay. well i have more. but the thought hasn't completely gestated at this point, and i'd like to wait until it has matured further before i attempt to convey it. otherwise the risk of misinterpretation is heightened substantially.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 5 February :: 12.17pm
:: Mood: chill
:: Music: incubus - morning view

this is mostly for my benefit... don't expect it to make sense.

i hope this isn't out of line or anything. but it helps me to get things in perspective.

"right now is such i wierd time... i really think this weekend was a digression or soemthing back to something. it will probably take a while to get beck to where i was which i think is a bad thing. hmmm... i hate to think i am the type of person who needs a seginificant other to be happy but i am begining to think i am. i just need there to be someone who i know is there and will be there for me. but then agian. that might just be what i think i need and not actually what i need at all, and when i get it i might still be depressed and that would suck alot too, i just need to find someway to be happy because all of my efforts as of late are not working all that well.

...

maybe some boys do want me to be more then their object they can use when it suits them.

...

you know it is nice to have a reason to smile everyday... i just have to hope that i don't get crushed

...

he says he really wants to get to know me, doesn't want to start anything physical before he gets to know me more. he doesn't just want me as an object, that is refreshing and new, wonderful. hesitant. too good to be true
he came over last night at like 8 and took me away from my homework, and we basically hung out untill 2 this afternoon

...

i have a poor pathetic habit of writing everything i am feeling in these blog things and not really telling people what i think/feel which i think might someday be important

that is why i have so many knots in my back
it's because i hold everything in and let no emotions out
i should work on that
i should get better at that
i should
i should
i might
i might not

...

i should use some sort of name to decifer between the he's that i talk about. instead of just assuming i will remember which boy is on my mind at any one point in time, becauswe it is so rare that it is always the same one.

...

i'm happy. happy in a way that i haven't been in more then a year.
chew on that one for a while.

...

i'm not even sure what i want to say.. just wow. this is good. this makes me happy. he seems to be everything i look for... why do feel like i am waiting for somethign to go wrong.
because it always does
silly shannon get those thoughts out of your head. this is a good thing."

***********************************

okay, so...

i don't really have much to say. i mean, i have a lot that i'm thinking about... but no real thoughts to articulate at this point. merely idle musings. but still, they won't be idle forever...

:: 2006 4 February :: 12.41pm
:: Mood: static ... i think
:: Music: incubus - a crow left of the murder

FNWHF

yet another successful edition of "friday nights with hunter falk".

she met mom and bruce last night. i met her folks today. that was pretty cool. mom and bruce seemed to like her. and her parents were nice too. a little less forward than mine, perhaps, but that's to be expected. not everybody's parents are insane... i must remember that.

bowling tonight. always fun. mom gave me $30, because she's super-duper awesome like that, so i might actually be able to pull it off. for the afternoon, i think i'll do laundry and *gasp* maybe do some homework. why do i feel so fucked in school? meh. i'll ignore it, like usual.

time for stuff

: )

4 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 1 February :: 12.07pm
:: Mood: Whelmed
:: Music: some of jim's country... aww i'm such a tolerant roomate ; )

so...

i've got a girlfriend. i was a little afraid at first, but - by degrees - i'm warming up to the notion.

still really afraid. always am, i guess. but yeah. that's the way it goes with me.

shit, i need to write my eurociv paper. tonight after dinner, that will be my project.

listen to my radio show, friday at 5pm, http:www.wcks.org.

that's all i have for now. yay STATS.

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 30 January :: 1.06pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: SOAD - steal this album

be you clinging to the precipice of your recumbent apparatus?

so... tactile sensation gives way to tremendous guilt gives way to existential musings gives way to insatiable emotional demand.

well, she has the kevin approval in a big way. which is totally understandable. she's really cool. i'm afraid of ... well, lots of different things. and being left to my own devices, i feel so misguided. or unguided, rather. which is again, scary.

just being alone in the big bad world. and then realizing that i don't kick as much ass as everyone else seems to think i do. but nobody else really kicks much more ass either. i have a hard time coming to grips with that.

i'm super-duper tired. but i really do need to do homework and shit. i'm SOOO far behind. it's craziness.

and i know kevin was flipping out and kicking himself, but i still maintain that it was a success. hanging out was the objective, and hanging out was accomplished.

fuck. semi-productiveness beckons.

substantial utilization of quadriceps optimizes bipedal locomotion.

4 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 29 January :: 5.59pm

solo and ensemble went well

Rob and mine's duet was SO GOOD.
we got a one
and I got a one on my solo......

:)

summer got a one too. I'm very proud of her.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 28 January :: 4.28pm

i guess i have to prove to gunnie that i still have an interest in woohu. which i do. i just don't talk 24/7. it's like my guilty pleasure or something. if i indulge too frequently, i feel, well, ... guilty.

but yeah. sibs and kids weekend is in full swing. we did DDR, laser tag, airbrush tattoos, wax hands (thoroughly disgusting), and general stupidity last night. today was showers and pancake breakfast (because i'm the best brother on the face of the planet) and arts and crafts (i made a bracelet, which libby took, and an abstract poster for ellen). tonight's looking like swimming, maybe some ice skating, and total movie action for sure.

jigga wou wou.

yep.

:: 2006 26 January :: 6.56pm

Your ignorance cramps my conversation. ~Anthony Hope

"Ya, it's the goth kids"
"no,it's more of the emo kids that do it"
"ya, fucking always want attention"

What little arrogant bitches.

:: 2006 25 January :: 12.54am
:: Mood: ich denke immer...
:: Music: alan parsons - i robot

so, about that life thing.

perpetually pensive. constantly concerned. invariably immersed in idle imaginings and malignant mental machinations.

i guess sometimes they're beneficent. but it seems to be the lesser proportion of the time.

anyway. i've been thinking. with various parts of my body. and in the end i still don't know what the hell is going on with me. and we had a nice talk today, even. and i'm still so lost.

Ich denke immer, aber auch glaube nicht.

i always think, but never know.

band tonight was a little more organized, which i appreciated. i still have all the same feelings of inadequacy though.

feelings are so fickle. yet so powerful. it's absurd. you can't rely on them for diddly squat, and in the end they serve little purpose. but life without them would be meaningless. so, i guess that's their purpose. feelings give life meaning. but they still suck. i'm sticking to my guns on that one. and yet they're awesome.

dammit! i'm so noncommital.

at the very least, they certainly make it extremely difficult to function properly.

well. g'night.

4 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 23 January :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: funny
:: Music: SOAD

funny "ha, ha," or funny like a clown?

yeah. so, last night's escapades were quite unexpected. not unpleasant, by any means, but thoroughly surprising and utterly disorienting.

and the same question i always have for myself... now what?

although it might be the same old question, it's definitely a new twist. very different.

i realize i'm being all cryptic. maybe *gasp* it's because i don't want to broadcast everything to the world. and that's when you say "then why are you typing it in your journal?" and really, it's a fair point. if i don't want you to know, then why am i telling you? it's because i need to at least get it off my chest... regardless of whether it's comprehensible to my audience or not. it's merely self-serving catharsis, okay? sorry, i know i'm a greedy bastard, but there you are.

yeah. i can't really think of much else at the moment. so i don't have much else to say.

although i have to say, this whole situation has had a very positive impact on my relationship with katie. that's really inexpressibly marvelous.

heinous. aww.

chain-wolf

:: 2006 24 January :: 7.33am

omfg dream.
ok i just woke up so excuse me if i butcher this entry. that was one fucked up dream i just had. so i figured ishould jot it down before i forget it all...

i had stayed the night at adam's house to take his picture for some reason. and his mom dyed their new dog a pinkish color. idont know why. anyway. adam left after i got to my house and it was suddenly later in the day and it was just me and matt home. then our friend emily and one of her friends showed up to hang out. that was cool. i havnt seen emily in ages. shes shorter than i am. and hella cute. so matt ends up on the floor with emilys friend and im on the couch with emily. doing uhm... stuff. heheh. then matt and emilys friend just stop doing what they were doing; to which me and emily pause. emily looks at me questioningly and i tell her that matt has a girlfriend. she says oh. then tells me she doesnt have one; so i tell her that neither do i. we continue a bit.

suddenly; were all in this weird room with people i dont know. and someone gets shot. its a frenzy; police are everywhere and people are freaking out. apparently this room is adjacent to my dads house. so thats where we are. sterling is now a part of the dream and emiyls friend has disappeared.

apparently sterling had something to do with the shooting and matt was flipping out; he ran outside, me and emily following him. earlier he said something about punching cockroachs on the wall so i thought he was going to go do that. but he ran back into the house and grabbed the gun and ran in; pressing the gun to sterlings head "im going to kill you right now motherfucker" and they get into a brawl. i have no idea where the police are at this point.. me and emily are just trying to stay out of the way... somehow sterling gets away from matt and were back inside and matt says to take care of the cop. so thats what emily does. she comes up behind the last one and wraps a bandana around his neck and starts to choke him.

i have no clue whats going on so i run back outside to find matt and sterling at it again. there is a loud CRACK as matt and sterling fall back, matts head hitting the concrete porch/walkway thing infront of my dads. they wrestle around. the gun is being fought over and i run back inside for fear of getting myself shot with them out of control... sure enough as soon as i walk back inside the gun goes off.

when i come back inside the police man had gotten a hold of emily and was on the living room floor; holding her down oddly and fucking her; despite her protesting. she looked to me for help; the policeman had a gun... i stared at the two; and turned away.. moving back some.. tears in my eyes. i couldn't do anything. why couldn't i do anything? i was scared. i didnt know what was going on.

suddenly matt runs back in with the gun and right up to the cop; i look away at that point, the cop staring up at matt who has the gun in his face. he shoots him.

and then i wake up because i have to pee.

which i still have to do.

i just thought i'd write this down... hah.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 22 January :: 2.45pm
:: Mood: Apathetic
:: Music: Stabby Rip Stab-Stab

i must be emo...

hey guys. good weekend. no, GREAT WEEKEND! die gutes Wochenende.

i went skiing. did my radio show. had girls' night out. had guys' night out. did dishes twice. made french toast. cleaned the kitchen, top to bottom. and didn't do any homework.

what more could a growing college boy ask for?

sex? sure. but why would i, when i could clean the kitchen instead? i mean, seriously.

naw. lots of girl drama in the past week or two. still continuing. no sex though, which is a plus. that would complicate several matters much more than my puny, feeble mind could comprehend / tolerate.

"your head a splode"

oh jah, oh jah!

smile please. the world needs more lerts.

:: 2006 20 January :: 9.23am

Last day of the semester! I'm very excited.

No more AP Biology.

Now: Bioethics

An interesting switch.

I had a lesson with linda last night. It went better than I expected. I'm doing very well on my solo now, a lot better :).

I have an english test today. Five reading assignments in two days and then a test. Odd?

I just had some bacon and mushroom pizza and a cup of mountain dew listening to banter abroad. Pep band tonight, I'm not going home after school, but rather staying after with my flute ensemble to practice and going to subway and then coming back to school for pep band. It's going to be long day. But, that pizza WAS good.

michelle

12 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 17 January :: 12.00am
:: Mood: messed...
:: Music: burnin' for buddy

well, i had yet another marvelous dinner... white rice, bacon and eggs. mmm... so good. with a little mrs dash. oh shit! i made coffee... whoops. i'm sure it's cold by now. oh well.

hm.

*checks*

...

AMAZING!!!

it's still warm! not piping hot, but hey. beggars can't be choosy.

.

i'm just totally weirded out. i didn't get over katie over break like i thought i had. so it's weird again with that. and hunter's ex is seeking psychiatric help, and i talked with her last night for a couple hours, and i really hope she's not into me. i mean she's nice and all, but that's a lot of baggage i would thoroughly regret.

and somehow i never realized it before, but ellen is crazy hot. i'm not sure just how i missed that vital part of the scene, but i did.

i've been running like crazy and accomplishing nothing all week already. well, i guess i accomplished something... i had band rehearsal tonight. that's right, band rehearsal. feel free to laugh now, or any time henceforth. i know i'm laughing heartily, myself. what foolishness, gah.

meh. well. yeah. 'tis life, for yon lad (me).

Heute, ich habe manchmal Hausaufgaben f�r Deutsch. Nach das, ich muss treffe mit der Schauer. Ich bin nicht so sauber (und habe verr�ckthaare)

das ist sehr... yucky.

chain-wolf

:: 2006 12 January :: 6.23pm

Wolfy = R.

My life is rated R!

Your life is rated R!

What is your life rated? (MPAA Scale)

Take Other Caffeine Nebula Quizzes

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 12 January :: 7.57pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Syrinx by Debussy

I'm listening to syrinx by debussy, which is my solo for solo and ensemble. I think I've gotten myself in fairly deep this time, I have two weeks to learn it to a good level. That means listening to different recordings of it many times a day a practicing for god knows how long. That reminds me, I have to go to the KDL website and find the recordings of it.

Semester is almost done with. That's a good thing, I think. I'm looking forward to bioethics. Eventhough it's a college class, I'm fairly sure I'll enjoy it quite a bit more than AP bio. I'm still stuck with Dolbee for AP lit, but I guess I can suffer through for another semester.

My duet with Rob (and with Jenny's accompiment) is going along quite well for the challenging level of it. It's not too hard in sections, but all together it's quite imposing, at least for me. It has a ton of runs and whatnot.

Today was sunny and warm and I was pleased with it.

Perhaps later.

Michelle

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2006 12 January :: 12.55am

wow. first week and i'm already abandoning my homework.

this doesn't bode well at all.

but on the plus side, my social life is kicking some serious ass. and hunter is the best thing ever. well, maybe not ever. but he's good for me, in that "similar, yet different" sort of way. i really need to let go of my inhibitions, and get back to my instincts. not like buck wild or anything, but just a little more in tune. i'm so far removed from all that "human" shit, it's no wonder i feel detached all the fucking time.

i think i should go to bed. and i need to take a shower tomorrow morning. ahh... i'm so fucked. what did i do? what will i do?

FUCKED I SAY!!!

you're falling deeper, deeper 3 into the deepest, most relaxing sleep you've ever had 2 the most relaxing sleep you've ever had... deeper, falling, sinking, relaxed 1.

chain-wolf

:: 2006 9 January :: 12.55pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Chemlab - Codeine, Glue, and You

White Room.
I feel as though my journal is filled with the utmost unimportant plethora of CRAP. I guess it's pretty much my fault for filling it with such needless things but, yeah. I live no adventorous life; or have done anything recently that I would say is exciting enough for me to share.

Blah, blah, blah. So onto filling again with more inept shite topics!

I'm glad I finally got those CDs out into the mail. Now it's no longer my fault for them being delayed so much. Though I wished I could've had them out before xmas. Oh well. Procrasinator that I am. [Btw; when you get the discs Dai, check the front zippery pocket thing on the case. Somethin' I just randomly tossed in there.]

In other news; school starts tomorrow. I got my two psychology classes. Also an online business class. And guess what? I only have ONE book for one class. This sucks.

On top of that; in more other news... I've been listening to Chemlab a lot recently. I used to like 'em, sort of overplayed them, dropped away, am now back again. I need to get another copy of 'East Side Milita' .. that was a good album. So for now I'm stuck with a few remixes of their songs and the album 'Oxidizer' ... And I ordered a shirt last night. Heh. It's cool. Got the neato Oxidizer logo on it and on the back it says "Fuck art. Lets kill." ... lovely.

Anyway.

Currently withering away; locking myself in a cell of electro-metal and industrial stuff again.

I want Android Lust's new CD when it comes out. Should be good. Need to get her old one again too... someone swiped it from me. Assholes. ....

..Talked to Rosa for a minute or two last night. Guess she broke up with yet another internet boyfriend. That had a girlfriend. ... I think I basically told her that's what she gets. You can't expect much from these online things. They're ridiculous. ... She asked me to buy her a new heart. O_o; .. I wonder if I can find a cheap one on ebay? ... on top of that she said she might kill the internet, somethin' 'bout money issues and that she needs to get a life. Dunno if that'll really happen, but... I hope it doesn't. Who else 'm I gonna bother when Dai isn't on? .........

I think I'll just stop here to avoid ranting about any more useless crap.

Yeah.

<3

Smile, you slime.