【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

:: 2005 14 November :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Taproot - Forever Endeavor

Who knows?
Only time will tell...

Welcome to another inept update! Brought to you by none other than the person whom is sitting here typing this pointless crap! Hooray for you! ... Why are you even reading? (A question I find a lot of people put in their journals. So why not just keep up with the trend? XD)

i am so lamez... dont raed my jurnal... i r wasing ur time... ;)

So anyway.

The Quest For A Job Prt.1:
Monday: Nov. 14th: Day 1 - Checked out the high school for job openings. Sterling, my buddy says they should have a bunch of openings soon. Awesome. This is good. If so I can work here. After all, is it not good to start out working someplace you know? Hell, I went to this school for four years! I don't mind hangin' around cleaning it up and what not. =D

--

Current bands on my playlist:
Massive Attack
Taproot
Razorlight
Rage Against The Machine
Kittie
Unearth
Gravity Kills
Fear Factory
Dir en Grey
Eighteen Visions
Deadsy
D'espairs Ray

--

Blah, blah, blah. Once again. I am done.

Gone.

Attempt to smile.

Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 14 November :: 11.15am
:: Music: the mahavishnu orchestra - birds of fire

can you say bullshit? because i can...

HNR 215C
Paper Topic #3
Due Tuesday, November 29, IN CLASS
5-7 pages

One of the central questions the Enlightenment raised was whether or not civilization (the culture of learning, ideas, and writing) was a moral force. Define the Enlightenment, discuss its origins, and analyze whether or not it made Europe a better place.

Your response must use Galileo, Voltaire, Mary Wollstonecraft, Olaudah Equiano, and Cowans. Please use both Candide and The Philosophical Dictionary.

Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 14 November :: 2.37am

resemblance?

vs.

eh?

or not.

first radio show was tonight.

i had a good set list. only a couple of screw ups. not very charismatic.

pretty standard, actually. it's college radio anyway. dead air ... um ... dead air.

katie's home. ellen has her guiding star back :)

i felt like i was letting her down with my lack of instruction.

5 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 13 November :: 2.06am
:: Mood: nervous?

this is absolutely wild.
hunter's was a blast. he's always so fun, in his own weird way. i don't know what it is.

it was sad this time without katie there, but that's okay. nobody to impress or freak out about. i'm cool with that.

then ellen's DDR party was this evening. i'm actually getting halfway decent at the "beginner" stuff. i'm almost ready to go on to "light".
so so very lame, i am.

and then ellen and i went and took showers. then we watched "the ladies' man" and ate some food and stuff. and we also commiserated about the absence of katie for awhile. but it was all really good natured.

i sincerely hope that jackie honestly feels good about being rid of me. that's what i would like for her to feel. mom was concerned... about something else. but i don't think it will be an issue. or at least, i hope it won't be. if it is, jiminy cricket may never forgive me. but that's okay, i guess. you have to do the best you can. and work out twice a day. don't ask me why i said it. because i already forgot...

i just want to be sure i'm doing the right thing. which is like, never. i really don't know. and god really doesn't appear to feel like letting me in on the secret any time soon. 'salright. i wouldn't expect her to. him to. it to.

Spare Some Change?

chain-wolf

:: 2005 11 November :: 12.02pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: Zeromancer: Lamp Halo

A Smudge Across A Bleak Canvas

I havn't been online in some time. I don't mean to inflict any level of sorrow on anyone I talk to regularly. I just havn't had the desire to step before the textual masses of those whom lurk over the net.

No need to worry; I am alive and breathing. Though I still feel the pressure inches from my throat.

I'm avoiding life right now, or trying. I have to gear up and go out into the real world and find a place to work so that I may have a source of income.

I still find it scary and cannot get over it. I have spent the entire span of this week playing World Of Warcraft; an MMORPG. (Mass Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game; for all you abreviate illiterate folks randomly stumbling over to read this inept post.)

I currently live a sad little "life"... if one could call it such. I feel drained. I feel like a smudge across a beautifully bleak canvas. Something that should not be.

I feel even more so pathetic for acting so pathetic. What the fuck me? I should hit myself upside the head.

But anyway.

Lets take a change here and talk about other crap! Music. Music is good.

In Flames new album will be coming out in February 7th '06. I can't wait for this release. I love this band. Woot.

Nightwish has cast out their singer Tarja. This makes me sad, even though her outlook on things displeased me. I didn't know she had been like she was. She has such an amazing voice. But I hope the best for Nightwish and Tarja in her solo career. This shall surely not be The End Of All Hope.

One of my favorite black metal bands of all time has decided to reform! All hail EMPEROR!!! I am VERY pleased with this.

Korn's new single "Twisted Transistor"... was something less than desire to hear. I agree with a lot of other people that they are going down the drain. None the less, I shall give their new album a listen when it comes out.

Achtung!! Rammstein's new CD should be good! I listened to the clips they had and the new video they shot for Benzin. Good, good, good! Can't wait to get this album either. Woot, woot. Specially since they have a new song and they use a mexican band in it. With the trumpets and shit. And it's sung in Spanish! .. What's better than german metal with mexican influence? And huge german's singing to you in spanish.. uh.. maybe a huge burrito with a keg of jager? Who knows! .....

And finally.. not too long ago KMFDM came out with a new album; "Hau Ruck" ... And I got that. Awesome. I really liked it. "New American Century" and "Professional Killer" are my favorite songs. Another smashing release by these guys.

Finally, finally. The Smashing Pumpkins may get back together?! Uh... that'd be cool. I really didn't like Billy's newest solo album. Personally, I thought his singing sounded terrible. Bleh.

.....

Yeah.

I'm done.

Smile.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 11 November :: 10.41am

*SB voice* : weirded out!
it's incredible the things i apparently say without actually saying them.

it all seems to happen so fast.

i guess it's better that i can't keep up. if i could, i'd be totally freaked out.

.

i accidentally bumped into some girl on my way out of german today. it totally caught me off guard. we were kinda mutually oblivious. i suppose it was very antisocial of me, but i just walked away without saying anything. she kept apologizing, but i was just as at fault as she was. and no harm, no foul, right?

communications test at 1. i think i'll take the bus to class.

hunters at 6 tonight. have to get in touch with ellen, and see when she wants to leave.

big wheel keeps a-spinnin' around. or something.

Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 10 November :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: pensive

i hate being a jerk, but i hate having her think i'm pretending to be something i'm not. or maybe i am pretending. i don't know.

not anymore, i guess.

not that i ever was. i can't act. but even the normal me can be misleading sometimes.

i have a feeling that this holiday season is not going to be like the times of old. which will take some getting used to, most certainly.

*

hm. i'll keep doing my thing. well, it's not my thing, it's dad's thing. i just borrow it for times like this. hope it works.

in other news, i nearly forgot i have a german essay due in 12 hours. plenty of time. just annoying, as i thought i was going to sit down and watch a movie, only to be writing a paper instead.

can't always get what you want. then again, i guess i always do.

nope. gotta stop that. get it out of my HEAD!

geht aus meinem schwammkopf. ? nein. das ist sehr falsch... ich habe kein schwammkopf. ich habe ein schweinkopf. ja. das ist gut.

my grammar is abysmal. ich bin SCREWED!

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud	:: 2005 9 November :: 9.15pm :: Mood: slightly irked ist es das Deutsches Uhr? on a completely unrelated note: yeah. i don't know. i'm not sure how i should feel about it at the moment. i guess just hope for the best. Heute, sehr viel Hausaufgaben. 1 Wasted Their Money \| Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 8 November :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: tired?

shit

i'm beginning to realize how much confidence i've lost lately.

but i haven't yet ascertained why...

not that i was ever that confident to begin with. but i'm really getting shaky. and it totally compounds itself. and i don't know how to stop it. i guess just hanging around people who are willing to tell me how awesome i am. but they have to be people who i respect, and will believe.

and even if i am that awesome, i seem to be letting it all go to waste.

nicht gut. sehr mal. wait. mal is spanisch. oh, nevermind.

Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 6 November :: 5.48pm

this weekend was wonderful. i had such an awesome time with jackie. it was the best. but now back to the grind. write a speech, read a book... you know the drill.

there's more i'm sure, but i just don't feel like talking about it right now.

oh... kathy got us tickets to go see harry potter 4 at the IMAX opening weekend.

i'm super-duper excited about that.

there, now you have your gossip, and you can leave me the hell alone.

:)

Spare Some Change?

m&ms487

:: 2005 3 November :: 5.58pm

I've been accepted to CMU. They sent me a t-shirt today. It's a very bright white. I like its newness.

So much as been going on lately. I leave for school in the morning when it's dark out, and I get home when it's dark outside. It's almost as if there was never a day at all. But of course that would be false, because even if I don't see it, it's still there, right? I hope so.

All state band auditions are saturday. I'm not sure I'm as prepared as I should be. I've been practicing between three and five hours a day for a little over the past week. My tone is getting a lot better (recovering from the horridness of piccolo). I'm still nervous, though. I guess I've talked myself into believing that it doesn't matter if I get in or not, but it does. It's one of the only things that I'll be able to do. I can't go to CMU's workshop, I can't go to CMU's honors band, I can't go to EMU's honors band. This is about the last thing that I'll be able to do where I'll be challenged and not have to play horridly easy music with people who don't know how to play their fucking instrument.
But I rant.

My eighteenth birthday is a month from tomorrow. Work will be happy because then I can sell lottery and tobacco at the service desk. As much as I want to kill people who run that place, I still can't help but fantasize that someday I could get a degree in marketing or something and be a higher executive than all of them and fire them because they're stupid. I don't think that they realize that they expect too much out of people they only pay six dollars an hour to. I see so many people there that are intelligent and should be doing something, but no, they work for a measly six dollars an hour and will never do any better. The waste of potential disgusts me.

Whenever I am there I feel as though some goodness, some intelligent part of me is dying. Everytime someone yells at me because meijer screwed them over I feel like saying "You know what? They're screwing me over too. I get paid fucking six dollars and hour to stand here and take your shit for them, and guess what, they don't care, even if I do get a manager and they listen to you and assure you they'll 'look into it', nothing is going to happen. You standing here yelling at me is doing neither of us any good, and nothing is going to change because frankly all that corporate does care about are numbers, their profit, how many defective items they can pass off you to, how many times they can screw you over by not pricing things and you aren't a number, you're a real person, just like me, and therefore, they don't care. So fuck off."

End rant.

5 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 3 November :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: oh my gosh.

this is funny shit.
Thu, Nov 03, 2005 -- GVHNR215_216.C.053:
POUR MARDI 8 NOVEMBRE
S�il vous pla�t, lire les articles DIEU, EGALIT�, EZECHIEL, FANATISME, GUERRE, INONDATION, INQUISITION, JOB, MA�TRE, PATRIE, PAUL.
Posted by DAVID EICK

this is for my honors course, he just posted it on blackboard. my honors course is supposedly studying a history of european civilizations with a focus on spain.

so, why exactly did they give us someone from the french dept? that's twice now he has inadvertently regressed into french. the first time was a powerpoint about the FRENCH encyclop�die. and now we're reading voltaire's philisophical dictionary. translated from its original french. sometimes i wonder.

it's fun though. and they're absolutely brilliant. i mean it's just some incredible insight into the culture and the age and everything. really makes it come to life. but it's a shitload of reading... and writing... and worse yet, they expect you to be brilliant all the time, because you're an honors student.

and on top of it all, i guess i'm supposed to know french.

.
.
.

cognates are your friend. if anyone's tellin' you different, they tellin' you dead wrong.

Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 3 November :: 10.18am
:: Mood: woodchipper?

Ich habe das Fernseher brauchen.

yeah. i want to just do laundry. and lay down. and watch a movie.

does that make me depressed? or lazy? because i don't think i am. i'm just a greedy bastard, that's all.

i'm alreay wearing out this keyboard, i think. i'm not sure how that's possible, but there you have it. it keeps making this strange rattling sound.

"dude, you should've gotten a dell." fuck you dell. and fuck you compaq.

i have a lot of reading to do. it's just not going to happen. oh well, right?

8 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 1 November :: 5.15pm

halloween?

oh wow. it has been crazy go nuts. yesterday was fun... i got to chill with gunnie.

i taught my communications class about differential calculus... in under five minutes.

i just barely finished my paper today. and it's a few lines short. i'm not anticipating an awesome grade. i don't even want to reread it.

and the presentation today i think went fairly well. it was only like 6-7 minutes, instead of the 10 we were shooting for, but after the long rambling ones, and the fact that she's still trying to catch up to professor eick, i think she appreciated it being shorter. i'm sure we'll get a decent grade. it covered the pertinent points, related them to the class discussion, etc. it wasn't terribly INTERESTING, but i've never been that great with that. i tried to make some jokes. some were nice enough to give us some courtesy laughter. it just wasn't really that funny of a subject.

bleh. g'night.

Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 30 October :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: coffee buzzzzzz........... zzzzzzz..... *snore
:: Music: i had "up on the housetop" running through my head. so, barenaked for the holidays.

today was an absolute blast. i got to go up north and drive fast on curvy roads. i was following a guy in an '04 R32, and even he was impressed with how fast my car was. the other guy was in a supercharged cabriolet.

not to be a dick or anything, but sometimes, i just totally kick ass.

however, i need to get those valve lashings right. i think that may be where the noise is coming from. if the space is too big, the cam kinda slaps the shim upon opening, and i think that's causing the parts to wear out. so, i need to get thicker shims in there, so it won't "slap" (hence the clicking noise). i mean there's inevitably going to be SOME lifter noise, but this is frickin' absurd.

however, the car really liked the drive today. it felt good to push it out. i need to do that more often. but it's just so damn expensive. and i'm not talking gas. i mean it's everything... gas, tires, repairs, brakes, track fees, etc. it's just too expensive of a hobby for me to feasibly have... at least, right now.

.

tonight we had the last sir isaac newton meeting. we still have yet to do a full runthrough, but oh well. the half-assed one was like 4 mins short. so, we have lots of space to fill, which works because we were trimming stuff out. which, i told them not to do, but oh well. i guess that makes me not a very good leader.

but we had a wonderful philosophical discussion after the meeting. for like an hour. and i've come to the conclusion that if sarah's theory on multiple soulmates is correct, then cara may be one of mine. i mean, it's unconfirmed of course, because i don't know her that well, but i mean, she knows what i'm talking about when i say stuff... if that makes sense. which, i realize, it doesn't. but it does to me. if you were a soul mate, you'd get it...

it's just not in the common context that the term "soul mate" is usually used. it's a different meaning entirely. but i can't exactly explain it.

i'm tired, i'm rambling. i'm thinking about just going to bed.

speech for tomorrow.

presentation, paper, and oodles of reading for tues.

and i have to do laundry, take my library books back, and not forget to hang with gunnie. or at least call and reschedule. but i'd rather not... it's halloween!

hm. how to make this happen. that is the question.

i don't think coffee alone will work.

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 30 October :: 1.14am
:: Mood: should be asleep...

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that was fun.

and now for something completely the same:

a man with 2 noses.

.

.

.

i went and saw jackie's play last night. it was incredible. she did so well. i mean, i figured it would be good, but i was still exceedingly impressed. dinner and stuff was awkward for me... because of the last month or so... i'm terrible at keeping secrets. especially ones so big. but james was really sad to leave. i think he's really starting to like me. which... i think is a good thing? i don't know. it kinda freaks me out just a sk�sch. wow. i just made a 6 letter word with only a single vowel. and it's pronounceable. neato.

then i came back up north after the show, and went to hunter's for "movie night". which was kinda silly because we didn't watch any movies. we basically played N64 all night. rockin' it old skool (grandpa stylz). but i had a riot. it was just so much fun. and the pure clean fun like when i was little. i thought that was really neat.

and i've discovered that the comedic duo of hunter and myself are quite a hit with the ladies. which is kinda ironic, because we're both in relationships. however, it's still nice to make a joke, and have somebody laugh at it. and even better if the somebody happens to be a girl. or somebodies...as the case may be. i may never live down the reputation as a cradle-robbing chippendale, though. that's kind of unnerving.

then this morning, i left hunter's and went over to mom's. we drove around. got mexican for lunch. i just hung out there. it was nice to just chill. but i'm getting squat done on my homework and junk.

and tomorrow's the color tour. i'm supposing it's still on. i'm excited. i'd like for someone to go with me. but i suppose it'll be nice just to jam out by my lonesome, and take in the sights.

hope nobody gets arrested.

and halloween is simply a good excuse to dress like a slut. *digs up old leather pumps...

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 26 October :: 11.54pm

Ich fahre gern im das Auto.

yeah. it's good to have my baby back. and that timing light was the shit.

still need an O2 sensor. and maybe i'll take that throttle body from drew. but it's distinctly better than it was.

there are still so many problems, it's absurd. but at least we're heading in the right direction.

however, i have a vacuum leak at the bypass adjustment screw, and the lifters are still rediculously loud. i think i need new shims for them, to get the valve lashings into spec. but i really don't feel like doing that right now, so it's going to be a bit... so i can build my ambition back up. right now, i'll just enjoy the fact that it's running again... and running better than it ever has before. let me bask, okay?

sleepy tired. 9 am class. homework not done.

fuck.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

m&ms487

:: 2005 25 October :: 10.19pm

No more marching band. It can't be true! O the happiness.

Use another fucking pan. I can't fucking wash it out, remember, I'm the one who doesn't know how to do anything. I'm the one who has to be told to do something all the time because obviously I'm too helpless to think for myself. That's it.

Wash out your fucking coffee cups then. I might want to use them to make hot cocoa. HA fucking ha.

They have disappeared and it is so.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud	:: 2005 25 October :: 8.52pm COGNATES!!!! (i told you i'd remember) 2 Wasted Their Money \| Spare Some Change?

spud

:: 2005 25 October :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: BnL - Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank

garbage

yeah. working on the car tomorrow. german and a history essay yet to do tonight. i gotta stop fucking around on the internet.

coolest thing today!!!!:

i went to the msu library. we got to see some rare books!!!
seriously. i totally slapped some white gloves on, and leafed through a book that was older than this country.

too bad it was entirely in French, so i couldn't understand any of it. except for the similar words... i forget what you call them. syllogism? no. something. i'll remember at 3 in the morning. but yeah. i totally read the "2nd Tome" of the Encyclop�die. i found what seemed to be Blancmange, but i think was actually a home remedy for chlamydia, and an entry about cannibals that was cross referenced with "politik".

i thought it was a riot. maybe i'm a nerd. whatev.

i really wish i'd have smelled it. and i should've told mle i'd be in town. i didn't think of it until we were like on the bus there. i suppose i still should've called. but i would have felt a little weird, so i decided against it.

car tomorrow.

kalamazoo friday.

etc.

Spare Some Change?