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【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

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gillette

:: 2012 9 October :: 4.14pm

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't deal with real life. Why am I so weak? I have a bachelor's degree that I can't do anything with except go to grad school but that seems to overwhelming for me to even think about. Every time it crosses my mind that I need to apply, I quickly think of something else. It's like I'm trying to sabotage myself. Next month I have to start paying back all of my student loans and I have a job making $11/hour. I also am going to be getting less on my paychecks b/c I need to start paying for benefits. I just want to run away and not deal with anything. I had this magical life pictured in my head that I would go to college, go straight through to grad school, become a speech pathologist, have money and not struggle like my parents. It seems like that is too far out of my comfort zone and what I'm familiar with. I'm familiar with pain, no money and struggle. My mom struggles every day and cries to me b/c they can't afford fuel oil or the bills. I literally feel like I want to bash my head into a wall everyday b/c of how my life has turned out. And it's nobody's fault but my own. I hide from everything I should be doing and then sit here and cry b/c of how it is.

I'm literally afraid to check my cmich email b/c my two professors that said they would write letters of rec for me have probably been emailing me wondering if I died or something. Why am I afraid to do GOOD for myself?

6 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 29 September :: 1.09pm

i'm writing these up for work.

they want us to make a procedures manual for the maintenance department, since they never made one initially, and there's been quite a bit of turnover in the department over the last 5 years. also, todd and i are not going to be sticking around here forever, which is no secret to anyone.

so, i'm looking for feedback. primary concern is readability and conciseness, while being amply descriptive. the idea is that whatever knuckle dragger comes here after us will hopefully at least be able to read, maybe even have some experience in the trades. but they need to be able to perform these tasks, whether they have experience or not. thus, these procedure instructions.

please let me know what you think.

LED wall

Filter change

Paint guide

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 24 September :: 4.57pm
:: Music: the crane wives - the fool in her wedding gown

work
so, i've realized that while i bring a lot of specialized knowledge to the table, which i use on a virtually daily basis, it is extremely unnecessary for the job. good to have. really not needed.

there are ultimately only two critical aspects to holding down a maintenance position (aside from the social politics of whatever company you work for. that's a much bigger, separate can of worms):

1. Fix whatever broken stuff they bring to your attention.
2. If you can't figure out how to fix it, either:
a) have them call in someone else who is more specialized to fix it.
b) make damn sure it leaves your care broken enough to justify buying a new one.

that's pretty much it. simple. the only thing that makes this job difficult is me. which would happen at any job i have.

Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 21 September :: 6.33pm



"Wash, tell me I'm pretty."

"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."

"Because I'm pretty?"

"Because you're pretty."

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


m&ms487

:: 2012 14 September :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Fun: Walking the Dog

I survived getting sick from my students/colleagues until the end of week three. I'll take it.

I'm getting back in the groove. Things seem more like a clusterfuck, but they seem easier.

I'm taking Old English this semester, for no other reason than it's a degree requirement for a linguistics credit. I'd rather take French. With that being said, apparently two hellish years of French have really beefed up my language skills, and it's going quite easily. Perhaps I'll be one of those people who knows like five (useful) languages eventually.

Thesis. Blech. I don't want to talk about it.

Teaching is going well. I get their first drafts of their first paper by Monday at midnight. We're having fun in class, and they're all really good kids. I expect at least a quarter of them will fail the first draft, but the good thing for them about English is that we offer revisions. Lots and lots of revisions.

Other things are going well, but clouding the periphery--union stuff, graduate literary journal, other groups, non-profit work, academic senate/the eboard for that, too, and now I'm enrolled in a teaching academy through the university (only about 15 people university-wide were selected in total).

PhD applications in a few months.

I guess I should go parse some Old English or grade some papers. What else is there to do while being sick on a Friday night?

Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 12 September :: 3.03pm
:: Music: the music tapes

looking for new stuff
thank you, soundcloud, for always showing waveforms while i listen.

thanks.

waveforms.

always.

sincerely,
Chris

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 6 September :: 1.19pm

WOOOO!
Dear Christopher Best,

Thank you for purchasing your 4 ticket(s) from etix.com.

This email serves as your receipt.

Your method of delivery is:

Print At Home.


Your confirmation code/Order Number is: xxxxxxxx

Your ticket(s) are from the following venue(s): The Intersection

You have been charged for the following:


Price Conv. Fee Date Performance
_______________________________________________
$6.00 $3.58 September 22, 2012 7:00 PM THE CRANE WIVES-CD RELEASE**17+*
$6.00 $3.58 September 22, 2012 7:00 PM THE CRANE WIVES-CD RELEASE**17+*
$6.00 $3.58 September 22, 2012 7:00 PM THE CRANE WIVES-CD RELEASE**17+*
$6.00 $3.58 September 22, 2012 7:00 PM THE CRANE WIVES-CD RELEASE**17+*

Delivery Fee: $0.00
Order Fee: $0.00
Total Price: $38.32

7 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


m&ms487

:: 2012 17 August :: 8.48am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Fun: Carry On

School starts again in about a week. I'm able to get in my office on Monday (hopefully). I just had a student email me about the syllabus for class. I don't have it done. Prep week doesn't even start until next week, and I don't even officially get paid for my work until the week after that.

Lots of things going on. I'm the president of the Graduate Student Union this year. I'm on staff of our creative writing publication. I'm teaching, taking classes, writing my thesis, and on the board of a non-profit. I'm also probably doing a innovative teaching academy program, and applying to PhD programs. Of course, all of these things are unpaid, and when it's all said and done, I make less than minimum wage. Oh, the joys of higher education.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 22 July :: 12.04pm

Set to the tune of happy fucking birthday:

Happy hump day to me,
Happy hump day to me,
At least I'll have Wednesday
And Thursday to sleep.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2012 20 January :: 6.43pm

So I start therapy on Tuesday. 3 kindergarteners and 1 5th grader. Not sure what I'm going to do, kind of frantic but excited at the same time.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2012 14 January :: 3.46pm

I feel weird at the spot I am at in my life right now. Looking back at old pics from like 2 years ago and earlier..I was surrounded by so many friends and fun people...now I just feel like I'm associated with a couple casino people and Nic. Meh.

Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2012 5 January :: 12.26am

The lions lost by two fumbles and a touchdown.

And today I got a voicemail from a cemetary.

Coincidence?

I think not.

Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2011 18 December :: 3.16am

Gig was good. Facebook crew disappointed me as usual. But it was reeeeeeeeeally good. Despite the rocky start.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2011 15 December :: 3.16pm

i need to stop watching cheesy romantic comedies. but i can't. because it's christmastime, and they're on every freaking channel. and they're adorable.

i'm not really even sure i want that. but i certainly enjoy watching others' conceptualizations of it. it's a nice idle fancy.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2011 7 December :: 12.25am

"somebody has to like me best."

Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2011 30 November :: 5.29pm

goal for the night: create a studying schedule for exam week..and stick to it!! no procrastination for once in my life...it will be very relieving to me in the long run!

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2011 28 November :: 1.47pm

Damn You Auto Correct
i get an unexpected day off, and this is what i'm doing.

feels good to laugh, though.











2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


spud

:: 2011 27 November :: 4.16pm

so, friday didn't go very well. i still enjoyed myself, to a certain extent, but it definitely did not go like i had hoped. i just have too much faith in people being open-minded. i really need to learn to keep my trap shut, because not everyone is as accepting of differences as i am. or as tolerant of stupid shit.

--------------

thursday was fine. there was food. the lions lost. my family sat around. the highlight of my evening was playing liar's dice with the alspaugh guys.

last night was fairly epic, if uneventful.

and i got my scooter fix for the weekend. so that's good.

Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2011 27 November :: 1.34pm

I AM BEYOND PISSED RIGHT NOW.

so nic's kid is out of fucking control. we only get her every other weekend and it's clear that her mother does not discipline her. she's basically raised by the babysitter who illegally watches 8 other children and let's them run around and do whatever they want. i can't deal with her attitude anymore or her defiancy! so nic made her a breakfast sandwich and she took 2 bites and said i'm full (normal child behavior i understand) and nic told her multiple times..as did i..that she would have to sit there and eather sandwich otherwise she couldn't get down..so she pushed her sandwich away and put her head on the table and sat there for 20 mins or so..i reheated the sandwich..gave it back..she goofed around for 15 more minutes making noises, crawling around on her chair, pulling apart the sandwich, claiming she didn't like eggs (which she eats everytime she's here) and telling us she would "not" eat the sandwich..so finally after an hour (nic just sat on the couch the whole time and pretty much said nothing to her) he told her to go to her room and threw away the sandwich.....

WELL WHY DID I JUST WASTE MY FUCKING BREATH FOR AN HOUR IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET HER WIN. how is she EVER going to learn to listen, no wonder shje doesn't..that was EXACTLY what she wanted..to not eat her fucking sandwich and guaranteed in half an hour she'll be hungry and asking for a snack. when he told her she could leave the table she smiled and leaped out of her chair and ran upstairs to play..how great of a 'punishment' she's up there singing and playing with her littlest pet shops happy as could be. it's FRUSTRATING b/c it's MY house too and she should have to listen around here but nic just gives in b/c it's easier that way. but now what? after an hour long battle she got her way for being defiant..so great..we just taught her that if she refuses to do something long enough, she will get her way. UGH i'm so annoyed right now!! and if I try to help or offer advice (stick with what you said nic, don't give in..etc..) he'll tell me "why do people who don't have kids think they know everything" i don't think I know fucking everything but I'm PRETTY sure that you just taught her it's ok to not listen, she'll get her way but HEY maybe i'm wrong.

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2011 18 November :: 4.26pm

Trying to start my own business so I can get the hell out of the casino..

I have a website! kind of exciting..

jgillette.bodybyvi.com

I just hope people see my results and know that they can do it too! I'm trying to convince my mom to do it now instead of bariatric surgery. Her surgery is scheduled for December..so we shall see..My Uncle Sam is doing it and he's been a type one diabetic with a pump for 20+ years..and for the first time he's lowering all of his meds! If that doesn't convince my mom I don't know what will..makes me nervous. ugh. Off to work... :/

Spare Some Change?

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