【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

:: 2010 10 March :: 2.34pm

why the fuck don't i have a job?

it might have something to do with the current recession.

or it could just be that i live in michigan, and it snows a lot. i didn't realize that our frequent snowstorms were part of the economic turbulence.

then again, if you follow THEIR snowstorms link, it takes you to a page that references monthly surveys of businesses and households. at which point all of the statistics and graphs and bullshit they can muster don't apply to me, simply because i've lived here for two years and not once have gotten asked by any survey whether or not i am gainfully employed.

i always hated stats. calculus just makes so much more sense.

m&ms487

:: 2010 9 March :: 9.40pm
:: Mood: accomplished

Spring Break is going well thus far, but seeing how I have to work the next 5 days, I'm not sure it's going to get any better. I had my endoscope on Friday morning (I love starting spring break by getting a camera shoved down my throat). They implanted a device called a Bravo Capsule in my esophagus three inches above my stomach. I carried a companion computer around with me until Sunday morning that gave real time readings of the pH level of my esophagus. I got to record every time I ate and laid down, and they will overlay that with my readings to judge if my reflux is bad enough to warrant surgery. The pH of the stomach is suppose to be fairly acidic (around 3) and the pH of the esophagus is suppose to be fairly neutral (around 7). I had a reflux incident on Saturday afternoon that read at a 1.9 and most of Saturday night I was below a pH of 4. Although the test is done, the capsule will hang around for a couple of weeks until it comes out au naturel. They also did a biopsy of my stomach during the scope because I have gastritis. The leading cause of which is a bacteria which can cause ulcers and ultimately stomach cancer if left untreated.

Before I went on Spring Break I applied and got accepted to present at the Women's Studies Interdisciplinary Round Table on March 15th. I am one of three presenters-of the other two, one is my former Shakespeare Professor (he has a Doctorate in English Literature) and the other is a faculty member at the Clarke Historical Library on campus. It's in the library auditorium which seats about 400 people and is the same place that they had Jennifer Granholm speak the last time she came to campus. My presentation is a Feminist Literary Criticism of Amy Lowell's poem "Patterns" and then an exploration of fashion in 2010. It posits that we need to create a dialogue about current fashion and asks if fashion is either an instrument of repression for women or a tool of freedom of expression and individuality. There will be pictures of Lady Gaga.

I am graduating in December and then on to Graduate School. I got excited today and looked at the Teach for America website. It's something that I really want to do, plus I need some kind of teaching experience if I'm ever going to get a job as a professor at any kind of college, even a community college, which is where I want to be, at least to begin with. I can't wait to get out of Michigan for a while. I want to come back, but I just need to get out and meet other people. I'm looking at a school district in South Dakota that is on a reservation, but it really just depends where I get placed if I get accepted. Things are starting to move, and it's getting exciting!

On a side note, all of my classmates and friends are getting engaged, married, and having babies, and it's scaring the crap out of me. I'm not old enough for this stuff yet!

Also, you should see Alice in Wonderland. It's quite a good film.

Michelle

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2010 4 March :: 9.01am

a B+ is NOT that bad jessie. i can come back from this.

5 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2010 4 March :: 1.01am

so yeah. think i have a cold of some sort. that's pretty bitchin'. shan tomorrow, dad friday, kevie-poo early next week. weekend's pretty open, but the neighbors might be having a fire. that'd be fun. i like fire. and stars.

actually, i made a very important (personally) discovery tonight about the stars that i often look at. if you know the constellations cassiopeia and orion, then you can find what i'm talking about. because right in between them, there is this weird curvy group of stars. these are all visible to the naked eye on a clear night. when i first saw it, i was most struck by its resemblance to a parabolic curve. and ever since then i've wanted to figure out what constellation it is, and if i could find a mathematical equation for the curve that would best fit that group of stars (have them all be on or very near it). i'm lazy so it'll probably never happen. and i'm discouraged by the likelihood that someone else has already beat me to the punch. anyway, i discovered tonight (through the use of these programs) that the stars i was looking at belong primarily to the constellation perseus. obviously, there are some stars of perseus that i have omitted from "my" grouping, and may have stolen one or two from somewhere else, but it's still a cool pattern.

but now i'm pissed because the entire time i was trying to watch for perseid meteors, i had no idea where in the sky to look. i guess now i know for the next time. but it's frustrating that i would have been able to, had i known the name of the constellation i've been looking at for the past couple of years already. but now i do, so there.

:: 2010 27 February :: 2.21pm

i will not let you dictate my happiness anymore. if you want me, fine. if you don't, then leave me the fuck alone.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2010 24 February :: 10.37pm

Kevin

I got a few ideas, but I want some more that are implied nude photos.

10:28pmJessie

what do you mean by that, nude but just covered up or something?

10:29pmKevin

yeah

but I want it to seem that me being naked fits, compared to me being naked just to be naked

10:31pmJessie

oic..maybe in a bath tub then

10:32pmKevin

I was thinking shower, me standing under a shower head that's on with me leaning against the wall and one of my legs bent just enough to cover my............you know

10:35pmJessie

yea.that's a good idea.

10:35pmKevin

or me sitting on the side of a bed and the camera being off to the side, making it clearly obvious that i'm naked

10:36pmJessie

yea that;s a good one too

2 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2010 16 February :: 12.01am

today was valentines day. i was worried it would be horrible, but it really was wonderful. i was with the one i'm falling for until 8am this morning :) we went out to eat and watched a movie together and slept close all night long and i don't even care that he snored the entire time. i didn't hear from him today at all though. i know he had his child until 7 and probably crashed after that. i don't know, but he's making me crazy in a good and bad way.

jake stopped by this afternoon. we switched back belongings. it was hard to see him go- in fact it's making me cry now. he still treats me like a princess and wiped away my tears when i cried.

the night ended being kissed by someone i didn't really want to be kissed by.

i'm not sure i want to remember this day.

ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2010 5 February :: 12.26pm

There was a storm involving a large amount of rain, during which I was separated from Daniel and Joseph and everyone I knew. Everything was flooded. I was very pregnant, hugely pregnant and somehow I ended up in a mangrove forest, swimming between the trees and climbing over and through roots. I was trying to find something to float on so I could rest, and I saw two girls that I knew, who I can't remember now, floating by in some sort of large, earthy basket. They tried to run away from me because they didn't want to share. I swam after them and they panicked, falling out of the basket and running away. I spent forever swimming after it against the current until finally I reached it with the help of someone I can't remember and climbed in. The person left.

The basket turned into a car. I slept in it and woke up in labor. I wanted Daniel to be there very badly. I had the baby and it was a boy and he was beautiful and I loved him.
I left the car and waded to a building inside the mangroves that was crowded with refugees of the storm. There were dozens of fast food places and I was trying to find something to give to the baby, all the while asking him, "what do you want?" he was silent and didn't cry.

All the people were looking at me like they pitied me and I didn't like it. I started to hurt in my lower stomach so I went to a hospital in the same building where I had to let go of the boy. They didn't make me feel better, but when I got the baby back from them, he was nestled in a large Styrofoam cup and something was wrong with his hands. They looked angular and inhuman. I began to walk back to the car in the mangroves to go home, and he started to cry for the first time. I breathed into the cup softly and he stopped and fell asleep.

:: 2010 5 February :: 1.04am

never again. its obvious you don't care about me. i can't keep doing this. fuck you.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

spud	:: 2010 29 January :: 10.20am winter camp is better than you. high of like 20 all weekend up there. should be fun. : P 2 Wasted Their Money \| Spare Some Change?

m&ms487

:: 2010 28 January :: 10.33am

I am sitting in bed under the covers because it is quite cold outside. John Mayer is on Vh1 singing about heartbreak and warfare.

Had the Brinner pajama party last night-it went quite well. I still have about 8 dozen eggs, though, so I might be making some deviled eggs this afternoon to take to closed rush.

We are bidding for next years convention and I'm in charge of it. Planning a convention for 600+ people is not an easy thing to do.

I am afraid that the garbage truck outside is going to hit my car right now.

Nope, it didn't.

I need to do my reading on Socialism and Communism-ideologies that happen to fulfill my psychic needs (or as Fromm would say).

This is my last spring semester as an undergraduate. I need to do my taxes. I need to fight with my insurance company about paying for my Nexium. I am having a surgical consultation in a few weeks. I need a nap.

:: 2010 27 January :: 1.01am

cable television
it's sad that this is what my life has become.

i'm watching a movie on flix. i hit info. this is what comes up.

Snake Island (2002) (a rating of one star is always a good sign):
creepy nonsense about killer reptiles terrorizing clueless tourists.

lmfao.

spud	:: 2010 24 January :: 4.40pm :: Music: explosions in the sky - welcome ghosts (embedded) 2 Wasted Their Money \| Spare Some Change?

spud	:: 2010 20 January :: 7.55pm vampirezombieraptor vs. robotcheney discuss. 6 Wasted Their Money \| Spare Some Change?

:: 2010 19 January :: 11.43pm

i'm having the internal fight of my life.

yay for chest pains :(

:: 2010 14 January :: 5.05pm

i just made a post on farmville that contained the phrase "asexually reproduce" and they censored the phrase thusly: "a***ually reproduce"

what the fuck?

edit:

i realized i forgot to mention that over the christmas holiday, i was offered a full time position drumming with the machines (that band i played with in grand haven on the 18th). as of yet, we have no gigs lined up, and are still working on compiling a set list. if you have any suggestions, please shout them out at the top of your lungs. or just post a comment, if that's easier for you. i think we're trying to stick in the oldies/rock/blues-type area, and we need stuff that's kinda danceable. not necessarily slow, but danceable. and easy, did i mention easy? i mean, i don't want this to be like actual work or something. ; ) just whatever you'd want to hear a band play while you're out at the bar. and the bar is full of "old" people.

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2010 13 January :: 10.05pm

i have a subwoofer/amplifier combo that i need to sell, so i can get plates and insurance on my truck.

it's a JL Audio 12W3 woofer in a custom enclosure, matched with a 250/1 class D amplifier. they are awesome together, and i am very sad to see them go, but it's cargo i'm not currently using, and making money is hard without legal transpo. so there you have it.

i paid over $300 for this setup when i bought it, and have taken very good care of it. i mean, it gets pretty loud, but i've never abused it. just don't try and win any SPL competitions with it and you should be fine. it'll warm up the bottom end of your stock sound, and actually take some of the strain away from speakers that struggle to reproduce lower frequencies. and maybe even shake your mirrors a smidgen.

if you're interested, just let me know. offer whatever you feel is fair, and i'll see if i can make it work. amplifier comes with all original hardware and packaging, for your convenience.

here be some pictures of the goods:

:: 2010 13 January :: 5.21pm

went tanning..spent too much money on cosmetics and hair items....i feel good! :P

m&ms487

:: 2010 5 January :: 9.07am
:: Mood: awake

I love the sound of your breathing as you lay next to me dreaming.

I went and purchased my books for the start of my second-to-last semester here as an undergraduate (I'm not counting the two classes I'm taking this summer).

It really wasn't bad as far as cost goes, but Ancient Literature has 11 books.

This semester I'm taking:

FRN 202: Intermediate French II
ENG 261: Ancient Literature
PSC 375: Socialism, Liberalism, and Fascism
PSC 321: The American Chief Executive

I'm pretty excited. It's the first semester that I've only taken 12 credits. I'm trying to go light after last semester's 17. I figure French will take up its fair share of time, and although the other three classes are two and three hundred levels, I feel like I might get a lot out of them without doing much homework other than reading. We'll see.

After this semester I will have 112 credits. I need 124 to graduate, but I'm going to end up with something like 128. This summer will be my two biology classes to finish up my area requirements for my Bachelor of Arts degree which will take me to 118, and then I'm looking into taking nine credits next fall with one graduate level class that will count as graduate credit as to make me a full-time student.

A year from now I will be starting graduate school, and then hopefully getting a post in Teach for America. By the end of all this the plan is to have a Master of Arts in English and one in Education.

Or, I could just give up, get pregnant, work at Meijer for my entire life, and waste away as an intellectual person. I think I'll choose the first.