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【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

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ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2009 11 September :: 5.09pm

"you came and i was crazy for you
and you cooled my mind that burned with longing"

Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2009 10 September :: 1.34am

school
i'm so exhausted by all of this. i hate being anxious ALL the time. my major is KILLING ME. not the classes, i love them and i mean i do well in them, but it's the GIRLS! they drive my fucking insane. i'm so stressed about all of this. my major is sooooooooooooooooooo competative. like on a scale of 1 to 10 it's a 50. you all know i'm laid back, quiet etc..and NOT all up in professors faces and a suck up. i listen, i do my work, i study i get good grades. but it's not enough. and EVERY fucking time i think of doing something that will help 'set me apart' everyyyyyone else starts doing it. i volunteer somewhere, low and behold everyone else does it too. i join nsshla ( at $60 a year cost, it's the nation student speech hearing language assocation) i knew THAT would really set me apart b/c you get professional journals and crap and nobody really knows about it, welllllllllllllll not now!!!!! practically EVERYONE found out about it, and every fing girl in my classes are like 'did you joing nsshla?' 'i joined nsshla' 'like omg! i can add that on my resume lol rofl omg' blah blah blah fuckedty blah. SHUT UP! all of you!!! WARRRRRGARRBLLLLLLLLLLLL. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i can't handle this!!!!!!! it's too fucking stressful. worrying EVERYDAY and hearing all these dumb bitches, 'i volunteered here, i went to dr. so and sos office hours and blah blah blah' shut up just freaking shutp up. you all drive me insane and you are all causing my life immmmmeasurable amounts of stress/anxiety.

what can i honestly do to help myself? i raise my hand more, i try to do it at least once a class period, but like 10 girls raise their hands ten times..i go to a professsors office hours once a week, they go TWICE. i can't keep up!!! it's a'lsdkf j;sjdfaosidfasjkdfh al what do i do ?! i love this major and i want to do it, but these girls are giving me a heart attack.

their voices. complaining, yapping, bragging, tweeet tweet yip yap yapp yappppp shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut uppppppppppppppppppppp

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gillette

:: 2009 8 September :: 1.35am
:: Music: avril lavigne~slipped away

my grandpa
so my grandpa passed away yesterday morning.

he survived for 14 DAYS with no food or water. FOURTEEN! the nurses/doctors etc could not believe he was still alive. he held on THAT long. it makes me wonder if he really wanted to go, or if he just was such a tough guy, that he held out for as long as he could.

he was diagnosed with lewy body dimentia and alzheimers about 6 years ago. he went from forgetting where he put his shoes, to being unable to keep his head up, or feed himself. he eventually went into a nursing home (against his dismay)..he would cry when his wife would try to take him there, but she couldn't take care of him..he always fell and my dad would have to drive over there to help connie get him up. a couple months ago, he turned 79 and when my dad went to visit him, he stil knew who my dad was although he really couldn't move or do any motor function at all. before he passed, he just layed there and moaned in pain b.c he had such severe bed sores. the doctors said they were the worst they'd ever seen. soo, they could either perform surgery, or let him pass b/c he couldn't eat anymore without a feeding tube and he had to get nutrients through an IV.

he hung in there for two weeks. i know that he wasn't using any calories because he wasn't moving...but still, i thought nobody could even live for a few days without water.

the funeral is this thursday. :/ i will miss him so much.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


chain-wolf

:: 2009 2 September :: 11.17pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: The Ark - It Takes a Fool to Remain Sane

Masque!

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ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2009 2 September :: 7.29pm

i miss chocolate! of all the allergies to develop!

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spud

:: 2009 2 September :: 1.07pm

A joyful meandering that wound up being about driveway hockey.
i had just gotten up today, and gone to the bathroom for a solid B.M. the bathroom window was open, and outside it sit the garbage/yard waste/recycle bins. all of a sudden i hear someone walk up alongside our garage, and open up one of the bins. i had finished at this point, and was blowing my nose for good measure. so, the person getting into our recycling heard me and said, "oh, hey, just dropping off some cereal boxes and milk cartons." i recognized Valerie's (the neighbor) voice, and said, "yeah, have at it. the trash is kinda full, though." it was just a very odd way to start my day off.

in other news: happy september! the weather's gorgeous, and the air smells crisp and clean.

:: sorry, neighbor came over to smoke a ciggy ::

what was i saying? eh, whatever.

i should play disc golf again. i made it out there quite a bit the first half of summer, but i haven't played in several weeks. I guess it has been overtaken by driveway hockey, which is honestly a better workout, but you really pay for the next day.

it's actually a lot of fun. we have a net that bruce built, and they spray painted a crease to go in front of it. the garage door is about 2 feet behind the net, so there is some playable space back there, just like the real deal. The rest of the rink is surrounded by short wooden boards to hold the puck in. the rules have been adapted - obviously - to suit our needs, and there's a continual evolution there, but the gameplay itself remains pretty much the same. we have three offensive players (a center and two wingers), a defenseman, and a goalie. the three offense and the defender will rotate positions after every goal. goalies rotate every 30 minutes (the mishmash of homemade pads takes a while to put on). it's like a full-time 3-on-1 rush, but since we suck so bad, sometimes it's still tough to get a puck to drop. even still, if you pepper 'im long enough, something's bound to go through eventually.

here are the basic rules:
> no high sticking (we're out there in our tennis shoes for pete's sake. we don't want to cart anyone to the hospital)
> no cross-checking (same reason)
> no slapshots (or we'll have to listen to the goalies bitch. loudly.)
> the center has to pass before anyone can shoot
> if the puck goes over the boards and out of play, it counts as "clearing the defensive zone," and the offensive players must go back to their start positions (marked with chalk)
> if any of the offensive players are not in their start positions when the center starts the puck, the play is "offside" and must be reset.
> if a defenseman clears the puck over (or through) the fence and into the neighbor's yard, it's a two-minute minor penalty. since the power play has yet to fail, it's pretty much a death knell. although, bruce once killed off 1:56 of the penalty before they scored on him. that's the current record to beat.

they typically like having new people try it out. kevin and masa joined in this past sunday, and i think they had a good time. so hit me up if you're interested. there's no set day that we do it, so it's kinda random. we usually play from mid-afternoon 'til dark.

3 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


m&ms487

:: 2009 1 September :: 6.02pm

Umm...so...graduate school [cries a little].

Where?
What Era/Country to study?
Assistantship or No?
When?


Why?

Off to band.

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m&ms487

:: 2009 30 August :: 10.13pm

I just finished my French homework in forty-five minutes. I don't know what to do with myself now...

*amazement ensues*

I guess I could...do more homework...

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m&ms487

:: 2009 29 August :: 8.23am

Woop. Woop. Woop.

It concerns me that I have to leave for work in six minutes and I still can't see very well because of just waking up.

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gillette

:: 2009 28 August :: 12.20am

contrary to previous entries, i feel like i was quite productive today.

i signed my major one of my minors and got a professor to sign a paper to allow me to be a tutor for his class (i signed the major/minor with him too). if i get the tutoring job, i actually get paid and it will look really good on my resume to be tutoring for one of the hardest classes in the major. oh cedar springs did prepare me well :P

theeeeeeeen i went to work. which i really didn't want to after a longish day, but of course i went and actually had a great day! it was a laid back day, everyone was laughing and having fun and i was in my bosses office the last 20 minutes or so of the night and they were just making me laugh. finally myyy turn to stand in the office doing nothing and chatting! although we were very very slow and there were no customers out at the booth anyway.

i feel proud of myself for what i did do and what i have done. i don't give myself credit. i love my major and my classes and each day i go, it just motivates me more to do better and to be more involved to learn more. i just really hope i can find something to really get involved with to help me get into grad school...some sort of volunteering or something. i hope i get the tutoring job but if i don't, i really need to find something to do. hmm, ideas?

anyway, i'm going to jakes tomorrow down by detroit. i haven't seen his apartment yet and i can't WAIT to see him!

Spare Some Change?


m&ms487

:: 2009 27 August :: 11.55am

At eleven this morning I transferred the RSO (Kappa Kappa Psi) into Alex's care. I thought I had already done it, but I guess I hadn't. That means that I am no longer President in any facit. I like that. I'm still busy as hell, though.

Already had:
French

Next:
Linguistics
Shakespeare
Membership Education Committee meeting
Un film en francais
General Business meeting

So, I'll be busy 'til about midnight.

J'adore aller a l'universite mais quelquefois je deteste le programme que j'ai.

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ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2009 26 August :: 8.05pm

i miss joey. i don't think daniel will ever love me, but i am fairly sure he knows i love him and it makes him uneasy. i don't blame him at all. school is great, i'm painting and i have my own room. life goes on the same as it always has.

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gillette

:: 2009 26 August :: 7.50pm

i can't stand this. i can't live here with everyone having their significant others over. it makes me so lonely and jealous..and upset. so i cry. i'm alone and i hate it.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2009 25 August :: 12.52am

and the semester begins again:

bus stop, bus is late, ride bus, tromp to class-claaaaaaaaaaaasss-boring..miss the bus on the way back, stand there..wait. wait. wait. damn bus, get home, fight with roommates, eat tv dinner, sit in room.

repeat.

i miss jake.

Spare Some Change?


ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2009 24 August :: 6.30pm

i want to come home joey

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m&ms487

:: 2009 24 August :: 9.25am

first.day.of.school.




finally.

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ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2009 24 August :: 2.43am

my hair is growing but i am not, school is starting and my heart is full but with white sea foam and nothing more. i am not ashamed of myself, or maybe i am, but i know that i should not be, so i stand firm.

if you could love me you would, whether or not you were ready to.

it is okay and i am okay, so let's keep walking and we'll see where this takes you, because we already know where it has taken me.

Spare Some Change?


gillette

:: 2009 21 August :: 2.27am

bah i am sooo tired.

my room was a complete disaster...and i was getting claustrophobic..so i bought organizational crap from wal mart and shoved crap into the organizational crap. now everything is piled away in drawers and crates and who knows how much i'll have to dig to find things. ugh.

i borrowed a book last fall from my friend..it came with a cd..nowww i HAVE the cd. it's here. but where?! i have no fucking clue. she wants it tomorrow..what do i do?? i know i have it, it's just been tucked away somewhere during all this moving and i want to borrow more books from her for this semster (could save me like $300 bucks) but i assume she won't want me to if i can't find that damn cd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jake is leaving tomorrow. i am SO SAD about this. i have never ever ever seen him cry but he did when i was leaving. granted i was bawling and saying i didn't want him to leave me blah blah etc etc..and so when he did a little bit, it made me realize how sucky the situation is. i cry like every time he leaves me for a few weeks or so but this time it's for serious. i really miss him so much already. i don't like to be without him :(

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?


ratanatheevilkitty

:: 2009 18 August :: 12.26am

being in cape coral never stops being weird.

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m&ms487

:: 2009 16 August :: 11.07pm

To think that this meaningless thing was ever a rose,
Scentless, colourless, THIS!
Will it ever be thus (who knows?)
If we wait till the close?

Tho' we care not to wait for the end, there comes the end
Sooner, later, at last,
Which nothing can mar, nothing mend:
An end locked fast,
Bent we cannot re-bend.

-Christina Rossetti "Summer is Ended"

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