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m&ms487
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2009 13 August :: 4.12am
Christina Rossetti=My dead poetess crush of the Victorian Era
4am= Oddly awake after five hours of sleep
Lou Dobbs= Dumb
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 11 August :: 5.58pm
he did not miss me at all oh things are bad
1 Wasted Their Money |
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spud
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2009 11 August :: 2.13pm
The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?
[] Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
[X] The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (way better than the movies)
[] Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
[X] Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (Hellz yes!)
[X] To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (too autobiographical for Lee to make a career of it...)
[] The Bible (never got through all of it. kinda big.)
[] Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
[X] Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell (just turn the fucking telescreens off, already. and quit drinking gasoline.)
[X] His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (i LOVE this universe. so vivid.)
[]Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
[] Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
[] Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
[] Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
[] Complete Works of Shakespeare
[] Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
[X] The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (i wish they'd make a movie of this one.)
[] Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
[] Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
[] The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
[] Middlemarch - George Eliot
[] Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
[X] The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (live fast, die young)
[] Bleak House - Charles Dickens
[] War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
[X] The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (don't trust mice anymore.)
[] Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
[] Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
[] Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
[] The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
[] Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
[] David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
[X] Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (allegory, anyone?)
[] Emma - Jane Austen
[] Persuasion - Jane Austen
[X] The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (totally redundant)
[] The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
[] Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
[] Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
[] Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne (might have... can't remember)
[] Animal Farm - George Orwell
[X] The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (and angels and demons)
[] One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
[] A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
[] The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
[] Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
[] Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
[] The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
[X] Lord of the Flies - William Golding (totally fucked up)
[] Atonement - Ian McEwan
[] Life of Pi - Yann Martel
[] Dune - Frank Herbert
[] Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
[] Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
[] A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
[] The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
[X] A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens (leave it to the french to kill my favorite character...)
[X] Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (nothing brave about test-tube babies)
[] The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
[] Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
[] Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
[] Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
[] The Secret History - Donna Tartt
[] The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
[] Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
[] On The Road - Jack Kerouac
[] Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
[] Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
[] Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
[X] Moby Dick - Herman Melville (sean connery is still my favorite ishmael)
[] Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
[] Dracula - Bram Stoker
[] The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (think i read this one too.)
[] Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
[] Ulysses - James Joyce
[] The Inferno – Dante
[] Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
[] Germinal - Emile Zola
[] Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
[] Possession - AS Byatt
[] A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
[] Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
[] The Color Purple - Alice Walker
[] The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
[] Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
[] A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
[X] Charlotte's Web - EB White (been a LOOONG time)
[X] The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (depressing)
[] Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
[] The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
[X] Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad (good companion piece for lord of the flies. reeks of symbolism.)
[] The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
[] The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
[] Watership Down - Richard Adams
[] A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
[] A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
[] The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
[] Hamlet - William Shakespeare
[X] Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
[] Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
My total: 19
Unforgivable omissions from this list:
A Separate Peace - John Knowles
The Trumpet of the Swan - EB White
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
The Odyssey - Homer
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Candide - Francois Voltaire
The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Stranger - Albert Camus
Robinson Crusoe - Daniel Defoe
Walden - Henry David Thoreau
The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka
Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift
The Time Machine - H.G. Wells (others might say War of the Worlds, The Invisible Man, or The Island of Doctor Moreau, but i have not read those yet)
Mark Twain (c'mon, he couldn't even make the list?)
same for Edgar Allen Poe
Man, I really need to get a life. I can't belive i've actually read that many books. ah, well. at least they're good ones.
5 Wasted Their Money |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 10 August :: 8.13pm
NO BABY YAY
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 9 August :: 10.01pm
an answer would be nice!
god i miss danny. i hug a pillow at night.
i need help i need hugs i need a loved one to be with me
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 9 August :: 1.43am
OH MY GOD I WILL DO ANYTHING
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 8 August :: 3.15am
i think there is someone in my belly
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spud
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2009 7 August :: 11.38pm
:: Mood: alone
:: Music: the Beatles
i often wonder whether it's better or worse that i don't post on here very often. i know that when i'm cruising my friends list, and i'm just doing a cursory screen, i'll sometimes ignore the ones that post like seven times a day. but if there's one that pops up that i haven't seen anything from in a while, i'll give it a read. i don't know. whatever. it is what it is, and if someone gets something out of it, then so be it.
apparently i have to re-learn how to be alone with myself. because i've been solitary here for approximately 9 hours, and i've been bored and lonely for approximately half of that time. so, i played wii, i did my rubiks cube, i cruised the internet, i watched superbad, and now i'm fuckin' here.
that's just lame.
and the more i think about it, the more i realize that it's exactly what i used to do to hide from myself. do a puzzle, play a game, read a book. which i think i may do shortly.
i suppose it's better than drinking myself into oblivion or getting doped up.
speaking of which, our front yard has a mole in it. probably a couple. pretty bad. i mowed this afternoon, and there were tunnels fucking everywhere. the lawn care people sprayed pesticide on it, which means the bugs that the moles feed on should die, but then the moles will just move somewhere else. we just need to kill those bastards. the neighbors won't like us very much if we just scare them off into their lawns. although, maybe then the neighbors will kill them for us.
whatever. i feel too crappy to really care that much. this sinus crud can go away any time now. it's been three days now, and i'm just getting tired of it. and i would like for my nosebleeds to have a chance to heal. that'd be great.
yeah.
well, this was uplifting. sorry about that.
i'm running sound for a live band at the crazy horse saloon on the 21st and 22nd. if you're in the area and would like to stop by, feel free. classic rock goodness, and your daily dose of spud. what more can you ask for?
i thought so.
9 Wasted Their Money |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 7 August :: 2.58am
i dont want to miss you like this anymore
2 Wasted Their Money |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 6 August :: 6.34am
so fucking tired. i spent the night in an airport, hooray
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gillette
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2009 5 August :: 4.24pm
please pray for him and my family
i'm losing my father. he may never be the same again. he might be in a home for the rest of his life:
wernicke's encephalopathy which leads to korsakoff syndrome/psychosis.
my world is spinning to a stop.
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gillette
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2009 5 August :: 3.07am
will you shave my coin purse?
hooooooooo.. ho ho ho. holy freaking god.
heh
1 Wasted Their Money |
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gillette
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2009 4 August :: 11.40pm
i can't stand for him to leave. i know it's selfish of me, but i can't deal with it. i'm needy, i'll admit it. my happiness depends a lot on him, i've gotten better..but i still of course am happier when he's around. it makes me cry just writing this. i cant go a whole YEAR or more without him. i need him. and when he can come visit on weekends, that's when i'll be working.
ugggggggggggggh please don't leave me.
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kitkat
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2009 4 August :: 7.24am
:: Mood: determined
Ok, so I made up my mind last night to finally lose weight and get back down to my pre-baby weight. Fuck, even if I was at my right-after-childbirth weight, I'd be better off than I am now. The lowest I was after Chloe was 145. And I was soooo fucking depressed and thought I was so fat. Well, here I'm sitting 20 pounds heavier and I'm even more fucking depressed. But I'm also finally being realistic about it all. I know it's not the end of the world. At one point, I was almost up to 200 lbs. In fact, if I had ever dared to weigh myself with clothes on at the end of the day, I'm sure I'd have tipped the scale past 200. And I came back from that amount to end up at around 120...lowest ever being 118, where I supposedly looked "too skinny" but still thought I had some way to go. So I know I an do it. The point is, I need to do SOMETHING instead of just sitting around eating donuts, telling myself I'll start tomorrow. I got where I am right now because I couldn't figure out where to start, so I just didn't do anything. Time to stop that.
And I think I'm a whole lot more realistic about myself right now as opposed to the last time I tried to drop a ton of weight. I just colored my hair a couple of days ago, and it looks fucking awesome on me. And I was standing in front of the mirror last night and I realized that I don't look awful. I look...ok. But, I did look a hell of a lot better when I was 20 lbs lighter. Not even at my lowest weight, just 20 lbs ago. 145...the upper range of my "target weight." Not that I want to stay there, but I think it's good to realize that I don't have to be stick-thin to be beautiful. And that gives me hope. I can say, ok, I'll lose 15 lbs by my birthday in 2 months. That seems doable, considering that the first week anyone goes on a diet, they drop 5 lbs of water weight in the first week. I'll shoot for 20 lbs by Halloween. 30, not the full 40, by Christmas because I know those last 10 will be a bitch to get off. Pre-baby weight or better by Chloe's next birthday in May. And do it without starving and throw in some resistance training so I get some muscle tone and less hanging skin, which is what I had the last time, even at 118.
I gotta scram for my WIC appointment, but I think I got a pretty good plan set down here.
1 Wasted Their Money |
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gillette
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2009 3 August :: 12.20pm
I wrote this Sept. 29 2002
I totally forgot about this, but it was funny! Jess ask Roman if he remembers! lol:
Well, i had a pretty good week i guess. except for some humiliation thursday.
ok..i'll tell ya what happened. our bus driver made all the high schoolers sit in the back so middle schoolers wouldn't go back there. anyway, roman being the friendly guy he is sat with me and struck up a conversation. then, our bus pulled up in front of cedar trails. we only go there to do fire drills so roman hopped up and opened the back door. i hopped out and so did three other people. i looked up into the bus and everyone is just sitting there and the bus driver is like "this isn't a fire drill get back in!" so i climbed back in and felt stupid all the way home. i told jenna about it in current events and if you know jenna the whole class knew after i told her. lol i'm not mad jenna! it was just a little embarrassing.
1 Wasted Their Money |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 2 August :: 4.59am
do i seem different to you here on the stairs, bare and pleading oh please open yourself to me. my slow blooming flower, i am tired of petals. i know that it is natural YOU, but the planets are circling too slowly and i am weary of the days and the nights.
this will not last much longer or perhaps it will last forever. but please please it is all i ask, please tell me soon.
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m&ms487
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2009 1 August :: 10.03pm
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Time to go to bed because I have to work at six thirty in the morning. Bah. This will be the last time, though, because I changed my availability. I will have six roommates this year and it's not fair nor is it realistic that they will be quiet after ten pm on Friday and Saturday nights. Therefore, I said I can't work until nine in the morning after this weekend.
I work the next three days and then I'm off to home for five days for a bit of a vacation which includes a shopping excursion to Valueland with my mother and grandmother and a family reunion.
I tried on most of my clothes today to figure out which ones still fit and which ones don't. Because of my illness I went from a size 16/18 to a size 6/8 in the past year. Right now I'm hovering around a 10/12, which is perfectly fine for me. However, that means that I have a ton of clothes that don't fit-old and new. Luckily, I didn't buy too many small clothes when I was really sick, so I only have a few pairs of pants that are too small; most of my clothes are way too big. I'm donating them when I go to Valueland next week.
"Now and then she appointed trysts beneath certain shrubs about the grounds, where he would find her naked, or with her clothing half torn to ribbons upon her, in the wild throes of nymphomania, her body gleaming in the slow shifting from one to another of such formally erotic attitudes and gestures as a Beardsley of the time of Petronius might have drawn. She would be wild then, in the close, breathing halfdark without walls, with her wild hair, each strand of which would seem to come alive like octopus tentacles, and her wild hands and her breathing: 'Negro! Negro! Negro!' "
-Light in August, Faulkner
1 Wasted Their Money |
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gillette
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2009 1 August :: 1.37am
Jacob is leaving me. Well, for Pontiac. He got his job as a felony parole officer, which is GREAT, but not for me. I'm happy for him, but I'll miss him SO much. And it's not safe down there. He has 3 weeks to find a safe/nice apartment to live in in the surrounding area and go. He starts August 21st I think. So for a year or more he'll be permanently down there, so far away, working 40+hours a week. It makes me want to cry.
1 Wasted Their Money |
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2009 28 July :: 1.33am
i'll never love anybody but you baby, baby, i'll never love anybody but you if you'll be my boy
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spud
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2009 27 July :: 1.54am
:: Mood: depressed
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"There's a way about you that just seems right surrounded by drums, and you come alive to battle it."
i understand what they meant. and yeah, maybe it was just a nice little compliment, and that is all. but maybe not. it almost seems to me as if there is something more to it. as if, in that moment, they had a lucid picture of my mind and my heart and my emotions. like they took a polaroid of my soul. and, it just so happened that - as they saw it - my soul was doing its happy dance, for lack of a better term. and it's true. most of the time when i'm playing drums, i'm happy deep down. it just feels good, and i can focus on that one solitary task (which is actually quite complex and anything but solitary), and it will be enough to distract me from whatever else is going on in my life. unless of course there's a crowd of people watching. but that's not the important part. the important aspect of this observation is that the battle - the maelstrom - that they saw in that instant, isn't happening for me anymore. i mean, it happens every time i go into the basement and jam for half an hour. but then i get done, cool down, and it's gone again. i feel the same way when i'm working on cars, or running sound, or making a recording. it's fun, exciting, exhilarating. it's a challenge for me to conquer. it's a puzzle that i find absolutely fascinating. i need to figure out how it ticks... how to fix it if it's broken... what i could do to make it work better, easier, faster, louder, stronger... you get what i'm saying. then and only then am i truly happy, truly satisfied, fully energized and motivated and ... alive.
and what i want - what i REALLY want more than anything - is to feel that passion in all aspects of my daily life. and it seems that i barely feel it at all anymore. like someone just took all of my energy away. or maybe it's there, but i can't seem to reach it when i need to. it absolutely baffles me.
okay, saying all aspects of my daily life is probably misleading. if i was that excited about taking out the trash, or doing the dishes, and did those chores with the same kind of zeal or fervor that i do in playing drums, it would be creepy and weird. and i'd probably need 12 hours of sleep every day just to maintain my energy levels. so, no i don't want it quite like that. but i want to be able to have a job that i do every day, that offers me the opportunity to have little glimmers of that passion bubble up to the surface from deep within my soul every so often. just enough to remind me of why i'm alive. of why i'm here. of why the fuck nobody's killed me yet. and get a bit of a boost from it, so i have enough energy and self-motivation to be able to get in there and kick it in the butt, like i'm supposed to.
all i know is i'm sick of being poor, i'm sick of being bored, and i'm sick of being either A) stuck at home with a chore list five miles long that i refuse to do, or B) being out and about, thinking about all the chores i have back home that i'm not doing, and about all of the money i'm spending (and not making) in the process of being out. i need something else.
"Well then, I think I may be able to help you. You see, your cat is suffering from what we vets haven't found a word for. his condition is typified by total physical inertia, absence of interest in its ambience - what we vets call "environment" - failure to respond to the conventional external stimuli; a ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird. To be blunt, your cat ... is in a rut. It's the old stockbroker syndrome; angst, weltschmerz, call it what you will-"
"Moping."
"In a way, in a way. Hmm... moping, I must remember that. Well now, what can be done? Tell me sir, have you confused your cat recently?"
"...well-"
"SHH! ... no."
"Yes, well I think I can definitely say that your cat badly needs to be confused."
"What?"
"Confused! To shake it out of its state of complacency. I'm afraid, I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service. Here is their card."
"Oh... Confuse-a-Cat Ltd..."
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