【 Squallet's Sanctuary 】

:: 2009 22 May :: 5.03am

what if i don't want to deal with everything on my own.

:: 2009 22 May :: 2.49am

i am a small chunk of your very large and getting larger all the time past. i am of little importance but am very amusing. please open your eyes.

:: 2009 19 May :: 2.13pm

I had a dream that Michael and I were sentenced to die. We were brought to a large room and Michael was sentenced first and killed. I was naked and wearing a towel around myself, alone on the top floor, looking down and sobbing into the center of the room. I could see Joe below me in a school desk, banging it with his fist although no sound came out and crying.

The room was given a recess until I had to go, and although it was my turn next to die and I was standing in a towel pushing through people, nobody looked at me or said a word. I found Daniel and he was asleep with a book in his lap. Joe ran to him and woke him and hugged him and Daniel asked, "Is it over? I finished Survivor!" He held up the book that had been in his lap. "You have to read it next, it's so good!" As though he had forgotten entirely that it was my turn to die.

gillette

:: 2009 17 May :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: lonely

i never wanted to hear those words again.

6 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 16 May :: 12.06pm

i have now officially been up for 28 hours. i'm tired, goodnight.

9 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 16 May :: 11.54am

keturah asked me about him, and untinking i replied, "he's my boyfriend," so i guess he is.

19 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 15 May :: 1.43pm

bangs again. i'm eating absurd amounts of rice krispies, i love the summer and my roommates. my job is tolerable and i know a few people who don't mind when i hang around.

:: 2009 14 May :: 4.51pm

i have been camping for two days and two nights at hanna park. i smell like something awful and there is sand in every part of my body. it was cold, rainy, then hot, sunny, but there were innumerable amounts of food and drink to be had. i was worried about going alone with daniel, about filling the spaces, but i should not have been. i have yet to have such a wonderful time just sitting and talking and being covered in grime.

m&ms487

:: 2009 14 May :: 12.56pm

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Troy/5187/gre.html

:: 2009 9 May :: 6.05pm

ohmygod i am so sick and daniel is too nice. he forced me to stay in bed and brought me medicine and played chess with me. tomorrow he turns 21 and we're hosting his party at the new house.

gillette

:: 2009 9 May :: 2.14am

i need to go to sleep.

HAPPY BELATED BDAY TO REEEEUBEN/ RUUUUEEBEN

woo!!!!!!

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 6 May :: 4.11am

drinking wine and reading harry potter is bad for my physical health, but gosh does it keep me sane.

1 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 5 May :: 1.13am

i am still very sick. i need a doctor.

4 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 4 May :: 2.58pm

the storm subsided with your happy eyes and palm mercifully placed in the small of my back (a question), did you? because i thought of you in the downpour and the shape of your body became the water washing over mine.

dripping soaked and spattered with dismay, i pulled on the string and you, unyielding, pulled it back harder, jaw clenched with wild eyes dancing from my lips to my hair to my left to right iris. "jocelyn, i thought you should know..."

and silence overtook you while a glass door opened, a smiling face behind it, connected to a new pack of cigarettes in hand. i stepped backward, head buzzing with a thousand unsaid words and the tiny string did not break but held me closer and tighter.

:: 2009 4 May :: 2.00pm

I got all A's!!!

and a B in math. but only because I missed about 10 classes.

YES HARD WORK FINALLY IS GOOD FOR SOMETHING!

15 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 2 May :: 4.03pm

everything feels wrong. i want to laugh.

moving in with a cat on my heels and new smells up my nose.

daniel is a musician and i keep forgetting that they are all very similar.

:: 2009 1 May :: 1.40am

it's nice being in cape coral. the o'connors have one two three four five six kittens and gosh are they cute. kitten number 5 is named Jocelyn. kitten 4 is David Copperfield and that will be the cat that joe and i take to jacksonville after rothbury.

the nights are still lonesome sometimes, but i'm much better than i was. i read old journals from years ago, or even just from october, and i want to slap myself. i am so blind.

i have to know what i want to paint. i have to know exactly what i want to say, or my paintings will be the equivalent of me screaming senselessly to the rain.

11 Wasted Their Money | Spare Some Change?

:: 2009 30 April :: 12.49am

i am guilty to say that if this suspicion turns out to be false, i will be disappointed.

:: 2009 28 April :: 5.50am

apparently i am much more drawn out than i think i am. i have been sleeping very little and thinking nothing of it, allowing myself no spare time beccause i cannot afford it (excepting my time with joe and daniel, usually once a week or to study). i just want to be finished. i have my last exam in six hours and i am just hoping i don't vomit all over my page. i am so very horribly sick. i have never been this ill.

:: 2009 26 April :: 3.02pm

two nights ago as i lay next to him exhausted after work and drifting to sleep, casablanca casting a flickering glow around the room, he rolled over,

"i have that question for you."

and i mumbled something and looked up with sleepy eyes and waited.

"have you ever realized after you broke up with someone how much you didn't have in common with them? it's only after you've stopped being with them. i guess at the time you just don't care, but i'm realizing now i didn't have anything in common with my ex. we liked the same things, but we had different temperaments. we were completely different people. have you ever felt that?"

yes, i have felt that exactly.