The clock keeps winding down.
I feel like I'm wrapped around a string, that I would do anything. This is an annoying feeling. But anyways. So there is this one dance, that is extremely difficult in the show I'm in and with my amount of dancing skills there was no way I would have been able to do it. It was just too fast, maybe if we had met more then once a week I could get it. But no, amazingly enough! I got out of the dance. Since it is so hard, it's nearly impossible for everyone to sing and dance at the same time. So I am one of the 5 singers, who stands off to the side and just sings. I like that part, it suits me. But I basically have the other dance down, only cause it's a shit load easier, and slower. So I have to get ready for work, and yah.

-Chasmin-

Damn you French club!
You know what a good feeling is? When you can sing that damn blue lady song from the 5th Element movie. Yup, makes you feel all good inside. So last night I went to the Ambivalence concert over at PBCC, for the Cancer fundraiser thing. They were awesome, and I could actually hear Andrew singing. Though I question some of the words he said, but I guess you aren't supposed to know what he's saying? There was this band before them, good instrumentals..but it was like GAAAAAAA...DEATH GAAHHH! I was just like...huh? They didn't have faces. Their hair just was all ::waves hand around face:: there. But yah, the improvement in the guys playing/performing skills...is like mad woah. You can't even compare when they first started to now, that's how big the change is. So life has been great of course. I'm happy my grades were fairly good. 4 A's, 1 B, and 2 C's (which were 79.1's..you have to have a 79.5 to get a B..) So I was happy with that. GPA 3.2 HPA 3.6, so yah life is good. It's hard to imagine that I'm going to be a senior and graduating soon, just sortof a scary thought. Lately, I have been such a klutz and just blonde. Tripping over things, saying phrases that don't make sense. Heh, but none the less it makes me laugh, and that my friends is all that matters. Well, I must get dressed for the rehersals at the Kravis center. Arrivederci!

-Chasmin-

So taunt me, and hurt me, decieve me, desert me..this is a damn good song.
I am such a clumsy person. On Friday after Seans thing at Ellie's we decided to go to Veterans. Well, it was the Delray Affair so finding a parking spot was a bitch. So I parked at home and I carpooled with Ryan. We finally find a spot, and I was trying to be all cool and go through the bushes. (mainly cause I didn't see any other way out) So I'm like yah, I'm tough. Well it turned out from where I was going to walk out of, there was a drop. Sorta high, in my opinion. But of course I could not see it because of the bushes. So one moment, I'm stepping off the next moment *WHAM* I'm on the ground. I must admit it was amusing. I hurt my knee, but it was funny. Then not even 10 mins later. I'm talking to someone, and not paying attention to where I am going and *WHAP* I walk into a tree branch. I must say, that was the clumsiest I have ever been. But I smiled none the less. So yah, that is the story of my clumsy night.

-Chasmin-

All I ask of you.
I have had the best night, since...forever. Thank you.

Inspiron
I had such a wonderful night, and I thought I should tell everyone!

Defying yo momma!
Well, lets see. What have I been up to? Well, if you wanted to know, or even if you didn't, I went on my first date awhile back. It went, sorta bad. But I was proud of myself for doing it. It was this kid Dan from West Boca high. Things were going fine at the Renn fest, but from there on..it went...downhill. To much fondling and what not, I had to end it the next day. I dunno what's going on at the moment, things are so confusing. I'm making a move, but I'm scared. I wish he would open up more, maybe in time. I'm going to leave this person un-named, but if he reads this he will know it's him. Or maybe if he made a move. But then there is that age old question remain friends, or more then friends. I lean more towards the more then friends of course...for personal reasons. But yah, we shall see in time what will become of everything. Hopefully something good, and productive. I got into a show at the Kravis, so that will be a fun thing. I think practices start this Saturday, I have to check my calender. But if anyone reads this and wants to see it, it is on May 3..it's a Tuesday, but I shall get more info on it. *drifts off into thoughts* Well, I suppose I will find something to occupy my mind. Ciao!

-Chasmin-

Now, after I run over yo babies!
Well, it has been a long time since I've updated this thing. Don't really know why. I did notice a spelling error in the last entry I posted, which is quite annoying. I like the movie Kill Bill Vol. II. Lets see what can I talk about in here. I have my liscence, I enjoy driving around. Sometimes thats just a stress reliever right there. I went to solo & ensemble again, got a superior. Working some extra days so I can get a new outfit at renn fest. Cesar I believe was still trying to get with me, but I just can't see myself dating him. Plus right about now, the only way someone can get my attention is if they are special or something. I've been basically focused on my schoolwork and everything I need to get into college and for my future. This summer I'm going to University of the Arts for their musical theater summer program. That should be fun, I'll be there for all of July and a few days in August. I chose my schedual for next year. I shall be taking..
AP Lit
Marine Bio II HON
Drama IV
Dual Enrollment
Dual Enrollment
No class
Economics/Government HON

For once in my life, I won't be taking chorus. I think the Dual Enrollment shall be fun. I wonder what classes I will choose to take, and at what school. I hope FAU. Heh my mom just told me that while I'm in Philly this summer for the camp thing, there are a bunch of people who would rescue me that we know up there. No matter where I go, I know someone. I can't ever get away with anything! I have a World Lit paper due tomorrow that I need to fix up. Meh, and I'm tired. I think I want some tea, aya! I do. Life I suppose you can say, has just been going. I'm quite content with it, can't say I'm ecstatic, but I'm content. Saturday hopefully I'm going to go see Ambivalence at Ovation. (thats my friends band) I'm not big on concerts but they've gotten a shit load better, and I wanna hear this new singer of theirs. Well. I better be off, maybe I will start updating this thing more often now.

-Chasmin-

Pumpkin pie
Well today was my first paying gig, w00t and I made $150. Singing at a wedding can get you some pretty good money. I was going to spend it on everyone for christmas...then I saw an xbox and I've been wanting one. Soooo I'm going to buy one for myself, yah I know I'm nice aren't I. But hell. I'm such a dork. I saw a cute guy today, probably won't ever see him again...but I saw him. Right now my friend is telling me interesting things, and I'm just like..woah. Ecactly like that too. Only 4 flippin days till I get my liscence!!!!

-Chasmin-

Always look on the bright side of life.
I need to clarify something in here. I don't hate Ryan, I know I said I did. But I said those things out of anger, I don't hate him. Like I always said to him, I never could hate him. Something just won't let me. I'm sorry for everything I've caused. I hope the best for him, and his future. I know this is a strange turn around for me...but it's true. I'm just a romantic fool. I always wanted everything so perfect, nothing is though. The way magazines tell you how to fix things, don't read them. Do it your own way, I've learned that. Find a way that works for you, no matter how long it takes. I made promises I wish I could keep. I wish I could hang out with him, still be his best friend. That is one thing I do miss, alot. His friendship, the friendship that we had together. I can't do it though, I guess I'm not strong enough or something. I won't say what caused me to say all this, cause I know in my heart and thats all that matters. I can learn and grow from this experience. Betty is a lucky girl to have Ryan. He's a good guy. I would tell her that to her face, but I would probably not have the guts to say it. Maybe one day I will. I never regret one thing I did with Ryan, not one damned thing. Even if it wasn't right, I don't care. It's amazing what you can learn from a first love. I need to get off these crutches that I keep holding on to. I need to focus on what needs to be focused on. I have to start a new chapter in my life. I have to sit back and examine the world around me, not take things for granted. I need to live life to the fullest. I'll never be the same as long as I live. I know that now. Nothing will ever be the same. I've changed, and that I know for sure. For the better, or worse...I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know. No matter how old I get or what happens to me in my life, I'll always remember Ryan. Ryan Allen Montiel. He may not know it, but he'll make difference in life. He does posess that quality. He just needs to believe in himself. I think I'll be ok, from now on. I don't know how I will feel anymore, probably a little cloudy on the inside but I can start working on myself again, and thats what I need. I need to focus on myself. I don't need someone there to help me feel like I'm on top of the world. I don't need someone to make me feel pretty. I don't need someone to help me realize that I am important. Cause I am all of these things at least to myself. I've grown up, as scary as it is. I'm not done growing, but this has helped. I don't know if this will help anyone if they are in the same situation, but it is weird when you realize this. It's almost like, it's ok everything that has happened, even if you didn't want it, or expect it. It's just ok, and it will be ok. People are right when they say that. Thank you Ryan, for everything. From here on out everyone, life as I know it will change.

-Chasmin-

And I'm always in taxi cab with drive who no shower!
Ok I think I'm basically over Ryan dating Betty. More the fact that I've come to accept it. I know if I see them together it will hurt me. But meh. I went to the Keyes this weekend to go snorkeling. Eh it didn't go so well. At our first stop towards the end of the swimming I got sea sick and I was sick the rest of the time and slept the rest of the day. Today was the first time I could walk without feeling sick or anything like that. So my mum and I went and had bbq for lunch and I drove back home...such a boring drive I must tell you. But yah saw cool things and all that good stuff.

-Chasmin-

Don't be an Ecko-namik girly man!
Sooo I'm here in Atlanta at mah pa's house. Frannies staring at me....sorta scary. It was such a long drive last night we didn't come in till about 3. The car we have was comfy but not. I got the sniffles from trying to sleep in there it was frustrating. But the couch I slept on in the motor home was comfy I was happy. I want a wolf hybrid or a coyote...I think they are really cute and yah. Happy turkey day by the way everyone. And if you don't eat turkey and you doing what I'm doing then happy pizza day. Yes that's right. We are having pizza for thanksgiving tomorrow. Yes I know thanksgiving is today but today we celebrate it with my ma tomorrow we celebrate it with my pa. I need to get ready and take a shower so tata!

-Chasmin-

Grab your dicks and double click! Porn, porn, porn!
Wow I had an awesome weekend. On Friday I spent the night at Ambers. We went to this girls house in Lake Worth (where I happened to know her brother) But we went to the Lake Worth bon fire, it was so fun. I made new friends. We danced and just did good stuff. I played GTA San Andres, good game. We attempted to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but we were really tired. Ambers brother Aerin came in at around 11:30 after we semi-fell asleep 15 mins earlier and was evil flickering the light on and off. He had a friend with him and they were going to go drink..how fun. Today we went to Bullards Halo 2 party....so awesome. It's such a great game. We had 3 consoles hooked up and we were all fighting each other. I killed one person! and he was one of the gods of Halo. I got killed so many times it made me laugh. Around 7 we went outside and played football in the street and the cops came cause we got a complaint for being to loud which was crap. But I had an awesome time. It's what I've been needing a good time to go out with friends. I didn't think about Ryan all weekend, I think I am now really getting over him, not just thinking it. I know the Betty thing will still bug me...but I'm doing ok now. I'm happy. Kevin is so cute. (the spitznagel) He's such a dork but it's ok. We were having a burpingish contest. I know how lady like right? It was pointless fun. Alright I'm gonna get ready for bed.

-Chasmin-