The internet is for Porn
Any 6 - no matter how personal, private, or random. I have to answer them honestly.

In turn, you have to post this message in your own journal // OR // you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.

Ask away, even if you don't have a journal.. leave an anonymous note.

-Chasmin-

For once in my life, I want someone who needs me..doo doo
I'm not keeping this lil' journal thing with me, so whenever I get sad, or happy or something like that I can write it down. It does help. I saw Ryan and Betty together today, I have no idea whats going on but it's really starting to bug me. Anyways. What else happened today...stuff stuff and more stuff. I have acting lessons later. I'm gonna go play furcadia and listen to my music as usual.

-Chasmin-

I honestly love you...
Ok today was going fine all happiness, untill lunch. A bunch of people I hang out with were standing in front of the AV room as usual I moved away from them some but I was still on the steps. Charlie is sitting there and I was listening and he's like "Yah I've sorta been out of the loop lately. I heard that Digem(Ryan) had a thing for Betty" I heard this and it felt like the wind was knocked out of me, it was hard to breath and my heart was beating fast. Ashely looked at me and saw that I was about to cry and she was like trying to make me feel better. I had to look up to hold back the tears. But they came out no less. I got fed up and I went over to where my next class was and just cried...god...even thinking about it hurts. I can't do this anymore. I have to find a way so it doesn't hurt me

-Chasmin-

Hehe cool test

I AM 42% ASSHOLE/BITCH! I may think I am an asshole or a bitch, but the truth is I am a good person at heart. Yeah sure, I can have a mean streak in me, but most of the people I meet like me. Take the ASSHOLE/BITCH test at Fuali.com

-Chasmin-

Ebookman
Ok so Ryan has been hanging out alot with these two girls Janina, and Betty. Janina he's teaching how to skate, and Betty he's known for a long time. I've gotten so jelous over this whole thing, cause of just him spending time with them. I hear from people that they see him with the two all the time. God it hurts. I see them both and I can't even like them even if I wanted to. I can be civil but I don't like them. I would love to have some attention from him, but I shouldn't want that because then it would be harder for me to get over him. I just wanted to scream in lunch when Janina and Betty were talking about Ryan and that damned dog doll. I hate when I get like this but jeeze, it hurts. I feel like they are just replacing me...which is true. It should be this way but the truth hurts. It's good that Ryan's life is better and everything is going good for him. In other words since we broke up everything has been better for him, maybe I was bringing him down. I know I should stop brooding over this but I can't help it. I try really hard, sometimes I can and I feel great then at other times I will just want to sit down and cry. Ryan didn't even remember my birthday anymore. When right before we broke up he was always going your birthdays coming up, the big day is coming up, what do you want? Now he's like when is it again? Oh yah. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I feel like my charecter in the play that I'm doing. Getting tossed away like a rag doll. I wish he was ready for a girlfriend, I wish he loved me still. But then again you should be careful what you wish for and is what I'm wishing for even something thats good for me? Gah and another thing, now that we split up his computer works! He's making profiles again! God....he stopped doing the profile thing for me so long ago...he stopped coming online. Now he's on all the time. Things are so different now, life is different.

-Chasmin-

Election Day!
Wow today is election day, I wanna know who's gonna win. Just think (I think this is pretty cool) that when our generation gets older this shits gonna be in text books. I dunno I find that an interesting thought. I wonder what it would be like to be the first woman president. I know it would be both a good and bad thing. So many would hate you for being a woman in office, but many would admire you for taking on the job. Well I guess we will have to wait till later to find out who wins. I hope it's Kerry....I do. I don't really care for him but in my opinion it's a better choice then Bush. Ok school time.

-Chasmin-

Happy Halloween?
Yah so Happy Halloween everyone. I worked for the first part, all dressed up and all that good stuff. If I get a digi pic I will post it on here. I think I'm going ot Jons party thing tonight, so good stuff. Lucy the other hostess was a cop everyone was hitting on her. I did something stupid on friday and now I regret doing it. I gave Ryan a note telling him how I felt about everything, and I think that was a really bad idea...I just have a bad feeling. I hate this feeling...I hate stuff. Ryan is able to go out and do stuff, make friends and be spontaneous, I'm happy for him. I should do that....enh too much energy. I wonder when or if Lorelei is picking me up. I want to be happy, why is it hard for me to be happy? AHHHHHHHH! I need to stop thinking about this.

-Chasmin-

Knott's Berry Farm
Ok the past few entries in here have been too much about Ryan, and today seems the best day to change that constant flow of Ryaness. So yesterday in the wee early morning Marlene had her baby! I heard he was adorable, but still doesn't have a name. I'm feelin' something for her probably happiness but I hope things turn out fine which they probably will knowing them. I learned a dance to the begining of Cabaret...I give dancers so much damn credit...it is not that easy at all. Gah I need to practice that dance today after work. I got the part of Louann in my highschool play. Were doing "The Book of Days" it's a murder mystery thing, I haven't read it yet. But my part I'm the wife that gets cheated on and freaks out finally after not saying anything about it for a long time. It's not a big part but I have one good scene. I'm actually doing pretty well in school, I've been in school mode and I think the only thing I have to worry about now is my AP english class I haven't been getting good grades in her class...so lets see how bad I'm doing in there so I can bring it up. I can't wait for the SAT scores to come out. My teacher said it would take up to 6 wks...but thats too long. I want to know how I did. My dress that I ordered should be coming this week hopefully...if not..oh some asses will be capped and some skulls will be bashed. Hehe. Well must get ready for work, tata!

-Chasmin-

Breakin' up is never easy I know but I have to go...-Mamma Mia
Well, Ryan and I will not be getting back together again...and now I can cry. I'm crying alot. And it hurts. He said he's not ready for a relationship and I respect that, but god damn does this hurt. I've lost him, and it hurts. I wanted to cry and now I got my wish.

-Chasmin-