:: 2006 12 August :: 8.15 pm

gaaah.
i got like 3-4 hours of sleep last night and then i had to work.
so crapppppppppy.
but then i took one of those 'not quite a nap' naps. i don't know if it did me any good. i woke up two hours ago and i am finally not sleepy.

and all this week i have to be in by 6 or 7 because all these morning people quit and i agreed to come in early. i thought it would be for a day or two. not a week or two.

oh well.

butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 10 August :: 10.05 pm

so . . . i am downtown right now.
someone just got chased and arrested for carrying knives!

so scary!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 26 July :: 11.45 pm

i am definately in one of those downward spirals as of right now.

the sadness is sweeping in like a cool breeze. it feels nice after trying not to feel. i don't know why i can't make myself leave it. it's almost as if i want to be here alone on the brink of tears. somewhere safe.

i know this place. i have spent many hours alone.

i can't make myself call people. it seems like so much work.

i just wish i could sleep, but it's too hot in my room. if i weren't too scared i would sleep outside. friday my parents leave town. i am happy. not because i want them to leave, but then i won't have to sleep alone. i just wish we could get a house. some days the longing is worse than others. today i fear it is worse. all i want is to fall asleep next to him and wake up the same way. no more sleepless nights, no more anxiety, no more loneliness.

isn't it odd that whenever you are sad and the music is on shuffle, the most depressing songs always play. it never fails.

this is what worries me the most. nothing went wrong today. nothing. there is absolutely no reason for me to be so worked up. i had servesafe class which means i basically got paid to do nothing, and i know i passed the stupid test for it. i didn't get lost. robby wasn't mad about me crying over the phone last night and being unfair, in fact he took me out for lunch. i went shopping with sarah and spent money that wasn't mine. nothing went wrong.
so what is the deal?

WTC???

3 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 13 July :: 12.03 am

not working is pretty much great
until you realize that there is such a thing as too much free time.
hmm.
part of me wants school to start, but then i remember that i have hard ass classes and i will probably have to work a lot.
i don't really know. next year should be an improvement over last, not that last was bad, but there is definately room for it.
at least karen benzer isn't on my ass every second of every day. it is nice simply not going home anymore.

8 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 8 July :: 2.01 pm

i haven't been pissed in about a week. that is a strange thing to have happen. i haven't even cried.
this is so strange.

maybe i changed the way i deal with stuff.
i don't really know. but i hope i stay this way.

2 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 26 May :: 8.43 pm
:: Music: angels and airwaves

2 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 2 May :: 11.30 am

so i have three days left of school.
can i last?

gaah. so many weddings this summer. it's crazy. frickin yeah.

sometimes it makes me feel old and others it makes me feel young.
i'm not sure where that leaves me exactly.
18.
is that young or old?

4 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 7 April :: 12.57 pm

only like three weeks.
i still have . . .
four tests
three projects
two papers
one lab final

this is making my brain hurt.

but summer is going to be bomb.
im leaving the state at least once if it kills me.

5 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 25 March :: 6.55 pm

the sky is absolutely gorgeous right now.
it starts with a light blue, which is swirled with pink and purple. a rich dark blue is melting into the top.

i want summer now.
i need to waste away days outdoors.
i need to take walks and forget about school for a while.
i need to ride a bike.
i need to figure out what is going on with all of the people i love.

i have lost touch with a lot of things/people i care about.

2 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 24 March :: 12.26 pm

i have just spent three hours by myself.
i did some homework.
i didn't speak to anyone.
i feel like a machine right now.
i need some human contact.
i am surrounded by people right now but i feel completely alone.

2 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 17 March :: 2.51 pm

hot damn!!!
so i definately waited around for like three hours at school only to find that my teacher totally wasn't there and didn't bother to post it online or anything.
whatev.

2 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 16 March :: 2.25 pm

so . . . today was productive.
and i will still have time to do my homework when i get home from work.
stupid honors stuff.
colleges shouldn't make me work to get in . . . they should beg me to go to their college.
i should just be able to get all F's and still get scholarships.

like seriously.

butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 9 March :: 9.10 pm

i have wasted entirely too much time online today.

4 flashed | butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.12 am

spring break = almost over.
my hell = almost beginning.

suck.

butt fun anyone?

:: 2006 6 March :: 3.43 pm

so today in the shower i was washing my hair and when it was all lathered up i shaped it like a mohawk.
it looked sweet.
so i was telling robby that i wanted to get one (i was joking of course). but i told him that i wouldn't because he would hate it. and he told me that i wouldn't do it anyway.

but the thing is, now i do want to do it just because he doesn't think would.
blah i don't have the guts.

it would be sweet for summer.
damn, i am going to sleep on this but if this feeling doesn't go away, i just might chop it all off.

hmmm . . .

7 flashed | butt fun anyone?