Tomorrow we find out if God decided to answer our prayers, or if it's time to start healing and move on. I'm so back and forth on how I feel. Because I just don't know what's happened. So one minute I'm sad, and pissed off at the world. Then the next, I'm hopeful, praying, even moments where all feels "normal" again, and then they quickly pass. I just feel like this is all still a bad dream, that I just can't wake up from, it feels never ending! I just don't know how this could have happened, why did this happen, how am I EVER suppose to be ok with this? How will I ever make peace with the Lord giving and taking away?? How can I face other people??
She doesnt make it easy. I know when she seems 'off'. She seems that way tonight. I feel like she hides it by praising me or praising my ability to overlook her strange ways.
Its not really easy to deal with this. I want to not offend her, especially if she has been drinking, that wont end well. She will resent me and not even know why or what was the problem(s).
"Sometimes I think that you don't like me as much as you did before."
How does one properly respond to that? Im nervous to answer it. Its loaded.
I do like you. I liked you more, yes. I want to like you as much, and try hard to do so. Its easy to do so. Whats not easy is how to deal with you acting stranger at times than others. The wait you put me through for a chance to try this thing out has hurt things. I see it and know it. Id like to think I overlook it 95% of the time too.
She doesnt make it easy. I know when she seems 'off'. She seems that way tonight. I feel like she hides it by praising me or praising my ability to overlook her strange ways.
Its not really easy to deal with this. I want to not offend her, especially if she has been drinking, that wont end well. She will resent me and not even know why or what was the problem(s).
Well, in a week I will be getting a scope done on my knee. Again. I will have to stay off my leg for 6 weeks. And if this scope doesn't help, in a year, I will need to get a graft from a cadaver. Still so much to do and very little time to do it all in.
Things are good. I spent my birthday with the girl and a few select others... pretty much just the girl though. We did a lot of dancing with each other, both metaphorically and literally. We drank champagne. We kissed at midnight. It was nice. It was also oddly adult which kind of freaks me out.
the only thing I need is a new job. Really... that's it. I like where I live and my new room mates and everything. Just the job...
I'm really coming to grips with myself and I like it.
It's weird. Being someone's girlfriend, finally. After 3 years. Didn't think I would actually find someone I care so much about and someone who cares about me. I love my bear so much. He's been good to me. I don't think I can be any happier.
[] get a new job
[] quit outback
[] get a real phone
[] get a new car
[] have more than 5000 in an untouchable account, preferably one with high returns
[] break that 6 month relationship mark that seems to constantly elude me
[] don't stab anyone
[] work out more
[] Go back to MI to visit
[] Get a credit card
[] Go to a wizards, capitals, and nationals game (not redskins, the suck and it's impossible to get tickets)
If you bring my child to me one more time without a fucking coat i'm going to clobber you, its fucking winter time... its cold out, you're wearing a coat, why does he have to suffer!?
