For being a college town this place seems very desolate most of the time.
In the past summer break always started to get very very old near the end. So much that I generally ended up waiting for school to start.
Summer break ended like 7 weeks ago, and I'm still stuck waiting to leave this god forsaken place and find purpose in life.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't deal with real life. Why am I so weak? I have a bachelor's degree that I can't do anything with except go to grad school but that seems to overwhelming for me to even think about. Every time it crosses my mind that I need to apply, I quickly think of something else. It's like I'm trying to sabotage myself. Next month I have to start paying back all of my student loans and I have a job making $11/hour. I also am going to be getting less on my paychecks b/c I need to start paying for benefits. I just want to run away and not deal with anything. I had this magical life pictured in my head that I would go to college, go straight through to grad school, become a speech pathologist, have money and not struggle like my parents. It seems like that is too far out of my comfort zone and what I'm familiar with. I'm familiar with pain, no money and struggle. My mom struggles every day and cries to me b/c they can't afford fuel oil or the bills. I literally feel like I want to bash my head into a wall everyday b/c of how my life has turned out. And it's nobody's fault but my own. I hide from everything I should be doing and then sit here and cry b/c of how it is.
I'm literally afraid to check my cmich email b/c my two professors that said they would write letters of rec for me have probably been emailing me wondering if I died or something. Why am I afraid to do GOOD for myself?
they want us to make a procedures manual for the maintenance department, since they never made one initially, and there's been quite a bit of turnover in the department over the last 5 years. also, todd and i are not going to be sticking around here forever, which is no secret to anyone.
so, i'm looking for feedback. primary concern is readability and conciseness, while being amply descriptive. the idea is that whatever knuckle dragger comes here after us will hopefully at least be able to read, maybe even have some experience in the trades. but they need to be able to perform these tasks, whether they have experience or not. thus, these procedure instructions.
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2012 24 September :: 4.57pm
:: Music: the crane wives - the fool in her wedding gown
work
so, i've realized that while i bring a lot of specialized knowledge to the table, which i use on a virtually daily basis, it is extremely unnecessary for the job. good to have. really not needed.
there are ultimately only two critical aspects to holding down a maintenance position (aside from the social politics of whatever company you work for. that's a much bigger, separate can of worms):
1. Fix whatever broken stuff they bring to your attention.
2. If you can't figure out how to fix it, either:
a) have them call in someone else who is more specialized to fix it.
b) make damn sure it leaves your care broken enough to justify buying a new one.
that's pretty much it. simple. the only thing that makes this job difficult is me. which would happen at any job i have.
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