Remember when I really hated Emo-core in high school? If you do then you probably thought I was obnoxious (I'm sure that was the only reason). I've gotten pretty good about not hating things just to hate, but there is still something about this band that I just cannot tolerate. I don't know if its the whole get-up (i.e. the make up and clothes whatever). I just find it obnoxious. It's like Lady Gaga for me, I feel as though she'd be a great musician on her own without the uncooked turkey on her head. Call me shallow.
The music isn't that great to me either: It's just bland. Robert Smith's voice doesn't do it for me. If your band is going to be famous for a lead singer he should be like a Robert Plant and like a David Bowie if hes going to be this level of eccentric.
In the end I suppose it just boils down to preference. What I won't do now that I might have in the past is tell you that you suck for liking The Cure.
My friend offered to rent her spare room out to me in her duplex for awhile. So I'll be moving out of this apartment Monday sometime. And a big fuck you to my roommate will be all of the shit I'm downloading off of his internetz roiight meow.
Still thinking about moving down to G.R.
Thinking.
Hmm.
I downloaded the Foo Fighters newest album. The song "Rope" i must say holds some sort of nostalgia for me. Its pretty good though.
::
2011 9 June :: 7.44pm
:: Music: Eisley- Smarter
dreaming with a broken heart
sometimes i wonder if i am always going to feel empty inside. I wonder if too much honesty is a bad thing. I wonder if i will ever find my inner peace. its all wondering, constant searching and contemplating and i feel as though I am just parading around like one of those poor horses at the fair- wandering in this dismal circle of sadness for the rest of my life.
Is it because I have too much empathy, compassion, hope for mankind, hope for myself?
Sometimes I can feel things that aren't there and I wonder if it is some invisible being trying to comfort me... a stroke of a finger down my cheek-- an embrace that couldn't be possible-- nothing makes sense.
how do you fight to hold on to something that was only an illusion to start? how do you believe in yourself when all the confidence you ever had walked out so long ago that you can't be sure you ever had it?
I just wish I could find happy... but it's always been such a fleeting idea. I've spent so long having to hide myself to make everyone else happy that somedays I wake up and I don't even know who the person is that is looking back at me.
Then again...
maybe I just have to face the facts, I never did heal oh so long ago and perhaps ever since childhood I have just been destined to be damaged goods. world you truly are a cruel, hateful place. we were never meant to be with each other-- you with your malice and me with my heart on my sleeve. and though i try so very hard my poor heart just wants love that for all i know will never be there, after all it rarely had been up until now.
oh bollox. i might as well just give up.
I've been contemplating suicide a lot more that I probably should lately.
I know its cowardly, but at this point in time I think I'm alright with being selfish for once.
I'm a 24 year old child.
I take one step forward, then three steps back.
I'm not getting anywhere.