It's been awhile and it seems I have missed much commotion on the woohu. One semester left, but a whole load of bills that is making it impossible to register/ put down a deposit/ ect.
I pretty much am just here in Kenowhere.
I wish that things would perk up in MI so I could go home and work at the jewelry store...
so I go out for a friends birthday, meet up with a bunch of people from work at our hangout pub. As the night wraps up, a girl from work (who I would kill for to get with) invites me to the after party for some more drinks and drink compliments.
Long story short, as we are all going to pass out this girl (now thoroughly intoxicated i.e. deal breaker) wakes my ass up and asks me to go outside to have a cigarette with her (I still don't smoke and I wasn't cigarette drunk either). I go with her outside of this dorm that requires a keycard for entry at the University of Maryland when she of course notices that she forgot a lighter. She head back upstairs to find it and leaves me outside with no shoes. Its raining. She doesn't come back.
So there I am, in a place infested with police patrolling for drunk college kids who just graduated, with no shoes, in the rain, with no fucking clue where I am.
lucky for me she gave me her iPhone before heading back upstairs, which I used to navigate my way out. Doesn't mean I didn't have to walk around campus in socks while it was raining looking for the parking lot I parked my car in.
So now I have a new iPhone and a pack of menthols (If I DID smoke, I would not smoke menthols).
Ok so, I went to hang out with her because I think she's cute. I didn't try and make a move or anything, but I did put myself in the situation.
so last night nic told me something that really made sense. if you're upset about something or constantly worrying about something...don't. set aside 30 minutes of your day to actively think about it and to do what you can (if anything) to make it better. after that 30 minutes is up LET IT GO! for that day because otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy.
i really should start doing this. it's not easy though because thoughts easily pass through your mind that you don't intend, but i guess you just have to work on controlling it.
i realize i'm in a semi-crappy place right now, but maybe everyday ahead of me, i can do a little something to make it better.
today, i went through my finances and wrote in my planner all my bill due dates and amounts that automatically come out of my checking account..maybe it seems obvious or trivial but i don't keep track of that stuff usually very well and this will help me be a little less worried about finances. +1 for the day...
ps-i really appreciate the advice given on previous entries. it truly helped
Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
always love me some four finger five. i remember getting sufficiently buzzed at one of their shows at founders and listening to this song and dancing my fool head off. which is sad, because i'm really a spectacularly terrible dancer. i apologize to whoever may have been forced to endure it.
I can't even explain it, it's too long and it makes me too disappointed in myself.
The only thing in life that made me feel good about myself and accomplished and hopeful for the future was speech pathology, and i've slowly just majorly fucked it all up.
i'm so lost, i wish i could turn back time and do things differently but i know it can't. and i'm too ashamed to admit all the wrong/bad i've done in school and with potential letters of rec. from professors that are on the admissions board. i'm an idiot and i feel like i've lost all that i worked for.
