:: 2006 28 April :: 12.33 am

so. i'm going home tomorrow. blah blah blah. everyone is always like I can't believe how fast this all went! And I'm all, you weren't thinking that when you were in Hispanic Culture. It's gone by all normal. That's it. I don't know.

But I do know one this. This year has been fucking awesome. Not saying that I haven't been down, but for the most part. I'm in love with this place. Sure, Kalamazoo has a higher murder rate than Detroit. And a higher STD rate than the whole state of Michigan. And we live on a hill. But it's still a really diverse and fun place. This campus is amazing. I don't even care that I live in the Valley and I"m disconected from main campus.

This place is beautiful in the springtime. With the pond and the geese and the fountains and the blue sky. AMAAAZZZINNNG. There are flowers all over the place. I walk around and listen to my Ipod and I just want to sing and dance and hug strangers. Or at least smile real big.

And the people! OH! I was overwhelmed at first and nervous and my eyes were tired, but now. . . This valley has more people in it than high school. And even though it's really loud and I hate all the drinking that goes on, there's other cool stuff going on too. I've never met so many great and fun and openminded people. It's mind boggling. Fucking nuts. And you end up getting so close to a person when you share 14 feet of living space.

And all the stuffed I've learned. I feel so smart sometimes. High school was a horror story inside of a monster. I feel so big here. Like I'm about to burst at the seems at any moment. It's the best feeling. I don't even know where to begin with all that I'm feeling. It's like I'm leaving summer camp, but it's much bigger than that.

I love Jenna. She's too awesome, and I'm gonna miss her soooo much. And then there's everyone else that i've made friends with. It's so cool. You don't ever not have anyone to talk to or see. I'm going to miss them a whole lot. This is such a cool community. Just my side of the building is. . .great. sigh.

Plus all of this has made me closer to Jake. We're so much stronger now. I love love love love love love love him.

I had an amazing job, which almost hurts more to leave than school. I love my kids. I can go on for hours about the reasons why preschoolers are the best people on the planet. There so honest and so sweet. Even the naughty ones. And they have no idea about anything. The world exsists for them and that's it. But you can still mold them and love them. ahhhh.

It just feels so fucking sweet. I know what I want to do with my life, I'm crap my pants happy and I know I'm not done growing up. But I'm going to live my life before I do all this settling down business. I feel very mature and very excited about my sweet life. I'm not going to be the girl from cedar anymore.

I'm Sarah Ruth Cohen. And I'm awesome.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 25 April :: 9.51 pm

okokokokokokokok.

spanish exam. done over. yay. good. piano exam tommorrow and then i'm basically done. i just have to do my online human sexuality exam clean my stuff up and make out with jenna. that's it.

THEN ON TUESDAY I START MY NEW JOBBBIE! yay for me! and thanks JESSICA WILDE. no we're gonna see each other all the time. maybe we'll go out and get crunked after work. ha hahahahahah.

tomorrow i'm having a dance party with the peepers
that'll be sweet.

i'm so burned out right now. like i've never even been so weary. ugh. i almost lost my patience today with the kids. only one more day.

at least i got to eat lemons for dinner. and i got a free sensual massage. good times.

6 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 24 April :: 8.10 pm

okay. one exam down. only two days left at Arcadia. sad sad.

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 19 April :: 10.03 pm

Oh my gosh. Best night ever!

Sarah Weddington is probably the most awesome person on the whole planet. I think I'll have to be an official femminst in her honor.

seriously. nicest person ever.

and i never thought that much about abortion before. i never was emotional about it anyway.

so this is what i think: stay the fuck away from my uterus.

if i had the oppurtunity to move to canada and jake would come with me i'd be gone in a heartbeat. this country is moving backwards and i'm not going with it.

ps-jessica benzer, she compared fighting the pro-choice fight to LOTR.

5 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 15 April :: 10.15 am

is there any way to make this all go away? i just want to be happy and actually hold on to that. i just feel any motivation and good feelings ebbing way.

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 13 April :: 11.37 am

so i'm back and badder than ever. i know that isn't even correct, but i mean that i'm a bad-ass. you know how i roll.

i'm not even fully functional and i'm still badder than you. i can't even walk up stairs and i'm such an m-fing baddy mcbadderson sack.

also i can't sleep. freaking a. i went to bed at 10:30. didn't fall asleep til almost one woke up again at 4:30 to read and then woke up again at 6:40 to go to menards and fill out an app. i'm a monster. then i helped jake jump start his car and drove all the way to the zoo and didn't pass out. then i dragged my bag upstairs without any help.

you can't even touch me.

i miss jenna and i don't know where she is and my belly hurts and i'm hungry. and i don't want to put pants on.

okay and these people owe me:
Chris Best-One Georgia Book
Jessica Wilde-Ditto (sorry I keep nagging, I just love my little bookies)
Travis Macdonald-How to Survive the Loss of a Love (I know you don't even read this, but it's not called how to survive the loss of a book) IF ANYONE COMES IN CONTACT WITH THIS CHILD OR HIS TWIN SHOULD NOTIFY HIM OF MY ANGER.
Biondi-The Diary of Marie Antoinette.

That is all.

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 9 April :: 11.18 pm

two days till i go under the knife. i'm trying to tell myself not to be scared, but i am.

oh the other side though. school is almost done. i don't really know if that's a good thing. i get to lose more friends. yay. and i still don't have a job.

why am i so unhireable? seriously. i don't know if you know this, but i'm kind of a big deal. but fer rel though. i like working and i'm smart and responsible and i have good references. i also have experience. i don't say this much

but what the fuck?
i was harassed at my last job and i had to fucking quit, i didn't even call osha or anything. no one even tried to convince me to stay and make them behave. and those guys didn't get fired or in trouble. and then no one would hire me.

i'm blaming cedar springs for this. it's forever tainted my life.

FUCK YOU CEDAR FUCKING SUCKING SPRINGS.

6 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 6 April :: 11.33 pm

am i ever going to stop being such a child? why can't i just stop it? or be calmer or not such a hugh bitch.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 5 April :: 12.26 pm

working in a group gives me the mega droop.

yeah i said it.

and piano is so painful that i think it's making me stupid.

fer real though. i only have like three weeks left of school. that's cool. i'm don't with my oral exam in spanish. annnndddd.

i'm frustrated.

5 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 2 April :: 5.49 am

i don't know how i feel about going to bed right now. i had a really fun night. and i'm just thinking about all the cool stuff i'm going to do next year and it's making me tres 'appy.

here's a short list
inturmural soccer
volenteering at the kalamazoo psychiatric hos.
being able to go to the SRC
dsk more
outspoken-maybe a real member this time
social work stuff
hopefully arcadia again
big sisters
gilmore stuff
getting one of my minors
make a wish club with jenna
doing welcome week or orientation or being an RA

i'm gonna be living with meghan and i don't have any not so suite mates. aaaaannnnddd. i have a really cute boyfriend.


what a nice nice nice life.

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 1 April :: 10.45 am

okay okay okay.

my papel is all turned in. not up to the minimum length requirement. but there's only so much stuff you can make up about biculturalism.

so now i have to practice piano. yuck. i really hate piano with my whole soul.

and i have an oral exam on tuesday por espanol. yee haw.

jenna's gone and that makes me sad. i think i'm going to have to sew her to my body. that sounds nice. and not creepy at all.

what else do i have to do?

i have dsk tonight. i'll be driving for the first time.

and i have to take down all the posters of Mr. Golden Sun because they're making my heart ache.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 30 March :: 8.02 pm

you may not know this, but my humps is a good song to walk to if you're late for class and live two miles away.

11 minutes suckas. eat it.

7 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 29 March :: 2.23 pm
:: Music: eisley

4 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 26 March :: 5.03 pm

sprialing into hopelessness. i need a nap. i need a break. i need motivation and a good cry.

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 25 March :: 12.10 am

the more time passes, the more devestated i feel.
i just keep reliving that moment and it's the worst feeling i've ever had.

a child is dead and you keep telling me to get over it. it doesn't matter that i didn't know him for very long. kids take a lot less time to love. i don't know how to get over it. i don't know how to make it stop hurting.

i see his face. i see the car. i see the woman driving without her license. and i see the young mother who doesn't know what to do. and i hate this place. this world.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 18 March :: 1.23 pm

at least i'm doing something for phillip. i can't sit around and be sad.

i miss him though.

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 15 March :: 5.29 pm

nothing feels right. i'm doing normal things. i'm hearing normal things.

but phillip is dead and gone. and he was only four. and he was so smart and funny and beautiful. i always thought when phillip grows up he's going to be so cute. no. i don't know what to do. i don't want to do depressing things. i don't want to cry. but everything is so shakey.

nothing else is even important today. i love the peepers more than ever.

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 13 March :: 1.02 pm
:: Music: jack's mannequin-the mixed tape

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 10 March :: 12.04 am

You are a Social Liberal (61% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (10% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Watcha got there?

:: 2006 6 March :: 10.25 pm

i've done a good jorb todizzle.

i applied at walgreens, bed bath and beyond and hollister. and also i'm going to volonteer at the hospital.

yay yay ya yaya.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 6 March :: 3.10 pm

not unhappy. just disapointed.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 26 February :: 1.21 pm

i've gone completly off my gord.

but seriously? fucking sheets?

i feel like such a waste sometimes. and also a psycho. i don't know. i need to start voulunteering or something. or maybe declare my major. hmmpt.

i want to work this week. i fianally got Gabe and Adayja to start talking. And i got Paigen to do her tasks. uuuuggggggggg.

4 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 22 February :: 11.24 am

i don't know why everyone has to be so ridiculous, but they are.

on monday i had this hispanic culture midterm and i knew it was going to be hard. but not so stupid. okay. so we talked a lot about cuba and this movie we watched and i read about two million things about
puerto rico
i love lucy
the mexican revolution
the treaty of guadalupe hidalgo
the spanish american war
the cuban revolution
the bay of pigs/cuban missile crisis
dominican republic
honduras
guatamala
columbia
san salvador
hipanic television-english and spanish
hispanic politics
the rafters
the cuban adjustment act of 1966
the jones act
the foraker act
braceros
repatriation

so i had to know all this stuff. i went to every class. i participated. i read the texts. did well on the pop quizzes. everything.

did we get a study guide?

no.

did we talk about a movie that wasn't on the midterm instead of reviewing like she promised?

yes.

and you know what's on this seven question essay test?

what is a chicano?

an obscrure little detail that i vaugley remember talking about like the second day of class. and she goes on and on about how we talked about it so much and blah blah blah and its origins. and everyone's like no way, we didn't talk about it that much. even the people who knew what it was guessed.

i just don't understand how i could filter all that information when the test only had seven questions and i had no clue what they could be about.

7 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 12 February :: 5.28 pm

I've been thinking. This weekend was really really great. I've got a cyst on my ovary, but that's okay.

But I'm realizing this. I hate drinking and drugs. It's all so stupid. And I'm not just saying that because I've never tried it. But I really do think it ruins things. When I'm drunk I get in trouble or I cry or I think I'm dying. When I'm sober and see drunk people I think, "what's the point?" And I'm always uncomfortable at parties where people are drinking. They scare me and it's boring. Everyone acts so stupid. Plus it's illegal and can get you into all kinds of trouble. People who are allowed to drink get used by people who are younger. Then there are the people who keep me up all night because it's Thirstly Thursday. I like sleeping. I don't like hearing your gangsta rap coming down the pipe at three in the morning while you sing along. I don't like finding girls passed out in front of their doors. I don't like people thinking I"m weird when I decide that tonight is not a good idea.

And I'm all for making weed legal, just so we can stop wasting time and money. The war on drugs seems like it's mostly bullshit. It could be regulated and people could actually make a profit without getting in trouble. But I know it's more complicated than that and also probably too late, but it would be a nice birthday present. As of now, it's screwing up my family, and it's the most horrible thing. Don't tell me that I'm wrong. I'm just so sick and tired. It's breaking my heart.

5 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 8 February :: 4.12 pm

this morning had so much promise.

doughnuts, sausage and strawberries.
but my piano teacher is hella crazy and scary.

and also i have a sore throat, mr. aleman makes me really mad and so does sarra b. ug.

and i'm sick again. it's been two years.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 6 February :: 9.03 am

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late
too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.



this kind of friendship is too good to let go. we just had a thin part and we're used to being so thick.

i love you.

8 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 28 January :: 2.14 pm

ho hum pigs bum.

that was stupid. whatever.

it's bien though. muy bien.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2006 23 January :: 12.25 pm

brokeback mountain. real downer. i couldn't sleep last night. i was that upset. i'm sill kind of in a funk about it.

i needs me peepers.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2005 29 December :: 6.04 pm

ha hahahahahahhahahhahhahahahahaha.

*glowing. lala la la allalalalalal

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2005 16 December :: 11.13 pm
:: Music: pashing mumpkins-garewell and foodnight

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?