Great Neptune's Ghost!

:: 2004 11 June :: 6.20 pm

I've been dumped. Or pushed aside until July. I'm not sure yet.

But someone put an offer on the house.

:: 2004 10 June :: 9.48 pm
:: Mood: dreading
:: Music: smashing pumpkins-here is no why

I don't understand.

But mom yelled at me because I was beating my dresser to death. And then I got the door involved.

It's not like I'm going to sleep. I'm so nervous and an angry. This is the last time though. That is my promise. I won't go through it again.

5 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2004 10 June :: 8.56 pm

When have people even paid enough attention to me to even notice a change?

:: 2004 9 June :: 5.26 pm

So I guess today is National Tell Sarah You're Coming Over and Then Not Day.

I'm okay though. We're going to fix things. And obviously my love of Bosco Sticks and books is greater than my sadness.

friday friday friday friday friday.

ipromiseipromise

:: 2004 7 June :: 9.10 pm
:: Mood: unraveled
:: Music: smasking pumkinds-farewell and goodnight

I'm making myself so nervous.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

:: 2004 7 June :: 6.32 pm
:: Music: smashing pumpkins-zero

I'm going to be a terrible mother. reading. yes. playing spiders? no thanks. you falling asleep because i'm not paying attention to you? right on.

and hello little monster pervert you make me shake. you are my number one fear. and i'm not planning on crying now so i'm not going to. pretend pretend.

AND?!!!!! this feeling of being exiled. it can't be helped. please...come back. thursday?

and now i feel better about my not liking big j very much. and not wanting to die for him. and feeling like a stubborn child when i thought that.

:: 2004 6 June :: 9.23 pm
:: Mood: wizard!
:: Music: smashing pumpkins-to shiela

It's such a shame.

And I have no intention of honoring that promise.

ache ache.

:: 2004 5 June :: 11.11 pm
:: Mood: weak
:: Music: smashing pumpkings-luna

A few days ago it was my arms. Now tonight it's my stomach. It's going to fall out and I'm going to vomit through my eyes.

and a tommy bug? i yelled at it.

there are also bleach burns. alligator girl.

:: 2004 4 June :: 9.47 pm
:: Music: today-smashing pumpkins

It was like there was no air in my lungs. Not like I couldn't breath, but like I didn't need to.

anxiously calm feeling and that terrible smile.

:: 2004 3 June :: 3.48 pm
:: Music: today

I wanted one thing today. And now I have anger tears.

:: 2004 1 June :: 9.21 pm
:: Music: lilly-smashing pumpkins

feeling just as bad. worse even. that was a bad idea, now i only feel rejected and resented and disapointed. always disapointed. and now there is nothing to do about it except wait for thursday.

oh, you might show up. how reassuring is that? none.

your mind skips over the ugly parts.

:: 2004 1 June :: 6.33 pm

My God. I'm ready to burst.

because boys are so stupid.

and i don't want to do my history.

:: 2004 1 June :: 4.16 pm

Hardest Class: Like most challanging acedemically? Cause all my classes were near unbearable. But most difficult was algebra until second semester and then I would say AP because it's the only class I had to do any work in.
Easiest Class: Spanish probably. But it is the most annoying
Funnest Class: AP
Best Teacher: Mr. Norkus, the epitome of hot
Worst Teacher: Until last week, Ms. Eilola.
Best Grade: I think at one point I had 113% in Spanish
Worse Grade: Algebra, but now I have 100% thanks to Miranda
Boring/Fun lunch: It's kind of boring even though Gangles is funny, but most things are boring.
Detentions: zilch
Best Game: um no? Wait, probably that hockey game my dad took me to or that basketball game where we left pep band early...and the pose game was fun
Worst Game: That one in Remus
Funnest Dance: Homecoming
Newest Friend: I've made a lot of friends who I was friends with, but got closer to, but I'll say Little Matt
Oldest Friend: Amy
Favorite Memory: Mr. Greene trying to give me the heimlich or anything to do with jess, becca, or hilary
Embarassing Memory: Maybe Little Matt seriously thinking I'm bi. But that's funny. Or anytime Ms E. yelled at me.
Worse Memory: Concert band or last week when I left my purse in English and didn't get bosco sticks, or any time that they ran out of food and I almost cried.
Best School Meal: Bosco sticks and stuffed crust pizza!!!!!
Worst School Meal: wet burritos, chips and cheese
Best Decision: Leaving
Biggest Regret: getting seared salomon at 1913 Room
Biggest Concern: Mr. D-bag
Smallest Concern: nothing
Friend you wish you still had: hmm
Friend that you are glad you dont have: also, hmmm
Spring Break/Winter Break: I don't remember Winter break very vividly except that Christmas was beyond crap. Spring Break was cool away from cedar dumbs.
Best boyfriend/girlfriend: caleb
Worst boyfriend/girlfriend: caleb
Biggest Fight: No fights, just things.
What was it about: General meaness
Coolest Trend: wearing your underwear outside your pants? cause that would be neat.
Dumbest Trend: probably...all the really ugly people, not to mention dumb.
Good/Bad Year: very fine
Rate it 1-10 (10 best): nine with a side of meat

:: 2004 1 June :: 4.11 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: the smashing pumpkins-farewell and goodnight

Sometimes there is a pang. It's true. But at least I'm free. But it certainly wasn't dumb. And it wasn't sudden. Some of us just failed to read the signs.

But on the other foot, where are YOU? I miss your d-bag face. Hopefully Upperville didn't take you back. Eh?

:: 2004 20 May :: 10.25 pm

i feel like i'm drowning.

:: 2004 20 May :: 9.06 pm

BOO!

BOYS!

YUCK!

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2004 20 May :: 8.56 pm

I can't believe this. Walker Strikes Again. A-ron totally beat the school pole-vault record and then he set his own. Plus A-ron did wrestling and soccer and he's totally a fast runner. And Walker still beat him. But A-ron is just going to have to learn. They win at everything. They're mutants. Or Jesus loves them. Or both.

And it sucks even more because unlike me A-ron is not mediocre. He's good at everything. Music, skateboarding, school, sports, being funny and well liked. He really deserves something for being so cool.

:: 2004 19 May :: 9.06 pm
:: Mood: glad
:: Music: alice's resturant

I think I've been upset since last Friday and I'm finally feeling better. For real. I think.

Cause I've got something really happy to add to the memory bank.

Being a shameful minx is not over though. I need that.

:: 2004 17 May :: 6.38 pm
:: Mood: diggin' it
:: Music: lady in stupid

It's so tragic. But alluring.

I can't help it, have you seen the shoes? Or the everything?

In France this would all be acceptable.

No, wait. Boys are dumb. Real real dumb.

:: 2004 17 May :: 12.08 am
:: Mood: anxious

I'm a feeling a little bit ill.

8 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?

:: 2004 13 May :: 9.15 pm

Food that is unacceptable:
Mustard
Meatballs
Spaghetti
Lasana
Ham
Pork
Carrots raw or cooked
Celery
Green Beans
Lettuce
Pinapple
Peaches
Hot wings
anything bbqed except chips
chips
mushrooms
beans
oatmeal
lobster
salmon
tomato
peppers
ketchup
bread and butter pickles
cream cheese
grape jelly
wheat bread
kiwi
banana
troy
eggs
pancakes
mayo
swiss cheese
bleu cheese
yougurt
mac and cheese
any melon
milk
radishes
pumpkin pie
cranberry
turkey
scalloped potatos
matzo ball soup
baked chicken
cake
shells
goolash
chilli
fruity pebbles
squash
panela
ice cream
ochata
oysters
sweet and sour
relish
broccoli
chocolate chip cookies
soup

Good Food:
Pizza
Honey Combs
Reeses Puffs
Candy
Oranges (mandrin or clementine)
Strawberries
Rasberries
Lemons
Gold Fish
Bosco Sticks
Ravioli
Breaded Chicken
Mashed Potatos
Feta Cheese
Onions
Peanut Butter
Marshmallows
Ranch
Cheese Its
chinese buffet
imitation crab meat
fried fish
duck
lemon ice
slushies

*updated periodically

:: 2004 12 May :: 10.12 pm
:: Music: shaggy-it wasn't me

the opposite of mustard is....ketchup?

i'm not sure, but i do know that they both inhabit the world of gross.

and it's very sad that i'm not more popular with all my wit and such. i guess i'm just a hidden treasure.

and i'm too small to give blood my mom says. whatever. i show her freaking little. i'm almost 5'3".

and i've been reading some of my journal from this year and i guess we've been on the verge of break up all year. so i guess i shouldn't anymore worry because it's obviously me just being nerotic.

:: 2004 12 May :: 9.49 pm

It's funny.

The hypothetical thing that I brought up and made you angry is happening and I didn't even actually do anything.

Neat.

:: 2004 11 May :: 9.46 pm

Stupid momsy. You play the guilt card well.

:: 2004 10 May :: 8.57 pm

Furthermore, my mom is so digusted with my decision to spare my feelings that she couldn't bear to look at my cowardly face anymore.

and i don't want to take a shower. it seems like it's too much effort right now as i'm so distressed with my exploits in the world of idiots.

i'm so much better than this.

:: 2004 10 May :: 8.52 pm

this is an ambiguous journal entry.

:: 2004 9 May :: 10.31 pm

i really messed up.

stupid.

i need my jab and her lbj.

:: 2004 8 May :: 11.24 pm

Act your age: to be or not to be...17
Born on what day of the week: monday 12:22
Chore you hate: mopping
Dad's name: bruce
Essentail make-up item: mascara, as of last week.
Favorite actors/actresses: adam sandler, jack black, ewan mcgregor
Gold or sliver: silver
Hometown: cedar springgggs
Instruments you play: clarinet and tuba
Job title: pizzaist
Kids: CHILDREN!
Living arrangements: momma romma
Mom's name: suzie
Number of socks you own: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Overnight hospital stays: the days after my joyus birth probably, while the citizens were our proclaiming the event
Phobia: naked people or public speaking
Quote you like: "Having kids made me wish I had stayed a virgin" Actually, it's the only funny one I can think of right now
Religious affiliation: trying to talk myself out of it daily
Siblings: a-ron d is the only one for me
Time you woke up today: 10 ish and then i saw the lovely face of jab. but then i smelled her and...it was rank
Unusual habits: i like to read magazines starting from the last page and then getting to the begining
Vicious thing you've done: i broke one of my toys because my mom wouldn't let me spend the night at amy's
Worst habit: sulking and being a brat and telling the same story over and over and probably spending too much money
X-rays you've had: they didn't want to take one cause i was having my period
Your favorite season: summer
Zodiac sign: a to the q to the u to the a to the r to the i to the a to the n

[the alphabet survey] brought to you by BZOINK!

:: 2004 8 May :: 10.42 pm
:: Music: joss stone-dirty man

that's it. i really have to not do that thing.