:: 2004 25 June :: 10.33 pm

Hey hey...whats up? nuthin too much here...I am babysitting.....untill like 11- 11:30....*YAWN* I swore I would nvr babysit for them ever agen, juss bc I was underpaid here....but looks like i broke my promice! hmm...oh well...I love their kids....speacially Hannah...shes cool for a 9 yr old! lol

Lisa, Jeff asked about u...he says hi.....(he juss wanted to know if I hung out with u...dont get freeked, he asked bout Meana too)

So, Sarah, I couldnt call todd today...i got off line and went to sleep, and then when i woke up i ahd 5 min to get ready to come here.....sorry, i will tomaro, honest....I really <3 the 2nd part to ur dream...I agree, it would be sooooooo cool if that happend...but yeah right, 1. we r too young...2. he has a gf 3. he doesnt like me 4. its kinda hard to go from san antonio to fl in so lil time lol.....

urgh, i wanna leave, juss bc i want to sleep....I have to get up really early, like 7 to babysit tomaro morning.....yikes! oh well, ill at least have money to go shopping tomaro with Lauren...this should be fun....her and Caleb broke up...and it'll take her mind off of stuff...and then we r going to teen night (oh yeah, we're cool now lol) so yeah, i hope she has a good time....well, I gotta go, Hannah is scared....so i will w/m/l....

<<3

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 25 June :: 2.02 pm

The yellow part...dedikated....agen...to "Benny"
How Come
by D12
[Eminem]

How Come.. we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
and I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grapevine.. We even Beefin Now
After all the years we been down.. aint no way no how
This bullshit cant be true
We Family.. aint a damn thing changed.. unless its you!

We were so young
So full of life and vibrance
side by side, wherever you was riding, I went
So close, almost on some bonnie and clyde shit
When Ronnie died you was right by my side
with a shoulder to cry on and tissue to wipe my eyes
and a bucket to catch ever tear I cried inside it.
You even had the same type of childhood I did..
sometimes I just wanna know why is it that you succaim to yours
and mine I survived it. You ran the streets, I 9 to 5ed it
we grew up, grew apart as time went by us..
and I blew up to both yours and mines surprises.
Now I feel a vibe I just cant describe it
much as your pride tries to hide it. you're cold
your touch is just like ice.
And your eyes is a look of resentment.
I can sense it and I dont like it.

How Come.. we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We don't barely keep in touch at all
and I don't even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grapevine.. We even Beefin Now
After all the years we been down.. aint no way no how
This bullshit cant be true
We Family.. aint a damn thing changed.. unless its you!

[Kon Artis]

It was my dream at first to be off spitting a verse
on my own album with a deal but shit got worse
fore I came out I woulda killed a nigga first
for I let him disrespect me, or check me over some
worthless bitch that I wasnt with
I woulda hit it and quit
but you were fitting to talk with her and tell her she was the shit
I told you dont get involved with her
you would smoke in the car with her
coming outta the bar with her
stumbling half drunk
like you were husband and wife or somethin
but me catching her fuckin other niggas musta hurt your pride or something
cause you were openin your mouth to people like you wanted with me.
when all I tried to do was show that your bitch was shifty.
And every sister, fares and all the shit that I produced
you acting like I aint your man and lying like she cant be loose.
But I am really your friend, I'm just trying to tell ya the truth.
Dont hate the game or the player
the one thats changing is you.

[Eminen]

How Come.. we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
and I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grapevine.. We even Beefin Now
After all the years we been down.. aint no way no how
This bullshit cant be true
We Family.. aint a damn thing changed.. unless its you!

[Proof]

Its gets lonely at the top cause my homie had to stop
now we acting like I gotta live only for the block.
And homies in the hood only see me on the tube
So they gossip on the porch
Get ta speaking all rude. fools I used to rap wit all expect magic
like my finger get to snappin
and poof it just happen.
But proof is just acting out the part he was thrown,
shady made it so my babies aint starving at home.
See the devil in your glance,
since the ghetto we been friends, forever real intellegence,
thats forever till the end.
I peep the hatred in your eyes, and the satan in your lies,
aint wasting my time with these snakes in disguise.
(HOW COME) When you talk it's with bitter and spite?
(AND HOW COME) It's my fault for what you did with your life?
And everytime I go to hear you play, you look away,
we barely embrace, you cant even look me in my face.

[Eminem]

How Come.. we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
and I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grapevine.. We even Beefin Now
After all the years we been down.. aint no way no how
This bullshit cant be true
We Family.. aint a damn thing changed.. unless its you!

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 25 June :: 1.59 pm

Hey, I'll prolly be updating alot today, so get used to it.....I found (well, i heard it awhile ago....but juss REALLY listend to it yesterday......) a song that is really sad...and parts of it (the yellow parts) are for "benny".

Broken
by Amy Lee

Album :
Submitted by : KK
Corrected by :


I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

YoU

:: 2004 25 June :: 1.20 pm

hey...Im bored......juss tlkin to Mitch and Uhh_lease...its kinda funny, but sad at the same time...me n Uhh_lease r tlking botu "benny" and me n Mitch are talking about his Million doller house...I am going to visit him in his million doller house thats in his dream place...Indianapolis, and I have to strap my hot tub on the top of my car....that'll b funny...hah, could u imagine a car with a hot tob on the top of it goin down the high way?!!?!? specially...like pops's car! ahh...wow, funniez!!!!! wow, that would be great...specially if it was filled...ahhh,that would be cool, then I would like climb up on top of my car and sit in it!!!! whoo, whose cool now......lol...well, yeah Im gonna go....

YoU

:: 2004 25 June :: 12.45 pm

i forgot something when I was writing about Todd's
ah, to make things WORSE...Chris and Jessica are going to Canada together in her cabin :'(....but we all decided....well, more like m n Chris, the me todd, him n jessica are gonna get a hotel and go to Busche gardens or sumthin together.....:0(

YoU

:: 2004 25 June :: 12.09 pm

hey, so yeah, i had another weird dream last night::

me, Leanne, Christina and Mallory and we were swimming in Napels at my time share thing and we were layin on some really hott guys car...and we decided to go walk to this camp thing....but Ms. Lynn (of all ppl..lol, Kelsey, u know what I mean when I say "ahh") showed up and said mal leanne n christina couldnt stay with me even with parental cosent, but they did ne ways....so, we got to the stairs and this really hott kid who looked a bit like jonathon gave me a peice of gum and i stuffed the wrapper in my back poket and hes like "woah thats sooo hott! will u marry me" and i was like ok and we walked to the camp and saw Jonathon and Shane....and we hung out with them...well, kinda, like, my husband ditched me to make out with some chik, Shane and this kid Sean (from degrassi lol) were messin on some girls ass, Jonathon was off messin with some some fat chiks boobs juss bc they were big...and while everyone was doin w/e they were doin, the kept looking at me, like as if to c if it was ok....now, I have no idea where everyone else was, but I was the only girl

lol, sorry, I have THE weirdest dreams....(Leanne, and Matt I know u miss them)

YoU

:: 2004 24 June :: 11.00 pm

quote
"I never said Family dont break up. Dont u watch Opra?" - Major Payne to Turd

YoU

:: 2004 24 June :: 9.22 pm

ahh, i forgot to write sumthin!!!!
ok, last night I had a dream about me n Robert (Schultz)....ok, my friends rented a hotel next to his...and we didnt know each other really....but in a sence, we did....and since we didnt get to kiss at the play......we kissed while we r tubbing....and me n Leanne know how hard it is to move when ya tube...so we were skilled...and we juss hung out, and our friends hung out, and we juss made out for for ever.....

and the only reason this dream is weird, is bc the night b4 I had a dream a lil bit like this:

me, matt, and our friends were hanging out in a bathroom, and everyone was watching everyone else piss....and then, it turned into a park, and me n matt were all over each other untill the Coke guy came and gave us C2's (the new coke with half the calories or w/e lol) and then he called me over so he could give me a kiss, but as i was walking over, I woke up :'( lol...


k, that juss hsows that I REALLY miss them :'( I cant wait untill the new skate park opens up in Cape Coral bc Matt said he'll be hanging out here more....and i can c him more often

YoU

:: 2004 24 June :: 8.43 pm

ok, so I was at Todd's today....it was OK I guess....nothing really happend, I got there EARLY at like 9:30, and we watched TV untill 1:00 and then we went to the movies, and saw "The Terminal"...it was REALLY good.then we came back, went online, went to get Chris...and came back...o that was fun...NOT....bc I was depressed most of the day...bc I listened to "If ur not the one" by Daniel Beddingfeild, and that song ALWAYS makes em sad...and I kinda got happy when Chris was there bc he can ALWAYS make me laugh.....which isnt neccesarily good.....so yeah...we juss hung out, and i "cried" and they tried cheering me up.....kinda worked, and then we listend to music the rest of the night........well, thats about it...Im still really depressed bc seeing Chris always makes me sooo sad, bc 1) it reminds me when times were good for me...2) it reminds me of when he liked me and I liked him...3) al he tlks about is how much he likes Jessica....

juss stufff......
Sarah- Todd isnt going to be here when u come bc he is going to Ohio with Chris....
and the whole comment thingy in ur journal...its true....I was thinking about what u said to me and how u said it, and i started crying on the phone last night, both on the phone and off....but it wasnt loud bc I didnt want u to hear me......but I love u, and u have no idea how bad it hurts to hear u say ur cutting urself........I've never really been in the position where my best friend cuts her self instead of me and it hurts ME....I mean, there is always Leanne....but that was all so different...this is something I dont know how to deal with or help u really......but Ill always try bc I dont want u to do stuff like this, specially if its juss cuz ur board....! well, i gotta go, so I will ttul.....<<3

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 23 June :: 10.12 pm

hey, so I juss got done with my hair...my dad doesnt like it, but my brother does....my mom...eh...Heather is loaning me one of her 6 TVs.......lol......oh well, godm this girl...shes rich!!!!!!! and Im like....not! she prolly has like 10 computors too!k, well, for u ppl who dont know......I dyed my hair black...it looks really good......so, im gonna go bc my mommy is being a bia...and i smell chineese!

YoU

:: 2004 23 June :: 7.36 pm

MORE memories...
Sarah- 13: "WHY'S THE RUM GONE?!?"...wow, that was really funny, i didnt relize that she was tlking bout the movie and todd started sayin it too, and I didnt get it....
Opera music sux! me tellin my mom how crazy Sarah was one of the first times we tlked bc she was tryin to get me to laugh...
and the one night that we were all talking on the phone me todd and sarah and she just kept on laughing and laughing...
when sarah couldnt get out of her shirt....

Sean- us playing doctor..lol, that was quite funny...hanging out at the movies....Michael Jackson.....him being under neeth me n Meanas bed tryin to scare us....

Todd's House- duh....;-) he knows what I am talking about....his bday "party" going to his gparents..... him n Chris fighting over the ditch.....

Chris's- his action figures....swimming...playin with his sisters.....me n todd "takin a shower toghether", the duck BJ, taking over Chris's bed.

YoU

:: 2004 23 June :: 7.24 pm

more memories.....
Kelsey- RTU! lol, keeping us up all night....gr!!! lol...uhm, when ever she gets giggly...y'all DONT wanna see her when she gets like that!!! lol...

the Mall- going with Chris and Todd....kissing chris by the fountain....going outside and hanging out with all Todd's friends....him n Meana snuggling bc it was cold...me n Chris doin the same thing....going with Alex, Chris, Kirk, and Justin...meeting joe.....meeting Danielle....going w/ Tim, Jenna, Meana, Lexie and Lisa...

Lisa's hosue- her party, walking to albertsons, spending the night there, funny monkey party, going to Tim's, gettin ready for everything, hanging out,burning CD's......

ne more memories? comment

2 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 23 June :: 5.39 pm

Hey....I was thinking earlier today (I didn't hurt my self, dont worry) about how I wish that I could go back and redo some things....
Like, When we were @ the play @ FMHS, and I had the chance to kiss Robert, but I didnt.....I wish I could've now.....
that note I gave to chris....I shouldn't have
The day after the movies (when Chris ignored me the whole night,) when I went to Target and Chris came up to me and I told him I didnt know him...when I should Have walked away, and then pulled him back and said Im sorry, but now u know what it feels like to be ignored...it hurts, and last night hurt me..
etc...ya know?
and now I feel bad bc I was looking at pictures and I found one of this kid...we'll call him "Sean" and I looked at him, and I relized, he is really hott, and always making me laugh...do I have a thing for him? and if I do....then I gave a problem, bc so does my friend...but then agen....it's like I dont, bc I like Todd and "Benny" and I dont wanna like ne more than two ppl.......bc it causes havoc....


Sorry yall...I have been having these lil thinking sessions with my self....and sometimes, they really make me think...and Ill start to cry......well, i gotta go, bc I have other things to do...naw, juss messin....I juss have to put my contact in adn later I am diein my hair

YoU

:: 2004 23 June :: 11.41 am

Hey....I've been grounded for the past two days from the computor.....not fun....I've been soo bored! ok, so Monday, i did nothing but bitch at my mom and get my ass in truoble...and I went to ezcape @ church...that was fun..we played a bunch of games, and I had to kiss a fish......and I was soaked and the church was freezing and austin kept makin fun of me, so i sat on him and got him wet...and I almost left with his hat....we both 4 got i had it on......hm, o well....yesterday, I was on the phone with Sarah from like ten till twelve thirty...... and I babysat at my aunts...and ran around the city for a while......Now, I really want a pop tart! but alex wont gimme one :-( uhm....I am gonna go to wal greens soon to get hair dye....Im dieing it black...I hope it looks good....hmmmm, idk tho! well...im gonan go im super bored and my ear hurts so yeah......buh byez

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 22 June :: 9.40 am

hey...yesterday was friggin crap man......i was grounded from my computor, we went to the Dr's, then to taco bell and i was gonna go shoppin n to the movies, but i pissed my mom off too bad....and so i juss came home n did w/e......2 day i get my pics bac...soo happy! hopefully these turned out better....so yeah, im not supposed to be online, so imma go....Sarah, call me 2night

YoU