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2004 8 November :: 11.06 pm
:: Music: Dragonforce!
Dragonforce'd
Wow...Jetrho Tull was simply amazing...they were everything I was expecting and more...Ian Anderson is still the crazy man I expected him to be...he still has the "nothing is sacred" attitude that I've read about and listened to...the only thing that would have made it better was if they had played either Thick as a Brick or Minsterel in the Gallery...but yeah, they played all of my favorites, including My God and Cheap Day's Return...they pretty much played the entire Aqualung ablum, except for Up to Me and Lick your Fingers clean...for their encore, they played Locomotive Breath and Wind Up...all of them had an amazing presence...the bassist was just plain creepy...the percussionist was real good...I am really glad I went, the seats were fine, Ian had a good time too...
Saturday, I just spent the day in the house, except for work...the LAN didn't happen for me, cause I wasn't feeling too well...oh well...Sunday, I did homework, and helped out on the Opera's strike...Logan was there, and helped out a little bit, before his parents came to pick him up...I stayed thereuntil 9:30, and we got quite a bit of work done...like Jackie said, most of the staff is new and inexperienced...a few of them were getting yelled at by Keith, which had go to be a little bit demoralizing...anyways, after the strike, I went to Joe's for a bit, and then onto home...I talked to Jax for a bit on the phone, and then went to bed...
There is a thing that has formed between Jax and Logan, and even though a lot of guff is being handed out to Jackie, I'm not one of them...I am wishing them the best of luck, and hope things work out for them...
While I was talking to Jax, she told me something that made me very, very angry...so angry, in fact, that the only time that really supercedes it is when my dad called Eileen earlier this summer...
On a lighter note, Jax also told me something that is extremely hilarious, and will be used later on as blackmail...hehe...
*innocent grin*
"I saw it end long before it ended
Life itself turned pale and ended
I saw you cry out acres of your image
Life itself does not heal me"
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 4 November :: 8.21 pm
It's been awhile...but this is the first update on the new machine! My, oh my, is it sweet...so lovely...lemme tell ya, the LAN this weekend is going to mess my pants...thatsa how sweet it is...and to top it off, I start this weekend with a big old JT concert...which is really, really cool...
I don't talk to Lauren as often as I'd like too anymore...I'm out too late, and she goes to bed too early...it really is a bummer...but when she leaves a hug for me when I return from work, that is lovely...cheers me up...
I also don't talk to Carmen as much as I used to, which is a really big pain...I miss it quite a bit...I wish I could talk to her as often as I would like to...but we haven't had a good conversation in a long time...maybe she's given up...I know I haven't...at least we're not fighting currently...I guess that is a plus...
I've been stopping by at the opera these nights, mainly to visit Jax...she is really bored, as the opera is so long...at least she has 118 cues, or whatever...and Douggie is the spotter, which is cool...yea...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 28 October :: 11.56 pm
:: Mood: doog yet again...
Great...I really am the problem...I can't seem to do anything except screw up more, and more, and more...it is unending...there is no use for guessing anymore, or hope...it is now knowledge what will surmount from anything tried...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 25 October :: 11.12 pm
Doog...
That what my life has become...doog...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 19 October :: 11.34 pm
It's funny how girl problems and a 2 hour trip bring people together...Props to Lauren and Joe to make it worth waking up again...
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 4 October :: 9.34 pm
:: Music: Spock's Beard
Well, as I said, I'd continue off...there really isn''t much more to say...Carmen performed well, as did the rest of the band...I walked with Carmen back to her dorm, and we talked for a little bit...and then I left...called Jax on the way home...found out today she would have liked to talk to me all the way to Otterbein, so she'd be sure I didn't fall asleep at the wheel anymore...pretty nice of her, eh? Anywho, made it home with pretty much zero trouble...
Sunday was boring, as I just worked on homework all day long...talked with Lauren quite a bit...speaking of home, she has not been online in a while...kind of a bummer, as I look forward to the time we can spend talking...
I'm making some new, good friends...such as Jax and Lauren...old friendships are growing back...I'm spending a huge amount of time hanging around with Freshman, which is kinda weird, as I never remember being talked to while I was a Freshman, by a Senior...Logan is a really cool, weird guy...he likes tagging along with me, which is pretty cool...comes to sit with me at football games, talks with me before the shows, etc. Katie is also pretty cool...actually, all of the Tuba frosh are cool, just in their own ways...Caitlynn is still a little distant, but hopefully that will change next time we go bowling (with the whole section, minus Loudan (who goes after the bar sluts), plus Joshie and Jax and Ross and even perhaps...)
Pretty good friends with MastaCait and Chelsey, and well, pretty much everybody...I'm not trying to brag, or anything, but there aren't too many people that I can't get along with...
Unfortunately, there are a few friendships that aren't exaclty what I had hoped they'd be...my whole relationship with Carmen has gone to the dogs...it is pretty much the same with Amanda, also...she is still sore about this summer, I can tell...I hurt her a lot, for which I am sorry...she didn't deserve any of it...
Quote (song) of the day:
"I don't want to be alone anymore,
Why can't I be somebody else?
Why must I see through these strange eyes?
I won't take too much of your time on the telephone,
Just me and the sunset sky along
Some kind of cloudburst in my mind
I'd like to leave it behind
But I can't get it wrong and I can't get it right
And I can't seem to get it at all tonight
It would help if you could see things through my eyes
If you tried could you see things through my eyes?
What is there in between anyway?
I'm dawn and you're dusk - we're night and day
But I think we could make it something good
How I wish that we could
But I can't get it wrong and I can't get it right
And I can't seem to get it at all tonight
It would help if you could see things through my eyes
If you can't understand how I'm feeling today
If you can't understand me, well that's o.k.
Still I think that you could see things through my eyes
If you tried you could see things through my eyes
If I could only open and hear what you say
I think this could all work out
Cause I can't get it wrong and I can't get it right
Man, I just want to get it all tonight
Yeah, I think that I could see things through your eyes
If you can't understand how I'm feeling today
If you can't understand me, well that's o.k.
Still I think that you could see things through my eyes
If you tried you could see things through my eyes"
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 3 October :: 11.40 pm
Well, contrary to the past few games, I actually had fun Friday nighit...before the game, Lauren and I decided that we should sit next to each other, to make it better for both of us...and guess what? It did...so I have a feeling this is who I will be sitting next to for the rest of the season...hopefully, that is...
After the game, I took Katie and Thomas to Al-Mar, and we bowled a few games...such great fun...power arm never fails...hehe...damn straight it doesn't...too bad the rest of the section couldn't come, but Amy had to take people home, Loudan goes clubbing, Joe disappeared, so did Caitylnn, and Logan was out of town...Jackie, however, showed up and hung out for about 15 minutes...I took Thomas home (taking a rather roundabout way) and then drove Katie home, making fun of the drunks and talking about silly freshman things...
Saturday, I woke up and went to work...went upstairs first, and indexed the damn WC graduation supplement, which took forever...I then went downstairs, where I spent most of the morning hoping Lauren would stop by...unfortunately, she did not have time to stop in...I did, however, get to talk to her for a while before I left for Otterbein, so that is good...spent most of the drive down to Otterbein talking with Jackie...it was the first time that I had mentioned to her my problems with Carmen...talking to her made me feel better, kind of...it also made me sick that I didn't talk to her earlier about this...it was pretty helpful...
...more later...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 30 September :: 7.20 am
I keep going back for more...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 28 September :: 1.57 pm
:: Mood: depressed...
It's unfortunate how things have come to pass between Carmen and I...it seems that no matter how much I loved her, things were not going to get any better...I thought they were going to...I hoped they would, I wanted them to...but it was causing her too much stress, and I don't want that...so maybe it's better that it played out this way, for her atleast...I'm left with two choices, one, to move on, or two, to hold onto the hope that someday she'll want to try again, and everything will be good...
Maybe if these next two months go better than the last has gone, choice two will look pretty possible...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
::
2004 26 September :: 6.28 pm
Look at this (from Justin's blog)
http://clamormagazine.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/mcbush.jpg
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 25 September :: 6.28 am
:: Mood: hrm...
So my mom is worried about me not sleeping much...its a good thing she doesn't know I get 2 hours of sleep a night and cry myself to sleep...then she'd really start to worry...
On a lighter note, we've decided that Logan no longer is just a mix of Doug and Fintel, but there is some Jason in there too, unfotunately...
3 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 24 September :: 3.47 pm
:: Mood: tired, cranky, depressed...
This past week has gone alright...just alright...Sunday and Monday were the high points in my week...the rest of the week went downhilll, reaching Abbadon's Pit Thursday morning, where I totally flipped out for no reason...it was pretty harsh on Carmen, and I feel really bad...everything negative that had gone on in my life seemed to channel into that episode, it was really horrible...and Carmen took the blunt of it...I really need to find out a way to make up for all of this shit I've been giving her, but it is kind of hard to do so with a person who lives 120 miles away, of whom I talk to seldomly and see even less than that...maybe the way to make up is the most painful of them all...
One thing that has really been bugging me though, has been Carmen's attitude towards me...I really can't figure it out...soon after she got to college, the Carmen who was present in my life the few weeks befroe she left vaporized, and the Carmen that was around during the summer (and that brief period before school let out) took her place...the only time I actually saw the true Carmen was after she had a few drinks...I really don't know what to make of all of this...is it all my fault, being persistent in persuing our friendship, keeping it how it was for so long...maybe I just need to stop calling her, and just move on, find someone else to talk to all the time, like she has suggested...it'd work for her, but I'm not sure how well I'd deal with it...
But things will get better...where there's a will, there's a way, correct?
Carmen was homesick the first night...I've been Carmen-sick since the first minute...
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 22 September :: 11.06 pm
What I wouldn't do to hear you call me "cutie" or "goof" again...
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 21 September :: 12.31 pm
Yesterday was kinda bad...work made me cranky, which is never good...however, Carmen called me while I was at work (just out of the blue) and we chatted for awhile...I hope that happens more often, where she calls unprompted by me...I played some gunbound and read my book...I really should have worked on my ABC paper, but I shall be doing that tonight, maybe...I get my psych exam back today :/...I'm not too sure how well I' did, so it'll be a surprise either way...
Greenish-grey female sheep...looking forward to December..got a whole list of things for us to do...*big hearty grin*
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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2004 20 September :: 1.59 pm
Well, this weekend was alright...the Defiance Band Spectactular went well, we got a standing ovation from Purdue...on Sunday, I went down to Westerville to visit with Carmen...we talked and took a walk...the visit made me happy yet sad at the same time...although, I do feel better about our friendship now...
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it |
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