:: 2005 21 February :: 5.12 pm

And I was captured by her loneliness
A wounded tiger on the willowy path
Like an opalescent moon all alone
In the sky of a foreign land

Emo shit, I know. But still.

myxomatosis

:: 2005 21 February :: 3.38 pm

I never liked the idea of "relationships." To do all this with someone and yet mean so little to them. If I am to mean nothing to a person than I would rather there be no pretense. If I am to be meaningles then let it lay flat on the table with its face to the sky and let everyone know what it is.

But everything is shades of grey, I realize.

myxomatosis

:: 2005 20 February :: 3.08 pm

hm. lonely. hm.
makes me wonder if . . . a lot of things.

myxomatosis

:: 2005 16 February :: 9.30 pm

This hurts, this hurts, this hurts, this hurts.
I remember that point three [was it really so long ago?] years ago when I
collapsed in the garage, between the shelving. "I just . . . can't . . . take this anymore."
Same thoughts tonight. I thought, I can survive the day. I thought, things will be better tomorrow.
I can't sleep.
Haven't been able to for weeks.
I'm fucking exhausted, tired, so goddamn lonely.
I want
[Jim, always. always always always.]
I want Icey, he distracts me from myself. He'll let me cry on his shoulder.

Soomething, this is unfinished but it usually is.

myxomatosis

:: 2005 16 February :: 5.30 pm

& i still want to . . .
yes, i know
i still keep thinking of that future that never was, because it's
still the only one i have and
i still want him back
and
and
.

after a day of screaming at me -- i needed it, she enjoyed it, it kept me on my feet -- she holds me and whispers. i know, baby, i know. playing with the hair i no longer have. i wish i

myxomatosis