Silently-Broken
[ xsilentxsuicidex ]
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2005 17 June :: 7.28pm
I found some of my old writings... o.o;;
Constructive criticism, please?
Fear
As I look into your eyes, all I see is pain,
A chill of forsaken fear races down my spine,
Why am I scared of you? It's such a shame,
Am I scared of what might be going through your mind?
I stand- silent
The distant sound of rain,
I could stay here forever- violent
But all I'd feel was pain...
And all these things I'm feeling
Have all balled up inside
Some wounds are beyond healing,
I feel so alone... I'm barely alive.
I can't hold back these tears
That have gathered up all these years...
And I don't want you to see
The pain it is to be me
Diseased
This feeling can only be described,
As the shadow of something inside of me;
A sillhouette of something that died.
And I've been here before, too many times.
I feel it coursing through me-
This poison in my veins.
I should be used to it by now,
But it's driving me insane.
Now I may be young,
And I might not know much.
But I know what it feels like,
When words hurts more than any punch.
I know there's got to be something more,
But I'm through with searching for the answers.
Because I'm sick of this feeling
That is spreading through me like a cancer.
[Not finished.]
Torn
Go ahead- Rip me open.
Fill the wounds with salt.
Watch me stand here- choking,
Knowing it's all your fault.
Go ahead- Make me bleed to death.
Mangle me; pick me apart.
And before my one last breath,
Visciously lacerate my heart.
[Not finished.]
Resurrected
It's just an urge you can't resist
When you place the blade against your wrist
The realease it brings is just sweet bliss
But the scars you see, they cannot miss...
Close your eyes; dissappear.
Your thoughts are filled with hate and fear
You scream out loud, but no one can hear.
Down your cheek rolls a silent tear.
This pain is so difficult to fight
It's getting hard to sleep at night
You feel like nothing you do is right,
So just close your eyes, close them tight...
You're safe from all of that here...
Here in my arms, dear.
Meh. Not my best work... But... Bleh. I donno.
Comment?
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mieko
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2005 9 June :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: bouncy
Pfft.
KK. First time I took this IQ test, (a year ago) I got 136. And I just took it again tonight...and I got 103. XDDD BUT BUT -
The Super IQ Test
How Smart Are You Really?
Rebecca, your Super IQ score is 103
Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.
The way you think about things makes you a Linguistic Architect. This means you are brilliant when it comes to language and words. You are also very good at understanding things on an abstract level. You are at your best when you put those two skills together to communicate new ideas and see how they fit into different contexts. You understand math and science on a gut level, even if the equations and science don't come as easily. You can use these skills to be a great communicator or to create a masterpiece.
How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Linguistic Architect? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Linguistic Architect. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities.
_______
EDIT:
Oh yeah. My dad made me cry. Well I cry over nothing all the time (plus my period's due sometime this weekend). But...I walked into the living room I saw the channel had changed from That 70's Show to Jimmy Neutron. So I asked my dad, "Where's the remote?"
Dad: It's in my pocket.
Me: No it's not. -looks on couch-
Shelby: Ew, don't touch it! -points to remote in dad's pocket-
'Kay. I thought Shelby meant that my Dad was joking with me, and put the remote INSIDE his pants or something. He used to do that. It was gross. D=
Dad: -starts yelling at me for being 'disrespectful'-
Me: -starts to cry and chews nails like nothing's happening-
Mom: Stoppit! -koreankorean- Why do you have to yell at little stuff like that?
Dad: Well maybe it's because /kids/ keep doing crap we told them not to, etcetc.
Me: -still crying and thinking, "Well then maybe you shouldn't've had kids, sex fiend."-
Mom: Rgbjkdhkjhfjf,mdsjky!
Dad: -mumble- Hhdhuiosyhrenmnsd;ahfk....
Yeah. o_o;
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dakishime
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2005 30 May :: 11.18pm
How disappointing. Trying to take your life away. Does it even matter to you how people that love you are going to feel? No, it doesn`t matter how many times we say it. You just don`t listen. You`ve had someone that you love taken away. So just pretend you are in our shoes. We love you. And you try to kill yourself. Which is even worse then just passing away. It makes me feel like I`m worthless in your heart. That no matter how many times I say that I care for you and that I love you, you just can`t seem to hear me. Do you really want to leave all your friends that much.? Do you have so much hatred and grief all around you that you can`t seem to find a way out beside suicide.?
Bad things happen to everybody. Some more to others. But to live life, you`ve got to deal with it and move on. If you die, you won`t get to see tomorrow and what is held inside it. I understand that some people can`t help but be depressed and can`t seem to see the brighter side of things. But you aren`t like that. You are mostly happy and excited. Don`t try to suicide again. Do you think you will make your family any happier.? All it would do is bring us grief. More grief. Even more until our eyes gouge out.
Don`t cut yourself either. It disgusts me. How people think cutting themselves make them feel better. It`s like if they want more attention to their sad lives. I`m sorry if I seem to a hypocrite or a bossy bitchy stupid girl, but I don`t like seeing people getting hurt.
Please don`t try to suicide again. I hope you won`t try to suicide again. I wish you won`t try to suicide again.
Honestly to tell you the truth. You were the strongest person I knew.
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Dakishime
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2003 3 September :: 10.12pm
Got the new Hyesung and MinWoo CD. <3
Got Gackt`s Cresent and Love Letter CD. <3
Got SE7EN`s Must Listen CD. <3
Got 17k on Gaia. <3
The stupid rollback gave me like 1700 back but Lost my horns. ):. WTF. But I got my March `O5. But then I opened it. Decided not to sell Kiki Kitty until it like reaches it`s breaking point. Or when I have too. Stupid rollback didn`t have any effect.
I wish my school burned too. BURN BABY BURN. DISCO INFERNO BABY. (:
Watched Soccer Games today. It was much more interesting then I thought it was. (: Going again next week. yaye.
Went to Great America on Friday. It was fun, But I hate Roller Coasters. They scare me and Make my heart hurt. And that`s a no no. D;
Changed the date on today`s journal entry. (: First day meeting Kikyou and Haruka. OMGIREMEMBER. No. I found a paper thingy.
I thought this was STUPID
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sund on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this some primodial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I`m sorry. I can`t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don`t have enougth strength left to deride youignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia or any of the rest of this drivel. DUH.
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