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Fuck it =]

Wow. I was in rehab in two days and got kicked out. That light at the end of the table is quickly fading out.

Wedding
My dad gets married in less than an hour...again. I miss the fuck out of ya'll. Shit's been fucked and I wish I had stayed in touch. But regardless of what turns out know that I always have love for each of you.

What the hell. Why was I not informed we moved back to Woohu?

Been awhile since an update and I have neither the time nor energy to go over everything, so here it is in a nutshell. *Deep breath*

I'm engaged, she should be here by the end of February, I've been vegan some time now, I work at a sports bar as a cook and am going up that particular career ladder in bounds, I'm now the proud owner of a cadillac, I purchased rock band, it kicks an unreasonable amount of ass, I'm thinking of going back to school, either EMT or Mortician, kind of undecided, I've lost a good 60 pounds since last I saw any of you, and finally, I love and miss you Carl. Homies 4 L1f3.

Well I went to court and had possibly the most leniant judge ever to cross my path. Typically, I get the mid-high bracket of sentencing and considering witnesses stated I staggered out of my vehicle, obviously drunk (which could've led to wreckless driving) I was atleast expecting a hefty fine. But no. Asks my plea. No Contest. Ok, hundred bucks. *slam*

My brother's coming into town tomorrow so even though I haven't worked at all this week, I'll probably tell my boss I'm not working tomorrow either. Ever since I moved out here I've been getting more and more enraged and self destructive. I've had some pretty bad mental situations in my life and this one is definitely towards the top. If anyone can pull me out of this shit, atleast for a day, it's my bro.

You can wait until your older or ya in a better place. Just remember there's no winner in this fucked up human race
So the week that I have court, get my harley, spent entirely too much money the previous weekend, and have to pay for the "remodeling" I did to my apartment...

There's no fuckin work.

To quote boss man, "If you weren't a good hand we'd be laying you off"

Fucking. Figures.

Crap well since I'm somewhere between lacking the mental capacity and needed software to get Word Press going, I'm stuck here until that can be remedied.

Hmm well I actually have very little to say. Guess I just felt I should update. But I do have court come Wed. so wish me luck with that. I've been bombarded with calls today with various members of my family and people I haven't spoken with in quite some time who are "concerned" about me. Which implies that someone in Odessa has leaked my recent confessionals to the rest of the lot. *cough* nessa *cough*

Cripes.

Quite the hangover this morning, due to last weeks extensive line of bullshit I was pushed to drinking tequila (don't know if you all realize this but tequila spins me into a blind rage that can only end with unconsciousness or a cell.) Luckily last night it was passing out that put an end to that =] My brother's going to Michigan to get my bike on the 2nd. I'm so happy. Even though it's quite possible I'll end up riding it directly back where he got it from if things keep going at the rate they have lately. But anyways frichen props sent over to Carl. I just leave a vague comment and 20 minutes later I get a call and a helping hand through the potential crap I'll be going through. Homies. For. Life. =]

If ya hesitate now, that's a subtraction...
I got a credit card with a 1000 dollar limit in the mail today. So I went and bought a tape measure, cooler, 6 frozen burritos, and the biggest monstrosity of a sandwich I've ever laid eyes upon (seriously, it's the size of my arm, tastier too). So sometime in this upcoming week I'm going to the fuckin optometrist. I'm sick of being blind. I'll also be out of town Mon-Thurs so I won't be in the reach of a computer.

Toodles.

Propelled through all this madness, with your beauty and my sadness; I'll never change
Mmm. Angst.

My dad once told me, "You've got alot of hate raging inside you son, you don't blow that flame out, it'll burn you up". I blew him off at the time, but I think he may be right. It's been the focus of my life for as long as I can remember. The government, cops, stupidity, myself, my mom, religion, countless individuals, money, the list goes on. I used to think it was fuel getting me where I want to go, but as Pops said, the only thing burning is me. I've found myself in the same situation I despised in Odessa. All work, no sleep, no friends, brushes with the law, and now, no money. And why? Hate. My life here was pretty good for awhile. I had friends in Josh and Ionna, and I was dating Dana. Hate was absent for a time. Then I told Dana my age. She couldn't handle it, and honestly one can't blame her, she's significantally older than me. But that familiar rejection sent me back into the spiral. I hated Dana for that. Because of that, Ionna is now scared of me and avoids me whenever possible, Josh only associates with me during work, and the far too familiar world of drinking alone, fighting, and spending more time in the company of the law than I'd like to has returned. Now, logically, I'm 3 states away, entirely new people, and drugs are totally absent. The only constant in this equation of misery is myself.

Fuck. But what pisses me off even more is the fact that the Dana situation bothers me. I don't like that someone can affect my outlook to that degree. I don't like that I'm too young to date the women I like and respect. I don't like the fact that Dana is still crazy about me, and I her, yet for some reason she sees my age as a wall. But mostly, I don't like rejection. Especially from a woman I opened myself to. I don't even know why I try. My track record is less than admirable. It's funny though. I like to come off so callous, say that I'm not looking for anyone, you know, the typical "bad-ass I don't need anyone" mentality.
Yet at the same time, anytime someone looks in my eyes and say they love me, be it a girlfriend, a friend, my sister, or my dad; I have to look away so I don't burst into fuckin tears.

*sigh* Anyway, sorry for the long entry. Apparantly I needed to vent.

Well I had an alright 4th.

Woke up at 9 had a few beers and headed to the bar. My ex (Dana) was working and she was trying her damndest to get me wasted but I refused after a few drinks and got a call from Josh to go to Georges for a BBQ. After a few hours of playing football with the kids and swimming we went to watch fireworks and me and Josh's dog fought for most of the night. Ionna is also apparently greatly concerned with my actions as of late. She's a sweet heart, though a bit naive.

Carl - Sorry I didn't call you, I just frichen got home. But if you aren't too utterly busy I'll give you a call tomorrow after I get off of work. And that's lame that Aaron has no envelopes. Do these people not realize they need to work around our convenience?

Have you ever prayed to the night sky? Watch another stolen car drive by, lose your hope and say "This is where I'll die?"
Christ, my stupidity got the best of me once again. Driving home the other day, I clipped some lady's car in my parking lot (I actually didn't even notice, since I drive a tank). But anyway the cops wake me up the next morning and now I'm being charged with a hit and run and I have to pay this bitch 700 bucks for her saturn's rear end.

But in lighter news, I'm going to Elko (your guess is as good as mine) to work on a warehouse, so I can finally get away from the fuckin college I've been working at, even if just a couple weeks. And my first raise in the trade is coming up in a month! Joy!

Have a nice 4th of July.

For the past two days, I've been harassed over the phone by a girl I've never met named Michelle. She claims that we met at the park, had sex behind the mall, and I have asked her out so keeps wondering why I never go pick her up. I've never even been to a mall or park in this area. How this crazy bitch got my number is beyond me. What the fuck is wrong with the world.

Anyway, I finally got stamps yesterday and sent Aaron's letter out. I also just got back from Costco and I gotta say, a months supply of food for 100 bucks ain't bad. Only thing is they only sell in bulk so I'm gonna have to consume milk and yogurt in ungodly amounts before it goes bad.

You don't wanna play the game you better be ready for prison or out on the street
Oh dear.

I'm going to be sent to Carson City in a few weeks to work on a prison. I'm torn between my brutal hatred towards/unwillingness to help anything that involves cops/government/anyone in a uniform and my need to eat. Damn the luck.

I do get to see my brother Saturday though. I'm going to punch him right in the cock for not retrieving my harley yet. Bastard.

First night in the new apartment. So far so good. Ionna's taking me furniture shopping tomorrow since I'm incapable of doing it on my own. Cripes... steady job, my own place, shopping for furniture, if I didn't know any better I'd say I was growing up or something.

By the way, remind me to never EVER shop at Albertsons. I just spent 50 bucks on sandwich stuff, cereal, and V8. Bitches.