thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts....
dammit, i just typed like the longest entry ever and it got deleted. i'll try to remember what i wrote.

hmm....i feel like i have a million thoughts piled up in my head but i don't know what they are or how to organize them. i feel like maybe i should write a poem about my emotions, because usually i write one when i'm feeling something really strong, but i don't know exactly what i'm feeling. maybe a strong sense of indifference. i tried writing one last week too, but i couldn't get anything out. kind of hard to explain, i guess. i am in the weirdest mood. i've been writing this entry for like an hour now, and i write about two sentences every ten minutes before i get distracted or have to stop and think about something. you know what's weird about me wanting to write a poem? usually i write one when i am about to get involved with a certain guy, or have a crush on one, or am getting over being sad about one, but right now, there is not one guy in my life who's causing me to feel any emotion whatsoever. i guess that could be considered a good thing, the fact that not all my emotions are based on relationships. i really really really want this poem to come out now. it's about to explode from inside me. i always feel really happy about my life and the rest of the world after i finish one. it's like a huge weight is being lifted from my shoulders. i love having that creative outlet. i love writing in general. i sound like the biggest geek ever right now, but i guess it's just personal. i like being able to put everything (well, for the most part everything) that's going on in my head so that i don't have to worry about playing games with people when i see them in person because they've already read most of my thoughts. and i'm sorry if i've ever gotten pissed and gone off on you in here, but it's just another one of those emotions that has to come out.
i have a feeling that the poem's not coming out by the time i finish this entry, so i'm gonna let it sit in my head for a while and then maybe try again tomorrow when i've had a good nap.
till then...
samantha

my life...
i never realized how much life can completely change in such a short time until now. it's septemer 23. that means i've been here 23 whole days. weird, huh? i mean, it seems like i never lived back at home. i still think about everyone and what's going on there while i'm gone, but i feel like everything here has taken precedence over my previous life. and the worst part about it is, i don't really miss everyone all that much. don't think i'm a mean person for saying that. my entire life, i've been telling people that i'll be fine when i go to college, that i won't get homesick. they just kept telling me, "oh, you'll see, it'll be different when you actually get there. after two weeks you'll be wanting to come home." pshht! that's a load of crap. i've always been one of those people who doesn't have a problem being away from home. don't get me wrong, i love my family more than anything in the world and they are the most important part of my life by far, and we aren't dysfunctional or anything, but i honestly don't really feel much of a homesickness inkling. what i do miss are my friends. i mean i get to see allison and terra and melissa and everyone else at um, but the people who go to other schools i miss the most. i know i'm having so much fun here, so i feel like i'm missing out on having fun with them at their schools. another common piece of bullshit that people tell you about college is "you'll never see most of your friends again." absolute crap. i feel like i'm closer to my friends as a result of being here. i've made a ton of new ones and everything, and i might not get to spend as much time with my old friends as i used to, but i feel like when we come home on the weekends and for the summer, our friendships will be even stronger as a result.

you know what the weird thing is? for a long time, i wanted to go to like california or new york or somewhere ridiculously far away from home, but i feel like i can make ann arbor far if i want to. i'm pretty much independent here (i know, my parents are paying for me to come here, but as far as my life goes, i'm calling the shots). i love being able to do what i want when i want to without having to tell anyone where i'm going or come home at a reasonable hour. i'm not saying that i'm going to crazy drunken parties every night or anything like that, but i like the idea that i could go to crazy drunken parties every night if i wanted to. hehe

i think i'm finally getting the hang of my classes. at first greek was really hard, but i think i'm gonna do well on this quiz we have tomorrow. i was also freaking about an astronomy quiz that i had today, and it turned out to be like the easiest thing i have ever done. it's almost to the point that i'm worried that they were trick questions or something. oh well, we'll see what happens.

i am totally loving swimming. the practices are pretty hard, especially for the beginning of the season, and i'm really busy with classes and workouts and everything, but i'm having so much fun. i know that going every day and dying will make me better in the end. i've gotten nothing but positive reinforcement from my coaches and teammates, so i guess that's a good thing. i feel very accomplished when i get out of the pool at the end of a workout.

i'm really pumped because i get to host a recruit this saturday night. she's pretty fast too, and the coaches really want us to show all the recruits that u of m is the best choice for anyone. that shouldn't be too hard, considering i didn't know where i wanted to go until like april of senior year and i am already totally convinced that this is the best university in the country.

i think i got everything out for the moment....

samantha

ahhh, swimming....
so we've had like four practices. so far one of them was ridiculously hard and the other three were pretty tolerable. everyone on the team is like realllllly fast, but i figure once i start training with them all the time i'll be used to it. i hadn't trained LCM in like five years, so that was pretty sweet the first day...i just kept thinking, "the wall, it never comes!" in my head, over and over again. but i realized i like it better cause since the pool is bigger, we only have to swim half the laps to get done.

initiation week drew to a close on pinwheel night. that was a fun time. i'm glad i did all the initiation stuff cause i feel a lot closer to my team now. last week i was a little overwhelmed, but i feel like i'm getting a handle on it all now.

samantha

hail, to the victors valiant
so initiation week has been one to remember so far. monday night was definitely the hardest thing ever, and tuesday was loads of fun. you should call me so i can tell you about it.
or send me something cool in the mail. :) i like getting stuff like that.

we started classes on tuesday. so far, greek is wicked hard, astronomy's okay, and sociology's pretty sweet.

our first practice for swimming is today at 2:30. i'm kinda nervous but kinda not at the same time....i know i should be because i'm out of shape, but i guess i know it's gonna happen whether i'm nervous or not, so i'm pretty chill about the whole thing. we have activities with the team every night this week, and tonight we're doing skits about the team. it should be pretty funny.

i had my physical yesterday, and we had to see an orthopedic doctor for our bones/joints and whatnot, and he starts like testing my elbows and shoulders and fingers and he goes, "wow, you're really bendy." i'm like uhhhh sweet. that's a nice term to come from a doctor. how professional. it's good to know we're being examined by the top physicians in the world.

anyways, i gotta go to class so i'll write again later.

sam

welcome week
wow.....so much has happened in the past five days.

i came to ann arbor on wednesday and moved into my dorm. good news: i'm right in central campus. bad: i'm on the fifth floor. my legs are gonna be hella muscular by the end of this year from walking up and down the damn stairs.

let's see, what else. everyone here is totally nice and i've met about a zillion new people every day, which is cool cause i have that many more people to hang out with. i've been walking like ten miles a day cause i have no car here, but i'm getting used to that part of the deal. i went and got my books, and now i'm poor. the parties here are amazing. anyone in high school would probably come here and die of alcohol poisoning. the dorms are like ridiculously hot 24/7, even though we have like three fans going at all times. it's the first time i've actually wanted it to be colder.

ahh yes, the swim team. so far everyone's been awesome, and i know now i don't have to worry about fitting in with the girls on the team or anything like that. we've had a few team get togethers, and tomorrow begins what we call initiation week for the team with different activities every night. fun stuff. practice starts thursday, which i'm actually looking forward to because i just wanna get the first couple of weeks out of the way and know that i'm not gonna die. i guess i won't know till it happens. the captains are soooo nice and so are all of the other upperclassmen for that matter. i know i'm gonna get along great with everyone.

my classes start the day after tomorrow. judging by the books i picked up today, i'm probably gonna die in every one of them. i'm not really the study/get projects out of the way early type, so i'm gonna have to shape up in that area.

oh yeah, i went to my first football game in the BIG HOUSE! talk about sweet
there were 110 thousand people there. it was crazy.

as a whole, my first week in ann arbor has been great, and i don't feel homesick at all, so that's a good thing. i'm just glad we got the move-in and getting settled part over with

woooooo
holy crap i go to college in two days! like, the day after tomorrow!!!!!!!! i can't even believe it. i am soooooo not ready either. i have packed like zero clothes. plus, there's stuff that i still need to buy before i go. haha fat chance that'll happen.

i am soooooooooo excited i can't even contain myself. my life is about to change completely. i am sad about leaving all this behind and being separated with my friends, but i know there'll be plenty more to meet in ann arbor. plus, if i'm really in the mood, there will be a party every single night. tee heee heee. anyways, i hadn't written in a while so i thought i should.

*sam*

childhood is drawing to a close....
hahaha last night was freakin hilarious. i mean, getting three hours of sleep over a 36 hour period isn't, but those were some good times, kate.

it's so weird how whenever i hang out with someone lately, i think to myself that it could be the last time i hang out with them before i go to college or maybe the last time i ever see them at all. i used to think going away to school couldn't come fast enough, but now i'm thinkin i don't have enough time to get everything i need to do done. i guess it will all just fall into place, but i really wanna be with all of my friends a little longer before we have to split up. everyone says that they'll keep in touch, but almost no one actually does. there are so many people i want to keep in my life, who i couldn't imagine losing, but i know it will probably happen. that's the worst thing so far about college. for the most part i'm totally psyched, and i'm trying to think about how sweet it's gonna be to meet so many different people and swim with an incredible group of athletes and learn more about what i'm passionate towards, but the relationships with the people i already know are stronger than that. i guess it's just a part of getting older. after all, the end of one road just leads to the beginning of another.

hands down this is the best day i can ever remember...
soo i haven't written in like a week.
saturday night i had a going away party for courtney. it was fun, we made smores and ate pizza and stuff, but it was also pretty weird. everyone was there to see courtney because she's going to fricken florida! i think it's really cool, but i can't believe she's actually gone. and now that i think about it, i'm leaving for college in 14 days! :0 i am sooooooo not ready....i don't have any of the stuff i need. i just can't believe that everyone's splitting up. there are a lot of people i hope i stay in touch with, even though i know i probably won't, which is really sad. i guess we all have to turn that page in our lives some time.

let's see, what else. the olympics have been awesome so far. michael phelps has five medals (he can't beat mark spitz anymore, but i still think he's the most phenomenal athlete in the world). i love watching the olympics because we get to see the best. THE BEST. there is no one in the world who can do what they do better than they can. i have so much respect for these people.

tomorrow we're supposed to go to mark's cottage. we do it every year, and it's a lot of fun, but for some reason it seems like the plans might fall through. well i hope we end up getting to go.

grr
i didn't have the best day today....i went to work and they closed after two hours cause it was cold...so there goes about 50 bucks for me. then i went and swam with the high school team (as if it isn't sad enough that i'm not on that team anymore), and they've been doing doubles for the past few days, so they're in a little better shape than me, considering i haven't swam in almost two weeks. needless to say, i'm a tad sore now. then i found out something that made me really sad and pissed off, which i'm not going to write about on here till everything is cleared up. i just feel a little betrayed. actually a lot betrayed. and hurt. not to mention annoyed. oh well, tomorrow's another day so i guess i'm just gonna have to do the confrontation thing and get it done and over with.

sam

um orientation
so i was in ann arbor for the past few days for orientation....i guess it was okay. i know my way around the campus pretty well now, but the food in the dorms definitely sucked. we had to walk around a lot and go to these really boring seminar type things, but i ended up meeting some really cool people from all over the country, so i'm excited about that.

soooo we took placement tests and picked our classes.....since we were the last orientation group there were like hardly any spots left and i didn't really get the classes i wanted to take. but i am taking greek, astronomy, and sociology, so those should be cool. i'm really relieved that i got all of that out of the way. oh yeah, all my classes are over by noon except for one day, so that's awesome.

glad i can say i reallllly like ann arbor. i mean, i've been there lots of times, but i feel like i got a better understanding of the city as a whole. i didn't really get much sleep this weekend so i came home today and slept from 1-6.....it's 930 right now and i think i'm gonna go to bed anyways.....

not much to write about today sooo until next time

*sammie*

oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god oh my god oh my god you will never guess what happened!
i went to the prince concert with my aunt jenny tonight, and

I GOT TO DANCE ONSTAGE WITH PRINCE!!!!!

for like four songs in a row!!!! that was the coolest thing i have ever done in my entire life

wow, i cannot believe that this night even happened...totally awesome

let me know what you think of this one....
-familiarity-

the first time we touched,
that connection
that current
was enough to light the sky
comfort replaced surprise
as quickly as the summer breeze surrounded us that night

a sharp breath in was all it took for me to understand
your reassuring hands around my waist
trust clutched the inside of my heart
until your eyes loosened its grip
and drew it out, melting all apprehension

your lips playfully graze my face
your fingertips memorize the small of my back
your face plunges into the depths of my mind
my chest is weightless
full of air
i could float away

am i naive to feel
like you already know every part of me?
every curve, shape, and thought
every texture, dream, and tendency
i think you understand
please don’t prove me wrong

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
omg i couldn't have had a crappier day than i did today.....and it's stuff that i can't even talk about on here. i am so sick of people thinking they can walk all over me. i'm not the type of girl who gets walked on, for christ's sake. i fricking work my ass off all the time to be successful, i'm totally considerate to everyone, and yet i always end up standing in the pile of shit. the selfishness of our generation is overwhelming.

you know what i'm especially sick of? girls who let their boyfriends get in the way of their friends. in particular, girls who let their boyfriends make fun of their friends. why do people feel the need to make fun of each other anyways? just to get a laugh out of other people? well i'm just telling you, the only person laughing was you, you asshole. it really hurts my feelings that people can't find something better to talk about than ripping apart someone else or making someone feel insignificant. where has all the fucking empathy gone in this world?

i'm absolutely done dealing with it. i make it clear that i don't like it when someone makes fun of me, yet they continue to do it. next time, i'm gonna explode, and i hope you feel bad when you hear what i have to say.

the end of the weekend
sooo this was definitely a fun weekend. friday i was so pumped that i could go out and do something, so me and courtney were gonna go walk around the wyandotte street fair for a bit then meet up with some people. well, it poured, so that didn't work out too well. i was really pissed about the rain at first, but we ended up going to this party, which i'm not quite at the liberty to discuss....courtney i have a feeling you and i will be laughing about that for a long time, especially eight mile and ** hockey players. the only words i can think of to describe that night are surreal and scandalous. lol

anyways, yesterday i went to this fundraiser/first bday for my cousin on grosse ile. it was okay, but there wasn't anyone there my age. then courtney and i drove out and ate at pf chang's...it was sooo good. we wanted to go bowling but we ended up being too tired, so we went and got ice cream and went home.

this weekend was a good one, mostly because i didn't have to work. and guess what!? i only have to swim at 5:45 am three more times cause club's over soon!!!! after that i get to swim at eight every day! how sweet is that? most people would be like umm that's really early but i'm stoked.

i think i'm gonna go veg out in front of the tv or something since i do have to practice early tomorrow.

samantha

on the nature of things.....
hahaha last night was a good one. it started off with the olympic trials.....good lord it was so cool....i get so pumped about something that i could never have a chance at swimming in lol. after that shannon and eric picked me up to go to the taylor fireworks. so we left sort of late and knew there would be major traffic, plus we didn't know where we were going. so i call tony and ask him what we should do. he tells me to go to the kennedy parking lot and say we know him so we can get in for free, then meet him there. so we get in, and see tony waiting to take us to the park in a golf cart!!! how freakin cool is that? lol so me, eric, and shannon are sitting on the back, and tony is literally flying in between cars stuck in traffic and ploughing through people walking on the sidewalk. mind you, it was completely packed. the whole time he's yelling "scuse me, pardon me, can i get through here folks, thanks guys, coming through!" we were cracking up to no end while we tried not to fall off the back of the golf cart. then he weaved in and out of the people sitting on blankets to get us a spot in the front. it was flippin hilarious.

then there were the fireworks. absolutely awesome. they are a million times better than ours....if you're from trenton, just don't go to those anymore. taylor's are soooo good. so then after the fireworks tony picks us back up in the golf cart. i still can't even get over how funny it was. after that we went to denny's and came home