yeahhhhh baby!
omg this is going to be the best effin weekend ever! why, might you ask?

1)done with swimming till tuesday
2)done with coaching till tuesday
3)done with lifeguarding till at least monday
4)i get to sleep in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5)4th of July on sunday!

that leaves today, saturday, sunday, and possibly monday to do whatever the hell i want to do! oh my god, i am so pumped. this is the most time off i've had since spring break, and i had to pay over a thousand dollars to do that. i am going to partayyyyyyy it up this weekend. because i can. yessssssssssss!

in other news, i'm proud of myself. i went to swimming four days in a row this week, and i think i'm actually starting to get into decent shape. i'm almost able to keep up with everyone who's already in shape, so i figure that's a good sign. now all i have to do is start eating healthy. i've been eating like crap lately....i've probably put on ten pounds since school got out. i think i eat out of perpetual boredom, especially when i get home from the pool in the morning. i'm already hungry because i've been swimming, and then i come home and none of my friends are usually awake yet, so i just sort of chill in the living room for an hour or two and the fridge starts calling my name...."samannnnnthaaaa, come see what's insideeee meeee!" lol i sound clinically insane. my fridge doesn't really talk, just to let all you geniuses out there know. anyways, the eating thing. i figure that i'm not even going to attempt to hold back this weekend because of a family reunion, grad parties, and 4th of j bbq's, so i'll just have to start with the healthy diet next week.

anyways, i'm really pumped to have the weekend off and i just felt like writing about it.

hugs and happy meals,

samantha

the kpool
in the past three days, i've spent more time working/swimming at the kpool than i have everywhere else combined. talk about fun times. actually, i really don't like working there. i'm sick of the lazy people who don't do shit and then complain about how much the job sucks....just an idea for those people: shut the fuck up, i don't wanna hear your bitching.

i just don't think i'm getting enough sleep. it's summer vacation, and i have to get up at 5:30 am five days a week. summer vacation is supposed to be a time for sleeping in. i guess it'll be preparing me for what i'll deal with as an adult, but i just wish i could have this last summer off.

despite the fact that the pool pisses me off so much lately, i'm in a GREAT MOOD! maybe it's because i'm not there lol. even though it's hard and i say i hate it at the pool, i love swimming more than anything. i'm just really lucky that i've found something to be so passionate about.

guess what: my car died. sweeet. i came home, realized i left my windows down, and the car wouldn't start back up so that i could close them. needless to say, it poured that night, and my car collected several inches of rain. now it smells like shit. then yesterday, my dad's car died, so he had to take my mom's to work, and my mom and i were stuck at home without a car. sooo i had no way to get to practice this morning. kinda ironic considering i actually WANTED to go to practice today. then i had no way to get to work, and bret ended up picking me up and taking me to the pool. but i'm done coaching for now! yay. i have a meet to coach later on today but i'm also gonna swim a couple of relays in it. that should be fun times. i haven't swam a meet in like seven months so i'm kind of excited.

anyways, i'm going to take a nap (because i can!) so i'll write again later

cheers,
sammie

yadda yadda yadda
so my grad party was quite the success. as a whole, 153 people showed up besides my friends. i felt so loved. :) plus i made a ton of cash...i can get a new computer for school now! after the grad party at katie's house was a fun time also....besides the fractured sternum and the almost peeing in the living room....hahaha

i am so freaking exhausted it's not even funny. with the exception of a one hour break, i was working at the pool from 5:30 am until 8:30 pm.....that's right folks, 15 fucking hours. i also get to spend four more there on tuesday, thursday, friday, 15 more on wednesday, and six more on sunday. how fun, right? i just feel like i need a vacation.

summer
well, folks, this is it. summer has officially begun. strange that most people get really excited about summer, but i look at it with mental preparation and sometimes a little dread. i hate getting up at 5:30 in the morning to swim. i don't hate swimming, but i don't like doing anything but sleeping at 6am. plus, i hate working at the k-pool and i'm not too fond of coaching the obnoxious children that trenton parents send us for an hour a day to get them out of their hair.
summer for me is exhaustion. the underclassmen have been out of school for less than a week, and i'm already tired. it makes me think about how incredibly drained i'm going to be next year. i guess i'll just have to take it in stride.
so commencements went off without a hitch. i finished my speech in time, and i wasn't too nervous when i had to deliver it. the all night party was fun too, except i hurt my neck really badly on that moonwalk/bungee thing(i dunno what to call it). i've been either working or vegging out for the greater part of my summer vacation, because i'm too tired to do anything else. for example, at noon, many happy teenagers are just awakening after a night of fun with their friends, while i've already been working at the pool for six hours and roasting in the sun.
i don't want to sound like a complainer, but i want a real vacation!

commencement speech
sooo it's midnight and tomorrow, or i guess i should say today, is our commencement ceremony. since i'm salutatorian, i have to give a speech. i've been working on it here and there throughout the day(yes, i know i should have started it sooner, but that's a procrastinator for ya), and i can't seem to come up with the words that fit my attitude towards graduation. on any regular occasion, i would have no trouble letting the words flow out of me, and usually those words end up sounding pretty okay. today i feel like a frickin idiot. the eloquence and articulation that has consistently poured out of my brain for the past four years seems to be all tuckered out. i think maybe after all the damn papers i've written i deserve a break. but NO, they have to go reward the good students by having them write a speech. we aren't actually required to write one, but since all the valedictorians are and i'd be the only one standing on stage with nothing to say, i'd rather not look like a worthless human being. so anyways, if you read this before about 1pm on thursday, june 10th, leave a comment and let me know what i should write about
thanks
sam

good times, good times....
so last night i spent the night with the girls at terra's....talk about some hilarious moments about the d and fanny packs. we had some pretty good talks too. it kinda reminded me of when i was younger and we would have those sleepovers with our little girl friends and giggle about boys and stuff. it was a much needed break from all the maturity that's been thrown on us lately.

so today, i get to go back to the school (as if i didn't spend 13 years there already) and turn in my world lit paper. we're also having a going away party for strime dogg and then i think i'm going to see harry potter. who knows.

i can't do it.......:(
so i was just looking at the UM information booklet on their swim team. it has all of the swimmers and their best times/achievements from each year. all of their prep school times and races are incredible. i'm not even close to a single one of them. no joke....i wouldn't be able to race a single one of them and win or even come close to winning at any event. i am so terrified to go and swim there next year. i just know i'm going to walk in there, and they'll think that i at least have to be decent to be on the team with them, and we'll jump in the pool and i'll get lapped and they'll be talking to each other wondering why the coach is wasting their time by putting me on the team. i've worked pretty hard for the past four years, and i don't know why i'm not as fast as them. they obviously train a lot harder, but i don't know if i can do it. i just don't want to be a joke to them. i've been one of the fastest people on my team throughout high school, and now i'm going to go and be the absolute slowest by far. i just sat in my room and cried for like a half hour. i can't believe it. i mean i believe it, but i don't know how i'm going to handle something like this. i don't want to feel like i'm not contributing to the team, and that's exactly what's going to happen. i will probably even slow them down. i'm going to work my butt off this summer and still not be even close to being good enough. i'm so depressed about this. i feel like i've worked for four years for nothing. i'm so lucky to even get to walk on the team, and no one seems to understand this. i tell people that i'm going to be terrible in comparison with the other swimmers, and they don't believe me because they don't know anything about swimming outside of trenton. i just wish someone would get where i'm coming from and comfort me or find some way to make me feel better about it. i'm sitting here crying about it as i type. i can't do this anymore.

grr
ummm my mom is the most annoying person on the face of this earth

seriously

oh geeze
today was the league meet for track, and i did absolutely terrible. i seriously think the odds were purposely working against me for the entire duration of the meet.

it all began during the long jump. we didn't have any chalk to mark our steps with, so i counted mine out, and it landed right next to a line with the word 'samson' on it. so i figured, "okay, i'll just go from this spot." little did i know, 'samson' decided to redo his steps and put them about eight feet behind the first ones. so, it's my turn, and i started at the samson line, and i do my fourteen usual steps running and about to jump, but i don't even get close to the board.....that's right, i took sixteen and didn't even reach it. i was sooo pissed about that. i was even more highly disappointed when i landed. the pit was about an inch thick of sand and rock hard underneath, so i practially broke both of my ankles when my feet hit the ground and i fell on my ass. talk about humiliating. to top that off, my jump was awful. my second jump was bad too, and i still had one more to go, but i had to go do high jump.

so i'm competing, not doing completely my best, but not sucking it up yet (and i stress the word yet). the guy who was running the long jump comes up to me and tells me i have five minutes to get my last jump in or i'd be scratched from that event. since i had a better chance of placing in high jump and i wasn't done yet, i decided to scratch the long jump and just finish the event i was in.

talk about the shittiest plan ever. i end up not even clearing 4'8" and definitely not placing, and i later found out that if i would have done my last long jump i probably would have made the finals. i was pissed. so, i start crying and looking like an idiot (i looked stupid for doing so crappy in front of all those people, and i looked like a spoiled brat for crying about it....i hate crying in front of people but i couldn't help it). i am so incredibly disappointed in myself. i wasn't so much upset about my performance in general, because i hate track; i was more angry because that was my last high school sports performance EVER, and i was awful. i also acted like a jerk afterwards. i know that i am so much better, both athletically and emotionally. i wish i would have handled myself with more maturity both during and after the competition.

on a much more optimistic note, i got my housing assignment for u of m last night! i'm staying in the south quad with a girl named catherine who i think is on crew. i'm so pumped!

i also figured out how to work my kodak picture cd thing, so i can do all this cool stuff with my pictures and send them to my friends and whatnot. that was especially exciting.

anywho, i figured i should write something

until next time,
sam

ehh
wow, i haven't written in a bit. that's actually pretty strange, considering a lot has happened lately.....or at least a lot is ending.

prom was last weekend. i felt sooooo pretty in my sparkly blue dress, and i had lots of fun dancing with my friends. when all the seniors got in a circle and sang together, i was incredibly sad. me and bridgette just stood there hugging and crying for like two minutes straight. i'm going to miss more people than i thought i would at the beginning of this year.

oh yeah, bridgette won for prom queen!!!!! i was soooooo happy for her; she is absolutely the best candidate for queen, and the most kind-hearted person i've ever met.

today was senior skip day, and i had to spend it at the regional track meet....talk about the perfect *cough* place to skip at. oh well, at least i wasn't at school.

holy crap!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just looked outside and it's like tornadoeing!!!!!!!! i'm going in the basement right now!

i <3 everyone
hey....this is untitled as of yet, but leave a comment and let me know what you think of it!

why do i let you do this to me?
you're not so special,
but i still care about you
just enough for it to hurt

you're nothing to me
you're everything to me
you're that thing i should avoid
you're potent

hypnotized by your touch
nauseated by your actions
the delicious poison has sunk in
burning through my veins

how can venom taste so sweet?
enticing every tastebud
destroying from the inside out
as it trickles down my throat

that saccharine smile
it's almost enough
to make me forgive
those unforgivable words

please send me anything but signals that are mixed....cuz i can't read your rolling eyes
i've noticed that this journal has become increasingly less intellectual and increasingly more, "omg girlfriend you will like NOT believe what like happened....i was like talking on the phone and like...." well, you get the point. i didn't establish this journal with the purpose of impressing people by being particularly intellectual, but i definitely didn't have aspirations of sounding like an airhead.

from the beginning of this school year through about january, i would find myself busily typing away, and by the time i'd finished, i had either come to some pretty useful conclusions, vented my frustrations, or at least come up with a few witty statements that made me chuckle. i recently skimmed over my most recent entries, and found that i'm pretty much recounting the events of my day or making a really big deal about something superficial. i mean, it's okay to goof around and be a teenager, but i'd really like to concentrate my journalistic energy on making some emotional or philosophical progress.

for example, lately i'd rather write about how i miss the superficial, nonetheless highly aesthetically pleasing, environment that jamaica offers; however, chances are slim that i'll return anytime soon, so it would be more useful for me to attempt some type of psychological accomplishment by writing about whatever's really going on deeper inside my head.

i think maybe the reason my journal has changed so much is due to the fact that 2004 has been a very peculiar year so far. i've grown a little more emotionally, but on the same token, i've done some things that i consider to be relatively reckless, and, i dare say, immature. as i approach the end of my senior year in high school, my priorities have gradually reversed themselves to resemble those of a school skipping pothead (minus the school skipping and the pot). i have absolutely no desire to be in class, feel no need to complete assignments on time (or ever for that matter), and have begun to think that dropping out would be better than finishing out the year and getting to attend u of m simply because i'd be able to sleep in for a few weeks. my my my, all that coming from the class salutatorian.....if the administration could hear me now. senioritis has officially reached the status of an official disease; the poison has spread throughout my veins, and i'm beginning to feel overwhelmingly lazy.

especially in the literary sense, which is why i wrote this entry in the first place. i'm glad i've documented my thoughts in a journal over the past year, because it enables me to complete a rather thorough self-analyzation and realize that i need to stop acting like a dumbass.

on a less intelligent note, it's freaking two in the morning, it's thunderstorming outside, and i'm tired as hell. i'll talk more when i'm rested and able to form a cohesive sentence

sam

ow!
sooo today was the blood drive. i'm on the table ready to go, and she sticks the needle in, and it hurts like really really bad.....last time i hardly felt it. so the bag fills up about a third of the way and then it stops coming out. the lady moves the needle in my arm....omg it hurt so much....and then says, 'well, if you want to continue donating, i'm going to have to move the needle around in your arm, or else i'm just going to take it out.' at that point, my extreme fear of needles had taken over and i could feel a hot flash coming on, so i told her that if she kept moving it i'd freak out and that she should take it out. so, instead of saving three lives with my blood today i only saved one. i'm upset at myself for being such a baby but something clicks in my mind whenever there are needles around me; i turn into a crazy person. oh well, at least i didn't have to go to school.

today i got the prom dress i wanted! i wasn't sure if my mom was going to let me get it since it was $230 (mind you, it was marked down from $370), but i told her that i'd pay part of it and i'd babysit my brother too. it's worth it, if you ask me. i want to feel like a princess for my senior prom.

so tonight, i'm babysitting max. i'm taking him to his activity night (it's like this thing where his class goes to a gym and do a bunch of games with their parent or brother and sister or whoever). it's actually not going to be much of a job anyways, since activity nights were always fun when i was little.

i dunno if i'm doing anything tonight, and i'm babysitting till realllly late tomorrow night for my cousins, and sunday i have a paper tonight, so it's looking like my weekend will turn out to be particularly worthless.

hasta luego,
la mejor chica del mundo,
samantha