yo estoy muy feliz!!!
soooo i'm extremely relieved right now. the last of the ap tests is over, and it was an easy one!!! yay. i'm so glad that i'm done with them, and on top of that, i don't have to go to school tomorrow because i'm working the blood drive!

oh yeah guess what else. so, my best high jump ever was 4'8", and today we had a meet(ps we won). so it takes me all three tries to get over 4'6", and i'm getting pissed cause i know i can do better. so then i clear 4'8" on the first try, and i'm really excited. sooo the bar goes up to 4'10", and i don't make it (you get three tries to get over the bar), but all three tries were really close. so i'm like 'well, i'm just going to try one more time for fun. and guess what....i got over it!!!! i'm pumped because i got my PR, but for the love of god, why did it have to be on the one time it didn't count??? oh well, guess there's always next time.

i'm watching the friends finale right now, and i'm really sad. friends is my favorite show ever and it's over!!!! tear....

anyways, i should get back to the show so i'll catch yall on the flip side

samantha

wheeeeeeeewwwwww
sooooo today was particularly unsuccessful.....along with the rest of this week. i definitely wasted 246 of my parents' dollars on taking these three AP tests; the first two have been the hardest tests ever, especially the spanish. i think i spoke better spanish my freshman year than i did today. i'm going to dissapoint my spanish teacher when he finds out how horribly i did.

on top of that, i missed friday for a dentist appt, three of the mornings this week for the ap tests, i got out early for our track meet today(ps we won), i'm missing friday for the blood drive, and this is all happening one of the last weeks of my senior year. i'm so extremely stressed out, it's unbelievable.

today i almost had a mental breakdown in my chem class....i had to go in the bathroom and just breathe b/c every single thing was annoying the living hell out of me.

i shouldn't even be on the computer right now cuz i have a contemporary humanities project due tomorrow, so i guess that's it

until we meet again,
samantha

nada en particular....
soooo i think i have an emotional disorder! i go from these really sad moods, like yesterday when i was about to cry for no reason, to feeling amazing, like right now. the sad moods don't come very often (i'd say maybe one or two days at most every month), but when i have them, i am so totally depressed that no one can cheer me up. i'm just glad i'm happy today.

and it's not like i'm bottling my feelings up inside; i always say what i'm feeling and pretty much never keep my emotions to myself unless i don't want anyone to know what i'm thinking....i wish i was a psychologist so that i could understand what's going on in my head. haha

i guess i should just stop thinking about it and embrace the happy days. i think i've been so emotional lately because everything is coming to an end....spring break is over, swimming is over, track will be over soon, prom is getting closer(although i have yet to find a date....hint hint), and school is almost out. pretty much everything that i have been able to call my life for the past four years is coming to an abrupt and somewhat unwanted halt. when i say unwanted, i don't mean that i am dreading graduation....don't get me wrong, i can't wait to get out of this hellhole. but in the same sense, this hellhole is my home. i belong in the hellhole as far as i know; it's just a comfort zone.

maybe i should stop thinking so much about everything and just enjoy every minute of my life. in fact, that has been my philosophy for the past two years, and lately, i haven't been abiding by it. i need to kick back, gain a bunch of memories and enjoy the end of the ride.

sam

aaaaaffffffffrrrrrrrrroooooooo
tee hee hee!!!!
i just took my braids out from jamaica, and let me tell you, my hair has never looked hotter! i am at my life's peak of sexiness....it'll probably be all downhill from here

just thought you all should know!

love, samantha

Jamaica!
last week was spring break!!!!
and it was by far the most amazing week of my life....there are so many things i could write about that i'd probably run out of space, so i'll try to keep it short and sweet.

our first resort was kinda crappy, but they overbooked and transferred us to a five star resort!!! it was incredible; the people who worked there waited on us hand and foot. our rooms were awesome and there was a 24 hour bar and room service!

that's not even the good part.....from the toga and pajama parties to the luminous lagoon and booze cruise, it was the craziest week ever. i had so much fun dancing with my friends and having a good time....not to mention some of the most hilarious drunken moments i have ever witnessed in my life.

the weather was awesome, and the beach was beautiful. i wish i was still there, which is why i'm a little depressed, but i'm just happy i got to spend this time with so many people i love before graduation!

samantha

hairmergency update....
so remember how i ruined my hair yesterday? it's all good now. i dyed the whole thing back to my natural color and it doesn't look like a patchwork quilt anymore!!! i'm quite happy about this...normally i wouldn't have freaked out as much about something like that but since i'm leaving for jamaica in 11 HOURS i want to at least look like i'm sane.

i've spent the past day packing all my stuff. when i say all my stuff, i mean ALL my stuff...i think that i have enough clothing to carry me through a month in jamaica, even though i'll only be there a week....i guess it's better to be overpacked than underpacked.

i am about to burst in anticipation....everyone is calling each other and talking on the computer about it and whatnot, which just makes everyone even more pumped......at this time tomorrow, i will have enjoyed an entire day at the beach!

samantha, mon!

jjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaica!!!!!!!
there are 30 hours and fourteen minutes until my effin plane leaves for jamaica!!!!!!!!

i am so excited that i can't even think straight, let alone sleep......which is why i'm packing my stuff. the fact that i am a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to packing clothes is kind of a good thing for the moment; i can't go to sleep and packing last minute gives me something to do. i just checked the weather in montego bay, and as of midnight, it was 79 degrees! at midnight!!! the high for every day next week is 86. how rad is that? it's so close now, but it seems like the last five or so days have taken longer than the last five months....i remember counting down when there were sixty days left, and now there aren't even sixty hours!

this vacation is gonna be sweet, yo. (sorry i think my ghettoness only comes out at night) in fact, anywhere besides trenton is sweet. i just want to go somewhere that i can relax in the sun, be with my friends, and not worry about anything for a whole week. i mean that. i am leaving everything about my life that stresses me out here for seven days and none of it will enter my mind....i'm locking up my brain and swallowing the key.

i cannot wait anymore.

samantha aka i'm going crazy

OH MY GOD!!!
i am seriously about to cry right now

so i get this at home highlighting kit, and ask my mom to help me with it. we do everything exactly like the directions said. i dry my hair after i'm done and now it looks like the biggest fucking pile of shit i've ever seen. it looks uneven and unnatural and the color isn't even right.

i cannot believe what i just did to my hair.

i need to make an appt to get it fixed by tomorrow

sigh....
wow...talk about a long day. a bunch of ppl skipped first hour today cause we didn't feel like going the whole day(being that it was the last one before spring break) so that was good. and i didn't really do anything in any of my classes, so you'd think that my day would have just flown by....but no.....it was the LONGEST DAY EVER. i don't even know why, but i guess the anticipation of being away from that hell they call THS really made the clock slow down.

so at the very end of sixth hour, everyone is jacked cause we're about to be off school for ten days. the bell rings, and i go to my locker, and realize that i can't find my car keys.............sweet. so i figure, 'okay, i just left them in my sixth hour.'

how very wrong i was.

i checked my sixth, fifth, fourth, third, second, and first hour classrooms, both offices, my locker and backpack like fifteen times, walked all the way out to my car to see if i'd left them in there, called allison from the school to see if i'd left them in her car, practically tearing my hair out all the while. i just wanted to get out, for god's sake! it's the last day before my senior spring break and i can't get out of school. so i call my mom at home to see if she can either pick me up or bring a spare key, but she doesn't answer, so at this point i was just extremely frustrated. i had been at the school for almost an entire extra hour trying to find my damn keys, and they were nowhere to be found. so i go in the bathroom and just start crying.....don't ask me why, because although it was frustrating, it wasn't a good enough reason to just break down or something.

anyways, i was just pissed off, and i see miss strimer in the hall and ask if she saw my keys in her classroom, and of course she says no and asks me what's going on. i explain my whole situation to her, and she's like, 'sam, i can take you home to get your spare key and drop you back off in the parking lot to get it.' so we get in her car, and drive to my house, and there's no key in there....so i tell her that she can just go, and i'll get my car later. my mom pulls up and says that my dad has the spare key at work, so i just have to wait. so i call ramsey's, the restaurant that everyone went to this morning, and they didn't have the keys. now i'm just absolutely flipping out....how could my keys just disappear off the face of the earth?

then i realize: i was in courtney's car for about thirty seconds this morning, so i call her and leave a message but she's not home....i took my mom's car to drop off my application for the pool, come home, and my mom tells me that courtney found them and she's bringing them over.

Eu-freaking-reka!!!! the place that i spent the least time of the entire day in was the place that my keys were sitting the whole time i looked for them.....i swear to god i will never lose my keys again.

anyways, i'm so happy about jamaica in less than three days that i don't even care!!

sam

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have made my final decision.....i'm going to spend my next four years as a wolverine at the UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN!

i went on a campus visit today, and i absolutely loved it. to say that ann arbor is better than albion would be the biggest undertstatement i could possibly make. there is so much more to do there, and so many more people. i was soaking up the diversity like a sponge; today i met people from california, india, seattle, connetticutt, and england, and i know there are so many more out there. i love the fact that it is nothing like trenton, and i know i'll never get bored there.

plus, there is such a broad range of majors for me to choose from there. i can major in economics and learn sanskrit at the same time! i sound like a big dork, but i'm so excited to learn about the world, and i can pretty much study whatever i want while i'm there.

here's the icing on the cake: the swim coach is soooo nice. he could easliy be some pompous bastard, and for good reason: he sends swimmers to the olympics and they're the big ten champions....it's unreal! he treated me with total respect and talked about my potential, and i'm just a walk-on swimmer! i know that the girls on this team are like ten times better than me, but i know i can do it. i'm going to work my ass off all summer and all next season, and mark my words, i'm going to be a damn stud...a hell of a lot faster than i am now. if i have anything to do with it, i will do anything in my power to become faster next year. i'm swimming for one of the best coaches in the nation and i am willing to work until i can't work anymore....i'm just so excited to find out where this could take me!

la la la la la la la laaaa....
i am in such a good mood!!!! i think it's cause i've had so much sugar today.....hey kids, don't do drugs, sugar makes you feel just as good...except it rots your teeth and makes you fat.

on that note, maybe i should stop being retarded.

anyways, tomorrow i don't have to go to school, because i'm visiting u of m on this campus day thing. i'm not really expecting anything out of the visit, but i get to meet the coach tomorrow! i'm really excited about this; the way i feel about our meeting will probably be the determining factor in my decision to attend u of m. if he's nice enough to make me feel comfortable, then that's it: i'm going there. no more wishy-washy ing around, i need to make a choice. i'm really really really excited, and also glad that i decided to quit the subconscious bullshit.

om freaking g....there are only six days until jamaica!!!!! i can't even contain myself anymore....these last three days of school this week are going to be like torture; i want the needle on the clock to spin really fast until sunday and then stop when we get there. i think maybe some uv rays will do me a little good....besides the cancer and wrinkles part. haha

i really do need some good weather though; my mood depends greatly on the climate. the whole winter i've been feeling a little bit depressed because i absolutely hate the cold. i just can't wait until grad school when i can go to california. i did want to get my undergrad done there, but i decided to live independently but still sort of close to home, just in case i have an emotional breakdown or something. i doubt i will, but the three day drive home from cali would be a bitch if i couldn't handle things out there. this way, i'll get used to living on my own before i head out west. i know that grad school is going to be the best time of my life. i can't imagine a place i would rather be than in southern california; the weather, the laid-back attitude, and everything else about it are incredible. i think maybe i was born in the wrong place. oh well, only four more years till i get to be there.

sa mantha mantha bo bantha bo nanna nanna fo fantha fee fi mo mantha....SAMANTHA!

deep breath in, then out
awww geeze....i'm so sick of college i don't even want to go anymore...and i'm still in high school! i've definitely narrowed my choices down to u of m and albion....and i think i'd rather go to u of m, but have a better chance of excelling compared to others at albion....i've said this about a million times, but i'm so scared to go and swim at u of m....their girls are olympians and i am definitely not. but the opportunity for me to swim there is once in a lifetime....i would be one of the few swimmers who actually get to go d1. i just don't want to go there and have their team laugh at me and wonder why i'm wasting their time. i know that if they give me a chance, i'll work my ass off to prove myself, it's just the getting a chance part that's hard.

i'm soooo afraid to fail or quit, it's unbelievable. everyone who knows me knows that i put forth effort in pretty much everything i do, but i don't think even my best friends or family understand the extent to which i take my perfectionism. i feel the need to be the absolute best at everything, not to beat other people, but to know that i could not get any higher. high school isn't the greatest place to try to be the best at everything. there are a *TON* of talented people in so many different endeavors; to compete with that i'd have to be a real renaissance girl....or maybe even super girl. i want to impress everyone with my intelligence, or inspire people with my determination, or make people want to be like me, but most of all i want to impress and inspire myself. when i actually take a look at what i've accomplished, it's quite a great deal for a person my age, but i don't see it. i have to be better. good isn't good enough. i need to be great. i want people to look at me and be astonished by how good i am at something. i feel like i may never have that....i don't want to go through my life being average. i want to make an impact on the people around me, be known for something i'm good at outside of downriver swimming, just do something extraordinary. i don't understand how i could be working much harder to do it, because i pretty much work my ass off right now....maybe tremendous success has to come with talent, good timing, and a little bit of luck.

i'm just waiting for my shooting star so i can grab the tail and hold on for the ride.

on a more optimistic note, there are only eight days until i'll be in the sunny, beautiful jamaica on an all-inclusive resort!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i think about that i get so anxious that i can't even sit still. the idea of laying on a beach is one that i can't even fathom right now.....it's paradise. i absolutely love the ocean; it's my favorite place in the world to be and i can't wait to get there. plus, i'll be with thirty other people from my grade, pretty much all of whom i get along with. this is going to be the best week of my life...i can feel it...i'm going to make it soooooo much fun no matter what it takes.

okay i'm in a good mood now :)

samantha elizabeth

i need advice!!!
this complicates things a bit...
after i found out that i could walk on at u of m i was really excited and almost ready to send in my deposit there. and then i visited albion, and fell in love with it. well, not in love, but i felt completely comfortable around everyone, and i felt like i would immediately be at home as a part of their swim team. on the other hand, u of m is amazing too. i love both places. the thing about this decision is that they are two completely different institutions, so i can't exactly compare them. i would be choosing from opposite ends of the collegiate spectrum.

not only that, but wherever i choose to go, i'll be letting someone down. if i go to u of m, i feel like i'll be disappointing albion's whole swim team and their coach. everyone there was so welcoming, and i could tell they really wanted me to be on the team and go to school with them next year. and to be perfectly honest, i could see myself having a great time on the team with them.

if i went to albion, i would be letting a ton of people down too. for one, my coach went through all the trouble of getting me a spot on the team at u of m. number two, i already told terra i could room with her. number three, a lot of my family really wants me to go there.

ultimately, i have to choose somewhere that makes me happy. i just don't want to make other people unhappy with the decision i make, but i guess it's gonna have to happen.

help!

sam

U of M!!!!!!!!!!!
you will never freaking guess what happened. i was at track practice on tuesday, and my swim coach walks in the gym. so i'm thinking to myself, 'hmm...what's he doing in here?'

so he walks up to me and shows me a copy of an email that he printed out. he had told me that he would email the swim coach at u of m about me possibly swimming there, but i just figured i'd end up on intramural or something. but then i read the response from the coach that said something like, 'yes, i'd like to have samantha come and swim here. will she be visiting ann arbor any time soon?'

yessssss!!!!!!!!!!! i have a walk on spot swimming at the university of michigan! you have no idea how much easier this makes my college decision. for months i didn't know what to do about it, and now i can finally have my damn cake and eat it too!

it's going to be the hardest thing i've ever done in my life, by far, but i know that i'll be able to do it. plus, i'll be swimming with girls who are like my idols!!! they have olympians on their team! there's no way i could possibly express my excitement over the computer. i just feel so lucky to have the opportunity to do something that i love and makes me so incredibly happy.

plus, u of m just sent me this thing that said they'd give me around $10,000 in financial aid, so we'll be paying less than half of the tuition.

my decision is pretty much made. i'm going to albion for an overnight recruiting trip tomorrow, because the trip was already scheduled, and just to keep that window open, but i am almost positive that i'll be a wolverine next year. i guess i'm just gonna have to break it to them after the trip and act like i really like it while i'm there....i hate letting people down.

but honestly, i don't really think it matters anymore. i have the chance of a lifetime to change my life! i'm so excited.

samantha elizabeth

sigh....
so today was the last show....talk about sad. i think that the end of the musical just sort of hit me and made me realize that EVERYTHING is ending...swimming ended, high school is ending, which is life as we all know it right now.

but as far as the play goes, i'm sooo glad that i decided to get into it last year and i wish i could have become involved earlier. i've gotten to know a group of such incredible, talented people, it's absolutely unreal. it kind of depresses me though, because i could have known them so much longer and i didn't up until this year.

i'm just going to miss everyone so much; the friends i already had and the friends that i have gained.