bye bye birdie!!!!
only three more days till the big show!! and yes, we definitely had practice from 3 until 8:30 tonight....i guess a lot was accomplished as a whole but standing around waiting to do something gets old reallly fast. it doesn't really matter though, cause everyone there is fun to hang out with.
let's see, what else? ahhh yes, since we have neverending practices this week, i'm going to be poor next month because i can't go to work unless i want to be kicked out of the musical.

ahh, the sacrifices i make to have a replaceable role in a high school production.

so i come home from practice today, and my mom is in her room. i walk in and she's like,

"sam, why don't you come and watch BET with me?"

mind you, i'm white, and so is my mother. don't get me wrong, because i am the absolute last person you would ever find being prejudiced, but don't you think that's a little weird? the stuff i have to live with.....

i can't really think of anything else to write about, except....
24 DAYS UNTIL SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!
you have no idea how excited i am about this; just thinking about a week on the beach in an exotic country makes me want to giggle like a little kid

that's it

samantha

this week....
wow, have i been busy or what? i've got sooo much stuff going on in my life right now it's amazing. or at least it seems like it to me.

for example, school is kicking my arse right now....for one thing, i hate dealing with the irascible teachers in our school; the whole lecturing classes on how they need to be working harder is getting old....it's senior year and half the class just wants to get the hell out, me included. i'm getting good grades, but for some reason, the idea of taking time to do work outside of school (i.e. homework) really doesn't seem worth my energy. so i end up putting off mi tarea every night and then just doing it during my classes....it beats wasting time at home, if you ask me.

then there's the musical. it's coming up next week (ps go see it), so we have practice evvvvery day for sooo long and most of the time i just end up sitting there cuz i have a worthless part. oh well, at least there are fun people there to talk with.

then there's work....
i dunno why, but i really don't feel like i want to make time for it anymore. yeah, i get paid and everything, but lately my priorities have been thrown into a jar and shaken up so they're all out of order.

and of course, college....
i got accepted to u of m last weekend, which i'm happy about, but i'm still not even sure whether or not i want to go there. now that i know i've been accepted, i have a huge decision to make between going there or going to albion....you can read about that whole dilemma in the aforementioned entries.

and my physical being....
spring break is in less than 30 days now, and i neeed to be in shape for it. i hate how during swim season i'm all toned and i can eat whatever i want, but then after that i turn into a big worthless blob. making time for working out sucks. i like forced athleticism better.

and spring break.....
i don't have any summery clothes for jamaica, and i don't have any money to buy summery clothes either....guess i'll either have to walk around naked or live in a bathing suit for a week.

all of these priorities sound like they shouldn't be exhausting me, but for some reason or another, they are. maybe it's just the lack of sleep talking.

sam

*night of the stars*
yay! tonight was the night of the stars....it was so much fun! i got to wear the prettiest dress; it made me feel like a princess!

watching the awards was a lot of fun too, i'm so happy for all my friends! i kinda wanted to win for most likely to succeed, but kelly definitely deserved it more than i do....she's gonna end up an engineer and i'll probably end up pumpin your gas someday....haha

my favorite part was definitely the dresses. everyone looked so beautiful all dressed up and ready for the prom....i wish i could have tried them all on!

i'm kinda tired from standing up with good posture for like an hour straight and walking in high heels, so i'm not gonna write anymore

Samantha

i <3 my dad
so last night i was in extreme depression mode....it was the guys' last meet before states and their banquet, and it just made me think about how high school swimming is truly over for me. my season's been over for a while, but i've been clinging to it by going to their meets and stuff.

i started thinking about all the memories i've shared with my team; the invitationals, the team sleepovers and campouts, the state meet, my coaches, my teammates, the practices, the fights, the laughing. it was too much for me to handle emotionally, so at like midnight i just started bawling my eyes out in bed. i just kept picturing everyone's faces in my head and realizing that we will never be together as a team ever again. i knew i was sad about it, but last night it completely hit me that it's gone.

not only the fact that high school swimming is over, but the fact that i still don't know what i'm going to do about school. if i go to u of m, i won't be able to swim there, because their team is a bunch of olympians, and those practices combined with school would be too much for me to handle. the only problem is, i love the atmosphere, the campus, and everything else the school offers.

on the other end of the spectrum, albion wants me to go there and swim. it's a decent school, but i know i could do better, and i'm not sure it's the atmosphere i'm looking for. here's the clincher.....i can't imagine my life with me not a part of a swim team...i just can't stop like that. i'm depressed enough after not swimming at all for a week; there's no way i can just stop for the rest of my life. just thinking about it is making me get choked up sitting at the computer.

so last night i'm crying my head off, and my dad comes in and asks me what's wrong. i explain everything to him, and he is like the voice of reason. i don't know why, but the things i never thought of just seemed so obvious after they came out of his mouth. he told me that i've been swimming for such a long time that for me to just stop didn't seem right to him either, and that i can always transfer to a different school if i don't like one place.

he also gave me some really important insight on my situation. he told me that i should be thankful to have the opportunity to choose something that makes me happy.

and he's absolutely right. i know that i'll probably end up being satisfied wherever i end up. it's just the idea of going to u of m and having a great time, but still wondering how much different my life would be if i would have been swimming. or vice versa, me swimming at albion, loving being on the team, and thinking about the opportunities at u of m.

i don't know what it is about my dad, but he's really easy to talk to and tell all of my problems to. he never judges me, and he always seems to come up with some sort of solution that makes me feel better. i'm so incredibly lucky to have someone like him supporting me.

i just hope i can make the right decision....it's still really depressing me

yawn....
sooo today was busy....i came back from the weekend and forgot we had an officers' meeting for NHS before school....for the second time in a row....i feel bad about that but i guess there's nothing i can do now...oh well i'm going to the meeting tomorrow so that's what counts.

after school we had practice for the night of the stars....i think it'll be fun but the practice was worthless as hell.

then i went to bbb practice, which was worthless as well....mr k. gave us this drawn out speech last week about how we needed to be more dedicated and make it to every practice, but after three hours, we did about five minutes of acutal work.....talk about a little hypocrisy

then after that i went to work, and by that point, i hadn't eaten for about six or seven hours....so by six thirty i was literally in pain because of my hunger. i know that six hours is a long time to go without eating, but i've done it before without any major issues.....today was a totally different story. i don't remember a time when i've ever been in so much pain; it felt like someone was inside my stomach, twisting and streching the muscles like taffy. i was about to either cry or pass out, so i had to leave work to get something to eat. i came home for some food, and let me tell you, i don't think i've ever eaten so much food so fast in my life. i had a banana, a bag of teddy grahams, a huge bowl of cereal, a pickle, and some chips in a matter of about 15 or 20 minutes.....i felt like a human vacuum cleaner eating everything in sight. so after i had eaten, i felt sleepy, which i still do now.

after work, i went to office max to see if i could get the kind of computer paper that prints out iron-on transfers to make our espanol shirts for the pep rally....the only problem is that the only packs they carry have 50 sheets and cost 40 dollars. for one thing, i only need about 30 sheets at the most and i definitely don't have 40 dollars to spend....so i dunno how we're gonna get these shirts done on time.

so now i'm home, and i've decided not to do my homework....i'm gonna veg out for a bit and go to bed.

hasta luego
samantha

in a dreamlike fog....
i had a weird day...i don't know why but i just felt very much like i was sitting outside the situation watching my body go through my actions, or like i was in some kind of fog....do you ever get that feeling?

it's almost like the events that unfolded today never really happened. maybe it's because some things occurred that aren't a normal part of my day....for instance, it was beautiful outside, which is sooo rare for a february day in michigan. a second example is how amazing i felt when i was working out; after 15 minutes of hardcore pedaling on the bike, 25 minutes of running on the treadmill, and another 45 on the weight machines and whatnot, i felt like i could have done the whole workout over again, and that was after i had eaten donuts in the morning.

there are a couple more things too, but i think maybe i should analyze them a little more in my head before i write and confuse everyone else.

until we meet again....
*sambelina*

sometimes these feelings can be so misleading....

so...yep.

i'm really bored right now.....i made the mistake of waiting till like nine to call anyone on a friday night....now everyone has plans.....but it's sorta good cuz i haven't slept at all the past week so maybe i'll be able to do it tonight.

so today, i went to traffic jam to get fitted for my 'night of the stars' dress.....it's a pretty pink princess one! you know, strapless with a full poofy skirt....it makes me feel like cinderella. :)

last night's swim meet was amazing....i always thought the records on our board were untouchable, and then someone goes and breaks one....absolutely incredible moment

so i don't really have too much to talk about today....hasta luego muchachitos y muchachitas

sam

You are Princess Buttercup. You lost your love,
Westley, long ago and now believe him to be
dead. Because of this nothing matters much to
you. You are brave, willfull and strong
hearted ... not only that but you are darn sexy
too!


Which character from The Princess Bride are you? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

give me some lovin!

*smile*

i don't think i could be in a much better mood than i've been in lately!

i have this total feeling of euphoria that doesn't seem to want to fade, and personally, i don't want it to fade either. a combination of happiness for myself and happiness for other people has put me on the proverbial cloud nine.

seriously, i don't think you're fully comprehending the level that my happiness has reached; it may be an all-time high, actually. most people in high school have these crappy lives, or at least they act like they do, and to be perfectly honest, if this is what high school stress is supposed to be like, then i wanna be stressed the rest of my life!

i think maybe my freshman, sophomore, and part of my junior year i let stuff freak me out a little more than i do now. the bad stuff has been bouncing off of me. i might get upset for a second, but then i just shrug it off on the majority of occasions. and the weird thing about it is, just forgetting about anything bad really isn't building up inside of me or anything. i feel spiritually cleansed.....okay maybe i won't take it that far, but i definitely feel quite devoid of any subconscious anger or depression or anything like that.

that's really what i came on the computer to write about. i am honestly happy enough that i feel like i should be writing about it....when i say that in my head, it makes me wanna crack up.

i mean, i've never been the one to wallow in self pity or let life get me too far down, but i am so far from that right now it's incredible.

i just thought all my adoring fans out there should know.

~Samantha~

ahhh yessss, inspiration

sitting here
it's midnight
thinking about that time....
you were there
gives me the chills

dreaming now
it's quiet
but i can hear your voice....
feel your lips
getting dizzy


trying to relive those moments
isn't good enough for me
anymore

drinking from a pool of memories
can't possibly quench my thirst
anymore

i need the real you
the only thing that will suffice
i crave that feeling
tide me over

with you
there's this higher consciousness
i can't find
anywhere else

it's like
total perspicacity
of this world
inside and out

just one question
do you sense it too?
if you crave it
then tide me over

*samantha elizabeth*

ho hum....

What is your name?:	Samantha
Are you named after anyone?:	no
What's your screename?:	swimchica255
Would you name a child of yours after you?:	no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:	jacob....not my choice, my parents told me
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:	can't choose
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:	people always just start calling me sam when they don't even know me....that totally bugs
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:	maybe
Basics
Your gender::	female
Straight/Gay/Bi::	straight
Single?:	yes
If not, do you want to be?:
Birthdate::	june 18, 1986
Your age::	17
Age you act::	20
Age you wish you were::	12
Your height::	5'11"
Eye color::	green
Happy with it?:	yes
Hair color::	blonde
Happy with it?:	for the most part
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::	left with a hint of ambi
Your living arrangement::	live with my family
Your family::	mom, dad, two brothers
Have any pets?:	dog and fish
Whats your job?:	swim coach, lifeguard
Piercings?:	ears (3 in each) and belly button
Tattoos?:	no
Obsessions?:	swimming
Addictions?:	no
Do you speak another language?:	yo hablo espanol
Have a favorite quote?:	the only way you'll make it through life satisfied is if you make the best of every situation
Do you have a webpage?:	think i used to
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:	yes
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:	very
Do you have any secrets?:	a few
Do you hate yourself?:	no
Do you like your handwriting?:	i guess
Do you have any bad habits?:	biting my nails
What is the compliment you get from most people?:	i'm smart
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:	good question....i'll have to think about that one
What's your biggest fear?:	losing someone close to me
Can you sing?:	decently well
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:	no
Are you a loner?:	no
What are your #1 priorities in life?:	family,friends, swimming,school...in that order
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:	yes
Are you a daredevil?:	sometimes
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:	not too crazy about being tall
Are you passive or agressive?:	both
Do you have a journal?:	yes
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:	strength- optimism; weakness- tendency to worry
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:	height
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:	yes
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:	no
Do you think life has been good so far?:	most definitely
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:	make the best of everything
What do you like the most about your body?:	arms
And least?:	booty
Do you think you are good looking?:	relatively
Are you confident?:	for the most part
What is the fictional character you are most like?:	hermione from harry potter
Are you perceived wrongly?:	by some people
Do You...
Smoke?:	no
Do drugs?:	no
Read the newspaper?:	once in a while
Pray?:	when i really really really need some strength/answers; this happens about once a year
Go to church?:	sometimes
Talk to strangers who IM you?:	no
Sleep with stuffed animals?:	yes
Take walks in the rain?:	yes
Talk to people even though you hate them?:	no
Drive?:	yes
Like to drive fast?:	yes
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:	it's okay
Hurt yourself?:	no
Been out of the country?:	does canada count?
Eaten something that made other people sick?:	no
Been in love?:	yes
Done drugs?:	yes
Gone skinny dipping?:	yes
Had a medical emergency?:	yes
Had surgery?:	no
Ran away from home?:	when i was like five, to the corner and back with my little suitcase
Played strip poker?:	no
Gotten beaten up?:	no
Beaten someone up?:	no, but i wanna do that before i die
Been picked on?:	yes
Been on stage?:	yes
Slept outdoors?:	yes
Thought about suicide?:	no
Pulled an all nighter?:	yes
If yes, what is your record?:	don't know
Gone one day without food?:	no
Talked on the phone all night?:	no
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:	yes
Slept all day?:	yes
Killed someone?:	no
Made out with a stranger?:	yes
Had sex with a stranger?:	no
Thought you're going crazy?:	no
Kissed the same sex?:	not in a romantic way
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:	no
Been betrayed?:	yes
Had a dream that came true?:	yes
Broken the law?:	yes
Met a famous person?:	yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:	no
On purpose?:	no
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:	yes
Stolen anything?:	no
Been on radio/tv?:	yes
Been in a mosh-pit?:	yes
Had a nervous breakdown?:	yes
Bungee jumped?:	no
Had a dream that kept coming back?:	yes
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:	yes
Miracles?:	yes
Astrology?:	slightly
Magic?:	yes
God?:	yes
Satan?:	no
Santa?:	no
Ghosts?:	yes
Luck?:	yes
Love at first sight?:	yes
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:	yes
Witches?:	no
Easter bunny?:	no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:	yes
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:	i hope so, or else all those little leprechauns won't be very happy when they get there
Do you wish on stars?:	yes
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:	no
Do you think God has a gender?:	no
Do you believe in organized religion?:	not really
Where do you think we go when we die?:	somewhere peaceful and pretty
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:	yes
Who is your best friend?:	don't have one
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:	katie g.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:	be yourself
Your favourite inside joke?:	awwwww shit!
Thing you're picked on most about?:	being smart
Who's your longest known friend?:	katie g.
Newest?:	everyone from the musical
Shyest?:	none of em are really shy
Funniest?:	mark
Sweetest?:	courtney
Closest?:	several
Weirdest?:	i'm the biggest weirdo i know
Smartest?:	allison
Ditziest?:	we're all ditzes at heart
Friends you miss being close to the most?:	all the girls from anderson
Last person you talked to online?:	nick
Who do you talk to most online?:	allison
Who are you on the phone with most?:	don't talk on the phone very often
Who do you trust most?:	most of them
Who listens to your problems?:	courtney
Who do you fight most with?:	try not to fight with my friends
Who's the nicest?:	kristen
Who's the most outgoing?:	whitney
Who's the best singer?:	courtney
Who's on your shit-list?:	none
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:	eww no
Who's your second family?:	the swim team
Do you always feel understood?:	no
Who's the loudest friend?:	katie kish
Do you trust others easily?:	yes
Who's house were you last at?:	can't remember
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::	todos mis amigos
Do your friends know you?:	for the most part
Friend that lives farthest away::	they all live pretty close
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:	no
What do you find romantic?:	cuddling and little gifts
Turn-on?:	sense of humor
Turn-off?:	b.o.
First kiss?:	spin the bottle in 7th grade
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:	flattered but annoyed
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:	yes
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:	yes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:	yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:	i hope so
What is best about the opposite sex?:	laughing together
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:	conceited chauvenistic attitude
What's the last present someone gave you?:	my mom gave me the hallmark kissing bears for valentine's day
Are you in love?:	no
Do you consider your significant other hot?:	yes
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:	no one
You wanted to kill?:	no one
That you laughed at?:	my mom
That laughed at you?:	allison
That turned you on?:	that's for me to know
You went shopping with?:	myself
That broke your heart?:	never had my heart broken
To disappoint you?:	my brother
To ask you out?:	can't remember
To make you cry?:	parents
To brighten up your day?:	little brother
That you thought about?:	little brother
You saw a movie with?:	can't remember
You talked to on the phone?:	aunt helen
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:	nick
You saw?:	my mom
You lost?:	great gma
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:	no
Will it be with your significant other?:	no
Or some random person?:	no
What are you wearing right now?:	t shirt and jeans
Body part you're touching right now::	neck
What are you worried about right now?:	college
What book are you reading?:	world lit...story of my life
What's on your mousepad?:	the dell logo
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::	tired, bored, happy, peaceful, chilly
Are you bored?:	look above
Are you tired?:	look above
Are you talking to anyone online?:	not at the moment
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:	no
Are you lonely or content?:	content
Are you listening to music?:	yes

Really Long Survey (over 200) brought to you by BZOINK!

*smile*

i am so freaking happy right now. it's 12:30 in the afternoon and i just woke up a half hour ago. and it's friday. and i have today, tomorrow, the next day, and the next day off. and it was beautiful outside yesterday. and i can go shopping cuz i paid my spring break balance. and i love boys.

those are the things i'm happy about.

you know something? i figured out that you don't understand what your parents are worrying about until you sit there and talk about what you or other people your age were doing. it makes sense that they worry about me. but honestly, i don't think that that's gonna really make me take their worrying into consideration any more than i already do now. i mean yeah, right now i could be like 'yeah mom, i understand,' but next time my mom won't let me go somewhere cuz she's worried about me i'll have forgotten about it and start to argue back at her.

that's another weird thing. sometimes i have these strange insights about life, and i get excited cuz i figure that they'll be useful to me in the future, but i end up forgetting about them except for once in a blue moon. i wish that i could put to good use all of the things i've figured out about life in the past year or so. my mind has completely changed regarding a lot of different ideas, and so much has happened lately that i think i'm completely different from me a year ago.

it's definitely a better me. i'm more confident, more okay with me as a person, and more willing to take risks to get what i want. i'm also more motivated, and i love putting myself out there to meet new people much more than i did last year. i think part of my gained maturity has come from the fact that college is approaching, and i've made a conscious effort to realize that i should be making the best of everything while i'm still in high school.

one thing that i'm extremely glad i've done over the past year or so is talk to everyone that doesn't think they're too good to talk to me. i don't care what other people say about them, or how popular they are, or how not popular they are. i realize that everyone deserves a chance, and i would want everyone to talk to me without judging the same way as i do. i let everyone show me what they have to offer, so i can learn about them for myself. if they turn out to be incredibly self-centered or annoying like everyone says they are, well at least i took the time to get to know them.

finding out something bad about someone is not nearly as powerful as finding out something good about someone.

i love the broad range of people that i've gotten to know over the past year; i've met so many funny, smart, caring, sweet, and generally fun to be around people. i think everyone should start talking to people they don't know. just because you're a senior in high school doesn't mean you can't meet someone new. get yourself involved in something new, talk to new people, volunteer, do something you've never done before, don't be afraid to be different. above all, and i know this sounds cliche, be yourself. you'd be amazed at how people respond to someone who's comfortable in their own skin. plus, you'll be a lot happier knowing that you weren't fake or trying to be something you're not.

i think i've made some progress.

*sam*

lah dee dah dee dah

i think i'm getting out of the pissed off stage that has been consuming me for the past few weeks. i've always been relatively happy with what's going on in my life, but for some reason i've been in an unusually bad mood for the last fourteen days or so.

today i came home and blew up on my mom for no reason, and i think that was a pretty effective outlet of my frustration, although i have to admit that i didn't make the wisest choice regarding who i would release my wrath upon. eh....i think she's over it anyways.

the weird thing is, i don't have an acceptable reason to walk around angry. i honestly just started to let the little things annoy the living hell out of me until i felt like i was about to explode. that definitely doesn't follow my rule of making the best of every situation.

at least i figured it out before i made a habit out of it.

one thing i need to get back into the habit of doing is working out. while stricken with a particularly debilitating illness for an entire month, the idea of working out was not an option for me. if i would have tried, i may have coughed up a lung. literally.

so i finally feel better this week. in fact, i haven't had a violent coughing fit in almost two days! isn't that exciting?
you know your life is bordering on pathetic when you get excited over being able to breathe properly.

so anyways, now that i feel better, i really need to work out so they don't have to roll my fat ass onto the plane to jamaica. the only problem for me is that my schedule doesn't allow a set time for exercise. also, i've been feeling incredibly tired lately. i find myself falling asleep a lot more than usual in all of my classes, and whenever i'm at home, all i wanna do is take a nap. i dunno....maybe if i start working out tomorrow it'll give me a little energy boost. plus, if i'm tired, i can always sleep in because we have a four day weekend coming up!!!!!!!

i think i'm done for now

*sambelina*

grrrr.....

so people make me really angry. i've found out about a lot of things over the past couple of days that have slightly lowered my faith in humanity.

for example, the dance instructors for the school musical. i really don't like when people think they have the right to tell others what to do and treat them like crap.

also, people who like to lead others on and then make them feel like crap.

also, the people who ripped down the random act of kindness posters in the hallway. wtf is that?! i mean for real, why would you go and do a thing like that? we're trying to promote kindness amongst everyone, and they destroy it.

also, teachers who think they're always right and end up screwing their students over in the process....it's like, just admit your wrong for god's sake....the earth won't cave in if you do it.

and finally, every womanizing bastard ever. how dare you treat women like a friggin piece of meat! i experienced this an unusually high number of times firsthand this weekend and it's starting to disgust me.

i guess overall i'm just pissed of at people who are inconsiderate towards others. too many times people end up doing things without putting themselves in the other person's position. for once i wish everyone would stop being so damn selfish and worrying about what will make them look better.

that's enough for today folks.

*samburger*

makes ya think, doesn't it?

so, tomorrow's valentine's day. my eighteenth consecutive one without a valentine, might i add. yeah that sounds pretty pathetic, but i've been thinking about it, and a ton of other people have never had a valentine, and they're alive. my life is actually pretty amazing even though i don't have one.

it's just the fact that my life might be even more amazing if i did. i love to see couples who are so totally smitten with each other that nothing else matters; they could be standing in the middle of a room while an earthquake is happening and see nothing but the sparkle in their significant other's eyes. i want that so badly.

trying to make something like that happen is not a good idea, however. there is no way that i'm gonna become miss 'i'm clingy and i'm gonna throw myself all over you because i want a boyfriend.' i want a guy who makes me feel that way all on his own. i know that the harder i look, the harder it will become to find a good one, but it's the same as trying not to think about polar bears right after someone's told you not to think about polar bears. it just creeps into your mind like a little animal and burrows in the back of your head. eww. haha.

i'm not even saying that i'm on a quest for mr. right, cuz i'm most definitely not. maybe i'm just being too picky. but i don't think i'm picky, so maybe i just give off the impression that i am. i should work on that. actually, i don't even know if that's the problem. it could be a number of things. maybe i'm too tall, maybe i'm too smart, maybe i'm not flirty enough, maybe a certain guy doesn't like the way i do my hair. but to be perfectly honest, and not to sound full of myself at all, i think i'm a good person, and i would imagine that i'm fun to be around, relatively good looking, and i'm a very friendly person, so why don't i have a freaking boyfriend? guys are one of the world's greatest mysteries. so i sound absolutely ridiculous right now, and i definitely think i am over-analyzing my love life. i need to stop trying and relax.

understanding the opposite sex is a complicated thing.

so anyways, tomorrow is valentine's day, and i'm going to the rodeo with my aunt jenni!!!! you have no idea how excited i am. (pause to make fun of me for a second) i've never been to a rodeo before, and i think it'll be a fun time. who knows, maybe i'll meet a cowboy there and have a great valentine's day. haha. fat chance.

in the meantime, i am perfectly and utterly elated with my life, and to put it all into perspective, i'm only 17, it's not like i need to settle down or anything. if i meet a boy, then that's great. if i don't, that's great too; i know that i'll have a great time no matter what's going on in my life.

*samantha*elizabeth*