:: 2006 13 January :: 3.12 pm

I missed school again today. I've been sick for the past few days, but this morning it was really bad. I woke up at around 3:30am and I had a fever, I thought I was going to throw up, I couldn't breathe, etc so I just started bawling and this morning I wanted to go to school, but then my mom seen me and she wouldn't let me go. We went to the doctors and at first they tested me for strep throat and it came back negative and the doctor said there is also a differen't kind that I could possiably have that doesn't show up on tests, but since they weren't sure they wanted to test me for mono and draw my blood and get a blood count. So anyways my mom and I are sitting there in the doctors office and then my mom was talking on her phone and they have a sign saying that you have to turn your phone off and we were waiting for the lady to come in to draw my blood and I thought my doctor said her name was Dino, but her name was really Dina and anyways I was being completely serious at this time because I seriously thought it was her name and i'm like "Mom, put your phone away, Dino will be here soon" and my mom just busted out laughing and she's like "Dino? Dino is a dinosaur! Her name is Dina, not Dino" and so then I was laughing because thats what I thought her name was and then all of the sudden she walked in and my mom hurried and put her phone away and she hung up while she was talking to my sister and I was laughing hysterically because I knew "Dina" was going to walk in and so then my mom goes "oh sure you laugh about it now but wait until the needle goes in" and she was trying to cover up and make it sound like I wasn't laughing at the lady and then I kept laughing still at how dumb my mom sounded and how she was lying lol. So I was pretty pissed off that they had to draw my blood because I'm scared of needles and it wasn't as bad as I thought but they don't know what I have until Monday. It really sucks because I'll fall asleep and when I wake up I always feel worse than I did before I fell asleep and I just start bawling again. It hurts so bad. I hate this. I hope that I don't have mono because I'm pretty sure I wont be at school for a long long time....

5 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 12 January :: 10.07 am

School. I hate school. I don't want to go. It's lame lame lame.

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 11 January :: 5.22 pm

God, you're pathetic.

I'm in a really bad mood today again and just about everyone is bugging the shit out of me.

Why can't people just mind their own fucking business?

Please stop asking me. It's rude and it annoys me since it doesn't concern any of the people who have asked me in the last week.

School sucked today. My grade in english is now a 93% which isn't bad but I can do better than that and the only reason that it's lower is because we are reading a dumb book and I sleep all hour so she gives me zero's but I wasn't aware that I'm not allowed to sleep considering that I do the homework that's due anyways, but Ms. Eilola just love's being a pain in my royal ass and that's all there is to it.

I feel like crap once again......

4 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 10 January :: 7.35 pm

"Well he looks like a douche bag, should we write that down?"

Haha I love you Stacy. We are such bitches. When he was barking i'm like "Ugh, that makes me sick!"

I was only being honest!


...five million more years until the weekend....


Alriiight....


This whole thing is just inside jokes that only a select few people understand.

We all took our bitch pills today...


And I definitely don't feel good right now and half of my family is sick so I'm going to go take some Nyquil and go to bed.

9 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 9 January :: 9.13 pm

Yay I'm on the internet on my laptop!! How exciting!! I need to download msn messenger though which is going to take five million years. Oh well I'm happy!

lie awake

:: 2006 9 January :: 8.49 pm

I'm in a really bad mood tonight and anyone who talks to me pretty much annoys me.

Tonight when my sister and I were on our way home from shopping she was trying to do something to my mirror and I wasn't paying attention since I was driving and she pushed the on*star button because she didn't know what it was and that was a bad idea lol. My radio all of the sudden turned off and then this weird music started playing and then a lady started talking to us and I didn't know what was going on and she was going to send help but then we said it was an acciden't and she said something to us and she turned it off, but it was pretty hilarious.

School is so stupid I just want it to be the weekend again. I always have fun on the weekends.

My sister Danielle dyed her hair dark brown so now we have the same hair color and now all I keep hearing is how we look like twins....

And Stacy was everyone being serious when they said were hanging out with Big Nasty this weekend? Haha I love Ben he's so cute!

I know this is hurting you but it's killing me.

1 shooting star | lie awake

:: 2006 8 January :: 3.31 pm

What did you say...that you only meant well and this is supposed to be for the best.

This isn't what we need..but you decided this.


Well last night..on the way to Stacys house I was in the front seat and Danielle was driving and Sam Foley and I were talking and she was saying what if a bloody guy just walked in the road and we hit them and all of the sudden something ran in the road and I wasn't paying attention and Danielle started swerving all over the road and I just seen this huge shadow and I don't even remember what happend after that but when it was done and over with Sam and Danielle said I was screaming bloody murder but I don't really remember because I was so scared we were going to crash and die. That would probably be unfortunate.

Somehow when I'm with Danielle, we almost always die. One of the days we probably will.

We went to tgi fridays again last night even though I was just there with Em, Logan, and Justin and I had to get the cheesecake again. It's sooo good.


Well I hope everyone had a good weekend but Em just called and wants to hang out tonight so were going to go out with Logan and Justin so I'll ttyl.

Ohh I'm so glad Devin finally skanked for me and Sam lol.

8 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 7 January :: 5.07 pm

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't.

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today.

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,


Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today


and I know I'm not ready,
maybe tomorrow


Tomorrow it may change

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 7 January :: 1.40 am

Tonight was fun. I went to the basketball game at Forest Hills Central with Emily, Justin, and Logan. We definitely got lost on the way there. We even got directions and Logan is a moron and we were supposed to get off at exit 40B so what does he do? He gets off at exit 39 that takes us god knows where. We finally ended up at the game after like an hour of driving.

The game sucked. We lost.

After that we went to tgi fridays and we about died getting there. I'm not even going to get into that. When we were walking out Emily and I were reading something and I ran into a car. Emily said it was probably the funniest thing that shes ever seen. We just about died laughing.

Then we just went to Justins and watched Wedding Crashers or something. I don't even know. I just fell asleep anyways.

Logan said that Emily and I are exactly the same. Which come to realize after this whole past year after everything we pretty much are. We've been through alot together and somehow at the end, were even better friends than we were at the begining. We can't even listen to the same songs or it will make us cry. We pretty much should be twins.

Anyways after tonight I had tons of fun and I'm glad everything can just be back to normal for good.

Yes, each new day brings with it a new set of lies.

The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep.

We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy.

Or, that he's happy.

That we can change.

Or, that he will change his mind.

We persuade ourselves saying we can live with our sins.

Or, that we can live without him.

Yes, each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves...in desperate, desperate hope, that come morning...

It will all be true.

lie awake

:: 2006 6 January :: 5.23 pm

I almost didn't go to school today again. I couldn't fall asleep last night either and my alarm started going off this morning and I pushed snooze and then all of the sudden the buttons froze so I just turned it off and went back to bed and my mom came upstairs at like 7:10 yelling "Why isn't anyone up in this house yet?" so I pretty much was ready in like five minutes.

Today was a pretty boring day. I was just going to skip fifth hour because Brittani and Dani wanted me to go to Yesterdog with them but I figured I probably should make up all my missed work.

The Spring Hill meeting was today and I'm pretty excited for that. It's in a month.

And well I guess I don't really have anything to write about at the moment. Emily is almost here and we are going to Logans for a while and then going to Justins and then going to the game and then afterwards I was just going to come home but Emily wants me to hang out with her so we'll just go hang out with some people. I don't really know what else is going on this weekend but I should go.

<3 Ashley

3 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 5 January :: 11.38 pm

I'm throwing all the hints..giving you all the signs..why can't you just see it?

lie awake

:: 2006 4 January :: 12.22 am

A fucking waste of time is ALL you've become.

3 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 4 January :: 12.03 am

Today was anything but ordinary. I couldn't fall asleep last night for the life of me so I pretty much just stayed up all night watching the first season of Desperate Housewives. I'm pretty far, I must add. I am so used to being out all night with people and not falling asleep until around 3 AM so last night was definitely a challenge. I got to school, not looking forward to seeing a certain someone. There was a little tension going on there. So anyways, I'm in first hour (Modishers) and Mr. H called him and wanted me to go upstairs to his class room and I figured it had to do with my monologue or something like that. I walk up there and there standing in the hallway is Veronica. I just about died. I kept saying "omg". H then said that she remembered me and I just about died again. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest hug I've ever gave anyone and this hug was differen't than the last hug I gave her when she came in with her mom, not remembering anyone and she had to sit there and see me bawl my eyes out, and she had no idea why in the world I was crying. When we hugged that day, she barely hugged me back but today she wouldn't let go. I knew she remembered me and I was so happy. I've waited so long for this to come. H told me that she doesn't really remember everything in our friendship but she remembers alot of it so I just have to fill her in on the rest and then she told me she remembered me bawling when she came into school and she had to ask her mom why I was crying and her mom said because we were basically best friends. She told me she felt bad that I was crying but it's not her fault this happened. All in all I'm really happy that she remembers me. She asked me who about six people in our drama class were. She didn't remember them at all. But anyways things are slowly getting better for her and that makes me really happy and now I feel like a moron when we talk because I don't know what parts she remembers and what parts she doesn't so I have to ask her and either way I feel stupid but this is all worth it…..

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 2 January :: 5.03 pm

You pretty much just lost me.


So walk away like you always do.

lie awake

:: 2005 31 December :: 1.52 pm
:: Mood: tired

I count the days that we have spent apart. I've got a bad liver and a broken heart. There's no salvation in the comfort of you. I finally realized your tearing me apart.

I think what hurts me the most is the fact that you don't hurt at all.

lie awake