:: 2006 12 May :: 12.09 pm

$1,000 spent all on pain for me.

And now we also only have one dog.

This day has probably been the worst experience ever.

:: 2006 8 May :: 6.39 am

Isn't this the best part of breaking up, finding someone else you can't get enough of? Someone who wants to be with you too.

:: 2006 4 May :: 11.22 pm

Tonight is just one of those nights where I can't help but think about this.

As much as I try, it's never going to go away.

:: 2006 1 May :: 8.36 pm

Hmm well i'd say those pretty much fit.

3 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 29 April :: 4.13 pm

A lot has changed lately.

My dad called me on Thursday and told me that my stepmom was moving out. I don't really know what to think of this. At first I cried but then I realized the whole reason why I was crying wasn't because she was moving out it was because I was just scared of what was going to happen and I didn't want my dad to be alone and it hurts me to see him hurt. I guess I don't really have feelings towards this. I think it's for the best. I hated her anyways. Once she moves out my dad wants me to come over Tuesday-Thursday because he is always in Detroit all week and we need someone to take care of our dogs but there's no way I'm moving in there. I'm not going to be at a house all alone and plus once Summer comes I wont even be here anyways so it's not going to work out. I don't know what we are going to do and we are also going to put our house up for sale and move too. This whole thing is really stressing me out.

So then today my uncle needed me to drop something off at my dads so I planned on going to see my dad anyways so when I'm about five minutes away my mom calls me and tells me my dad called her and said that I can't come over right now so I wanted to know what that was all about and I called him and he said that my stepmom was there and that it just wasn't a good idea for me to be there. I got pissed off because I basically drove out there for nothing and my uncle still needed me to drop something off at my dads so I just went over there anyways and dropped it off and I walked out and then my dad came after me and we got into this huge fight and it ended up with me crying and leaving.

And now my mom and I are also in a fight because of this whole thing so I pretty much feel unwelcome at both of my houses.


She couldn't take one more day
Home was more her prison now
Independence called out
She had to get it

A fight was all she needed
To give her reason
She slammed the door with no goodbye
And that it was time

Now she's driving too fast
She didn't care to glance behind
And through her tears she laughed
It's time to kiss the past goodbye


In other news besides all the bad things that have been going on, Prom was awesome. I don't really feel like talking about it because Prom is Prom but it was really weird because everyone kept telling me last night that I looked like Mischa Barton and my Prom dress looked like her Prom dress that she wore on The O.C. and the episode just airred on Thursday so a day later we had almost the same dress. Hmm..her and I ... pretty much the same person.

:: 2006 29 April :: 1.21 pm

You know what? I actually thought I wanted to be your friend and now I have no idea why. No idea.

:: 2006 26 April :: 11.48 pm

Gotta love those akward moments.

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 25 April :: 4.21 pm

Apparently I'm not being vague enough for you. Either you pretend you don't notice or you are a complete moron. One of the two. Who knows which one that is.

10 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 23 April :: 12.27 pm

Oh, and just so everyone knows, I love Stacy Cain!

4 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 23 April :: 11.56 am

:: 2006 19 April :: 11.02 pm

The fact of the matter is, we don't have anything to fix. It's to the point where I don't even care what you have to say and the whole thing where you say you don't want to see me hurt. Well it's a little too late for that. And obviously you don't care about me more or you wouldn't be doing this. That's a lie. Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. I would rather you just admit it than act fake about it. I know. He knows. You know. We all know.

Oh no
Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you where something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up

I was loosing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

It's not like I need somebody
Telling me where I should go at night
Don't worry you'll find somebody
Someone to tell how to live their life
Cause your so perfect
And no one measures up
Yeah all by yourself
You're all messed up

I was loosing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Now wait a minute
Because of you
I never knew all the things that I had
Hey don't u get it
I'm not going anywhere with you tonight
Cause this is my life

I was loosing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's was everything
Everything I'm not

But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
she was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

:: 2006 16 April :: 1.33 pm

Well this weekend was pretty interesting to say the least. I pretty much just hung out with my friends and yesterday I got my prom dress.

I can't figure out why things like that happen and they always happen at the worst times. It throws everything off for me. Cheers to another akward moment.

I never knew, I never knew that everything was falling through. That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue, to turn and run when all I needed was the truth, but that's how it's gotta be.

Everyone knows I'm in over my head, with eight seconds left in overtime, she's on your mind & suddenly I become part of your past, I'm becoming the part that doesn't last, I'm losing you & it's effortless.

Stacy I'm waiting for you because I have my picture of my dress ready for you now lol.

6 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 15 April :: 12.16 am

I woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed, the thought of you and when you're gone, but the world spins madly on.

And everything that I said I'd do, like make the world blend in, and take the time for you, I just got lost and stepped right through the dawn, and the world spins madly on.

I let the days go by, I always say goodbye, I watch stars from my windowsill, the whole world is moving, and I'm standing still.

I woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed, the night is here, the day is gone, and the world spins madly on.

The thought of you and when you're gone and the world spins madly on and the world spins madly on.

I miss you.

:: 2006 13 April :: 8.21 pm
:: Mood: Confused

That was definitely a lot harder for me to handle than I thought.

I guess things change in time and not always the way I want them to. Oh well I guess. It's just something I'll have to deal with.

I never stopped believing in you and me.
Your leaving? It never changed things.

Ohh and we can't forget that akward moment at school today. I seriously about died. I think Stacy seriously about died witnessing this whole thing. That couldn't have happened at a worse time.

12 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2006 11 April :: 8.06 pm

"heyya i no him he 1 of my furends, we make brownE's together n the chocolattte spill on da shirt"

That's how some of you type. That's not my point but it's true.

Stacy knows. She's one meen bug. ahahahaha

17 shooting stars | lie awake