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2005 16 April :: 11.48 pm
Everyone, Jenna says she loves me lol.
Anyways today was sooo much fun. It's the most fun I've had in a long time and I got the cutest pictures too.
This weekend has been fun so far but I'm extremely tired from not sleeping much lately, I've had a lot on my mind and I think constontly about things so don't worry Jenna...
but a million people are talking to me so I'm out. Well not a million but a lot.
LOVE ASHLEY MEGAN
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2005 15 April :: 4.40 pm
It's going to be the last time ever. It's over.
He told me he likes me more than a friend.......I never could have guessed.
I think tomorrow will be a sad day and I'm going to cry.
I feel so bad for Lisa. What is wrong with some people?
but I need to talk to Emily.
This time that whole little babying you thing and how you always make me feel guilty, thats not going to happen.
--> Write down 10 different lines that are intended for certain people. Dont tell anyone who they're for!
.: 1 -I love you
.: 2 -You're hot
.: 3 -You're a liar
.: 4 -I can't wait till then
.: 5 -I miss you so much
.: 6 - I'm sorry
.: 7 - Sorry I won't tell you
.: 8 - You're Annoying
.: 9 - Cronkus
.: 10 - Secret Agent Man ;)
2 shooting stars |
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2005 14 April :: 7.44 pm
Aww Jess that is the sweetest email anyones ever wrote me. I never expected that. I love you so much.
And Amanda if you read this I left you a comment back in my last entry lol.
Well I'm going to go watch The O.C. soon I'll be back later.
XOXO Ashley
4 shooting stars |
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2005 13 April :: 3.31 pm
I just don't care anymore. I'm not going to try to make this into something that its not ever going to be. I'm just going to forget about it. I'm just going to expect things will happen like this more that way when they do I wont be disapointed. Anyways I don't even feel like writing or talking.
ashley
3 shooting stars |
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2005 11 April :: 2.58 pm
I think you think that I don't care what happens anymore...
I'm finally going home today at 4 I haven't been home since last Friday. I have a lot to do tonight but my mom told me she cleaned my room for me and Danielle has been calling me because she wants me to come home. *suprise suprise* She got her hair cut sort of like mine because she wanted bangs too. Now we can just look even more alike. great.....
I feel bad about that but it wasn't really my fault.
I keep making the same mistakes again. I really am dumb and it's going to start being my fault that things are the way they are. Somehow it always leads to this.
Emily is right.
Anyways I'm going to pack my stuff so I can go home.
XOXO Ashley
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2005 10 April :: 9.01 pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: I'll Be
I'm home from Florida, unfortunately.
It was so sad leaving Chloe. God only knows when I'll see my best friend again.
I think in the two days I've only slept a few hours. Friday was probably the funnest night I've had in a very long time. A lot happend that I can't get into but someone text messaged me, woke me up at 12am, Corbin called, wanted us to come over. snuck out Chloes window, went to Corbins there was about 10 other people there and I knew most of them, hung out, partied, came home at 5:30am, snuck back in the window, Skyler kept text messaging and Corbin kept calling me so I didn't fall until around 6:30 when I finally figured out that I should turn my phone off and then Saturday night we did the same exact thing so this weekend I didn't sleep much, besides on the plane today I slept for an hour. I was going to sleep on the way home from Detroit but my dad made me drive home, while he slept. How nice huh?
Last night was really sad because when we got home I had to say goodbye to everyone and Skyler hugged me and he was like "i'll miss you and I probably won't ever see you again unless you come next year" and then we kept hugging for a long time. I'm gonna miss him. He was soo sweet and nice to me. He called me twice today already lol.
and Last night was really cute because Corbin has two little brothers Cayden(5) and Colton(3) and we were all sitting in the living room and Cayden came out of his room and was crying because we think he had a bad dream so I picked him up and he put his head on my shoulder and we just sat on the couch and he fell asleep in my arms like 3 minutes later. It was the cutest thing ever. Those are the cutest little kids I've ever seen.
I talked to Emily today. I haven't talked to her in about two weeks since we were fighting and I miss her. I checked my email today and she sent me an email about some things and she wanted to see how I was doing and how Florida was and she wanted me to call her so I did. I don't really understand. I feel that I sort of screwed up on my part and made the wrong decision. It's like either way I'm going to lose. But we have to work things out and I have a feeling I'm going to end up telling her more than I really should.
Chloe called me today bawling because her stupid ass boyfriend made out with this other girl after Chloe left his house the other day. He was all over me when she wasn't around and that sort of bothered me. I feel really bad but then again I never made out with him.
Don't tell someone you love them and then go play them. If your going to be a player you gotta know how to play.
I can't believe she would say that. I know it's about me. "What would you do if you lived your life with someone who is seemingly perfect..."
and theres more "they have their way paved for them nearly in gold"
I know that was about me and that bothers me. I hate how people always assume that my life is just so perfect and I get everything I want and I'm always happy and nothing is ever wrong. Somethings always wrong I just don't ever talk about it. It's like the thing "theres so much behind my smile [you just don't know] thats kind of how I feel. I really should talk about things with you more.
but I have to tell Jenna all about my exciting adventures and I have to talk to my bawling friend and I have to tell Katy something so I should go.
This was the longest entry ever!
aShLeY*
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2005 8 April :: 11.10 am
:: Music: Green Day- Holiday
Just little things like that mean the world to me. You make me so happy, sometimes.
Last night I went to Corbins house and we hung out with Gabie too. She is one of Chloes friends and she wanted to meet me so we all hung out. She's really nice. Then the night before Corbin, Me, Skyler, and Chloe all went to her schools talent show and it was really good and I thought it was better than ours. Theirs this guy named Jesse and he was in the talent show because he is in a band and he was soo hot... ;) Oh and yesterday we went to hang out with Tony lol yeah hes pretty awesome and I guess he likes me or something. So many guys, so little time haha j/k that makes me sound like a slut.
I think I'm getting to attached to him from being with him everyday.
Speaking of thats what I called Chloe because she has a boyfriend and we hang out with him a lot and yet she still likes her ex boyfriend and we hang out with him at night and her boyfriend in the day so it's all sorta bad and I told her she was a slut and we were laughing and she goes "so you like more than 1 person too because you told me and you hang out with all of them" and then I stated the fact that I'm not going out with any of them so I can hang out with anyone I want and that doesn't make me a slut. But we both were laughing about it.
I'm not going to get used to things with us being like this. The thing is I don't want to.
I miss Lisa a lot. Shes the closest thing I've got to being my best friend right now besides Chloe but Chloe lives far away so I need someone at home to be there for me too and Lisa always has been. We hang out all the time and everyday in 1st hour we talk the whole time about everything..I miss that.
I'm so random but I keep thinking of things to say. Last night we got home at like 10:30 and it was so cool because we walked to the door and then I went to open it and there was this white frog on the door and he was the cutest little thing ever and I wanted to catch it but I was scared so I threw something on it and it ended up jumping on me and then onto Chloe and we both were screaming and when we walked in everyone in her house was just sitting there looking at us like we were morons. Well we are but thats beside the point..
I'm talking to Tyler and I haven't talked to him in forever.. I miss him.
but I'm just talking about nothing and I should go get in the shower because we've got plans tonight.
I'm going to the mall again with Skyler on Saturday lol yeah anyways peace out.
ashley
2 shooting stars |
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2005 7 April :: 3.59 pm
Im really bothered by a lot of things right now.
Maybe taking a long break from you was what I thought I needed.
I don't even know what I want anymore or who I need.
Everythings so confusing and I always decide to keep it all inside. I never tell anyone.
but anyways I'll deal with all this when I get home.
but tonight is going to be fun ;) haha im so bad sometimes.
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2005 6 April :: 10.26 am
I miss everyone but I'm not homesick. If I didn't have to come home I never would. Chloe wants me to live with her and I wanna but I doubt my parents would ever go for that but then again they have to lose me sometime.
We went to Ft. Myers beach yesterday and there was so many people. We were just laying there and these boys kept walking by and looking at us so the next time they did it Chloe was like "Ashley...they are still looking at us" so I got up and then one of them was like "hey" so I was like "...hey...." and then they asked us to walk on the beach with them so we did and then we went with them to their hotel.
I'm coming home Sunday and I really don't know what else to say besides that I miss everyone which I've already said and that I'm having a lot of fun. We've been so busy that I don't have time to check my email or write in here much. Were going to go to the beach one of these nights to watch the sun set..Thats what we did last year and it was so pretty.
Last night Chloe and I went to Corbins and we just layed outside and looked at the stars and Corbin gave me his i-PoD for a while so I've been listening to that. I need to get one. But anyways I'm going to go.
Love Always,
ASHLEY
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2005 3 April :: 2.16 pm
IM HERE!
Yeah I'm in Florida everything is good. Yesterday I had to get up at 4am and drive from our hotel to the aiport and we get there and get everything figured out since I was an unnacompanied minor my dad got to bring me to my gate and Chloes mom had to pick me up at the gate and it was bad weather on our "flight of travel" so we were late getting to Florida because we had to sit and wait for the weather to get better and I got to fly first class and if you haven't flown first class before its awesome and this was the 1st time and it was sooo cool. We were at the airport and our plane was full and they were like "if anyone wants to upgrade their ticket to first class you can for only $100 more" something like that so we did and usually on planes if your not in first class they dont feed you but they gave me fruit and I had eggs and sausage and all this good food it was awesome. I got on the plane first since I was an unnacompained minor and the guy told the agent I was sitting in first class and shes like "ohhh I'm gonna call you jet setter Ashley" I was like "lol alright" and then she started asking me if I was drinking coffee and im like "yeah" and then she started telling me that I reminded her of Ashley Olsen and im like "suure"..It was fun but then we went to Olive Garden for lunch and then Chloe and I went to Gap to see her friend Tony and he was really cool and then we went shopping at the mall :) then we came home and went to Corbins and hung out with him and his friend then we came here and I just fell alseep from being up so early last night and then we just got home from the beach like 20 minutes ago but i'm off once again.
PEACE OUT, ASHLEY
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2005 31 March :: 10.30 pm
I knew this was going to happen. I knew you were still the same. You'll never change and I can bet my life on that.
I don't even want to talk about this anymore. It's killing me inside and you don't even know it. I can't tell you. I don't know how or what to say. It shouldn't bother me just beacuse this is what I expected it's just I don't really want to deal with it. It's starting all over again...I don't think it matters which way I'm hurt because in this game I'm going to lose. I've already lost and I'll lose again this time.
You want me or you don't. You'll love me or you wont. Make up your mind its now or never. I'll tell you right now, I'm not waiting forever.
Somewhere it stopped mattering. I'm losing hope.
And the thing is I know you know this.
I guess I will hopefully talk to you tomorrow before I leave and If I don't I guess I'll cya around.
Anyways my friend Greer that lives in Malibu is Kelsey Grammers daughter and I never knew that. I knew she was Greer Grammer but I never really made the connection and then when I was reading this:
Grammer has been married three times. His first marriage to dance instructor, Doreen Alderman spanned eight years, from 1982 to 1990 and produced one child, a daughter named Spencer. His second marriage to stripper Leigh-Anne Csuhany lasted but one year (1992 - 1993). Since August of 1997, Grammer has been married to Camille Donatacci, a former MTV dancer. They have a son and a daughter together via a surrogate mother. Grammer has one additional child, a girl, Greer, who he had with hair and makeup stylist Barrie Buckner in 1992.
And I know Greer has an older sister Spencer so obviously thats her dad but she never told me. I'll just have to ask her next time I talk to her. I thought that was pretty interesting though.
But I'm going to go. I have to pack all day tomorrow because I haven't even started :S
ashley
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2005 30 March :: 9.07 pm
I changed my mind..
Now that shes changed her mind you'll probably change yours too and I'll be where I left off and then this will all happen all over again...
Not that I matter anymore or anything.
I'm done complaining though but when you decide to take notice that somethings wrong then we can talk about it but until you figure it out I'm just going to hold this in. I hold a lot more in from you then you could ever imagine and I don't know how much more I can hold in.
I can already tell whats going to happen because I felt it last time and I was right and now I feel it again.
I hope that what you said meant something.
I guess I'm not enough.
I feel like crying and I feel like I'm not gonna be okay...
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2005 28 March :: 4.34 pm
I hate math. I'm never going to use it. So anyways my story, Well Brittney is in my class and she has all of Megans old tests so Brittney gave me Megans for the test we just had and I copied exactly what Megan had and yet I still failed it when Megan got a B on it. It doesn't really make sense to me at all but then again we have a student teacher who is a complete moron so thats probably why.
Your doing exactly what you stopped doing because when I found out you told me that you were upset because you knew you let me down and now your doing it again. It's the same thing and your letting me down once again but w/e this is your loss and you'll just have to learn the hard way I guess.
I had a really good conversation with Josh last night because were both going through the same thing I guess you could say and he asked for my advice so I told him and then when I asked for his he told me to do what I told him and then I realized that it was way too hard for me to do so I'm not sure how that will work but I'll figure out something.
I'm going to the mall tonight but anyways Im out of things to say.
Love Ashley
4 shooting stars |
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2005 27 March :: 10.30 pm
What do you do when you look in the mirror and looking at you is the reason why he's not here?
4 shooting stars |
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2005 27 March :: 7.22 pm
Today was sort of weird especially being at your house. It reminded me of how we used to be. It was werid seeing your family too. I just remember the last time being there was when we got into a huge fight and I was crying and you came to my house and got me and when we got to your house we just sat outside all night and talked about everything. That was pretty much the last time we hung out and thats sort of sad. I miss you so bad...
You don't care and you haven't cared yet thats why its so easy for you to say mean things to me and tell me how I feel but I guess what I said before, i'll be the one thing in life you'll never have.
I know we don't talk much and there has even been times I've noticed we've walked right by each other without saying a word. There are those times, however, when we see each other... we make eye contact... and I know, no matter how hard we both try and hide it... that you miss me just as much as I miss you.
and thats all there is to it I guess.
I can't trust you anymore. I thought it was my problem but then you go and make it yours too.
but w/e everyone is being dumb tonight...........
and he didn't understand so im keeping my feelings inside and I guess you'll never know.
ashley
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