:: 2005 17 February :: 11.01 pm

I just got here 20 minutes ago and I'm already being bitched at.

could you not be such a bitch lately?

Yeah that was the most disturbing thing I've heard lately. You are so pathetic and it makes me sick. Yeah do it to her too..it will work real well. Dont tell anyone though. That tells her alot and everyone else.

fricken idiot.

I still feel like a moron Jess! You OWE Me BIG TIME> lol

im really frustrated tonight and I just am like a fish flopping around on dry land. I'm like nemo and I just want to go home....

4 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 16 February :: 3.27 pm
:: Music: ~What shes doing now~

4 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 15 February :: 7.36 pm

I'll never understand you. Ever. I don't get what you get out of hurting people and I just wish I could know what your thinking or feel what you feel but I can't and this is what I'm left with.

lie awake

:: 2005 15 February :: 3.19 pm

I hate you. You went behind my back and said "oh don't do this, don't do that, your just going to get hurt" yeah thanks. hurt from you also..it takes two to tango moron.

I would rage right now but it really isn't a good time because you'll read this and you'll flip out on me so I'll leave that part until later.

im done playing your stupid games.

thanks for acting like you cared..

I better never have to hear someone tell me that again. "Oh Ashley, I know how it feels, I understand, you need to just get over it" yeah it's not that easy to just get over something like this. But of course you wouldn't know. yeah for all those times I sat and listened to you about the stupid boy you had a crush on for like 2 years and you can't even let me talk to you about my problem for 2 seconds. sorry I take up your time.

and you know..the more I think about it that entry is for you. so you can have it.

lie awake

:: 2005 13 February :: 12.24 pm

What do you want from me? It seems like you only want me when you can't have me. You like the chase and thats it. So you know what? You can have it....

lie awake

:: 2005 12 February :: 10.50 am

how pathetic.

I've found out more in the last day or so than I think I've learned in my whole life.

And Jake said I was either stupid, a slut, or desperate.

deffinatley not the last two so im stupid about this whole thing.

yeah I could have told myself that.

but w/e im going to talk to you about everything soon.

6 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 10 February :: 7.49 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

So a little while ago my dad yells at me to come out of my room and hes like "come here, I want to talk to you" and I started laughing hystarically just because I knew EXACTLY what he was going to tell me. He started to mumble and hes like "well yeah we are...yeah well" and I go "I know dad, we are moving rite?" and he goes "well yeah were going to put up our house for sale" I was like "yeah I knew it, go figure" and then he showed me a picture of the house and I was just like "cool" and he goes "do you like it?" and im like "yeah its pretty" and he goes "they just built it" I was like "ok" and then I looked at the price and it was so much more money than the house we live in now and our house we live in now is brand new and we live on a golf.

And then he tells me I have to start packing my stuff in my room so it doesn't look so cluttered when they try to sell it and they are putting it up for sale this weekend. This is the most dumbest thing ever. Yeah I'll just pack up everything in my room and then Ill sleep on the floor for you all. And If I remember correctly I didn't have a say on whether or not I was going to have to move to Arizona either. They still don't know if they are building my dads company there and if they are then were moving.

It sort of bothers me that I don't have any say in where I live. I didn't have a say in moving into this house and they completely left me out in designing it and they never listened to my ideas about it anyways and thats why were moving because they dont want to live here anymore even though you know we had to have this huge lot that was thousands of dollars extra and live on a golf course and everything and they just decide "oh well we want to move" yeah o well. I didn't have a say in the house they want to buy now either. I never do. Don't worry about me or what I want because it doesn't matter to them or to anyone...it never does, never has, and never will!

It's not the point that I have to move its the point that they completely wait until the last minute to tell me and they dont even ask how I feel about moving once again. I think in my whole lifetime I've moved how many times?? lets see...maybe 12 times or something. how sad.

yeah well I dont want to talk to anyone anymore and im pissed.

w/e

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 10 February :: 3.55 pm

How can you just act like nothing ever happened? How can you just pretend you never said that because you did. I just don't understand any of this at all esp. you.

The worst part about looking at u is u don't even look back.

why am I always so unhappy? All my life I've been saying sorry for something, and its something that gets me now that nothings such a waste. All this time ive been saying sorry but why should I say sorry for all your mistakes?


But I'm not in a good mood so i'll just go before I say something im going to have to regret.

aShLeY*

lie awake

:: 2005 9 February :: 6.19 pm

So this weekend I have modeling but of course I'm not going because of Swirl but I had to pick one of them. I'm going over to my friend Jessica's house next weekend and shes going to teach me all the stuff I missed from modeling on saturday. How nice of her...

Stand Up For Yourself! Stop letting him use you. You know he is so stop. I know your sad and upset but its true and you know it happened so you can't deny it...I hate seeing people cry and esp. you since your always so happy...

I dont know what to say to all of this. I hate being in the middle of things and I hate it since I'm friends with both of you.

My family is so dysfunctional.

I'm sort of mad about the whole thing in drama just because I had my monolog picked out way before she did and we were all going to get zero's on this if someone didn't volunteer to go and H was counting down and nobody said anything so I just went and then she went rite after me and she listened to all my comments that people said and she did all the good things they said about mine and then the bad things she changed and so hers was better. It was stupid how she had to be better than me but at least people were sticking up for me.

Chloe got her hair cut lol because we made a promise if I got mine cut shorter then she was going to and I did and I got 3 1/2 - 4 inches off so she got hers cut short too and it looks cute..

Emily just called me so I g2g....

Love Much,
Ashley.....

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 8 February :: 3.21 pm

So today was an alright day. I thought I was going to get sick at the imax and my eyes hurt from watching it but it was worth leaving school and hanging out with everyone.

My msn messenger still wont work so I'm stuck with AIM now which is dumb but o well.

I talked to Amanda Wright today for like 20 minutes and I haven't talked to her or seen her in forever. But were going to hang out soon. I miss Kendall too. But it was good talking to her about all the things she's missed....

But I guess everything else is going okay...not great but okay.

and I do not always cry veronica lol it was just that one time when I dropped my cookie for our cast party...gosh!

now all thats left of me is what i pretend to me, so together but so broken up inside...

I feel kinda bad about all this even though I really don't know why I do but I just feel guilty like things are messed up because of me....

its always me.

lie awake

:: 2005 7 February :: 4.56 pm

I've been so wrapped up in my own problems I haven't even noticed yours. I'm sorry about today and how I started telling you everything and how I started complaining to you when I couldn't even notice how upset you were and how I didn't take one second to let you talk about what was wrong with you instead of me telling you all the things that have been going on for the past day or so. I've never been so wrapped up in things and for once I'm not keeping them in and I am telling everyone because I dont care anymore. Theres nothing I can do to ever, change you.

Hah this is fun Jess....."Whats her name", "Do you have a picture of her?" pssh..cant miss out on this oppurunity to play dumb, it comes naturally.


Anyways this has brought us closer now than we've ever been and I thought it would make us worse but we aren't...glad were friends again.

and you have no idea how much one hug meant to me today. it made all the difference in the world so thanks.

Enough rambling...

Love Much,
Ashley.........

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 6 February :: 5.03 pm

Everything your saying is right and I realized it all too. I can't cry over this because I'm tired of crying and worrying about this when you dont worry about it.

Maybe we wont ever be that and maybe we will but I really don't know.

I guess things happen for a reason and they sometimes aren't meant to be.

If your afraid of hurting my feelings dont be, because you have already and waiting to tell me is just going to hurt me even worse.

I'm not going to make you say anything, I just want you to do it on your own.

Im so emotional and I worry about things so much and I'm in a bad mood tonight and I dont feel good and im crying and this whole thing is to much for me right now and its probably the truth because I can figure things out on my own also..

and I know you know this is bothering me and I've been thinking about it all lately and I just think your not ever going to admit it to me because it all leads up to the truth in this whole thing.

I wasn't born yesterday and I do know what I'm talking about most of the time so I can put all the peices together and figure it all out. I think I already have.

this all seems to familiar.

4 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 4 February :: 8.46 am

I should go to school..yeah o well

Stop assuming that I have "little talks about your or whatever the hell I do."

I dont understand you and how you can do the exact same thing as I do but when It comes down to me doing it then you make it a big deal.

things are going really good. NOT.

Anyways I don't know what I'm doing this weekend tonight I'm hanging out with some people before the game and then after I'm going to Lisas house and hanging out with her on saturday and I dont know about sunday..

Yeah im going to come to school so I should go get ready...

lie awake

:: 2005 3 February :: 3.24 pm

Your the one whos going to either make this or break this.

Im actually talking to her even though our friendship is completely ruined but I guess it will slowly come back to what it used to be but theres always going to be something missing and its going to be what neither of us will never know. But then again after this it is bringing us closer because I'm telling her things I've never told anyone and shes telling me things that shes never told anyone and im never telling anyone what has been said because its only something I need to know and she needs to know. This is the weirdest situation ever and theres nothing I could do to describe it to anyone. I dont know.

I wish there was something I could do to take away everyones pain that they have because half of the people I'm talking to are all upset and theres nothing I can do.

I'm a moron though. I never will understand you and what you'll get out of doing this to people.

lie awake

:: 2005 3 February :: 8.17 am

You can say you don't or you can say you wont answer that but I know the truth and so does everyone else so there really isn't a point in denying the truth...

Today feels like friday but its not and I wish it was but The O.C. is on tonight!

Trista and Akaysha did come over last night. It was fun. I haven't seen them in a long time and Trista refused to leave but she had to...aww i love that little girl.

Im always looking at clothes online..i have like a clothes problem lol but its kinda retarded we have 3 days to type our paper and I typed it in 1 day so that leaves 2 to do nothing.

I feel really bad and I wish there was something I could do to make everything better again for you but I can't and I would do anything to take the pain you have because I hate it when people are so sad that they can't manage, it bothers me..i hate that feeling.

sorry.

love much,
ashley.............

2 shooting stars | lie awake