Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad
apparently when i'm sad, i listen to songs about being away from home, sung by dudes with acoustic guitars. thus i give you:
I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that my child is 7 months old already.
It doesn't seem like she should be this old, and I know that the older she gets the harder it is going to be to deal with.
I am extremely happy that I have the chance to be a stay at home mom. She makes my life so much better. And no, I'm not just saying that because its expected. She really does make my life so much better. I love being a mom. When I feel sad or I am pissed off about something, just hearing her laugh, is the best thing in the world. I absolutely adore her smile.
She is so happy and innocent. I pray that she stays that way.
Remember when I really hated Emo-core in high school? If you do then you probably thought I was obnoxious (I'm sure that was the only reason). I've gotten pretty good about not hating things just to hate, but there is still something about this band that I just cannot tolerate. I don't know if its the whole get-up (i.e. the make up and clothes whatever). I just find it obnoxious. It's like Lady Gaga for me, I feel as though she'd be a great musician on her own without the uncooked turkey on her head. Call me shallow.
The music isn't that great to me either: It's just bland. Robert Smith's voice doesn't do it for me. If your band is going to be famous for a lead singer he should be like a Robert Plant and like a David Bowie if hes going to be this level of eccentric.
In the end I suppose it just boils down to preference. What I won't do now that I might have in the past is tell you that you suck for liking The Cure.
::
2011 9 June :: 7.44pm
:: Music: Eisley- Smarter
dreaming with a broken heart
sometimes i wonder if i am always going to feel empty inside. I wonder if too much honesty is a bad thing. I wonder if i will ever find my inner peace. its all wondering, constant searching and contemplating and i feel as though I am just parading around like one of those poor horses at the fair- wandering in this dismal circle of sadness for the rest of my life.
Is it because I have too much empathy, compassion, hope for mankind, hope for myself?
Sometimes I can feel things that aren't there and I wonder if it is some invisible being trying to comfort me... a stroke of a finger down my cheek-- an embrace that couldn't be possible-- nothing makes sense.
how do you fight to hold on to something that was only an illusion to start? how do you believe in yourself when all the confidence you ever had walked out so long ago that you can't be sure you ever had it?
I just wish I could find happy... but it's always been such a fleeting idea. I've spent so long having to hide myself to make everyone else happy that somedays I wake up and I don't even know who the person is that is looking back at me.
Then again...
maybe I just have to face the facts, I never did heal oh so long ago and perhaps ever since childhood I have just been destined to be damaged goods. world you truly are a cruel, hateful place. we were never meant to be with each other-- you with your malice and me with my heart on my sleeve. and though i try so very hard my poor heart just wants love that for all i know will never be there, after all it rarely had been up until now.
oh bollox. i might as well just give up.