rayray
|
::
2010 28 November :: 4.01pm
For the last 9 months, I thought that my whole life had changed when I found out I was pregnant on March 7th.
Clearly I was wrong.
On June 16th, when I found out I was having a baby girl, and cried because I was scared she was going to be just like me, an emotional wreck her whole life, and blame her mom for everything, I thought my whole world had changed.
But again, I was wrong.
It wasn't until November 8th, that my whole life had changed. This time I wasn't wrong.
Welcoming my baby girl into this world, was the most amazing thing.
It is so unbelievably amazing how you think your life can be complete with everything you have in it, until you have a child. Then you know your life is complete.
Part of me believes that I could go the rest of my life without accomplishing another thing, and be okay, because I know that I have created a life, that will keep me going.
I can't wait to watch her grow up.
I am terrified that she will resent me the way I resent my mom.
I am absolutely terrified I will turn out to be like my mom.
But I know that if I do the best I can, and do everything I can not to be like her, I will be okay.
3 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
moomoo
|
::
2010 27 November :: 5.10pm
Happiest I have been in a long time!
Stop My Beating Heart
|
spud
|
::
2010 27 November :: 3.54am
Stinger hasn't even finished scanning yet and I can tell mom's lappy is pretty fucked. Not because of viruses so much as because she never deletes ANYTHING, and there are a gajillion processes running in the background. I can't see them for some reason, but I can tell they are there, just by the way it's running.
4 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
tuwang
|
::
2010 22 November :: 5.09pm
this is the point in time where I usually pack it in and say fuck it.
but fuck that.... not this time bitches.
the question is is it really worth the effort its going to take? and on top of that, the amount of emotional energy its going to consume?
I really dont understand the situation at all, but clearly somethings going to have to give.
its so easy to give up when its two ways, but its so difficult to capitulate when its one sided.... why is that? I dont really have anything to prove, and theoretically speaking, Im sitting pretty otherwise. Its like Im 18 again... I dont like me at 18...
1 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
joslyn_julia
|
::
2010 18 November :: 12.36pm
soo... life has been life
up until about 2:30 yesterday it totally sucked... but then I found out I didn't have class for the next 2 days (like today and tomorrow) and my life got better.
As usual mike and I are a toss up. I get sick of him being inconsiderate, and him constantly swearing (you don't realize how stupid swearing is until you hear it being used as every other word when someone is talking). I am sure he is sick of me "being a bitch" but I have always been a bitch so what are you to do? All I want is to be able to pay the bills and do my homework and get them both where they need to go on time. I mean is that too much to ask?
So thankfully I don't ave school again for like a week and a half, which totally rocks. I do have a bunch of stuff to get finished for classes still but nothing new to add to them, which is wonderful!
Leaving for MI sometime in the next few days, and doing lots of work at Dad's store but I enjoy actually getting to have the time to design and finish everything.
Sooo, if you are in MI and read this... I have the same number I have always had, If you want to hang out just call.
PS. I would love to visit east town and maybe drink, have some coffee or hookah... so if you want to do that you should definitely call.
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
moomoo
|
::
2010 29 October :: 6.33am
Halloween weekend!!!!
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
joslyn_julia
|
::
2010 26 October :: 9.32am
of course it is my fault. it's always my fault.
if that's how you feel, i hope you enjoy the feeling of loneliness you will be feeling until I am able to split for good. I'm done.
Stop My Beating Heart
|
valoth
|
::
2010 25 October :: 7.31pm
I cannot stand pompous people. I cannot stand being belittled.
All the little walls, all the little rules, they mean nothing to me.
I deny you self satisfaction over a declaration of being better than.
Fuck you. Fuck the high horse you think you rode in on.
News for ya, your horse smells like shit.
1 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
spud
|
::
2010 18 October :: 3.59pm
:: Mood: pensive
is that why they say people 'fall' for each other?
journal is going to be 9 years old this winter.
way to be fucking old, journal. you should try harder.
--------------------------------------
i keep seeing all these people getting together. i suppose it's all part of the annual cycle. as gunnie said, it's the time of year when i really start wanting a girlfriend.
it seems like summer's all about being single, and going out and playing the field. but now that it's fall, people are all getting ready to settle down and prepare for the winter hibernation. plus i think there's just something romantic about the leaves and the harvest and all that. it's a nice time of year to appreciate the coziness and warmth that can be had in a relationship - especially a fresh one.
the more i see people shacking up (and for the first time ever, my sister is one of them... don't think i haven't noticed that she's been hiding him from the family), the more left out i feel. not that i want to be a part of the herd necessarily, but i like the coziness and the warm fuzzies. and it's really hard to get that by yourself. after all, i should know.
speaking of The Herd; chuck and i have begun writing our Cultural Revolution Manifesto, or CRM. it's currently a very rough first draft. once we do some editing, augmentation, and revisions, i will start posting up the revised copies as we finish them. neither of us is very motivated, so who knows how long it will be. but at least we're getting started.
peace out, mr. j. it's been a pleasure, as always.
p.s. went to visit mike yesterday. he's doing incredibly well, considering that 3 weeks ago he was as good as dead. seems to know what's going on for the most part, but still gets confused occasionally. at least his nurses are cute. that should make things more tolerable.
5 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
valoth
|
::
2010 17 October :: 10.39pm
Fuck this shit. Working 99hrs in 2 weeks sucks balls. Not looking forward to another like that again.
Stop My Beating Heart
|
jayzulla
|
::
2010 10 October :: 3.29am
Dirty rap music I love it.
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
joslyn_julia
|
::
2010 8 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: despondent
:: Music: Metric- Help, I'm Alive
I am in desperate need of sanity.
All i seem to do anymore is pull you down, make you miserable
I am nothing but a path of destruction and i don't think I can change.
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
joslyn_julia
|
::
2010 7 October :: 2.39pm
I'm on music obsession kick.
I think I have gotten almost 150 new songs... with another 100 or so to go.
Things are so much better when I am home alone. I think before I start the next batch of music though I am going to clean more in case anyone comes over this weekend. I know, not likely- but i am crazy about having a spotless apt when people visit now, so i better do it or I'll be pissed if they do.
And bonus, all new music to listen to while I clean.
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
joslyn_julia
|
::
2010 6 October :: 2.44am
i ought to be working on homework and I seem to be addicted to updating my facebook status tonight... So in an effort not to update it again, I am on here to bitch about my lack of motivation and constant distraction from my husband sleeping next to me... and rolling onto me, ect.
i hate writing intensive classes!
2 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2010 1 October :: 9.38pm
I took the GRE today. The testing center is in the basement of one of the old dormitories at Central. It was weird. And dark.
I earned a 550 on the verbal section and a 480 on the quantitative section. I'm going to take it again in a year if I don't get admitted to University of Michigan's joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies.
1 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart
|
|