I am unsure if i am going to support the ufc as much as i have after that horrible decision vic for couture, shit is bullshit. Vera won the fight hands down. shit is retarded and frustrating.
I have come to the conclusion that the human race is pathetic.
We're everything we say we're not, and we pretend to be the things we say we are.
I guess not everyone, but generalizations are always much easier than the specifics.
We're childish.
No one is every really as strong as they admit to being.
Everyone has a breaking point.
It is all part of pretending.
The truth hurts, life is hard, and people are pathetic.
....
So lately, my life has consisted of working during the day, and being alone at night.
I've been hanging out with Chelsea quite a bit lately, and it's a blast.
On my weekends I spend them with Mike, because thats really only the time I get to see him and it definitely sucks.
I am definitely excited that my sister is coming up Saturday and will be here til Thanksgiving.
"I officially became a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi this afternoon. Now I am an active member. There was lots of cool stuff that happened that I can't talk about, which is a little lonely, but understandable. I know I'm finally around people that understand how I feel about music, and that is the best feeling in the world." - April 14, 2007
Shanique is going through Third Degree this afternoon at 1pm. I will remember mine forever, I'm sure she'll remember hers. I have so much hope and faith in her, and I will love her as my Brother until I die. Kappa Kappa Psi is the last piece of my music that I have left and I will not let it go.
Rueben is sick and I think I am too. We are laying in bed together trying to be a comfort to each other.
I have to leave for University Band in a few minutes. It's become so difficult lately with my acid reflux and all. My music is coming to an end and I haven't confronted it yet. It's going to be a disaster when I do.
I ask but one thing of you, only one,
That always you will be my dream of you;
That never shall I wake to find untrue
All this I have believed and rested on,
Forever vanished, like a vision gone
Out into the night. Alas, how few
There are who strike in us a chord we knew
Existed, but so seldom heard its tone
We tremble at the half-forgotten sound.
The world is full of rude awakenings
And heaven-born castles shattered to the ground,
Yet still our human longing vainly clings
To a belief in beauty through all wrongs.
O stay your hand, and leave my heart its songs!
::
2009 31 October :: 6.31pm
:: Music: Flobots - Happy Together
Update to an old song
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
Ta think about the girl you love,
and hold her tight.
So happy together
If I should call you up
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world would be
So very fine
So happy together
Imagine me and you
I do but I'm thinking too much and I'm studying
how they toss the dice
it had to be simpler back in the day when our folks were
pretty certain they would find someone
now none of it's assigned
we just want a date
whether deaf or blind or dumb
I look at your number and wonder if I should
call you up
or invest a dime in a message with text that doesn't
belong to me but it would
ease my mind to know if the songs I'm singin are
in a key you can comprehend
in tune with the thoughts you're pondering
if so we can both stop wondering if and
be together like Donner and Blitzen
but all reindeer games aside
it's like right when you came here, I came alive
it's like everything else was a glipse of you
giving hints and clues of where your name resides
now that I've found you it's changed the vibe
shattered through all the blame fear pain and pride
doesn't matter who calls and inversts a dime
they get a message saying we're staying inside
cause I imagine, you and me could make music beautifully
could make moves never lose the beat
I can imagine the food that we chose to eat
I see it all like a view from a movie seat
and imagine you and me
never knew that we
were never more than a few degrees
and how good it would prove to be
but the waiting is over I finally found you and...
I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together
Imagine me and you
and you and you me
no other way for we to be
toss the dice eventually
snake-eyes spells a tragedy
and I release unhappily
the magic now a fantasy
the another one for me than you
a some other one for you than me
and that's the way it has to be
an uncompleted masterpiece
deleted canvas atrophy
cut be another after me
a silent wound whose lips confess
Love's loss under Love's duress
a curse confessing hope
and then reverse the blessing emptiness
this hollow whole wont coalesce
regrets emote from hole in chest
as less remote emotions pull from
gravities growing depths
I have it easy knowing this
together we will never fit
So I'd rather bind my mind with rhymes
than blind my eyes and sever it
I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
BA PA PA PA BA PARA ....
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It has to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy togetherAnd I don't know and I can't think
and I'm so smote that I can't see
and I look at the picture I have in my head and
I won't doze and I can't sleep
and it's so good that I'm locked down
and your quotes get put in my thoughts now
and there's nobody else to distract me
cause you've got me on lockdown
and it can't stop and it won't stop
and we rock on leavin shows stopped
so thank you for comin goodnight everyone we're the flobots...
Pro tip: don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Hurts more.
::
2009 29 October :: 4.09pm
:: Music: Johnny Cash
When the Man Comes Around
I had a dream a few nights ago. Freaked me out.
Started with me sitting in some stupid classroom. The teacher ranting about something, I dont remember what now.
Im sitting there and suddenly something happens. Im looking at my hands trying to guess what. I cant figure it out, or better yet why Im in a class room. I feel like I always have. So I get up and start walking out of class. My mind freezes on a image of the teacher holding a paper rolled up ready to hit something with and asking me in a snarling voice, "Going somewhere Mr. Edly?"
I respond with a quick "Buzz off." Open the door and head out. He stares at the doorway for a moment before running out and shouting at me to get back in there. After I round a corner he goes to call for security or some such.
When I reach a door that goes outside Im met with opposition of guards. "Going Somewhere kid?"
-"Ya, where ever I damn well please."
"Kids shouldnt wander off the school, nor should they leave class. So why dont we go to the office and call your parents, aye?"
-"Fat chance Im..."
Thwack...Im hit with something on the back of the neck and black out. My eyes open again as I sit in a chair in a waiting room, cuffed to a desk. Im so confused! Who keeps someone locked in a building like this? Im 22! Then it hits me. Im in a school...Im...Im 12 again to everyone else.
Flash forward
Im running in a field and jump a fence. A police officer in pursuit. Im so confused.
This dream confuses me so much.
It ends with the officer falling off the fence and him watching me run into some trees.
This whole thing was so vivid in the moment. I woke up after having it enough to converse to myself about it so I would make myself remember. I hate having dreams when for the longest time I dont have any at all that I recall.
You light me up little girl like the 4th of July
I love you more than every single star man in the sky
You are the best damn thing that ever happened to me
Want to take you home ____________
You are a damn fine lady like no other
Want to introduce you to my father and my mother
___________________________________________
Can't wait to get you home and get you under the covers
::
2009 26 October :: 3.56pm
:: Music: Cage the Elephant
Back against the wall
Something is there...I don't know what...DAMNIT!
Tonight I'll have a look
And try to find my face again
Buried beneath this house
My spirit screams and dies again
Out back a monster wears a cloak of Persian leather
Behind the TV screen
I've fallen to my knees
I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away
Blanket of silence
Makes me want to sink my teeth in deep
Burn all the evidence
A fabricated disbelief
Pull back the curtains
Took a look into your eyes
My tongue has now become
A platform for your lies
I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away
Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Deep in the jungle
Camouflaged by all the fallen leaves
A hand holds up the sky
While shamefully I make my plea
The alters callin'
But my legs won't seem to stand
Guess I'm a coward
Scared to face the man I am
I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away
Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
well, my truck is done, apparently. but i don't have all the money up front, so i have to wait until friday when my check comes, and in the meantime offer the dude something as collateral. but at least i have wheels again. and now, no money for gas. *puts barrel in mouth*
another circumstance that makes me want to do bad things with guns is conservapedia.com. now, anyone who sees that name should have a pretty good idea of what it is. and if you don't, a few appropriately aimed clicks around the site should pretty much fill you in. i don't know whether to be amused or disheartened, but either way, i'll share some highlights.
first up is the "conservapedia commandments," which are their equivalent to the "editorial policies" found on wikipedia.
CONSERVAPEDIA COMMANDMENTS
1. Everything you post must be true and verifiable. Do not copy from Wikipedia[1] or elsewhere unless it was your original work.[2]
2. Always cite[3] and give credit to your sources,[4] even if in the public domain.[5]
3. Any content you create or change (including edits, new pages, images and links) must be family-friendly, clean, concise, and without gossip or foul language.
4. When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). "BCE" and "CE" are unacceptable substitutes because they deny the historical basis. See CE.
5. Do not post personal opinion on an encyclopedia entry. Opinions can be posted on Talk:pages or on debate or discussion pages. Advertisements are prohibited.
6. The operation of unauthorized wiki-bots is prohibited.[6]
7. Unproductive activity, such as 90% talk page edits and only 10% quality edits to Conservapedia articles, may result in blocking of the account.[7] See the Guidelines for more detail.
Edits which violate these rules will be deleted. Users who violate the rules repeatedly will be blocked. Administrators have discretion to act on matters not specifically mentioned here, such as vandalism and sockpuppets.
i find number 3 interesting, in that most of their articles consist primarily of the latest gossip, mixed with some history here and there. for 4, i'll admit i thought it was stupid to change it from BC to BCE, but at the same time the old notation was constantly under debate, and at least now there's a universal standard we can all stick to. what's so wrong with that? it does seem kind of messed up to base our entire timeline on a dude whose records of existence are hazy on the details, to say the least. and i would love to see them sick an admin on a sockpuppet.
------------------------
next, we have their article on the current president of the united states. (we'll take this one paragraph at a time)
"Barack Hussein Obama II aka Barry Soetoro[1] (allegedly[2][3][4][5][6] born in Honolulu Aug. 4, 1961) is the 44th President of the United States, and previously served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2005-2008). Obama and his running mate Senator Joseph Biden won the presidential election[7] after 23 months of campaigning that spent over $700 million,[8] much of it raised from undisclosed or fraudulent donors.[9] Obama spent far more per vote than McCain did: Obama spent $7.39 per vote, while McCain spent only $5.78 per vote.[10]"
talk about another dude with some hazy life details, i can understand the skepticism to a certain extent. but more than that, they are just brutally bashing the living hell out of this guy, no pun intended. and all because he's *gasp* a democrat. i feel bad for him really, if half the stuff they say about his past is true. a rough life, and now given the helm of a country aimed straight at the gutter, with little to no help, not much experience, and a bunch of people constantly accusing him of being a muslim, kenyan, indonesian terrorist. the only thing i'd probably accuse him of would be getting in over his head. beyond that, does it really matter? soetoro was his stepfather - so, nonbiological (not that it would matter anyway). and barry's just a boring name. and, given the constitutional stipulation for the separation of church and state, along with the freedom of religion, he is perfectly allowed to be muslim if he wants to. his being muslim (not that he is, necessarily, but just for the sake of argument) should not affect his governmental policies and decisionmaking in any way, just as it was so HORRIBLY AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION for president bush to allow his christianity to influence his procedures while in office. not that bush was a bad guy. he was nice, wanted to be liked by people, made me laugh and feel good about myself. i have no problem with that. but, once again, perhaps he was just in a little too far over his head.
"As President Obama has pushed for establishing a Palestinian state over the objection of Israel's Prime Minister,[11] inclusion of Turkey in the European Union[12] and holding Guantanamo detainees indefinitely without trial.[13]"
this is not even a complete sentence. if you're trying to make an encyclopedia, that is unacceptable.
"Obama's budget and stimulus bill advanced his socialist idea of 'spreading the wealth.'[14] [15] His health care plan would force employers to purchase health care or pay a fine and will force many into a poorly run single payer system.[16] To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara.[17][18] During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a strong, almost Father/Son relationship with Frank Marshall Davis, a high level Communist Party functionary[19] while Obama has stated that his favorite professors in school were themselves Marxists. "
well, add socialist, marxist, and communist to the list, i suppose. and if he was born in kenya, as they would seem to believe, then why and how does he get to hawaii to promptly find himself a mentor to aid in developing his innate communist tendencies?
i could keep going, but i think that's more than enough. i do like some of the subheadings in the article though:
-Obamunism
-Barack Obama's Uncharitableness/Liberal Elitism, and Social Darwinism
-Early Life - Birth certificate controversy
-Obama is likely the first Muslim President
^^^ okay, hang on right there. i have to read some of this.
"The argument that Obama is a Muslim includes:
* Obama declared in prepared remarks, 'The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans. Many other Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim-majority country - I know, because I am one of them.'[109]"
oh yeah, this is good. the first sentence of the quote is just a simple statement. end sentence, move on to the next one. subject of the sentence is "many other americans". so, saying "i am one of them" is in no way incriminating - although, neither is being muslim. also note the bolded words that they carefully selected, while once again ignoring the standard grammatical rules of the english language.
i'll stop ranting now, but it is pretty interesting stuff. i highly advise checking it out for yourself.
Life.....just sucks. Still in a rut that I'm trying to pull out of. I've changed so much in so many ways since a little over a year ago. I don't even remember the person I used to be. But I AM getting better, and I'm becoming a better person and I suppose that's just the way I should take it.
went to a party last night for handyman matters. got pretty drunk. said some things i shouldn't have, but for the most part i don't think anyone really cared. they know bruce, so it's not too surprising.
lions suck. again, not surprising. i've never really gotten into football, though. i enjoy watching, but i'm not invested in any way. it's just something to do.
don't know what to do with the rest of my day. probably just screw around online. maybe read a book or something. pretty lame day.
I'm sitting in the library on this computer waiting to go to a reading by Jeffrey Bean on his new works titled "Diminished Fifth."
I'm debating whether or not to go up to the reading room and sit down with the French "Elle" and see if I can figure out what they're talking about..but that usually just gives me a headache.
French was cancelled today and I did not go to Physical Science. I stayed at home and baked all day: Lemon Bars, Apple Pie, and Chocolate Chip Muffins.
It was nice to have a day off. Recently I've been spending 12-16 days on campus. I don't like those days.