Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	36.7% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	65%
Shamelessness	81% Has yet to see self in mirror	79.3%
Sex Drive	71.1% A fool for love, but not always	77.7%
Straightness	12.5% Knows the other body type like a map	44.8%
Gayness	100%	83.5%
Fucking Sick	81.4% Refreshingly normal	89.9%
You are 61.89% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Would you rather be an African elephant or an Asian elephant? Why?:	African... sounds more exotic and/or majestic.
Would you rather freeze to death or burn alive? Why?:	"From what I've tasted of desire/I hold with those who favor fire/but if I had to perish twice/I think I know enough of hate/to say ice is also nice/and would suffice"-Frost
Name three movies you like:	Vanilla Sky, American Beauty, & Big Lebowski
Name three books you like:	About A Boy, Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, & High Fidelity
Have you ever fallen in love with a fictional character? Which one(s)? Why?:	I epotimize both Ross/Rachel and Marge/Homer as a relationship, but I've never been in love with a fictional character... well, except for Scully, of course j/k
Republican, Democrat or other? Why?:	I'm liberal, but I don't like to label
Attendance percentage at high school dances?:	My first one was my senior Homecoming, and the only reason I went to that one was because I was voted onto court.
What television shows do you watch regularly?:	24, The Simpsons, and Arrested Development... and Fox's evening syndication
Abortion is...:	legal, and should stay that way.
The death penalty is...:	A really stupid idea, but I don't support abolishing it.
How do you take your coffee?:	I've never drank it... think about it, with my anxiety problems, do you honestly think I need another source of caffiene?
How do you take your tea?:	In someone else's glass.
Who's your favorite teacher/professor?:	Ruth and Rich from high school.
How do you feel about your parents?:	I have no idea what I would do without them...
What sort of music do you listen to?:	EVERYTHING except for jazz and country... mostly alternative.
List five or ten bands you listen to.:	Badly Drawn Boy, Foo Fighters, Incubus, Modest Mouse, Fiona Apple, & The Beatles
Do you use public transportation?:	Not if I can help it.
Ever told someone you love him/her?:	Jesus... next.
Morning person, night person or both?:	Night owl, all the way, although I'm getting better in the morning.
Siblings?:	Two steps.
What are your friends like?:	This survey had so much promise, and now it's just the same ol' crap.
Amusement parks are?:	Scary... so very scary.
Cafeterias are?:	I miss the waffles. :-(
Dogs are?:	Wet.
Any phobias, traumas or other weirdnesses?:	Roller coasters, heights, no real traumas (unless you count being repeatedly molested by Mike a trauma), and if you don't know my weirdnesses, why are you reading this?

The Personality Resume brought to you by BZOINK!

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond,
I want a girl who knows what's best,
I want a girl with shoes that cut,
and eyes that burn like cigarettes.

I want a girl with the right allocations,
Who is fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack.
She's playing with her jewelry,
She's putting up her hair,
She's touring the facility
and picking up slack.
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

I want a girl who gets up early, (gets up early!)
I want a girl who stays up late, (stays up late!)
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity,(uninterrupted!)
Who uses a machete, to cut through red tape.

With fingernails that shine like justice,
and a voice that is dark like tinted glass,
She is fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack.
She's touring the facility
and picking up slack.
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket.

(na na na na.....)

I want a girl with the smooth liquidation, (smooth liquidation!)
I want a girl with good dividends, (good dividends!)
At Citibank we will meet accidentally, (meet accidentally!)
We start to talk when she borrows my pen.

She wants a car with a cup holder-arm rest,
She wants a car that will get her there.
She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen,
She's trading her MG for a white, Chrysler LaBaron
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

(na na na na na.....)

OK folks, let's do a Super Bowl party this Sunday at my apartment.

I work until 4:30, and the game starts, what, like 6:20ish? Let's say around 5:30pm. We'll get some pizzas (NOT from Papa John's!) and some beer, and we'll do some grilling out on the patio... oh wait, we'll have to play that last one by ear. Anyway, even if you don't like football, come anyway... it'll be a grand ol' time.

Night.

Last Cigarette::	A year ago maybe
Last Alcoholic Drink::	Monday
Last Car Ride::	This morning, to school
Last Kiss::	Christmas
Last Good Cry::	A week and a half ago
Last Library Book checked out::	Dorothy Parker - Complete Poems & Stories
Last Movie Seen in Theatres::	Mystic River (sooo good...)
Last Book Read::	Chuck Palahniuk - Survivor
Last Movie Rented::	From Justin To Kelly, Crossroads, & Glitter :-P
Last Cuss Word Uttered::	Shit
Last Beverage Drank::	Cherry Coke
Last Food Consumed::	Fritos
Last Crush::	this girl from my psych class
Last Phone Call::	Alicia re: I don't remember
Last TV Show Watched::	Frasier last night
Last Time Showered::	this morning
Last Shoes Worn::	my black Airwalks
Last CD Played::	Disturbed - The Sickness (right now...)
Last Item Bought::	said Fritos and Cherry Coke from Wood's vending machine
Last Download::	???
Last Annoyance::	Boredom
Last Disappointment::	My sweatshirt shrunk in the dryer
Last Soda Drank::	you should know by now...
Last Thing Written::	this... what a stupid question
Last Key Used::	like i said...
Last Word Spoken::	said...
Last Sleep::	last night, and into this morning
Last IM::	???
Last Sexual Fantasy::	today... with your mom
Last Weird Encounter::	i hate a date with Ricci, i guess that was kind of unusual
Last Ice Cream Eaten::	I had some rainbow sherbert last week, does that count?
Last Time Amused::	the office supplies being locked in our CfA office
Last Time Wanting To Die::	whenever the last time I cried was
Last Time In Love::	last month
Last Time Hugged::	last night (Ricci)
Last Time Scolded::	last night (Ricci... I put the moves on her :-P)
Last Time Resentful::	yesterday?
Last Chair Sat In::	this one in the Center for Autism office (it rolls!)
Last Lipstick Used::	don't ask...
Last Underwear Worn::	I have my Wookie ones on right now (if you don't know, again, don't ask)
Last Bra Worn::	yours
Last Shirt Worn::	I AM LUIGI!
Last Webpage Visited::	www.bzoink.com

"Last" Survey brought to you by BZOINK!

I'm so glad I didn't get rid of this Woohu thing.

Jason's New Axiom of the Day: "There are no answers, just hypotheses and opinions."

ain't no angel gonna great me/just you and i my friend/and my clothes don't fit me no more/i've walked a thousand miles just to slip this skin...
I can control the behaviors, I have so far been unable to control the thoughts. It's a toss-up how I'm going to feel on a certain day.

Yet, with the all the knowledge I have and the learning I have accomplished by hitting bottom, I still cannot bring myself out of it when the darkness encompasses me. The force is too strong, too established, for a relatively new way of thinking to stand up against. All the courage in the world can't slay a beast that it is outmuscled by. The only option is to try and outsmart it, but I haven't figured out how that's accomplished yet.

Still, nothing explains the dream I had last night. So vivid, so real, so haunting...

i'm born again/found my soul again...
... Eh, well, not quite there yet, but it's a goal.

Chris used to call me a "cryptic bastard." It's time to return to that. I've tried both extremes, and now it's time to go back to the middle. I was there for a period, back in high school, now it's time to rediscover.

The show must not go on this time around. The show is cancelled. The show is over. But don't worry, there's still plenty of material for a lucrative movie franchise.

I hate that a lot of the people I'm closest to are so many miles away. I'm so glad they are in my life, and I wish I could put them in my pocket and carry them around everywhere. Just saying... I miss 'em.

There has to exist meaning in my life for me to continue on. I have yet to discover it. It exists within, and I've seen glimpses, but I want the whole picture. I'm trying to be patient, but the transition is very draining and uncertain.

If I had to take a guess at the score of the game right now, I'd put it at... Old Jason 79, New Jason 66, but the latter is on a 10-2 streak.

I want the new voice to take over. Totally and completely.

Being responsible is cool. Catch the bug, kids. ::giant nerdy thumbs-up::

Despite that, I have more free time than I know what to do with. Not complaining, just not used to it.

can't... wait... any... longer...
From Chuck Palahniuk's Survivor: "Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list." So without further ado...

(Tentative) Top 10 Movies of 2003

10) Finding Nemo
9) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
8) School of Rock
7) X2: X-Men United
6) Matchstick Men
5) A Mighty Wind
4) The Hulk
3) Lost In Translation
2) Kill Bill, Vol. 1
1) Big Fish

::looks at list:: Jeez, what a shitty year for movies... maybe I'll catch some decent stuff on video or before the Oscars.

i have to admit it's getting better/getting better all the time...
::breaks too-brief vow of silence::

HI EVERYBODY!

I found this article while checking my e-mail today. Where was this a month ago? Debate if you want the title's label of the situation, but the article would have helped a lot a few weeks ago. Just thought it was kind of ironic:

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=1802&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657

Jason's Collegiate Tip of the Day: Don't take a class about Human Sexuality when you aren't getting any. It's like going to the supermarket on an empty stomach. :-P Which reminds me...

Michelle! We talked to Peyronie's Disease in class today (unnatural curvature of the penis); I had a little chuckle when I thought of "The Rollercoaster." Eww!

I do have to say, things are coming together nicely. But alas, I have said too much already...

::retreats back into the shadows::

my stupid mouth/has got me in trouble...
I lost track of so much in this. I even knew what I was doing, and I still preceded with all of it... that, to me, is the ultimate qualification for stupidity. Still, I regret nothing. I did it all for my own reasons, misguided and instinctually-driven as they were. I know we all have a right to be weak sometimes, but I hate feeling this helpless. When I said I wanted to lose control, I didn't mean this much. But maybe I have to hit the other wall, the other side of spectrum, before I can finally reel myself into a happy medium.

Monday, I lay myself on the line, and hopefully receive a verdict. Monday, I get help.

I try to put in it prespective... no matter how out of control I think that I may have been as of late, I'm still doing better than Britney Spears.

The Dust Brothers - This Is Your Life
(sorry, these lyrics suck, but they were the only ones I could find)
And You Open The Door And You Step Inside.
we´re Inside Our Hearts.
now Imagine Your Pain Is A White Ball A Healing Light.
that´s Right !
your Pain – The Pain Himself – Is A White Ball Of Healing Light.
i Don´t Think So !

this Is Your Life – Good To The Last Drop.
it Doesn´t Get Any Better Than This.
this Is Your Life And It´s Ending One Minute At A Time.
this Isn´t A Seminar – This Isn´t A Weaking Retreat.
whereever You Are, Now You Can Even Imagine What The Bottom Will Be Like.
only After Desaster Can We Be Resurrected.
it´s Only After You Have Lost Everything That You´re Free To Do Anything.
nothing Is Stack – Everything Is Falling – Everything Is Falling Apart.
this Is Your Life, This Is Your Life, This Is Your Life,
this Is Your Life, It Doesn´t Get Any Better Than This.
this Is Your Life, This Is Your Life, This Is Your Life,
this Is Your Life, Ending One Minute At A Time.


you´re Not A Beatiful And Unique Snowflake.
you Aren‘t The Saint To Gain Or Getting Better As Everything Else.
we´re All Part Of The Same Compost Heap.
we`re The All Singing, All Dancing Crap Of The World.
you`re Not Your Bank-account.
you`re Not The Clothes You Wear.
you`re Not The Content Of Your Wallet.
you`re Not Your Bowel Cancer.
you`re Not Your Dirty Landry.
you`re Not The Car You Drive.
you´re Not Your Fucking Khakis.

you Have To Give Up.
you Have To Give Up.

you Have To Realize That Someday You´ll Die.
untill You Know That You Are Useless.

i Say Let Me Never Be Complete.
i Say May I Never Be Content.
i Say Deliver Me From Swedish Furniture.
i Say Deliver Me From Clever Art.
i Say Deliver Me From Clear Skin And Perfect Teeth.
i Say You Have To Give Up.
i Say Evolve And Let The Trips Fall Where They´re Made.

this Is Yor Life, This Is Your Life, This Your Life,
this Is Your Life, It Doesn`t Get Any Better Than This.

this Is Your Life, This Is Your Life, This Is Your Life,
this Is Your Life, Spending One Minute At A Time.

you Have To Give Up.
you Have To Give Up.

welcome To Fight Club !
if This Is Your First Night, You Have To Fight.




It's time for me to shut up for a bit.

Yeah, I don't expect any takers on this one, and I'm not even sure I want to shell out the cash (the monetary shadow of Christmas is about to rear its ugly head via my credit card bill), but I thought I'd throw it out just in case:

"AEG Live/Concerts West and SMG invite you to purchase tickets for Rod Stewart at Van Andel Arena® before they go on sale to the public!

Rod Stewart will perform live in concert at Van Andel Arena® Tuesday, March 9, 2004 at 8:00PM. Ticket prices are $49.75, $77.25 and $97.25.

Your exclusive on-line presale begins Wednesday, January 14th at 10:00AM and ends Friday, January 16th at 10:00PM. Ticket limit 8. To purchase tickets, log onto www.ticketmaster.com/venue/65737/ and click on Rod Stewart.

Tickets go on sale to the public this Saturday, January 17th at 10:00AM."

30.952380952380952% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?

and though the meaning fits/there's no relief in this/i miss my beautiful friend...
See, the thing about Woohu is that I always check my friends page before I make a new entry... don't know why, just a habit I guess. Yet, I find it unsettling how often a friend will steal exactly what I was going to say, or at the very least a close version of it. Tying into this, one thing that I've been able to realize as of late is how many of my feelings are not necessarily unique, not specific to just myself, that many out there are thinking and feeling the same as me. It's a slow learning process that's been going on for some time, but I suppose that's what happens when you spend over a decade of your life without ever really truly opening up to another person. I swear, there's no chance in hell that I'm going to have just one kid.

::random SNL moment:: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.

I did have a great morning though, and I'm really looking to "Tuesdays with Melissa." Thanks again dear.

I don't hate my job, but I do hate being at work. If that makes any sense whatsoever. And tonight was a good night there.

I'm just so tired of fighting myself, tired of so many things. Not depressed, I'm doing relatively alright overall, but just so drained that I hobble to bed (usually early) when the day's over. Not giving up, just tired of putting up the fight.

I understand so many things now (and remain clueless about others) but knowlege can only bring me comfort for a certain amount of time.

I left a decision up to the drop of a coin earlier tonight. Very rare for me. It was not necessarily the best decision, but I was okay with it because I was able to give up the control of making the decision itself.

I am Jack's overwhelming sense of boredom
I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to contribute today, short of a completely obligatory...

Durp.

breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep/this air is blessed, you share with me/this night is wild, so calm and dull/these hearts they race from self-control...
I cannot overstate the power of a car-ride with friends with the stereo cranked up and everyone in the vehicle belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs.

Yesterday was one of the most cathatric days I can ever remember. More info later... right now, I'm off to the movies again.

some people want to fill the world with silly love songs/well, what's wrong with that?/i'd like to know...
I hereby operate from a basis of "near-truths." I understand that there are no absolute truths in this life, that everything changes, nothing is permanent, everthing fluctuates, etc. But I also realize that there are some undeniable forces and truths that surround us, that while in the most extreme cases can be proved false, they are as close to "an absolute truth" as you could hope for. I choose to derive strength from these near-certainities.

It is my own personal faith.

It is love.

Thus play I in one person many people,
And none contented: sometimes am I king;
Then treasons make me wish myself a beggar,
And so I am: then crushing penury
Persuades me I was better when a king;
Then am I king'd again

- King Richard from Richard II, scene v

First paragraph of my Understanding Human Sexuality book:

" 'You're incredible,' he said as the dress fell away from her. 'Oh Page...' He devoured her with his lips, his hands, and slowly she undressed him, until at last they stood naked together in the moonlight. He lifted her gently onto the bed, and carressed her with his lips until she moaned in pleasure, arched toward him, and then led him toward her. Their union was a powerful one, throbbing, arching for what they had both longed for, until at last they exploded in unison, and lay spent in each other's arms, stunned by the force of what they felt for each other.' "

::Comic Book Guy voice:: Best textbook ever!

Well, at least I know the class won't be boring.

Well, it's that time of year again...

Top 10 CDs of 2003
10) Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Nocturama
9) Soundtrack - Kill Bill, Vol. 1
8) Mates of State - Team Boo
7) Coldplay - Live 2003
6) A Perfect Circle - Thirteenth Step
5) Eels - Shootenanny!
4) Zwan - Mary Star of the Sea
3) Dido - Life For Rent
2) Dashboard Confessional - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar
1) The White Stripes - Elephant

i found your picture today/i swear i've changed my ways...
I've started to make a list...

that's all I can say. It'll be a good list though. It'll be useful one way or the other.

you've got to get up/and climb that hill again...
I know I'm so much stronger than this. I'll believe it whether or not it's true.

First order of business, Mike: Make the "happy CD."