unecessary drama
why do peole cheat?I was trying to figure that out with my friend today.I feel like if you need to cheat on me then why are you with me?I guess with some people it's a real problem,while for some others it's just sheer selfishness(the whole have the cake and eat it too complex)and for some still it's the belief that they can get away with it.In all of these situations all it does is create unecessary drama.Unecessary drama.I've started to see it everywhere around me:in my relationships,in other's relationships,in my everyday life.I never realized people were full of so much bullshit.I'm going to start calling them out on it from now on.Always trying to drag you into their unecessary drama.And there's so many sneaky ways people do it that sometimes you don't even realize that it's happening.And the worse is when people actually trick themselve into believing their own bullshit.Becuase then at the moment when they are caught they will try to justify everything.it's too simple for them to love you and are faithful and keep it at that. nope the bitch gotta come outThey sound so sincere that you actually believe that 1)it was a mistake and 2)that it will never happen again.bullshit.all bullshit

last time I checked shit stinks.I don't wanna smell it

my heart's dictionary defines you

It's so interesting to know what a person perceives you to be.It's the best thing in the world.I wish I could read minds.It doesn't even matter if the person is thinking positively or negatively of you,it's just the actual concept of being able to know what they are thinking of you or have thought of you in the past.

What's even more interesting is when there's a memory, and two people have a completely different perception of that event or time period.

I feel like I'm trying to get away from all memories of my ex,from the good to the bad,becuase she has dissappointed me so much and I really don't like her,but it's seems as if just when I think the shit has hit the fan and I'm done with her I find out some more bullshit about her relating to me and I just shake my head.How does a person have that much time or energy in their life to create that much drama and to waste their time fucking with someone's emotions for that long and then to lie about it?I still can't figure her out.I mean I already know that:she's selfish,self-centered,uncaring,heartless and just generally a lier,but damn,I didn't know there was more to add to that list.I just honestly feel bad for the next person that has to deal with her becuase no matter how honest you are with her,no matter how many times you give her a chance to get out of a relationship she supposedly doesn't want to be in,she will still find a way to fuck it up in the worst way possible.And that's the honest truth.If she's done it twice(and probably more),then she can do it again.But what I don't understand is why she puts herself and others through that.Why,why,why?I honestly would love to ask her,but I honestly dislike her that much that I don't even want to be in her presence.I guess it will be a question that will forever go unanswered,and I suppose that's fine with me.

It's funny becuase I pictured the months to come where I would still be getting over her.But here I am,completely over this girl,and just praying that she finds her way sometimes and learns to accept herself,becuase in doing so,she will learn to be honest with herself and with everyone else.

And,as she herself repeatedly reiterated,honesty is the best policy

...
Vague sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way her toes move when she plays
so I let it burn

I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call her up for more

And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

she said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
so sorry

she grabs my wrist
as my fingers turn into angry fists
and I whisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you
I'll play the part

And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too

she said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry

she's just not that into you
I was reading the book "he's just not that into you," and it really spoke to me,becuase even though it was talking about heterosexual relationships I could still relate to it/It was just pretty much telling women to stop making excuses for men.That if he's not doing any of the things that someone that loves you would do,then he's just not that into you.

I make excuses for people all the time.I want to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt.But that doesn't work.Becuase no matter what if a person cares about you you will know,they won't be able to hide it.And if they tell you that that's just the way they show their feelings,then they are just not that into you.That is such an important lesson learned.Because when it come down to it the word love is very hollow without any action behind it to support it.If someone's telling you that they love you but the only way they know hot to communicate with you is through abusive and hurtful words,then they are just not that into you.

It's such a liberating concept.It's pretty much like,"fuck a bitch."You gotta look out for yourself and stop being so nice and stop making excuses for people all the time.I make excuses for people,try to make them feel better and hope that I'm setting an example and treat me as I am treating them.But no that doesn't work.Because most humans are selfish bastards.So Fuck a bitch

to my ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-Girlfriend(you lied to people about this too)

I hate you.Before I continued with this letter I wanted you to know that.I hate you.very much.I have never hated anyone in my young life ever before,but then again I have never met anybody that was such a deceiver,lier,heartbreaker,selfish,and any other other negative thing that anybody else wants to throw in there.I honestly haven't.Probably until my dying days I will wonder what type of person could create such a domino effect of lies and deceit.I don't believe in heaven or hell,but if I did I know that you would be burning in the eternal fires of hell.Becuase I have never met someone worse than you.Nor will I ever.Becuase you have trained me to spot people like you from a mile away and to run for my life.You disrepected me.Above all the other bullshit that you put me through,that is the one thing I will never be able to get over.That you disrespected me.My friend( I guess she's your friend too) asked me today how you were,assuming that perhaps we were still living our life of lies,and I replied with "fuck that bitch,she fucked me over."And you know what she said ex-girlfriend?You know what she said that hurt me so much?She said,"I knew she was fucking with you the whole time,and that she never really loved you."This really hurt and surprised me.Becuase I didn't expect her to hear her say that.I really didn't.I didn't realize that the outside world was witnessing what you were doing to me all in the name of self-interest and complete and utter selfishness.See,this is why I hate you.And that's not all.I repeated this conversation to my other(much closer) friend,and do you want to know what her response was? "She said,I knew too."She said she spoke to you and warned you that if you didn't love me then you shouldn't be doing what you were doing,which was,essentially,fucking me over in the biggest and most dramatic way anyone has ever fucked me over.honestly after hearing these two testimonials,my day was ruined.I almost lost a friend today becuase I feel like she should have come to me and told me what a total fool you were making of me.It would have ended this whole charade a long time ago.She said that she couldn't do that becuase she was your friend too.I'm trying to understand that rational.I was going to stop being her friend,but then I decided against it,becuase I refuse to lose a close friend just becuase of your lies and deciet,just becuase you brought her into the middle of things.Never again will you ever have control over my emotions,never.

I hate you so much that I honestly believe that if you were standing in front of me right now I would either kill you or send you to the hospital in critical condition.That is the extent to which I despise you with all my earthly being.I remember you used to always say that you didn't like liers.That statement makes me laugh now,the irony,the hypocrisy.I honestly believe that you should be given the award for the best actress ever.If there was a role in hollywood for an evil bitch,you would fit it perfectly.What makes me feel better,besides my hate for you,is my knowledge that you will get what is coming to you,and you will hurt ten times more than you ever hurt me.And on that day there will be a smile on my face.That is how much I hate you.I wasted months of my life with you,and I cannot take them back.Thank you for tarnishing every memory I will ever have of my junior year you fucking bitch.I loved you so much that I came out of the closet for you.I don't think you know what the definition of love is.You have told me many times throughout our piece of shit "relationship" that you loved me.I am convinced that you think the definition of love is hurting,lieing,and just being an overall bitch to a person for no reason other than selfishness.I wish to give you back this so called love that you had for me.I want to shove it down your throat until you choke from it.Even though I am not religious,I pray for the next bitch that has to deal with you.I hope that they have enough resilience to bounce back like I did,or else you'll find her hanging from her bedroom fan in a suicide attempt.

And,like Mya said in her song, "If you died I wouldn't care cause you never loved me anyways."

I loved you,
goodbye