jes
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2010 24 July :: 3.00am
:: Mood: numb
I should have known better.
I don't care what other people's beliefs, opionon's are, or what's acceptable to them. I'm not other people. I don't live my life for other people.
It's not acceptable to me. That is not what WE discussed.
No one but ŻOU could understand how hurt I am, how much my heart feels like its being ripped out of my chest..once again.
I walk blindly...trusting someone who told me they could see ahead...turns out you're the blind one.
I feel so scared I can barely breathe, and it's all your fault. Selfish and pathetic. Will you ever expierence this kind of anxiety? No..because you are taken....care of for life.
speak the unspoken
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 21 July :: 11.20pm
How long do u live your life "playing by the rules" and "doing things the right way" even if u hate it more than anyything before u actually go out and do what u really want to do and get the things out of life that are actually importnat to you? I don't want to play it safe anymore.I can't live like this-i need help but there is no where to get help- admitting failure .... I wish I could start over again and focus on what I was made for. I wish I could understand why I am like thuis and I wish I could know the right things to do. I just feel like there really are no solutions and I hate it
1 spoke up |
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jes
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2010 18 July :: 11.48am
:: Mood: annoyed
un-grateful.
I'm annoyed by people and their constant complaining. Be grateful for something! Find the positive somewhere in the negative.
I know everyone needs to vent and that's understandable,but there's just no reason to think the world is coming to an end because heaven forbid something doesn't go our way.
People are homeless, starving, filthy and cold sleeping under bridges with no family, no friends, no hope, people are fighting cancer, greifing loss, have nothing to call their own after disasters strike, and everyday we find a reason to complain. My life isn't perfect, my prayer list is 10 pages long, but I'm still grateful and HAPPY!
Sometimes I wish certain people would wake up on the other side of the world, with nothing but faith..and maybe they'd be a bit more apprciative and not act like the world is ending because of petty and pathetic crap.
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 18 July :: 2.11am
gettin drunk and yellin at my dog, classic
4 spoke up |
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jes
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2010 14 July :: 6.04pm
To have a friend, you must be a friend.
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 6 July :: 10.00pm
Kinda want a mullet mobile, don't have money for it right now.
4 spoke up |
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jes
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2010 18 June :: 2.28pm
Hey negative nancy...is there anything you DON'T complain about? So much belly aching..is there anything you're actually grateful for?
Of course not...
speak the unspoken
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jes
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2010 16 June :: 8.38pm
:: Mood: in the middle of a mood swing...
:: Music: casting crowns-if we are the body
I'm craving a pickel....
Yes, it's true...I'm pregnant. Almost exactly 3 months. Am I excited? Yes, of course. Does this mean that I want to talk about being pregnant, that I crave pickels, get dirreha from greasy food, puke sometimes when I brush my teeth, what the coolest stroller on the market is, if I plan to breast feed..and if so for how long, do I discharge when pregnant, is it true you're really more horny, NO NO NO!! Good Lord, I don't even want to talk about that with my husband let alone Mr. Clemintine down the street I've met once...or the girl from high school I haven't seen since graduation. Yet..here I am talking about it. How ironic. When you tell the world you're pregnant ...it's like nothing else matters. "I got hit by a car last week", ...."SO how's that baby, feel any kicks yet?". C'mon. I cannot wait to be a mother...actually I can! I have 6 more months to enjoy not having a child for the rest of my life, can we please talk about this new outfit I bought to cover up my buldging stomach? Thanks.
Maybe another side effect of pregnancy is constantly being annoyed by people. Ignorance is bliss, no? I don't claim to be perfect, because well ...I'm not. The fact that I can't stand judgemental people...point in case right there. Maybe that kind of defeats my whole annoyance, I'm not sure. I just really don't think President Obama nor the bum who walks around my neighborhood a few times a day has any right to judge me or my neighbor. You may not agree with my life choices, my crappy spelling and grammer, or what I believe when it comes to how you should treat your parents, how long is TOO long to change the cat litter, or how to handle a sexual preditor but as long as it isn't offending right from wrong..and basic morals, maybe you should just keep your mouth closed. You too can easily be judged on the exact words you're speaking of. I'm not perfect, neither are you. So no one should be judging anyone. If you're going to judge me on my income, maybe I should judge you on your sanity? Fair, no. Because no one has any place. Nor does anyone actually listen to the point of the one placing judgements on others. A lesson I had to learn the hard way, most definatly. Hopefully everyone learns this lesson in life. Unfortunately some never do.
Today the woodchuck living under our front porch (yes we live in DOWNTOWN grand rapids and have a whole circus of zoo animals...skunks, woodchucks, rabbits, birds, moles, ect.) killed something as I was doing camp work in the living room. All I could hear was the screeching sound of the prey as the woodchuck snarled, hissed, and attacked. Did I mention...I really cannot wait to move out of Grand Rapids? :)
My sister is getting married! In less than a month. I'm so excited! I'm trying not to smuther and want to help plan, and plot lol but I'm just so happy for her. She's my only sister, and I want her to have the most memorable and special day like I did. Minus loosing any important documentations that actually prove you're married...heh. Or..nearly crashing your car into the highway divider because you've been up for 48 hours on your way to Detriot at 2 am to leave for your honeymoon. Guess who didn't have sex the night of their honeymoon, just kidding...or am I?
I can't cook chicken....it reminds me of a fetus when I'm cooking it...sick.
I have a pretty amazing husband...don't get me wrong he really gets under my skin sometimes (love you honey!) as does any spouse, boyfriend, fiance, but I could not do this pregnancy without him. He is my very best friend, who makes me laugh, and even cry. (Good tears...for the most part ;) lol) We have our moments and fights like any other couple, but he isn't afraid to call me out when I'm being selfish or just a big baby. One thing I've loved about him from day 1, is that he never is disappointed in me. He doesn't have all these expectations for me, other than to love him and be there for him. So when I mess up, I never feel like my head it rubbed into my mess. He always lends a helping hand to get me back up to where I want to be. I love him for everything he is to me...my best friend, my security guard at night when I hear any noise, my lover, my chef when I'm craving the worlds BEST grilled cheese, my husband, and soon to be father of our child. He's just great.
There goes the woodchuck again..I wonder what he killed now. Hope it wasn't one of my dogs. On that note..I should probably go check.
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 12 June :: 3.42am
Who you are can be better.
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 20 May :: 6.37pm
Knowing how fragile mortality is and then if not completely disregarding it.
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 13 May :: 9.51am
He's Captain America, not Captain Government.
7 spoke up |
speak the unspoken
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 11 May :: 10.05pm
i need glasses. gr. i just cant afford them. its bugging me.
1 spoke up |
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phil-himself
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2010 7 May :: 3.13am
Spoiler Alert: Tony Stark finds the Green Lantern's crossbow in New Mexico at the end of Iron Man 2.
13 spoke up |
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phil-himself
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2010 21 April :: 12.00am
Iron Man Deuce on IMAX at midnight premiere
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 19 April :: 7.37am
Look what I found
2 spoke up |
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phil-himself
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2010 18 April :: 2.41am
someone get me 8 grand so I can buy this
Read more..
6 spoke up |
speak the unspoken
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 15 April :: 9.56pm
I wish I could vent and write about all my problems
like I used on woohu-but I've changed a lot since like age 15 when I first started using this and the difference is I actually care about keeping my personal life private. Sucks when you need an outlet though.
Su
speak the unspoken
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 13 April :: 8.19pm
does anyone know if i am on my computer and it just starts randomly doing stuff like my mouse moves on its own and/or my internet page i'm on goes "back" to another page or windows move around ..random stuff like that..
is it because i have a virus or something and if so what can i do?
2 spoke up |
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phil-himself
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2010 4 April :: 6.41pm
semi tire pwnt
2 spoke up |
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phil-himself
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2010 1 April :: 6.22pm
The Company Band - Who Else but Us?
Rocky Erickson said to me,
"You can trust acid before the C.I.A."
Chairmen of the Waterboard, Let us come to disorder.
It's enough to make a believer,
The Cleavers seek reeducation.
speak the unspoken
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 28 March :: 10.12pm
I'm jusr fettunng drunk wirg mt husband it isbt no crime hehehhhhhhheeeehheehehehe
3 spoke up |
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jayzulla
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2010 26 March :: 12.25am
:: Music: BIGGIE - Mo Money, Mo problems
Whoa.......where am I? This isnt facebook....
2 spoke up |
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 17 March :: 7.23am
If the government thinks they are going to tell me what I should eat, bunch of fucking homos.
2 spoke up |
speak the unspoken
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phil-himself
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2010 7 March :: 5.30pm
To add to awesome weekend, started the cycle back up today and went for a drive.
speak the unspoken
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