Go sit in that pool....Why? There isn't any water in it....
Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada....Hey, Theresa? Are you crying yet?

She is so impossible....

Her only motive is upsetting me....

I almost hate her.

I know I hate saying that.

"Where did that book go?" "What book? The Bible?"
I'm free!!!!!!!!!!

Yippie Skippie!!!!!!!

I'm so happy, I just told G-boy we are not going to be seeing each other anymore, ever.

Everything will be just fine from now on.

I love you.

(You know, he's really in a hat. That's what makes him scary)

And I would love him and pet him and hug him and squeze him. And I would name him George.
HeY

How are you? I hope you’re well.

It bothers me that people can care about anything and everything that goes on in this world, and yet, still cannot find time for people. It’s called humanity, and no one knows about it anymore. This sucks. I really hate it, Sheels.

I really wish I knew where everyone stands. You don’t know how bad I want things to be happy pappy again. Not like it’s been different for a long time, either. It’s just that when you get used to being relatively happy for so long, you notice right away when things change. When you change. But now, more than ever before, everyone is gone. They are so, so far away.

If I knew how Pretty eyes felt, I would know if S-Power is cruel in saying what she did, or just honest. If I knew if S-Power liked him, everything would make sense, and a reason for selfish and rude comments would begin to form. If I knew how I felt, boy howdy! This would make things a whole lot easier.

This reminds me of something that Mrs. Kleas said once.:

It was after our poem project was due. Our class was watching that movie called Dead Poets Society. At the end, after the boy commits suicide, she said, “ That’s no way to go, teenagers think they are trapped, but they’re not. There is always help. I get it all the time after these writing projects....tons of kids writing about the same thing. Being lost, confused, trapped, lonely, lethal. It goes on and on......” I had the greatest feeling that she was shooting this out directly to me. All my poems had at least a teen tiny bit of what she was saying was so routine.

I raised my hand and tried to say quietly, “I’m sorry if this is rude, but who’re we to say that they are not trapped? If writing is the thing that keeps them sane, let them do it.” The only reason I said it as because I think I knew it was going out to me.

Goodness.

I really don’t know anything.

I love Calvin and Hobbes. So much I want to cry.

G-Boy makes it seem like it’s my fault he doesn’t call me. “Where have you been?” “Umm....the same place I’ve been all summer. If you’d call you’d know. “ I hate that. I think he won’t last much longer. I think the only reason I haven’t done it [Dumped his sorry ass] yet is because I know that just because I’m single doesn’t necessarily mean Pretty Eyes is. I can’t handle that. Not yet. Not ever. Never.

I miss Pretty Eyes. I don’t like G-Boy. Pretty Eyes likes “Mystery girl” from Grand Haven. S-Power wants me to cry. Life is dandy, isn’t it?

Oh God, I wish I could say everything I want to. I really do. I can’t though.... There is so much I want out of me. But I know talking about it won’t help. I know there are things I have to keep to myself, because it’ll be better in the long run.

Where did that sunshine of mine go?

My nerves are shot. It feels like I’m on drugs.

I want to know everything. It might help right now.

No, actually, I take that back. I don’t want to know everything. Because everything includes the truth, and I’m not just yet ready for that. Give me a little bit of time. Too bad I’m so impatient, it might help right about now. Hmmmmmm.

Ever been upset for a certain reason but just wanted to be sad for the world? Me too.

Again, living in a windmill sounds very tempting right now......

Just Washin and Wonderin
The Path My Heart Takes

I was on my way there
At first, my trip was pleasant
But then it got windy
It got cold
And I was afraid
My conscience was telling me to turn back
But I had to see for myself
What this road was like
I held his hand
And we went away
I gave up on listening
And I just believed in him
I knew it might be cold
I knew it might be windy
But climate is no match for me now
I feel unstoppable
I’m on top of the world....
But then I fell
It stopped
I blinked
It’s over
I dropped his hand
And I should have known better
~Me, July 7th 2002

See? Even in my writting I knew better. There isn't a thing I didn't anticipate. I told you I knew this would happen. Not a whole lot makes sense right now. Even if it did, I'm not too sure I would still believe myself. But that's just me.

It's not like the game completely over, either. Cuz it's like..."Two can play at your game." And that's exactly what it is. It's just the attitude that's different. He was like..."Nothing can stop me now, cuz this is so great. And I was like..."End of the game! Shoot me. Boo-hoo WAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

I need Rob. Rob? Where are you when I need you? Why are you always gone?

Why does 104.5 play the same songs all the time? I've heard the same 4 songs over and over and over again.

My smile is great. That's another reason I hate being sad. I miss my smile when it's gone. It's hard to be depressed. Can you imagine all those teen girls that develop eating disorders from being depressed? Being sad and hungry wouldn't help me out at all. But, what do I know? Obviously...not too much.

I went into a scary store at the mall today. It was dark and music was playing that I didn't recognize. The assistants were like vultures....

Does anyone else like Shakira?

I'm gonna hit the sack....Krystals Birthday "Get Together" is tomorrow. Not till later tho...but it will be nice getting some real sleep. If I sleep long enough, my mom won't question me not eating breakfast. But as if she could accuse me of being worried about counting calories. I'm fat, remember?

Good Night All. Sleep Well..

Maybe I can live in a windmill....
Right... So, after a good nights sleep I feel soooo much better. I still have those same problems, but if I think about things long enough, my perspective can adjust itself, and it doesn't seem like such a problem. I can go on for a while, just living my life. I know, though, that deep down that they are still there. But, alas, I can't do a damn thing about it. I can do nothing except let it live itself out.

I got up, I never thought I’d get there
My mind don’t mind ‘cause my won’t dare
Wake up, shake up and wind up on my back
How ‘bout this and how about that
I wanna wipe that plastic smile off my face
I wanna win without entering the race
I want to say what I mean and mean what I say
I just need something to mean anything
~ Stoke 9 One time

....Good words, eh?

My mom called me fat. Maybe I’ll develop a complex just to show her. HA!