:: 2007 12 March :: 1.06 am
:: Mood: apathetic

Dedicated to: sunsunsun
i deleted my facebook a few weeks ago and it still feels good. i don't know why but i just like knowing that i'm no longer apart of a stupid condensed online world. this doesn't mean i won't ever be returning to the stupid condensed online world but it does mean that i've had enough for now. i didn't enjoy the idea of knowing that someone could look me up and find me. gross.

instead i choose to pour out my feelings thoughts and ideas in this stupid condensed online world. great!

lately i have been very apathetic. so apathetic, to the point of.. bad. yesterday i woke up at 1 pm, took a shower, got semi dressed, and then went back to bed for two hours until i was woken up at 5 30 pm. today i woke up at 2 pm (oh daylight savings time you silly) and then fell back asleep at 5 30 pm and woke up at 7 30 pm. the first thing i did when i woke up after my nap was peek out through my blinds to not surprisingly be dissapointed to see the dark, rather than sunlight.

lately i have been depending on sunlight so much. it's what makes me happy. and makes me feel like the day is promising. and when i see the sun going down, it's so beautiful but so sad, because i know that what comes after is darkness. and time to work. and time to sleep. and then its the same routine the next day. and the next. the next. the next..

one of my biggest pet peeves is falling asleep when it's bright out and then waking up when it's dark out. i feel like the day is wasted, which it probably is, but mother nature, you don't have to rub it in my face.

i love daylight savings day and i know it's the weirdest thing. it's just that on this day every year when i lived at home, my dad would always go around the house and change every single clock in the morning. it's just something that he always never forgot to do every year, and that's probably why i like it so much. because it was consistency. and it was comfortable.

lately i am realizing how being comfortable is so important to me. i haven't been wanting to go to parties much because i don't always feel comfortable. i enjoy hanging around elisa a lot because i feel really comfortable around her. i love being in bed because i am phsyically comfortable. and i am everlastingly upset deep down inside because the person i felt most comfortable with.. i no longer have like i used to.

i have all these dried roses and i don't know what to do with them and throwing them out is not an option.

on a brighter note. spring i think has sprung! welcome welcome spring. it's glad to have you back.

school is over in three months. this year was faster than last year. i can't wait for the end of school. i've had enough of this year. i had enough in september! i can't wait for summer. for the weather. the smell. the people. the places. the love. so much love.

have a good day.

--edit
I forgot to mention something. After i woke up from my nap, i did nothing and then finally decided to start some work. and then after i started some work for a tiny bit, i started watching music videos. which led me to watch britney's old videos. and i miss her so much. i didn't realize how many videos she made. and how many singles she put out. and how great she was. i still believe she will have the ultimate come back. she has to. or else life has no meaning. and it doesn't even matter if it's sunny out or not. she has to!

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