:: 2006 7 December :: 2.15 pm
:: Mood: curious

Dedicated to: big bang
I am a graphic design major. This means that I'm constantly pressing Apple Key + S to save. It's like breathing. Honestly. I do it more than I pee, more than I drink Starbucks (..maybe), more than I look in the mirror. It seems that my fingers press the Apple Key + S invisible air keys while I'm sleeping too.

But sometimes I wish I didn't save the changes I made. Sometimes, I'm supposed to do Save As but by default, I just do Save. Sometimes I don't want to save the changes I made because they were bad. but it's too late because my fingers already saved it all on their own. And then I think to myself.. I can never get that back. You can't unsave. What I've done, is what I've done. And I can't go in reverse this time.

Sometimes I empty out my trash can on my mac, and I regret it. I can't ever get that shit back. It's gone into mac trash abyss. If I want it back, I have to recreate it, but that's not the same. Each line isn't the same, each dot isn't the same, nothing is the same because you're doing it for the second time. The first time is the first. The second is the second. That's why there's a different name, a different word for it. First. Second.

I just deleted a voicemail I got from RAB and I wish I didn't. And I can never get it back. And it was right after I pressed #7 to delete it that I realized I should have kept it. Of course I can tell her to call again. Leave the same voicemail. But she won't remember exactly what she said. She won't remember how she said it. I won't remember any of that either. Even if she did remember. Everything exactly. And even if I did too. It's still not the same because the way she felt when she left that message and the way I felt when I heard that message, we can't recreate that. You can't recreate feelings on the spot. You can't make yourself feel anything. Because if you do. That feeling is artificial, baby.

Everyone is too busy to rethink things before they do it. Everyone is too go-go-go-! to take half a second to think, wait do I really want to do that? Maybe we all should slow down and take that extra moment. Or maybe we all do things for a reason. And make mistakes for a reason. And screw up all the time because that's just what we gotta do to live.

*edit. Instead of pressing the Edit button I almost pressed the Delete button. That would have been bad after preaching this entry. I need to slow down. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten my Starbucks after all..

Yea right.

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