A Colorful Merry-Go-Round Of Death

:: 2004 18 December :: 9.22am
:: Music: Bright Eyes - Well Whiskey

It's like we're all far too immature to handle something so fucking stupid. It's slowing driving me insane. So much tension, guilt.. bleh.

You used to push back the darkness like a floodlight, but tonight that is a secret like the soul of a whore, that if you want to have fun you will just have to ignore. Now let my troubles solve themselves. I used to get involved, but I'm just no help, but tonight let's pretend that we are just like we were. Bright Eyes - Well Whiskey

2 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 18 December :: 12.01pm

Well, worked 7 1/2 hours today. its been long as fuck. made decent tips thats for sure. i need to get christmas gifts, quick. i cant believe christmas is already next weekend. *sigh* im tired as fuck. cant wait for payday, in 2 more damn weeks. oh well. but yeahh, gah nevermind, i need rest or something. later.

:: 2004 17 December :: 4.24am
:: Mood: *shrugs*

Worked a good 5 hours today, not too bad. tomorrow i get to work 7, from 4 to 11. its going to be alright. i had to wash dishes all today. tomorrow im actually bussing the whole time. ill probably end up with some good tip money by the end of the night. there's a few things i need to get. i plan for an excellent weekend this week. i get to spend it with my one and only. i shall make the best of it. just watched american history x again, great movie. lifted weights like a mad man. toning up a bit. i finally get to talk to my dad tomorrow. its ok to call him now that i have a job. i wont get any lectures about anything. im finally paying my way through life by honest, simple, hard work. i never knew dishwashing was such a hard job. no breaks, no sit down time, straight busy work. when im washing, i make around $6.25. but yeah, everything is going pretty well. relationship's having its ups and downs, but things are finally started to look up a lot more. things are so much differant this time around. and everything will be perfect. but anyway, thats my latest news. i get to work all day tomorrow while people are having a "movie party". have fun with that.. later.

Bradley

1 bullet | Load my gun

:: 2004 16 December :: 1.49am
:: Mood: FUCKED UP

IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, THEN FUCKING READ THIS.
MY FUCKING GOD! i have got a fucking story to tell here!

Ok, well, i went to meijer to get some soda right? so everythings cool and i leave. i decide to go to McDonalds. so i order and everything, and i notice that the car in front of me has like 4 mexican dudes in it. i thought to myself "man, if i accidently hit their car..i would get my ass beat" (because there was small space to pull forward) so they pay and now its my turn right? so i pull forward counting my money not paying attention and i accidently hit their car. im like "oh god..oh god". so two of them get out all "what the fuck!?" im like shitting my pants at this point. so then im like "fuck im sorry, i didnt mean to blah blah blah" to save my ass. so they get back in the car and pull forward, get their food, and pull off to the side not moving. i was like "uh oh, this isnt good". and the worker there was like "just dont go the way they do". i was like yeah. so i pull forward, get my food, and go to the exit. low and behold, so do they. so now im scared. "4 mexicans following me this is great" so i turn and gun it, as do they. but the thing was, they turned off their headlights. i was like "im so fucked right now its not even funny". so i speed more, as do they. but then i was like fuck this. the next thing i thought to myself was "the only fucking way i could ever get out of this is if somehow they got pulled over for their headlights out". so i keep going sweating and shaking. next thing i know, all i can see in my rearview mirror is the outline of their car in front of red and blue flashing lights. i was like "this cannot be true, this cant be happening, im not this fucking lucky". surely enough, they were getting pulled over for their headlights. the rest of the way home i was like "there is a god, fucking thank you!" im still shaking from this fucking miracle i just witnessed. the fucked up thing was, i predicted every single thing that happened. but i thought i would just share that miracle story with you all. hopefully you're impressed. it was probably by far the most fucked up experience that ive ever had. thank you ladies and gentlemen, and goodnight.

Bradley

6 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 15 December :: 11.28pm

tears streaming down my face.
I love you.

:: 2004 14 December :: 2.37pm

Shit
So set my wooden heart ablaze and send me to my grave.
Fucked up beyond repair
Skin off my wrists I shave
They say that true love never fails, it's never worth the cost
If I can't have you, no one will
They tell me hope is lost
In this lonely room I write
So hidden and forlorn
My ears they hear the Devils cry
He's screaming out for more
Blood drips from my finger tips, and everything goes numb
For my baby, my love, "the one"
It's not over till it's done
I love you more than life itself, I would give anything
Please just tell me that you love me
...It's all I want to hear.

4 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 14 December :: 6.35am
:: Music: The Good Life - Night and Day

*sigh
What a shitty way to start out my morning.

Brad	:: 2004 14 December :: 3.18am I'm such an asshole. Forgive me please. 2 bullets \| Load my gun

:: 2004 13 December :: 9.30pm

Bradley's got a job ladies and gentlemen. im a busser at Russ'. i start
wednesday. so to all of those who doubted me, there's a big "up yours" right there. but anyway, its a good feeling and now i can pay everyone i owe money to back and finally start living more like an adult. after a little while im going to get a second job. but anyway, just wanted to share the good news.

4 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 13 December :: 2.05am

Fuck, these words fall from my mouth like acid
you're so beautiful and you dont even know it
you run through my mind day and night
life goes so fast, i only hope that i dont pass it

your fingertips, like razor blades
they tear through my skin
so wrecked and tattered
but i hope, falling from this 5 story building
that something breaks my fall

waiting for me down below, there's nothing
just blood splattered canvases
the others, here before me
had nothing to live for
why me?
why am i next in line?
your pretty face leaves scars in the back of my mind

something that will never heal, there for life
if i lose you now, life doesnt go on
from up here, the air is so clear
with the tons of concrete beneath my feet
the leap seems all to easy
with the poison in my blood, point and fire at will
its not hard to be me

sit back and enjoy the show
as you watch, with deep breaths
im back for the encore
five stories below.

fuck...its all over, its done.

no, this is not a suicide threat.
idea's are going through my head and i had to just randomly type up something quick. while the inspirations there, you cant just sit and let it leave. use it, cherish it. it doesnt come easy. im done. god..i dont even want to have replies but i cant stop myself. i really dont want to hear how bad or good it is..but sometimes it helps. i dont want fake opinions.

2 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 12 December :: 11.08am

Kashmir - Make it Grand lyrics
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:: 2004 11 December :: 3.16pm

"I'm ready to die for you."

Then die.

:: 2004 11 December :: 1.45am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Bright Eye's - Saturday as usual

For the brothers
Another beautiful day spent very well. i got to spend the day with my one and only. it was good.

Tomorrow night, saturday, PARTY. nothing huge. guys getting together, watchin movies, halo2, special drinks. all are invited. if you feel so inclined to show up, please do. it shall be fun.

i finally got the chance to talk to my mom and my sister. i talked to my mom for a while, it was nice. we're gonna all get together and spend christmas together. that will be nice. i sat and chatted with my sister for like an hour and a half or so. it was nice to be able to just talk to her, no arguing..just me, and her. person to person. i enjoyed it very much. i dont think we've ever just sat and talked like that. its definately the first time ive ever had an actual conversation with her on the phone.

well, thats about it. see you.

Bradalee

4 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 8 December :: 5.45pm
:: Music: The Good Life - Inmates

I can't be your prisoner.
I just want it over.

That's all.

Leave me alone. Please.

:: 2004 7 December :: 3.43pm
:: Music: Straylight Run - Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

One day I can leave this.

And it will all be over.

:: 2004 6 December :: 2.55am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: the used - yesterdays feelings

If you're my friend, READ.
For once in my life, i feel actually grown up. i dont know what it is, but i feel like an adult. after all the months of living on my own with no parents, i feel like i can actually take care of myself. i dont need parents, well i need them, but not in the case to where i need them to take care of me. i do miss my mother very much..i havent seen her in forever. i miss my dad, my little brother, and especially my sister too. i havent seen my sister in so long. it almost feels like i dont really have a family anymore. when i was younger..even a year ago, i always thought i hated my sister and i could easily live without her and not miss her. but now, i really miss her. i never thought i would think it, but i do love my sister. but i guess this happens to about everyone. as you get older.. your sibblings become so much more important to you. its crazy..thinking about all this almost brings tears to my eye's. things are happening so fast.. the more im alone, the more i realize how much i need everyone. i couldnt imagine all this without my friends, i love you all. and people like jay, he's been my best friend for around 4 years now. its all went by so fast. we have so many stories and good times to share. not once in my life have i had someone to share so much with. ive never had someone that ive been so many places and done so many things with. ive done some things with jay that i never would have done with anyone else. a lot of the things may be illegal but thats ok. its all good lesson learning experiences. but i thank him for being there for me and being my best friend through everything.

dont think i forgot about all of you if you're reading this. i appreciate everything ive ever shared with any of you. im looking forward to many more great experiences with my friends for many years. i hope that i can still have most of you years from now. well, thats how i feel..if you're pleased..good. hope to see you all soon. see ya

Bradley

7 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 5 December :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: disappointed

Nobody knows how to take a hint.

:: 2004 5 December :: 2.55pm

Read.
The Good Life - Album of the Year lyrics

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