A Colorful Merry-Go-Round Of Death

:: 2004 13 August :: 12.17am
:: Music: Rilo Kiley

Ignore it.. ignore me.
Love through fingertips.

It's a feeling.

Sleep well..

:: 2004 9 August :: 2.43pm
:: Music: Azure Ray

Back home.
Once again, the feeling of independence..

I drove to the store with my grandma. I'd like to say she's not much of a back seat driver, but she is. She doesn't do it in an annoying way, more of a helpful way of letting me learn everything. She refers to me as a "lead foot." I'd have to disagree however. Anyway.. back to the point. I drove to the store, shut the car off, got what I needed, paid for it, got back in the car, started it up, and drove home. My grandma was with me, but it still felt nice.

I'm getting little tastes of what I want most. A few more years is all I have.. *slightly smiles*

:: 2004 8 August :: 7.44pm
:: Music: The Cure - Pictures of You

Rip my heart out yourself.
I feel so.. independent here.

It's like my own apartment. The Cure is soflty playing in the background, I made my own dinner, it's the loud city noise that keeps me so alive. I'm being as patient as I can with this piece of shit computer.

I drove here, speeding. Getting lectured, and laughing each time.

And it all seems fine.

It's like a taste of how it feels to be alone. This apartment is so full, yet seems so empty. I think the distance gets to me though. I like being in Cedar, just because most of my friends are 5 minutes away. Here they are all at least a half hour away. I guess it's kind of comforting in a way.

I can already tell tonight is a night of inspiration.

[Downloading msn messenger as we speak, this computer may not even support it].

:: 2004 6 August :: 2.42am

yo peoples, another long awaited post from me has arrived. *sigh* shits pretty fucked up right now. between girl problems and life. sometimes it feels like too much to deal with. ive been offered places to live by lots of differant people lately, cuz people know shits getting messed up. im affraid of going housebroken and alone. and living in my car doesnt sound too good right now. i really need to get shit back on track in my life. i have to find another job now and im probley gonna be broke for the next few weeks. im so tired, ill see you all later.

Brad

2 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 3 August :: 7.28am

I want to cry. My entire journal is gone. I shouldn't care so much, but I spent hours spilling every inch of what I have into each word. All my honesty, hate, love, everything. Writing is what makes me remember, makes me feel. And it's all gone. I won't get it back, and I won't ever find the words. Ah well, complaining won't make the words return.

:: 2004 2 August :: 7.46am

I hugged him, then sat in the car.

Lisa and I sat there for a few minutes, while she was doing something.

He opened the door and said, "Kiss me" so I did.

It was funny, because I rested my hand on the side of his face, (like a prepared kiss) even though I didn't know he was even going to do it. I guess it's instinct.

It was nice.

:: 2004 29 July :: 2.18pm
:: Mood: tired as fuck
:: Music: Elvis - i remember you

have mercy
hello everyone (who reads). *sigh* i think i want a drum set..ive been playing the one at perry's all day and its fun. i really should sleep but i cant..i have to leave soon. i get paid today, so thats cool. my dads gonna sending child support straight to me so thats cool too..that means more money for crabley. i talked to this lady at meijer this morning after i punched out, about elvis and whatnot. she heard me playing elvis in my car so thats how this whole thing came about. i guess shes a huge fan as well. but yeah, that was nice. im gonna get goin now, i have things i must do. i love you all...well whoever loves me back...(as a friend..at least). later cats.

Crabley

6 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 28 July :: 4.05pm

I'm letting everything go. I think I need to take a break from writing. It only makes me think.

I want to go back to that happy go lucky person. Last night was exactly where I want to be. Too hyper to even care. About anything. Everyone could hate me and I don't think it could have brought me down.

So I'm going to do whatever I can to be that person again. Because who I am now isn't working for me, at all.

4 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 27 July :: 11.18pm
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday - Number Five With a Bullet

*sighs*
I just.. don't know anymore.

:: 2004 27 July :: 4.19pm

I guess I don't understand.

:: 2004 27 July :: 7.35am
:: Music: Radiohead - Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box

Girls really do change people.

1 bullet | Load my gun

brad

:: 2004 25 July :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: raging
:: Music: MSI - faggot

what a pussy
Justin BeVier is the biggest pussy i know. the little bastard thought he was hurting me with a $3.50 late fee for holding two rented games for ransom. he was bitching about me having his halo and whatnot and used his "whatever i have better things to do" defense, so i went to his house and justin, the scared bitch that he is went into the other room so his daddy could fight his battles. you know, for $3.50 i should have kept his stupid halo and let him think hes got the upper hand. but i was just letting you all know. NEVER let justin borrow anything of yours...because you will not get it back unless you go to his house yourself ready to beat some ass.

Crabley

21 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 25 July :: 8.59pm

Part of a song..
And they loved with devotion beyond what I understand.
But fear has a way of making sleep unbearable.
And the days seem cold and long.
But we'll cry and we dance.
And we stumble into love.
In awkward, perfect grace.
The moon is gone and the sun has took its place.
The moon is gone and the sun has took its place.

Bright Eyes - A Celebration Upon Completion

:: 2004 25 July :: 6.43pm
:: Music: The King - Loving You

hey people, just bored. hung out with some people yesterday, jammed a bit. and today i guess im gonna stay at jays and play some x-box, rent a game or something. anyway, i think im going to the warped tour, maybe with chris. ill have to find out. but anyway, if anyone wants to ever hang out, call me. home#696-4494 cell#706-1859. see ya kids

Crabley

1 bullet | Load my gun

:: 2004 25 July :: 4.35pm

A line from a book...
The world is evil. Wolves hunt the stragglers in a group of deer. Vultures devour the fallen. Hyenas destroy the weak. Humans kill that which they fear. Survive and be strong, or die, cornered by your prey, trembling because the night is dark.
- In the Forests of the Night, By: Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

:: 2004 22 July :: 7.43am
:: Mood: lack of sleep goofy
:: Music: Elvis - Unchained Melody

Great fucking song
yo bitches, havent updated in a while and i just got home from work so im kinda bored. ive been thinking about alot of shit lately but meh, being depressed doesnt phase me anymore....crying because your depressed..now thats new to me, but hey ill get better. but car keeps deciding to be a butt fucker and run out of gas all the time. maybe i should start putting more than $5 in everytime and i wouldnt have to worry about that. tomorrow i get paid. i got my balance statement. the fucking government took out over $50 bucks from my check in taxes. so now my check is $190, its not too bad but it just makes me mad that im missing out on that much more because of the stupid government. i completely ran out of minutes on my cell phone last night. now i have to spend like another $30 bucks on more minutes, but it lasts me about 2 weeks so i guess its ok. stocking at meijer sucks so im gonna either start working at the gas station or at the new starbucks in meijer. stocking everynight 3rd shift is really killing me. i shouldnt be working full time and still be trying to have a normal week without alot of sleep. ive eaten like 4 things in the past 5 days...its not good i know but i feel sick whenever i eat. me jay and kevin pigged out at wendy's which was bad ass, thanks to jay and his rich ass. then we went to watch some blues thing in rockford and then went swimming at jays. i had fun. anyway, i think im gonna go kids. bye bye

Bradley

6 bullets | Load my gun

:: 2004 20 July :: 7.36am

This is how it's always been
But if nothing has changed..
Then it must mean..
But the sun is cold - the sky is wrong
The stars are black - the night is gone
The world is still - the space is stopped
The time is out - the day is dropped
The house is dark - the room is scarred
The boy is stiff - the bed is hard
The blood is thick - the head is burst
The taste is dry - the kiss is thirst
And it's not the same you
It's not the same you
No it never was like this
It's not the same you
-The Cure / Labyrinth

:: 2004 19 July :: 8.04pm
:: Music: The Smiths

Almost everything turns into a joke.

:: 2004 18 July :: 11.23am
:: Music: The Cure

Remember more than you like to forget.
I looked at the speedometer. I don't think he even realized how fast we was going. 90 or so at night, with his eyes straining. And the lights just lighting enough of the road. He looked at the speedometer and turned off the dash lights, so he couldn't see the speed.