I'm not gonna let you break me

:: 2003 24 December :: 4.50pm
:: Mood: sad

Hubby is mad at me.

Merry Christmas eve, everyone.

Today really sucked...
blah.

2 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 21 December :: 11.25am

Today Jilly is coming!!!!!!! i cant wait, shes probly gettin off her plane right now! i <333 you jill!

i <333 jay!!

3 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 20 December :: 9.17pm

Hey everyone..well id ont have very much time..cuz yah ive gotta get going to bed real soon cuz my flight leaves at 8 10 and we've gotta leave here at like 5 in da friggin morning!!! =/ ick!! oh well =)

Yeah..leavin 2marro now..and now comin bak till da 29th i think? if i can count rite =) hehe yah dats when =)

Awwe im gonna miss everyone tho..like chelsie and megan and stacey and steve =/ and becky dawn and courtney and tiffany and katt and brittney and cassie and sidnee and all of my other lil ol' buddies =)

yeah but i bet its all going to be worth it..cant wait to see my fav booger brittany!! =)

Well yeah im tired..and bored..and gettinraedy fo bed..so leave me some lovin for when i get home!! =)

I luv all of you!!

6 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 18 December :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: worried

::Im going to name off a few friends that i think dat i have lost touch with over time..that i really wish that i could get bak and be friends wit::

::Cassie::
::Taylor::
::kathryn::
::SARA::
::Emily::
::Mitch::
::Kari::
::Brittney B::
::Brittney S::
::Danielle::
::Becky Dawn::
::Travis::
::Aaron::
::Brenda::
::Chris::
::Josh C::
::Josh W::
::Morgan::
::Heather::
::Anthony::

::And soo many other ppl.. =/::

::Now i would like to say thanks to a few ppl that i am still friends wif dat mean alot to me::

::Brittany::
::Stacey::
::Chelsie::
::Megan::
::Ashley::
::Cassie M::
::Steffanie::
::Sidnee::
::Cassie B::
::Lisa::
::Tiffany::
::Courtney::
::Tasha::
::Gloria::
::James::
::Mike::
::Steve::
::Nicole::
::Nate::
::Ethan::
::Tanner::

::and alot of other pplz =)::

::Now a few ppl dat i think dat im going to be becoming alot better friends wif sometime soon::

::Autumn::
::Katt::
::Leslie::
::Ashley::
::Riley::
::Gloria::

I luv all of my friends and if i forgot you here im srry..i luv you all!! =) *Well most of you* hehe =p

::But my bestest friend in da whole wide world is::

::BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER:: *big surprise eh? hehe*

I LUV YOU WIF ALL OF MY HEART BABEY GURL!!!

love..jilly!!

:: 2003 18 December :: 10.47am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: mrs rodmans fat ass talkin.. =/

Wow in class wif my bestest buddy duffey again..shes sucha lil blonde dumb bum..but i luv her =) hehe no really tho we've been becoming better friends lately and its aweosme..im soo glad dat were
becoming better friends..shes always there fo me and i dont know wat i would do without her..i luv her soo much..but yah neways..britt i hope dat we can have dat talk t nite..haha ur da best i luv you.. =)

nothing else to really talk bout rite now...bout to get ready to leave fo third hour..LUV YOU BRITTANY!!

I luv sid duffey soo much shes da best

HOLD ON

:: 2003 17 December :: 7.56pm
:: Mood: indifferent

If only..
I wish dat i were good enough fo you..i wish dat i could be your all..but since i cant..i wish that you will find someone dat you can one day..cuz all you deserve is the best.. =/

Brittany u mean everything to me..im srry dat i hurt you..i never want to hurt you..i luv you bye!!

:: 2003 16 December :: 11.04pm

<3!
Rockergurl217: either way, i love you
So Cal 1449: no u dont
So Cal 1449: cuz im using up all the love in the world to love u

=] <333333333333333

5 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 16 December :: 3.57pm
:: Mood: pissed off

I had da worst fuckin day..i seriously am not goin to skool 2marro and if anyone trys makin me im gonna fuckin kill em!! I am NOT going bak to skool..i fuckin hate skool and everyone there!!

I wish i could fuckin die..steve is suspended now..till fri and he can only come fo da half day on fri and den i wont get to see him forever..

I got kicked outta my 1st hour class, and den second hour i stayed and yah wrote in my journal earlier..and den 3rd hour we had a test and i didnt do it..and den lunch i fuckin got soo pissed off dude..and i fuckin started bawling and den tyler franks said dat i looked like fuckin dyke and i could go suck his dick..and steve fuckin beat da shit outta him and now hes suspended yah..and den i didnt even go to 4th hour but crystal found me *i only knew her name id idnt even knw her beofre dis* and den she like hugged me and helped me stop cryin..and den krista long came in and like hugged me n everything and den crystal walked down to my class and told da teacher i was here but wasnt coming to class and den she took my to da counslers office and we talked fo a while..den steve came in and we sat there and talked to da counsler together fo da rest of 4th hour and den da fuckin bus ride home was horrible..omfg im gonna fuckin die..i hate my life..i wanna die..i sould kill myself..i am going to..fuck all of you i hate you.. BYE!!!

3 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 16 December :: 10.44am
:: Mood: bitchy

mhmm in tech class and bored..
Well lets see me and duffey r sittin here ni intro to tech and were like really bored and jus got done wif all of our homework so yah were jus sittin here readin through my journal and everything and yah its not dat interestin..geesh i luv dis gurl she like got me these really cute monkey pjs and like yah im wearin them over my pants thier so cute i luv her..yah shes always been there fo me no matter wat ive done to hurt her and trust me ive done alot to hurt her through the past few years..whew i luv her..i hope dat were friends forever cuz she really means lots to me..shes da best ever!!

I luv you sidnee dee anne Duffey

yah i hope dat britt feels better before i come down there..but if dat ass dont tell me wat she wants to fo x mas im not comin lol luv you lots bye

:: 2003 15 December :: 11.09pm

im sick...blah.

theres nothing to say.

today=one month.
i love you jay..
<333. im sorry ..i wish i could make things better.

love ya daniel, dont worry bout this thing. it'll be okay..

i love you kevin =]

3 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: stressed

Oh my fuckin *god* t day was jus fuckin horrible..stacey is bout to make me fuckin kill myself..i wish dat she would jus be happy wif us being *friends* dats it..but she wont..and its drivin me friggin nuts!!

And britt..well i think dat she thinks dat stacey is going to like *steal her best friend* or wateva..but yah dats never ever going to happen cuz britts always goin to be my best friend no matter wat..hey it jus gives her a LITTLE ITTY BITTY taste of wat i feel like wif her and emily and her and court n her and everyone else..i dont kno anymore..

Wow i feel like total shit..my head is fuckin killin me and i dont know to do..urgh im jus gonna go lay down..since my mom is a total bitch and is makin me get offline anyway..well yah bye now.. =/

Sincerly the tru you dat hides behind every fake smile dat you own..

HOLD ON

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: hands down..

and at any moment i could loose it all..
Everything right now is so great.. I have JILLANE ELIZABETH DAHMS..who i love so freeeakin mucho much! Who i am seeing in *6* days for the first time in so-long .. and i have my *jay* who i love oh-so MUCH! and at any moment i could loose it all.. ive lost soo many things before. i really need to hold on to these two. jill cuts herself more and more now. she did last night. and jay talked bout killin himself again tonight..god dang i swear to god if either one of them or both kill themselves im fukin killing myself, they are my everything. its jus so fuckin scary though. please, dont leave me you guys.

<3.

:: 2003 14 December :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: green eyes

for jay..
I LOVE JAY SO MUCH!! HES SO SWEET N GOD HE JUS MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD BOUT EVERYTHING!! when im talking to him or around him i jus feel like everything is okay. everything is more then okay, everything is perfect i love him so much. hes so funny.
1 month tomarrow!!!
<3333333333333333333333333333333*
i love you jay. i really doo.

2 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

:: 2003 14 December :: 4.55pm
:: Mood: numb

*You left..i ran wif you*
Wow..today sucked ass..went to work early..den yah went to tanner..courts..den yah bak to work..but left.im surpsoed to be at work rite now but i lefted..i hope i get fired.. =/ neways..

I dont know wat to say rite now..im bout to go to bed tho..latah..

Sincerly the words whispered from ear to ear, only to break someones heart..