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I'm not gonna let you break me

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thoughtskill

:: 2003 4 November :: 9.29pm
:: Mood: confused

Up..down...Up..down
Me tinks kevin is mad at me. Something is wrong. He is like avoiding talking to me or something...I donno. He called me at like 9 today and yesterday and then like he says he's tired n gets off the phone. N then yesterday he was like sadd wen we were talking, and talking bout james n everyone again. *sigh* N today we talked for 4 minutes, literitly, and like i donno he doesnt wanna talk to me or something n he jus seems like hes all mad. im stupid i know obsessin over this but like i donno....


god. i cant believe this tho...stacey holy fucking god i hate her.

1 I'm almost there | HOLD ON


behindmysmile

:: 2003 4 November :: 9.07am
:: Mood: cold

ahh stupid fuckers!
I fuckin hate skool, dats why im here instead of being at skool in well lets see Core plus 2/geomtry class well till 9 10 den im off to Computer Tech, ahh wif mrs rodman shes sucha bitch! She called Bri Bri stupid n all dis shit last week and made her cry, and den da next day when i had her class, SHE HAD A SUB, so i couldnt bitch her out bout it!! But i think dat im going to go to skool wif like a half an hour of 3rd hour left and bitch her out jus fo da hell of it!! *Looks innocent*

Ahh last nite was horrible, rite when i first get to work, mark has to bitch me out, and den dana screams at me, and so im all upset and den im cryin and den i have to run to da bathroom cuz icouldnt stop cryin and i got sick! ICKY!! And like when i did stop cryin i would walk out and see someone and they would say some smart shit to me and i would jus start cryin again, and dat party had like all my old teachers from last year, and like all these ppl in my grade dat go to my skool, and like all these ppl from other skools i knew, ahh it was HORRIBLE!!

And dne i had da worst headach, but my momy gave me half of her vicodine lol so i was good, but neways yah im going to get ready fo skool now LATAH GATOR!! hah

I luv u more den anything in da whole world brittany marie Gamester!!

ONLY *3 MORE DAYS* AHAHA!!

:*:~Jilly~:*:

HOLD ON


behindmysmile

:: 2003 3 November :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: indescribable

Indescribable in a bad way..
Urgh i had a really shitty day at work t day..i told my mom dat i wasnt workin dis weekend when she already scheduled me to work, and i told her dat i wasnt going to work where ppl treatin me like shit and like i was nothing jus cuz im younger..*so basically I QUIT*

Urgh i fuckin hate da ppl there, and thier my family so yah dats great aint it?

Urgh i wish dat all of em *ex my "step dad"* would jus ACCIDENTLY fall off a cliff and DIE!! *Grabs a knife outta da drawer and casually strowls behind him, whistling* mwaha *looks innocent wit da bloody knife in her hand*

I unno, i wonder where britt is? I miss her! And oh yah britt ur friend *Daniel Lupo* says *Hey babe* hehe while im on ur sn rite now!! But neways luv u lots babe but im dead tired and im really going to bed rite this second, *Too much cryin of korse* :o( ahh shit luv u bye!!

Love always,
~*ME*~

HOLD ON


behindmysmile

:: 2003 3 November :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: tired as hell!!

Britt u wanted me to update so yah im updatein but i have no idea wat to say and ive gotta go cuz my mom is waitin fo me outside rite dis second lol..

Neways lets see dis week was okay i guess..

fri-was horrible den good fo halloween nite!
sat-was pretty bad all i did was work..ick!!
sun-was SHITTY! urgh..

i unno work sat sun mon thurs fri sat ick!

haha and they actually thought dat i would be able to take off work to fit around CHEERLEADIN!! I cant believe dat they even asked me to be a cheerleader! hehe dats hrorible i hate cheerleaders :o)

Neways ive really gotta go now before my mom has a hard attack!! I luv u sooo much brittany and u write in ur journal again t nite so dat i hvae something to read t nite! Luv u lots bye!!

1 I'm almost there | HOLD ON


thoughtskill

:: 2003 3 November :: 8.27am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: peaches n cream

Monday Morning. Nuff to Kill yah right off the bat.
Mondays..die.

My weekend was okay i guess. I didn*t really do that much..nothing to tell.

1o days till Jill *** her self last, woop woop! I really hope that number gets big, fast. Last time it went by so quick..member wen it was tha 100th day and i moo'd a whole bunch :P :) Dat wuz funny :) but yea now we had to start over but thats really okay, cuz i love you jillane elizabeth dahms no matter what.

brittany

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thoughtskill

:: 2003 1 November :: 1.50pm
:: Mood: spiffy

<3
November 1st, brand new month.
6 days intill November 7th.
Cant hardly wait

Yesterday was alotta fun. Thank you everyone for making it special


if this is bein happy
ive been missing out on alot



p.s. my last entry was a lie, i cant trust anyone but Jill.

1 I'm almost there | HOLD ON


thoughtskill

:: 2003 31 October :: 8.08am
:: Mood: happy

Happy Halloween!
Spiffness today is HALLOWEEN! Today , hopefully, will be really good. After school, my mom is picking up tyler, daniel, and emily n bringin us to Em's house. Then were gonna go trick or treating n stuff. Kevin isn't gonna be at school today. But he's gonna come treatin' wif us round 7/8. And Tyler has to leave at 8..so, yeah. Emily likes tyler. (and still kevin) Ide say how i feel bout that sept too many people read this thing.

I cant trust anyone anymore.

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 29 October :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: numb

Another one!!
Awwe holy fuckin shit!!! Jimmy died too! Yesterday im pretty sure!! Dats fuckin crazy everyone is dieing!!

Like in da begining of da summer in june...Justin was killed in a car accident...den on July 30th Jeri was killed in a car accident...and den now Jimmy was hit by a CAR, does dat sound like a pattern going there? Urgh who da hell is next?!

God how many more innocent ppl are you giong to take from our lives?! Whose next? Am i? Is brittany? Is Amber? Is Mike? Who who who!?! Take your pick...were all here at ur finger tips...Wat da hell is it like some kind of iny miny miney mo {catch a tiger by his toe} Game or something? Were all at your finger tips as u know...so you mite as well get it over wit...you evil fuckin bastard!!

*But if you would happen to choice Brittany Marie Gamester, take me instead, give me the most painful death...rip out my heart, chop me to a million pieces while im alive, drown me, drop me from a buildin, do wat you did to Jimmy and run me over twice while im still alive like he was...do wateva da hell you wish to do wif me...jus dont take Brittany...MY ONLY WISH* <<
Im sick of everyone dieing...randy my aunt my cuzin my grandma justin jeri jimmy...geesh dont u think dats enough from my life?!

*gets down on her knees and prays {to da god she dont believe in} and prays dat da rest of her friends r okay, and live FOREVER!*

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 29 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: sleepy

Okay im pretty sure dat me and Mike offically started going out on October 17th but im not sure...cuz he told Ryan dat we were going out on da 15th but he asked me on da 17th, so which one sould i pick? I think im jus gonna go wit da 17th cuz dats one of my lucky numbers!! Hehe...but yah i unno, we havent really been talkin much lately...and i dont think dat he wants to go out anymore...*sigh* Jus another guy to add to dat *L---O---N---G ass lists of guys-i-went-out-wit-fo-no-damn-reason...urgh i dont wanna have him be one of those guys tho...cuz i really like dis one...its weird, its like a first crush all over again...everytime i talk wif him i get these really weird butterfly feelings, and i giggle alot, and i smile constantly, and its crazy lol...but i unno it will prolly turn out to be nothing AGAIN!! But ahh oh well...

I unno me n Britt havent really been talkin lots lately either...like t day fo example she keeps leavin forever and i havent like talked to her at all t day...I unno whas going on there either...*sigh*

Maybe im jus going to lose everyone again...all my friends...my boyfriend...everything! Well everything dat means anything to me! Urgh dis is so stupid...and pointless...im done bye!

4 I'm almost there | HOLD ON


thoughtskill

:: 2003 29 October :: 4.29pm
:: Mood: confused

Kevins note
This is is what kevin wrote me today afta lunch...

Hey
I dont know wats ^ but 2 many people flirt with you and you flirt with them just as much it is crazy. Like James + Marcus + everyone else that I don't know about, but if you have nothing to do this weekend + you wanna do something call Marcus, James or Jordan cause i cant do anything wat a surprise hu, so i dont know if you still wanna go out but i have to think about it so.
p.s. OBVIOUSILY Your note was a bunch of BULL SH** LATER


ouch < / 3

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 28 October :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: frustrated

I had a very well as my mood says, frustratin day t day! Alotta crap jus happened to go wrong t day, on da one day dat iive gotta go talk wif Becky {stupid ass counsler lady} Urgh like wit Cassie...shes sucha bitch and i seriously dont even know why i try wit her these days! Shes always going to stab me in da bak! Shes not da same person as she was before! And da new pesron really isnt da kinda person dat i wanan be friends wit...so why cant i jus forget bout her?

And James is all pissed off at me cuz im going out wit Mike, and dats really shitty cuz he made dis really huge scene at skool t day! We were in Gym and like we had to play b ball wit eachother, cuz were in da same squad and like yah he started yellin at me and sayin all dis shit bout mike when he dont even know mike and he kept sayin dat im fuckin ruining our friendship and dat im makin him hate himself and shit like dat...urgh i luv da kid to death but dats pretty fucked up...and ex since he said all of it rite in front of everyone in gym class! Everyone heard it!! And den he left da class and went into da locker room and i left da class and jus left da building and like was really pissed off so i jus went outside on da cross country trail till 3rd hour started...i freezed my ass off too...ick!

And jus everyone else was all pissed off t day, like cassie is mad at lisa, so cassie asked sid to be her partner in tech and lisa was all mad at both of em cuz like they ditched her and i was mad cuz i was ditched too and den lisa wanted to be my partner and i didnt wanna say no cuz i luv her to death, but she dont do shit, and we'v egot a hard station this time, and im not smart enough to jus do it myself and i dont wanna do it myself and im not fuckin failin dat class and havin to take a whole semester again wit dat stupid bitch teacher! Urgh...

Den tiffany was mad at Amber and i was talkin wit amber and tiff thought dat i was talkin bout her to her and i wouldnt do dat cuz tiff is like my really good friend and i really wouldnt do dat anyway cuz i hate ppl dat talk shit behind ppls baks...i mean da way i see it, if u gonna talk shit talk it to thier face...and den like yah so tiff was all mad at me and den i tried smoothing things over wit her and amber got mad at me and yah dat was shitty too!!

But bout da only thing positive dat happened t day was...well cept dat i got an email from sara...but cuz in 3rd hour we got new seats and i sit rite in da way bak corner and autumn sits rite in front of me on dat table and still faces me and me and chris share a table! I luv chris hes been my good friend forever! Hes so cute n so sweet! I luv him!! hehe!

Geesh i had a frustratin day tho...i think dat ppl need to jus GET OVER THEMSELVES, and stop bitchin! --Words of wisdom from Jillane! hehe

Love awlays,
xox~*Jilly*~xox

HOLD ON


THoughtskill

:: 2003 27 October :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: loved

All better!
Me n kevin are all better :o)
im not mad at him anymore, like i could ever stay mad at him. Pch. i broke down and called him, of corse and yeah he was sorry and all that good stuff. Spiffy!

i Love kevin!!

o dam it no i dont! no i dont!!! cuz yeah i told him i wasnt saying that back anymore so boo ya kevin im not! [ even tho i doo wuv ya!! mwahah]


Yeah, Jilly ur mean dont even pick up ur stupid phone! but yeah i love u! So much! I love Jillane Elizabeth Dahms, the best thing in my life. My entire world. mwa!

love always ,
<333
brittany

1 I'm almost there | HOLD ON


thoughtskill

:: 2003 27 October :: 12.11pm
:: Mood: devilishy :o)
:: Music: untill tha day i die...

No school for me!
I skipped school today! Spiffyness! cuz a) i really do not feel good, sheriously b) i didnt wanna see kevin c) i jus fucking didnt feel like it and d) i was hoping jilly woul;d stay home but she cant so dats otay..anywho I jus woke up! Yippie! well i guess i should xplain wuts been goign on since tha last time i wrote?Well friday i went to green wells, i was soposed to go to the movies with jay but kevin made me feel all g uilty bout it so i went to greenwells n then he didnt even go. But i guess he couldnt, i guess. Anywho,. then we talked on the phone a bit before and he was being so pissy n saying all this shit. N then he calls me saturday n says hes too tired to do anything n then he starts yelling at me n shit n saying all this stupid stuff like practically saying all the stuff he doesnt like about me. It hurt so much you have no idea. But whats up with that? He has no right to do that. Maybe we arent going as good as i thought?

< / 3

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 27 October :: 6.22am
:: Mood: tired

ZzZzZzZzZ...*snores*
Urgh brittany u better not stay home from school t day! Cuz i really cant, ive got a science test to finish t day...ick! Plus yah ive already got 5 absences on B days and if i get one more ill have to do dat whole deal and like yah i dont really wanna lose credit fo all those core classes and den still have to finish da skool year wit em!! Ick! Ahh oh well ill talk wit u latah chicka...hopefully t nite! hehe

I wub yew!

Love alwyas,
~*Jilly*~

2 I'm almost there | HOLD ON


behindmysmile

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.07pm

I luv Michael Allan Colemen!! :o)

2 I'm almost there | HOLD ON

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