behindmysmile
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2004 20 April :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: pissed off
The biggest mistake of your life..
Omg, my day was going okay, i mean i got to go see miss conrad/mrs beer for like an hour with Brittney and everything but then i had to come home to this shit. Ick!!
First my mom is being a total and complete bitch, and then kirste is being fuckin stupid. And of krose me and brandy got into a fight at skool and thhen i couldnt get a hold of her all friggin night long. But the worst part..
I asked britt to do me a favor..she did no prob. Then she starts like yellin at stacey and yeah so stac freaks out and everything and then like she starts yellin at me when i get bak online. And thier all in an arguement, and then stacey tries to make me choose between to two again. Obviously imgoing to choice britt, obviously she means more to me than anyone ever has, wat a fuckin idiot is she tryin to make me piss her off? Read::
AnGeLbAyBLyF: u needa choose m r her
AnGeLbAyBLyF: :'(
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: u cant make me choose
AnGeLbAyBLyF: yess
AnGeLbAyBLyF: u either want me r her
AnGeLbAyBLyF: look how shes treatin me it hurts
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: yeah i nkow but that aint got shit to do wif me
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: and if you really wanna lose a good friend like me
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: then go ahead try and make me choose
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: cuz obviously you already know my choice
See wat i mean, shes fuckin stupid i souldnt have to choose between my best friends. See my baby ali jean would never do that to me, we never ever fight * i luv you for that baby gurl*
Well im donebitchin for today, Jay if you read this i luv you lots and im sorry i couldnt talk to you today, my sis was online talkin to her bf, miss you tons!! And britt i luv you and imnot mad at you for the whole stacey thing, most likely we'll talk to 2marro, i hope =( neways luv you lots chicka!!
<33 meeehhhh!! ='(
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behindmysmile
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2004 20 April :: 12.13pm
29 D a Y z!!
1 I'm almost there |
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thoughtskill
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2004 19 April :: 10.42pm
1 I'm almost there |
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thoughtskill
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2004 19 April :: 9.35pm
:: Music: MY BAND!!
KraZedBlOndie69: PLEASE O PLEASE LET ME SUCK UR COCK?!?!?!
So Cal 1449: lmao
So Cal 1449: ok!
So Cal 1449: when? ;-)
KraZedBlOndie69: PLEASE O PLEASE LET ME SUCK UR COCK?!?!
juggalo8989: ok
juggalo8989: when
KraZedBlOndie69: please o please let me suck ur cock?!?!
Stevkant08: y?
KraZedBlOndie69: y not?!
Stevkant08: lolo ok if u reallly want to
KraZedBlOndie69: yesss
KraZedBlOndie69: please o please let me suck ur cock?
JsBrattyGirl05: alright
KraZedBlOndie69: lol
JsBrattyGirl05: onli cuz u sed plz
KraZedBlOndie69: PLEASE O PLEASE LET ME SUCK UR COCK?!?!
Roxy XoXoXo Babe: my salsa makes all the pretty gurls dance and want to take off there underpants!
THERE WE GO!!! <33 g0o fefe!
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behindmysmile
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2004 18 April :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: rejected
Forever couldnt be long enough..
Well this weekend, was..busy! But im not going to get all into that like i always do. That jus gets real boring..real fast lol. I dont know i guess i had an okay weekend. Yesterday wasnt good at all. But today, has been okay. Kinda boring at times. But okay. I got to talk to britty alot. And we actually talked about stuff. Surprising. I love that gurl soo much. Read::
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: r u leavin me?
Xobabibrittx: not a chance
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: never ever?:-)
Xobabibrittx: never ever ever
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: if i keep my 50 days promise you have to keep that one..FOREVER?! okays?:-P
Xobabibrittx: forever n after
Xobabibrittx: several days after
xSwEetoXoKiSseSx: several days? But what if i dont go to *heaven*=-O
Xobabibrittx: uh oh
Xobabibrittx: than ill tell em no thanks :-)
Xobabibrittx: ide much rather burn in hell w/ muh jilly bean
Britty u are the best friend that ive ever had i luv u more than anything. Never forget that. You are the bestest!! =)
And jay i hope that your feeling better. And i sure hope u and britt are doing GREAT!! I luv you both. *mwuz*
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me
Well gotta go everyone. Hope u all have a great day. Luv you all. byes!!
27 DaYz today everyone
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behindmysmile
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2004 17 April :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: lonely
when its all said and done.. your gone..
I had like the worst day ever. Some things were okay. Like work i had fun wif Danielle i havent seen her in like ages. But i still had the worst day. The only person today whose asked about my day was Jay. I told him a few things..but nothing thats really bothering me. Everything tahts going on is like way too personal to tell anyone these days. I seriously dont know wat to do with myself. Its been 26 days and im scared that im going to fail britt and myself. Im scared of myself right now. I jus want to die. Really, but i cant. I cant fail britt. AGAIN!! I jus wish everything would be wonderful again..='(
I dont know im jsu going to go in my room, and bawl my eyes out. Theres nobdoy to talk to. Bcuz nobody cares. I jus want to die. Ohh yeah..me n joshie got a new cellie *416 1724* not that anyone will ever use it. Well ima go. Bye everyone =(
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thoughtskill
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2004 17 April :: 10.46am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: sarah n kaela`*
i c0uld never leavve y0u n0w . *
Heyy guyz- muh week waz prettie b0ring . . yesterday~* sarrah came 0ver n than we walked 2 kaela..nick called me and was biitchin at me and he t0ld me he wuznt g0in t0 the m0viez s0 im lyk 0kayy fine n he lyk said i waz bein a bitch n hung up 0n me-but yea than kaela came bak w/ us we g0t readii n went t0 the m0vviez.. g0t there n nick was there =] but he was ign0rin me =/ `nd he t0ld me he waznt g0nna hang 0ut w/ me cuz i was being a bitch `nd he wanted t0 hang 0ut w/ j0sh n markus didnt c0me s0 me n kaela were sadd l0l n than chris, sarah, kaela,lee, & matt hadda walk round 4 lyk 2 hourz cuz they w0uldnt let us in to a m0vie till 9 n than we went into sc0oby d0oby d0o 2. . . `nd me n nick made up =D but he hadda hang out w/ j0sh s0 i didnt see him the wh0le time but dats 0kay
*i l0ve j0shua !`* n than we all left 1nd kaela n sarah spent the night n we watched a scary m0vie but fell asleep l0l
t0day im g0in t0 a parteey i think *
x0x i l0ove kaela n sarah !! x0x
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behindmysmile
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2004 16 April :: 12.13pm
This is your life and its ending one moment at a time.
Gosh i friggin hate skool soo much!! And everyone in it. I cant wait until i turn 16 so that i can drop out of this gay ass skool. Yesterday i had to go home from skool after 1st hour bcuz im soo sick of everyone They all hate me and thier soo fuckin rude to me and i really dont deserve this bullshit All i do is try and be the best friend that i can for them and then they do this to me..well it aint gonna be that way for long you watch.
Geesh if i didnt have Jay to talk to last nite i wouldnt have had anyone Isnt that sad? Someone that i barely know, someone that lives in florida is the only person that was there for me i dont know about you but i find that pretty sad. But Jay i love you soo much babes, im happy were becoming better friends, and i know theres more to come. I love you baby boi
Well im jus goin to get going, nothing to write about i guess. Except for tonight omg im soo busy, ive got 3 appt. for the business manager thing. Ive got to go to my tanner, and then Subway, and then to this pizza place im hoping that i can get some ads there. And then ive gotta go to this nursing home for an interview to be a volenture there. Then ive gotta go to the rac, for riot on fire with becky and cassie. Busy day t nite..well im gonna go luv you all lots byes!!
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thoughtskill
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2004 15 April :: 11.33pm
i keep changing my journal. i think im done for a while. i like it. thanks lizzi for the icon n codes =]
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behindmysmile
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2004 14 April :: 10.21pm
A must read..at least brit u must read!!
I could never truely thank you for everything that you have done for me. Your the most important thing in my whole life. I dont think there is one day that i havent gone by thinking, "I wonder what she is doing? I wonder whose shes with? I wonder how shes doing?" I feel as though i am one of the luckiest people in this entire world. I have been blessed with the gift of your friendship. You are the kind of person that people want to be friends with their whole life. The kind of person that people met for even just a half an hour, and walk away feeling like they were just touched by an angel. Something changed in me when you came into my life. I became a better person. You taught me how to truely care about someone with all of thier heart. You taught me how to forgive someone even when it seemed crazy to forgive them for the horrible thing they did. You taught me everything that i know about love, friendship, forgiveness, and life. I would be lost if i didnt know that somewhere out there, you would always be standing, holding out your hand to guide me back to path that im surposed to be headed on. You are seriously the most amazing person that ive ever met. And i just want you to know that i admire you and look up to you soo much. You are soo strong, and brave and you have soo much courage to do the things that i could never do. And i want you to know, that if today our friendship were to end for some horrific reason, you would always be in my heart, you would always be my best friend, you will always be the person that i admire and trust most, but most importantly until the day i die, you will always be the person that changed me and my life, and for that, i will never and could never forget about you, my best friend, Brittany Marie Gamester.
Srry, i jus got thinking, and jus thought i would letyou know how much i care about you and how much you mean to me, and yeah just wrote this lol. I love you more than anything in this WHOLE WORLD britty. You mean everything to me.
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behindmysmile
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2004 14 April :: 11.38am
:: Mood: lethargic
Nothing could make life any worse..
Wow today has been horrible already. Cassie promised dat we could talk before skool today but i knew that cassie brown woudl like not want her to leave so then cassie used that as an excuse so we didnt talk and now shes avoiding me!! Ick i hate this bullshit.
Then James called me again last nite..i seriously dont know wat to do here, i want to be wit him soo fuckin bad but i realy dont. Its soo confusing..i jus miss him i want him to come over tonight. He said he'll try after he gets outta work. I cant wait i need him. ='( I didnt really want us to break up i guess..dammit im stupid.
Geesh and things were going to soo good for me, and then all of this shit happens ick im soo sick of this!! I need someone to talk to but everyone is always soo busy or thier friggin mad at me. Everyone is mad at me I hate this.
Well im giong to jus get going. Gotta go to lunch, and hang out wif ick..cassie and then brandy korse..always on an A day. I think im jus gonna go to the library or something my gosh i have them. Well thats enough byes.
23 DaYz today everyone!!
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behindmysmile
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2004 13 April :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: drained
Your words are wat tore this heard apart..
Well..wow, today is the first day taht ive actually been online. And omg am i ever glad that i did =) Brittany marie gamester is the most amazing person in the whole world..i luv you soo much babes!!
I couldnt help you.. wtf is that? I dont know if she understands how much she hurt me more by not talking to me!! For a whole friggin year!! I was more depressed and crazy last year bcuz she hated me. Ick!! I hate ppl who have stupid judgement!!
Ohh shit ive got homework to do. Dammit i hate this working hard in school shit its really gettin boring and hard lol. But i must, i must. Hey everyone i got my grades up, thier not good, but thier still up. you all sould be proud lol. Neways i must go. Just thought i would write in here..*brit check ur email..* P.s. Chels i miss you, luvyou ltos!!
22 DaYz today everyone.. =X *sigh*
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thoughtskill
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2004 13 April :: 10.11am
I Dont Know How
You look at me,
As i bow my head in shame.
You and I both know that,
Things could never be the same.
I remember when we were,
The best of friends.
But now things seem so different,
Im not sure if my heart will ever mend.
We've said some hurtful words,
And done some stupid stuff.
No matter how close we got,
It never seemed like enough.
I dont know who is at fault,
And i dont know what to do,
Our friendship is no more,
But i just dont know,
How to let go of you.
Written by: Jillane Dahms
November 25th 2002
I luv you and miss you britty ='(
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behindmysmile
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2004 13 April :: 9.57am
:: Mood: crushed
I sould have known..
I am soo friggin pissed off!! Today has been like horrible everyone is like attacking me and then everyone keeps comin to me for help and i cant handle all of this I hate everyone here, after this class im going home. I cant stand being here ='( I jus wanna die
Last nite i had to help brandy wif some shit wif her mom, i had to help cassie wif everything as usual, and then becky and i takled ont he phone for like 4 hours about her boyfriend problems. ANd then today Lisa is mad at me and Cassie B is mad at me, and i pissed brandy off and then the other cassie wont talk to me..URGH I FUCKING HATE THIS!!
I dont know wat to do anymore, theres nobody that i can talk to and i dont know what to do. Ive got counseling tonight but im going to cancel it ='(
Its been 22 DaYz today Sunshine. But i dont know how much longer im gonna make it ='(
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thoughtskill
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2004 12 April :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Dont tell me..
0ne m0nth babii <3.
Heyy..well thursday i went to cassandras.. we g0t off at a diff. bus st0p s0 we could buy junk f0od n hair dye 4 matt . . n than we walked 2 cassandra's - l0ng walk l0l.. than matt came 0ver & we decided n0t t0 die his hair cuhz his mom wuld gr0und him.. than we went t0 the m0viez.. saw muh babii =] than dr0pped cassandra 0ff . . piked up sarah n went h0me . . we watched a m0vie n than fell asleep . . friday me & sarah did n0thin all day as usual n jus sat round than went to markus's parrty.. that waz perdi funn l0l ;] kinda krazii.. ALOT of ppl were there . . but i jus m0stly hung out w/ nick.. we went h0me round 11 .. sarah n kaela spent the night.. kaela left earlii sat. m0rnin .. n me n sarah made a new rec0rd- stayin in bed f0r 21 hourz!! l0l wOop wOop we watched 80's m0viez n sat around in our pj's all day long . . it was fun =] C THESE EYES? I C U W/ THESE EYES!! lma0 -* d0nt ask !! n than she left round 8.. than i watched a m0vie w/ my mommy =] n sunday=easter .. went 0ut 2 dinner w/ my family .. we were s0p0sed 2 met amanda,ashley, & mckenna n their fam but n0o .. they culdnt come s0o it was BORING jill called me but we only talked for like 5 minutes than me n sarah talked on the f0ne till lyk midnight . . l0l n watched a reallie intresting show.. ;] tehe...& t0day i was s0p0sed 2 g0 to the m0viez n than g0 2 nicks but my m0m was being gayy & w0uldnt take me s0o oh well . .
I LOVE LEIGH-ANNE !!
she is sucha sweetie =]
shes the onlie une who cared i was havin a bad day t0day !
bLu eyed fLoosie: ..... britt whats wrogggg
at least someone cares
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