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:: 2003 22 November :: 5.13 pm

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

thats pretty much right except i hate children... arrgh lol

Blow me a...


:: 2003 20 November :: 7.34 pm

I dont know things are weird I guess. I don't feel as low as I use to. Sometimes i'd bing myself down soo low that it was like there was no end to it. I haven't really gotten that way in a long time. I'm sortof relieved that I'm able to hold back my tears just instead of getting sad I just get angry and annoyed..I'd rather feel that way then to feel how I did before. i guess. either way still sucks.

I've never had anyone really care for me as much as I've seen lately. I want to get use to it but I find myself rejecting it. I can't always have things the way I want...but I want to feel like someone actually cares so much about something that isnt really a big deal but to them is a big deal. I'd rather have someone call me the day after asking how things are and what is going on. I don't know..it was like one of those moments where you feel so different that you want to cry. Like..I dont know even I can't explain it.

Today went by pretty fast. Hell, this whole week did. I just have to do some studying tonight and I'll be all set for my weekend. I get my Gauge 32 cd tomorrow from Ryan. That should be good. That will be good.

Can't wait until another day is over.

Blow me a...


:: 2003 18 November :: 8.05 pm

carinna's recent entry gave me an idea....

Things I'd like to do in my life...

Get my own place
Become someone who makes a lot of money where I enjoy my job
Find someone who makes me happy
Live somewhere unbelieveably beautiful
Write a book
Live in another country for a period of time
Keep intouch with people from highschool
Meet Elsbeth, my knowledge source and party girl
Play Guitar and piano
Write my own music
Take a few years off to go on a road trip alone or with a friend or two
Go to Hollywood
Meet someone famous/ become famous
Change someones life unintentionally
Be remembered as a remarkable person..or just be remembered...

Blow me a...


:: 2003 17 November :: 3.12 pm

We had a 2 hr delay today because of the fog. Thats like the second time in two weeks. So I got to sleep in for like an hour and a half that was pretty nice. We had 1st,2nd,5th,6th hr today. It was pretty gay but its all good I guess.

I got home did some stuff..Yeah pretty boring.. I'm thinking about making over my woohu again. hmm..

later

Blow me a...


:: 2003 15 November :: 6.10 pm

Went shopping today and got a shirt from abercrombie and a sweater from Charlotte Russe. We went into Bebe Sport and they got some jacked up prices. Thats what you get from big city stores coming to little cities. Damn inflation and taxes. We went to olga's first and all the sudden i see allen olson watching me eat..it was kindof scary. Then I saw lauren Haik in Charlotte Russe. I think that was the only people I managed to see thank god. They have these cute black pants at Deb that have hot pink pin stripes through them. Note to self: get those next time I go shopping. I only have like $5 left and my sister owes me $10 from me buying her lunch. mmm..olgas. MMMMM... orange creame cooolllerrrssssss mmmmm left over snackkerrrss for a snack laterrrrr mm.. lol

My parents are fucked up. To them: Go to hell and i will poop all over you lol


Pretty boring day, I left out alot but thats ok.

We might have a fire tonight. Probably not.

2 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 13 November :: 5.26 pm

today went by fast and thats good. Tomorrow is friday and it will fly by fast so I can return to my sleeping and such...

Damn economy.


Jennifer Granholm looks like peter pan.

I think i'll go to bed early tonight. Nevermind...extreme makeover is on lol.

im out

Blow me a...


:: 2003 12 November :: 7.24 pm

I had a bad dream lastnight and woke up crying. It's those kind of dreams where when you wake up you have a lump in your throat and your so upset. The thing is that my dream is reality it's exactly how things are.

The dream was that it was my birthday and we didnt do anything and my mom wouldnt talk to me instead she just kept yelling at me and I just kept yelling at her "you never listen to me you never take the time for me". I've never had a dream thats been like that so maybe the whole birthday thing bothered me more than I thought..I guess it wasnt that big of a deal though....Other people thought it was and I did but I kindof forgot about it.

I really dont think that i'll ever patch things up with my mom.

Blow me a...


:: 2003 11 November :: 4.51 pm


School is gay..I was kindof pissed off all through out the day because of some things...I dont know...I guess I just have to forget about it. Nothing good would come out of it if I were to tackle this "issue", if it even is an issue...grr.

I went to champion after school and didnt get home until a while ago. I was going to go to Carinna's game but my sister found people to talk to and I didn't end up gettin home in time. That blows. When I was at champion I saw jesse poos and kyle. I talked to them and they went to subway lol then came back and I watched them play bball while i was waiting for my sister. It was chuck full with a lot of guys on the court. Most hot. I guess thats it.. I have to do homework tonight which sucks but its all good.

Does anyone else secretly actually like sloppy joes? lol

Just a random question for you to ponder about.

APROX. 5 MONTHS UNTIL FLORIDA. I CANT WAIT!!! I WANT TO GO TO THE CONDO AND BE SURROUNDED BY WARM AIR!! AND GO INTO THE KICK ASS SURF SHOPS.


later gators

Blow me a...


:: 2003 10 November :: 6.26 pm
:: Music: The Used

Finally...
"my foot on your neck I..finally have you...right where I want you...right where I want youu..Right where I want youu..."

I found something i can do for myself. I have to do this for myself. It may be the only thing to cure this. No more just talking...I will do this and succeed

3 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 9 November :: 10.47 am
:: Music: Our lady peace- innocent

"I remember feeling low, I remember losing hope, and I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped...."

I don't know what to call this...low point.
Lower than the usual low.

How am I going to pull through this? How am I going to do better in school? How can I prove to myself that I can do this? When is this going to end?

When can I finally say that I feel alright...


Tormenting me inside my head
standing on my knees
watching my writs patiently
untill I see them bleed
tears streaming down my face
falling into my brittle hair
locking my hands into fists
as break away the wall
falling forward
persperation on my brow
antisipation breathing out my chest
satisfaction from my bleeding hands
down I fall
into this unknown land

1 *KiSs | Blow me a...


:: 2003 8 November :: 7.08 pm

This is the way I deal with shit. I'll just have to get use to it.

Blow me a...


:: 2003 6 November :: 7.06 pm
:: Mood: pissed off

God I hate school so much. I hate Mrs.Finch. I just hate school! Its so...annoying. Today was ok I guess. Just boring and it lasted so long. I got home and took a 3 hr nap. Ohh it was sooo good. Then my dad brought me home some cornerbar. It was ok. Their food hasnt tasted that great lately but its all good. I can't wait till this weekend. I'll probaby do like absolutly nothing but thats how I like it...

i'm out.

3 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 4 November :: 8.23 pm

+ Basics +
Are you emotional ::yes
Do songs make you cry? If so, name a few ::sometimes...i dont know
What about movies ::yeah..there are a couple tear jerkers
What emotion do you usually feel ::saddness, hate, anger, lonelyness
+ Sadness +
What does it take to make you cry your heart out ::people..words..actions
How many times have you done that ::too many to count
Where do you cry ::bedroom
Do you hate crying ::yes
Do you like it when others cry ::no
Do you think tears make eyes look pretty ::noo
Who looks good when they cry ::ok, what the hell lol
How else do you express sadness ::writing
Are you sad all the time ::eh..yeah
+ Anger +
What does it take to make you mad ::people...words..actions
What do you do when you're angry ::cry
How short is your temper ::average
How long does it take you to calm down ::hour..or so
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad ::punched a dent in my wall
Do you freak out when others are angry ::no
Has anyone ever recommended anger management to you ::no
What's the worst thing someone's done to make you mad ::Made me feel worthless
Do you anger people ::no
+ Joy +
How often are you happy ::sometimes
What makes you happy ::peope..interaction..money..shopping..food
What do you do when you're happy ::have fun
How optimistic are you ::a tad
Do happy people make you mad ::sometimes
What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy ::pretend like they are depressed and have nothing to live for just to be like other people
Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone ::no
Ever been so happy you cried ::no
Do you smile a lot ::sometimes
Kiss people a lot::wouldnt u like to know
Who really makes you happy ::Friends..hot guys lol
Do you like doing things for people when you're happy ::sure
+ Fear +
What do you do when you're scared ::panic
What scares you ::darkness..rejection..sadness..people..situations
Do you like scaring people ::yeah lol
Do you like the trill of being frightened ::Yes!
Does fear accompany anger in your case ::sometimes
Ever been so scared you couldn't breathe ::yes
How often do you panic ::more than a lot
What's the one thing that scared you more than anything else EVER ::dark
What do you do to calm your nerves ::sleep
Do rollercoasters scare you ::no
+ The strongest emotion +
What song never fails to get your strongest emotions going ::eh alot of songs
Movie ::walk to remember
Commericial ::none
Person ::parents
Thing ::nothing
Sight ::nothing
Sound ::nothing
Food ::nothing
Thing you're looking forward to/want ::college...sleeping..weekends..vacations..summer
+ What do you do +
When the emotion suck ::cry
When the emotion rocks ::eventually become sad
When there's no emotion ::nothing
+ Would you rather +
Never feel again ::no
Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life ::anger
Be happy forever and never experience bad times ::no
Cause misery ::no
Feel misery ::no
Be alone ::no
Be with everyone you know ::sometimes...
+ Who +
Cheers you up more than anyone else ::Carinna..and other people
Angers you more than anyone else ::Mom
Scares you more than anyone else ::no one
Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else ::mom
Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think ::i dont know

Emotions brought to you by BZOINK!

2 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 3 November :: 9.26 pm
:: Music: California- OC theme song

School and all that jazz


Schools actually been ok...but not that ok that I actually want to go to school. I still have a lot of issues I need to work out but I think the worst of this is behind me. I'll never deny what I went through or forget about it because I know it will always be a part of me...

I'm going to champion this week. It will be fun, I like going there. Hot guys in their work out clothes. Thats always a plus. We got new seat in english today. Back row baby! and I get to sit by Kally. I haven't really gotten to sit down and really talk to her a lot this year. She's those kind of friends that will always be there no matter what...


Today was a long day...I just want this week to get over with.

I'm out

Blow me a...


:: 2003 30 October :: 8.19 pm

Hola,

Whats this? Amy got an A+ on her spanish project? This is strange. There must be something wrong. I think I might have an evil twin.

Sabby gets the award for the day. She put one of my poems in her away message. Not only did I feel special...I felt beyond special. LOL

Today was ok

Tomorrow is halloweeen I think we're goin to jimmys for scary movies. Dont know yet. It should be fun.


I'm off to go to homework and dry my hair.

see ya.

1 *KiSs | Blow me a...

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