Survay from Sheelys from Sams
1. How old are you? 14
2. How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?): eh i donno
3. Describe yourself in 5 words:
Funny, moody, artistic/creative, mysterious, friendly.

4. What are your worst qualities: I\'ve judged some people on rumors and such. I tend to go toward things that I know i\'ll never have...but is that a bad quality? I guess it can be..
5. What are your best qualities: I cheer people up when they are sad
6. How long does it take you get get ready in the morning: Hour or more
7. Do you dream at night? Yep.. I love dreams
8. Do you remember your dreams? Most of the time
9. Describe one: Once I had this dream that I started 8th grade at a different school and the inside looked like OLC and everyone kept wispering about me then I finally saw someone i reconize and they held my hand down the hallway lol
10.What time do you go to bed usually? Weekends: Usually around 1
Weekdays: 10-11:00
11.What time do you wake up normally? weekdays; 6 am
12. What time do you wake on weekends? Around 9 or 10
13. Do you find waking late nice or annoying? Nice
14. Do you sleep with one pillow or two? I actually have like 3...2 regular and a body pillow
15. Do you like school? Sometimes when I look outside of the whole inner social groups.
16. Why/why not? It starts too early…and they dont have nap time.
17. What\'s your fave subject? Science,because i have sheely,david,megan,krystal,and Julie..and not to mention IVAN lol. and Cooking because of food and Danny.
18. Most hated subject?US. History, I hate mrs.decrackwhore
19. Do you have a fave teacher? Mrs. Banfield
21. Ever had a crush on a teacher? LMAO uhhh...
22. Are you a maths/science person or an english/drama person? English..I\'m into writing and stuff...i\'m good at grammer.
23. Do you have heaps of friends? Not heaps...I have plenty of them though.
24. Do you have a best friend? Multiple best friends.
25. Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends? More girl friends. I use to have more guy friends but now I have more girl friends.
26. Do you ever get annoyed at any friend? Yeah its bound to happen.
27. Have you ever lied to a friend? Ehh yeah
28. Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend? No..ehemm... lol
29. Do you like your parents? Mom: No
30. Ever run away from home? Thought about it
31. Ever thought about it? Read above
32. Do you have any siblings? Sister
33. If so, do you like or get annoyed with them? Yes...i\'m leaving it at that.
34. How old are they? Ashley is 17
35. If not, do you mind being an only child?
36. Do you feel your parents spoil you? They use to when i was little.
37. Do you not get along with any of your family? Some
38. Do you have big family get togethers ever? Rarely...
39. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe....
40. If so, are you in love with them? Hmm...
41. Do they love you?hmm....
42. How long have you been together? hmm...
43. Most romantic thing they\'ve ever done for you? tehehe....
44. Do you have a crush? Yeah
45. If so, are you in love? tehehhe
46. Do they know you like them? Maybe...
47. Is it serious or playful? Wouldnt you like to know
48. How long have you liked them? A long time
50. Ever done something stupid to impress them? Yah!
51. Ever had sex? Nope.
52. Believe that a person shouldn\'t have sex before marriage? Sure.
53.Do you believe in casual sex? Sure.
54. When did you lose your virginity? When I was 6 to Michael Jackson
55. Do you have a religion? not really
56. Do you practice it i.e go to church? Nope
57. Do you believe in God? i guess.
58. Jesus? You mean Jesse? Yeah lol
59. Satan? no
60. Heaven? I hope there is one
62. If you died tomorrow what do you believe will happen to you? I think they\'d like reincardnate me into a tree because they wouldnt know what to do with me LMAO!
63. Does death scare you? Yes.
64. Have you ever been drunk? Drunk of LAUGHTER!
65. Taken drugs? Natural HIGH!
66. Stolen? From stores? I dont think so? lol
67. Shoplifted? Nope
68. Tried to commit suicide? Thought about it but no.
69. Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend? I donno
70. Gotten into a fight? Yes most frequently
71. Are you more innocent or guilty? In between.
72. Would you date a drug addict? Its all about the love. IF your in love its all good.
73. Have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict? Nope
74. Are you racist? I dont think so...
75. Are you discriminatory to anyone? Nope
76. Have you been a hypocrite in the past? Yes everyone has been.
77. Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings? Open mind
78. Do you watch tons of tv? not tons.
79. How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? None
80. Do you listen to the radio often? in the car, in the shower, while i\'m cleaning, and online.
81. Do you read the newspaper? all bout the comics lol
82. Do you read magazines? Yep.
83. Are you a couch potato? I can be.
84. Do you use the internet too much? Not obsessivly
85. Whats your favorite style of music? Rap/R&b/New Rock
86. Do you sing? Sure
87. Whats your favorite band? at the moment i dont really have one.
88. Why? Because
89. Have you met them before? no
90. Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year: ehh, Kelly Rowland, Papa Roach, uhh I donno.
91. Why did you buy them? because
92. Whats your favorite sport? Guys basketball..i like watching sweaty guys jump around and guys wrestling hot guys grabbing eachother in tight clothes is always great.
93. Whats your favorite sport to watch? see above
94. Do you have a favorite team of any sort? GO RAMS!!
95. Do you play a lot of sports? Dont really have time? Always been that kid who takes out of school classes like drawing and pottery.
96. Ever won anything for sport? Sure?
97. Are you funny or serious? Both
98. Creative or not? Yes
99. Logical thinker or lateral thinker? Both.
100. Are you outgoing or shy? Depends on mood and place, I suppose.
101. Are you lazy or active? Depends what days.
102. Have you ever been hyperactive? Yes!!
103. Are you a naturally hyperactive person? I don\'t think so
104. Are you happy with the way you look? Sure.
105. What would you change? Lots of things, my big ass thighs lol.
106. Do you wear makeup regularly? Yes to the extent that when i cry off my make up no one reconizes me. LMAO i\'m serious.
107. Do you have a large wardrobe? Yes but i dont wear half of it.
108. Do you have a job? soon
109. Do you like it? ...
110. Are you a saver or a spender? i get money then it disapears within 24 hrs.
111. Do you work hard or slack off? Both
112. Have you ever been fired? Eeeh no?
113. In trouble at work? ...
114. Made a major mistake? Not major
115. Ever had money stolen from you? I dont think so?
116. Are you always broke? Me personally..yes lol.
117. Your all time most embarassing moment? OMG lmao! not gunna go there
118. Ever snorted drink out your nose? tried...lol
119. Ever giggled like an idiot? I dont giggle?
120. Ever embarassed yourself and pretended nothing happened? LMAO! Yes
121. Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? yes lol
122. Ever said something really stupid? yep
123. Ever snorted while laughing? yes
124. Ever fallen off a bed? nope
125. Ever sleepwalked? nope
126. Ever sleeptalked?LMAO YES
127. Whats your best memory? I have lots.
128. Worst? eh..
129. Whats the weirdest memory you have? I dont know..all the cats at our old neighborhood in Kalamazoo. lol
130. Do you have a good memory? ya

There is an end to the story.....
yeah...so continued from last entry i passed out again around 5 on the kitchen floor and hit my head...so my whole back/neck/ and my head hurt right now and I have a big ass goose egg on the back of my head. So i went to the med station and they did all these tests and concluded that i just have the flu and was dehydrated....go figure...they also want me back tomorrow to take a blood test to see if i have mono and if i do i'll be off of school for 4 weeks...what a day.

Weird.....


Like a half hour ago I woke up and went in the living room and pet my kitty and sat on the couch for a while while my parents read the paper. I got up to go to the bathroom and blow my nose because i have a cold and i threw my klenix in the trash and i went to walk back down the hall but thats all I remember... I dont even remember leaving the bathroom.

I blacked out cold. I dont know how long I was laying there but I was laying in the hallway face down. My eyes where closed when I woke up and all I can remember is that my jaw and my whole head was just kiling me. I dont know why I didnt open my eyes but my eyes were still closed and just like a million things were going through my head. I thought I was still in bed sleeping or something but then I felt the carpet against my face and I opened my eyes and my dad just kept saying "Amy are you alright...Amy!"

So I got up and my dad walked me to my bed and I just layed there...I couldbt figrue out what had just happened...I dont remember anything? I bairly remember going to the bathroom. It was so scary. Yes of course I started crying lol Gawd.

I'm ok now I'm just confused...I still dont understand what happened.

My dad and sister finally came home like at 10 pm. Thats when I finally got my food. My dad went to McD's and got me a sammich and diet coke, so I ate lastngiht and everthing was fine.

When I was laying in bed still trying to make sense of it all I put my tv on mute and listened to my mom dad and sister all talking...

MOM:"That happened to me once when I was yonger..."

ASHLEY:"She hardly eats anything...Shes always concerned about her weight. Thats all she talks about"

MOM: "Well..."

ASHLEY: "Shes not over weight at all but she always talks about it."

MOM: "No shes not over weight."


I didnt black out because I dont eat much god...I ate alot yesterday I was fine! I knew this was going to happen....Its been happening for a LONGG time...When i get up or when I'm walking I just get really dizzy. This time i just blacked out finally. I still understand....

none


The lump in my throat continues to swell....it hurts to cry.


Atleast i can diognose my problem.... Emotion.... actually giving a shit about things... caring too much about things.

I cant help it. Try living with who I do.

Ugh.....
She just acts like she doesnt care. It bugs me...how could she not care...
My dad and sister left me alone with my mom....

5:30- "mom..I'm hungry."
Mom: "Well. i just had chips and cheese"

7:26- "Mom do you wanna get any food?"
mom: "eh i was going to go to bed."


I'm starving and we have nothing worth of eating here....

I'm so pissed

In Science.


I'm in science right now. I like science I think its my favorite class. I like the people in there the most. Today is friday i cant wait until i get to go home. I'll probably sleep or go online. I'm hungry LOL....oo mac and cheese in cooking today.

david did the submarine thing in science and i swear i almost peed my pants...thats the funneist thing I've ever seen him do. I think i'm going to ask him to do it everyday from now on. Its sooo funny!

I think thats about it. I'm tired. I'll probably sleep on the bus on the way home


1 min till bell rings bye

Today


I have a lot that I worry about…Too much that I shouldn’t worry about. I constantly worry about things. About my self in general. I have so many goals for my self…and I push to get them but not hard enough. I need to push harder. Hard enough to make me suffer but not hard enough to kill me. I’m not thinking about others very much lately. I have too much on my self to figure out that I don’t know yet. If people only knew all the stuff that goes through my head…all the stuff I have to go through. Its never ending. I’ll never get my family to understand, I’ll never get who I want, I’ll never get my mom to lighten up, I’ll never get my sister to be smarter and try to actually be a sister, I’ll never get my dad to listen or actually be there. I’ll never get the friends who I need the most….unless I try. And that’s what I need to do. Try- Its not just a word any more its an action. I will try. I have to promise myself that I will try to make my life better and happier for me, not for anyone else, just me.

I’m excited to go to the Freshman Center and be with a lot of my other friends next year but at the same time it scares the shit out of me, and I don’t know why.

School was ok today, not good or bad, just another day. I really have nothing to say about today. Nothing happened. David meowed and that was funny. Theresa has been meeting me at my locker lately for lunch instead of me having to come down to her. It makes me feel wanted lol. Thank you Theresa. We will be soon “LOSTBSAO” If you I changed the M to O which is now Our lol. You’ll figure it out.

Lindsey is missed. I can’t believe I forgot about her. I mean I like totally forgot about her. She’s going to have so much homework when she gets baaccckk! When is she getting back anyways? I asked someone today but either they didn’t hear me or they just ignored me. I have the best friends don’t I? LOL Lindsey…where are you? Come back soon. I miss you, L.A. buddy. L.A. just isn’t the same without you.

How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors,
Leading you down into my core
Where I become so numb
If you feel the soul
Feel my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead
It
Back
Home.

Chorus:
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life,
(I’ve been given a life)
(There’s nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life
among the dead

all this time
i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought
without a voice
without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life





Evanesence- Bring me to Life , The best song to interpret its figurative lyrics. I love that song. Just listen to the lyrics…and think about them. Best figurative deep lyrics I’ve ever heard.

Life...


Well, Today is sunday. I really dont wanan go back to school. School sucks.. its been better than normal I'm just tired of it all. I mean...Its tough..not the actual school part just..everything. Thank god I have friends lol.

Yeah...So n e ways ....i'm pooped. I'm going to start going tanning this week. I cant wait until we go to florida so we can get the hell out of rockford. It will be a nice break... to get away from everyone and everything. I'm bored with my life at the moment.

Although I did have sort of an re-evaluation of myself on paper lastnight. I have a plan..something set out for myself to do...something that will make me happier..something that will make me a better person possibly? I donno...all i know is that it will make me happier. It will change my life.

I started writing just on paper lately because I dont want to type everything in here because I cant say whatever I want or how I feel because people view this....certain people anyways...so I cant really say much without gettin yelled at. I'd rather write on paper anyways. I've already put a dent into my notebook- 8 pages. Its a cool note book actually. I can talk about anything but I have to guard it with my life because I trust no one in my family...

damn family.

Tomorrows just another day that will go by fast..It will be the weekend soon again.

Whatever
<3

Today...



Today was ok. The rents went to sams club and to Verison in the morning. My mom came back with 2 cell phones which are totally awesome one of them has Blackjack on it...feeling lucky anyone? LOL And the second phone she got is for my sister and i. I put a kitty screan saver on it. LOL its so cute! Thennn... I went to Meijer with my mom. I got a BIG cute notebook that I can use to write it for when I dont wanna write in this journal and for when I got to flordia. I got some makeup and cute pens too! Uhh letss see... I'm going to get this really cute cd player from there next weekend. Its silver and it has a hot pink face plate and you can change the face plates! its so cool! :-D I also got 50 blank cds so Amay will be burnin some CDs tonigghtt! Muahaahahha Yeah so that was my day.

We got little cezars for dinna...Not to fond of their pizza but the crazy bread is a nother story...drool...lol NOT as good as Olgas though. Eh.. now I sit here talking to megan and drinkin a Diet Coke.

Peace

I'll never understand some people....


My sister...fleash in blood...She annoys the hell out of me. I'll never even begin to understand what goes on inside her head. I seriously swear she has a learning disability. I feel quite sorry for her though...She has few friends and she attaches herself to people online and thats fine but when you start giving reality up to stay at home and talk to your online friends thats obsessive. I think why I resent her so much is because she reminds me of my mom...Stubborn...
controlling...and shovenistic. She always has to act like shes my mother and try to tell me what to do..it reminds me of my mom so much and I HATE my mom with ever ounce of my soul....My sister acts like a 5 year old when we are in public..I'm embarassed to be with her. Shes 17....one step up to being an adult practicly but why do i feel like I know more and act more mature than she does...? Shes one year away from college and she doesnt know what shes doing and shes afraid to do anything and she doesnt have a job because shes too lazy. She acts like she doesnt give a shit about her life. That to me is sad. I really dont care if she reads this because we've never had a sisterly relationship at all or atleast thats what I've felt so who gives a shit...Shes never been there for me...she hasnt steped out of her own circle for once...wheres the compassion.

Lately I've been thinking too much for my own good. Its not about anything thats worth use...Its all useless. Just thoughts ...about things..people..intentions...felling....Its enough to kill my interior. I've lost a friend...or it feels that way. but I dont feel like its my fault...I'm not at fault not for the majority of it anyways. I'm sick of the sarcastic attitude and the talking behind other peoples back and not to mention the most desturbing thing i've ever heard in my life (rob...our secret remember...no one must hear about it...might cause them to die of puking..dear lord) But I FEEL like i've been dropped because i've been trying to be more friends with other people....thats exactly how it is....But it doesnt bother me because I wouldnt have gotten to really get to know the people I do now.... I hate the attitude and imortality of the person...not actually them..Or do I? I dont know its so complicated.

Note to self: Dont think...do...

My plan for amy time is starting today.....I really need to figure out myself before I go on seriously...

People..its called comments..please leave them!

I stared at everyone in envy...in envy of what they had..


I cant help but to wonder if I always want the things...people...just stuff that I know I can never have...people in particilar. I want some people so badly..I want their friendship so bad. I need someone to be the person who played the SUPER MAN best friend in the whole wide world who is with me every minute of the day..I seemed to have lost that over time..probably my fault. I constantly set myself up for rejection...not all my fault 50% is the Rockford guy population dear lord....Rockford guys have such big egos. The good ones are either taken or they have this "perfect" inmage of the girl they want...but seriously guys...loosen up a bit.

Everything in my life I've had to work for and I think as I get older and definitly alot smarter about whats going on I see that my life has basicly been cookie cutter clean....too clean...to predictable.. I wish there was just something that could be thrown at me something that could change my life make things different, make things alot different. Things now just basicly suck...everything...I basicly have no relationship with anyone in my family..The only one I actually care about is my dad....I look like him...I donno why but there has always just been something thats made me love him so much. If he ever died anytime soon...I think I'd literally kill myself.

I hate how no one knows me...not biblically. I mean...no one knows everthing about me ...not even the closest of friends. I put a wall up....something I just do and I hate myself for that. I know I could do so much more....be so much more...just be someone else than who you see...but do you really know?

I would really like it if more people took the effort to acutally get to know me instead of just saying hi to me...sometimes its just not enough...not even close.

I have so much in me...so much no one has seen....I want people to see..but I dont know why I hold back.

I think in some ways I have held back less...example: 1st crying in public...the law I had with my self that I'd never do...I've showed my weekness and it scared the shit out of me.. I have so much inside that no one could even think I'm capeable of... I thought I woudnt turn this into a sad entry but I cant help it... So much is racing inside my head...just everything comes out with a drop of a hat....If i dont stop I could go on forever.

Reasurance....Something I shall work on.