Different Subjects this time-
I feel like I almost have to watch myself? I donno.It doesnt feel right..Everything use to feel nice and it was nice. But lately after everything its felt weird. I cant do anything without it being weird..or something happening. I know things have happend mutual things have happend....stuff just doesnt seem like it did before. I'm loosing interest...not like that though..its so confusing. I want to be there.....I want to do what it takes for that matter but I just dont understand why things always turn out the way they do. And i need to stop blaming myself for it because I'm starting to think it isnt my fault anymore.....I mean I've taken blame in the past becasue I thought i was the one who was causing drama....but maybe not. I do think things are going to change rather I like it or not and "stuff" is going to drift apart..but I think it might be for the best. I dont want to have to go though the happy one day and mad the next. Something has to change because I'm getting tired of it.
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Holy fook, I LOVE SAM! SAM IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND!!!!

crymerocket: ooh! i like your pics site :-D
c r az e e baby4: why thank you
c r az e e baby4: lol
crymerocket: your welcome ;-D
crymerocket: :-D*
crymerocket: you're so beautiful.
crymerocket: natural beauty.
crymerocket: i envy it.
c r az e e baby4: ut oh....
c r az e e baby4: Sam...your my new best friend
c r az e e baby4: lol
crymerocket: okay :-D
c r az e e baby4: no one has ever said that to me. I love you!
c r az e e baby4: lol
crymerocket: you can be mine
c r az e e baby4: lol
crymerocket: i love you too ;-D

that was lovely to have a nice convo like that.
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Darn.. I should have gone to champion. Ah whatever..chances are that both Kyle and Jesse..(ABU)(Jessi ...Jessie..I'm never going to get his name right) will be there tomorrow so theresa can meet them! Theresa I guarentee you will love them.
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I've been wondering what its going to be like, next year. I cant wait really. All the people who I left behind. I really miss Emily out of all of them. She was my best friend. We were so alike in every way it was unbeleiveably..We liked the same clothes..same people same guys..same everything. We went on for hours just talking about clothes in general. I still talk to her online and we've been attemping to hook up sometime possibly at champion to hang with Kyle & Jess...Abu..lol. (Emily I'm savin that free pass for ya!) We need to hook up soon really soon!

I'm out-

The day I went To heaven
OK...so no one would take me shopping today..I was so pissed. BUT THEN! I saw light...the light of sheelys moms headlights on her car as they drove up my driveway....Sheely had to go to the mall to get her mum a present so she said I could come. I LOVE SHEELY. At the beginning in the car and at the fabric store I dont know why but i felt some tension between us a little...I mean..after the fights we've been through like a couple days ago...it was awquard for a while. But she warmed up to me and we were just back to being the good 'ole best friends that be should be. After today I remember why I liked sheely so much.

What I got-
*Leather hot pink studded belt

*leather black star studded bracelet

* pink wrist band with star on it

*black and white striped wristband

*thick hemp necklace with light purple beads wolven into it.

*Sweater from AE

*Shirt from AE

*Jeans from JC. penney.

EEK!! i've accomplished so much. A new out fit and some new accessories!!! AHHAHAH!! SO HAPPY!

haha

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Ehhhhhhhhh...I dont smoke weeed!!...Elementary school memories are flashing back...when I use to be called crackhead. ehhh!!
lol

None
Today I did say home. My stomach hurts really bad..no puke yet thank god. I got into a cleaning mood and cleaned the living room and kitchen and am now doing laundry. Lets just say some girl named Amy wants to go shopping this weekend! ehehe...

::laughs thinking no one will know its her::

I get to spend the whole day with my kitten. When i lay on the couch he lays on my stomach and keeps me warm. Then he follows me around and meows when I have to use the bathroom and shut the door. I found him sleeping in the laundry basket. That made me smile.

I probably wont be going to champion for a while..Other than being sick every month I dont go for a week. I donno why..just like a little break. I could go for a nap right now. My eyes are getting heavy.

blah
Today I stayed home because I didn’t want to go to school. But then I did get the 24 hr flu. I dont think I'll go to school tomorrow my mom said i could probably stay home. Goody.
<br> <bgsound src="http://www.superiorleads.net/Chevelle.rm"> <br>

None
God today was soo BORRINN! I got damn wind burn on my lips. I\'m thinking about switching out of Computer and seeing if I could take art 8 at 6th hour. I loved sketching and sculpture I should loveee art 8. God damnit its so cold. I need to go shopping this weekend and my dad owes me 10$. School is soo boring. Atleast I dont get that sick feeling in my stomach half way through language arts because I had gym next lol. Now i\'m just equally all over bored. My classes suck and I hate school. Math is fun now because its easy and megan and I draw pictures of mr.cain. David took my Cain Hell one. I have to make another to show Jessi. I just made a scuba cain today and hes holding on to a lobster and saying \"mmm...lobbbstterrr\" lol It made megan laugh. I love megans laugh its so funny. Kally laughs alot to..I guess i really must be funny....Kally..stay away from the rainbows.

I need to stick to my plan. I broke it already...I should punch myself lol. Things are coming and I just need to stick to the plan.

We are going to cedar pointe with North. I CANT BELIEVE IT! I told Jessi and he said he\'ll probably hang out with people from east. Its going to be like a reunion..I havent seen some of these people for 3-4 years. I miss them a lot.. I am not using my east friends just so until I go to the Freshman center that I\'ll just go back to them. I havent seen them who knows if half of us are even going to be friends anymore? Just the possibility to see them makes me smile and want to think about it and plan it out but I have no clue how things are going to go and I have no clue whats going to happen. I am not going to cut all my old friends out and just abandon them. These are the people I had like tight tight bonds with.....we did certain things..Emily and I did certain things and had like everything in common and still do from what we\'ve talked about online. I\'M NOT SAYING I have nothing incommon with my friends now. I have LOTS incommon with them. I just miss a lot of people and I hate change but its going to have to happen. I want to be able to hang out with everyone who is my friend. I dont want to have my friends divided into \"north\" and \"east\". that would be incredibly stupid. And I hate having to explain everything! I\'ll do it but I mean..the last thing I want to do is make people think that I\'m using them until next year. Hell no. I\'ve grown to like everyone I cant just leave them because what If i go there and theres nothing...I like thinking about whats going to happen with my other friends in the future but I want to live right now...I dont want to start huge fights because they think i\'m using them.


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Someone: amy promise me u\'ll habg out with us at cedar pointe
c r az e e baby4: I donno yet
c r az e e baby4: O:-)
Someone: thats what i thought.
c r az e e baby4: ... Its like a reunion
c r az e e baby4: I\'m going ot like scream and cry.
Someone:
a reunion that u see everytime u go to champion
Someone: great...
c r az e e baby4: I only see 2 people at champion
c r az e e baby4: I havent seen my best friend from elementary school in 4 years
Someone: ok so we (the people at EAST) are just the people ur using to hang out with until u get to ur old friends
c r az e e baby4: no. Next year we can all hang out
someone: its not gonna be like that though
c r az e e baby4: I dont konw what its going to be like
Someone: same as the only thing in ur journal is how happy the ppl at north make you
Someone: happy
Someone: i dont wann abe ur friend only for the rest of the year..only to be shoved aside when u get to the ppl at north
c r az e e baby4: ...ok..I\'m going to have to take you waaayyy back...WAYY BACK..this might take a while
Someone: ok..
Someone: amy i know what its like to leave people, remember?
c r az e e baby4: Ok.... 2-5 grade... had no girl friends ..Hung out with guys.....6-8th grade guys mean and cruel..rude not excepting... Guys I hung out with from elementary school..Think i\'m funny and still like me for who I am..thats what makes me happy.
Someone: and u think girls cant do that?
someone: amy u have never shown us the real you according to ur journal
c r az e e baby4: nooooooooo...You guys make me VERY happy.. I\'m just surprised that all the guys I hung out with still like me for me and thats rare and I love taht
c r az e e baby4: And i havent probably..its just weird...I\'ve gone throught alot of different personalities
c r az e e baby4: I wish i could just be myself but no matter how hard i try..i just cant do it and I have no clue why
Someone: amy, this is where you are, east rockford, u spend 5 days a week with these great people, open your eyes and see whats around you, you have plenty of people that love you at school, stop wishing you were with them, we dont want to hear how happy they make you, we\'re happy your happy, but can any of us make you happy ever? u havent really given us a chance...ur holding on to something...that just....i dont know what the word id
Someone: thats all u talk about in ur journal, how happy these guys make you, do any of us make u happy enough...worthy to add in there?
Someone: amy?
c r az e e baby4: sry i\'m trying to put everything in words
Someone: i cant find the last entry where it says \"hey...im happy with my friends at school\"
c r az e e baby4: I shouldnt have to say that. Its not like i say I HATE east I hate everyone there everyone is stupid and I hate my friends
Someone: open your eyes amy, these guys arent your life, u have OTHER firnds besides these 2 guys that u constantly talk about
c r az e e baby4: I\'m just saying that these are Guys BOYS I LOVE BOYS ESPECIALLY MUAH NORTH BOYS! They make me happy just being with them because they are GUYS. I\'m not saying that Everyone we hang out with in our group and then some dont. Its hard to find decent guys. and its also hard to find decent friends...I have both and I am happy either way.
c r az e e baby4: I dont bring them in to school and talk about them in school...its not like every other word tlhat comes out of my mouth is their name...I talk about them in my journal because thats the last thing on my mind in the day because i just got back from seeing them so ofcourse i\'m going to write about what happened.
Someone: \"my north guys\" amy ur categorizing now
Someone: ur so obsessed with these guys that someday when they let you down (it happens) ur gonna die inside, just like i did when i read that entry in your journal. but of course...they are always gonna come before your friends at east
Someone: cedar pointe...ur gonna be glued to them
Someone: u think thats gonna make ur friends at east happy? happy to know u were just hanging out with them until u got to ur north guys
Someone: ???
c r az e e baby4: I hate having to go through this all the time.. just atleast try to feel me... put yourself in my shoes...I\'m not obseessed with them I can call them muah boys because its a figure of speech..... No they dont come before people at east and i dont think i\'ve done anything to prove that.
Someone: i think you have, u would choose to go to champion and be with them before almost anything else
Someone: i wouldnt obbsess over a person just because they were here for 3 days
c r az e e baby4: I have to go to champion. I go there to work out plus my mom makes me go. but its starting not to be a force because i have people there who i know. I\'m not fucking obsessing... and if it was a person out of state i\'d understand if you did cling to her because shes not going to be here forever..north people will be there forever..thats why I wont be clinging to them tis not like they are going anywhere
Someone: amy..open ur eyes..this is where you are...and ditching us for the orth people is not gonna make ur friends feel vey apprciated
c r az e e baby4: AM I DICHING EVERYONE RGIHT NOW
c r az e e baby4: ITS ONE DAY... .ONE DAY
c r az e e baby4: I\'M NOT GOINT TO DITCH ANYONE
c r az e e baby4: Who said that? Did i say that i really dont think i did...
Somone: ok, one day that all of us have together, one day as a congats u made it through 8th grade...and now ur gonna get to spend some time with the people u did it with, the people you hang out with....here you go...have some time with them....no here ditch your friends for these other guys
c r az e e baby4: I dont have to just hang out with you guys I could try and do both
Someone: thats gonna be almost impossible amy, its cedar point...
Someone: dont try to make me feel bad amy, its a big deal because i hate the fact that u are only using us to get through 8th grade
Someone: oh look...abu\'s on.... go ahead and tell him what an awful person i am and how u wish u went to north
c r az e e baby4: I am not fucking using any one! Friends dont ditch friends it woudl be stupid... I JUST CANT THROW AWAY THE PAST 3 YEARS FOR PEOPLE AT NORTH
Someone: thats what it looks like ur planning on doing
c r az e e baby4: looks ...what am i doing making up this evil plan to hurt everyone because i feast on peoples sadness?!
Someone: all ur entrie \"i cant wait till next year when i can be with my old friends\" \"next year things will be right again\"
c r az e e baby4: Old friends and Friends from east ALL TOGETHER I\'M NOT GOING TO DISOWN ANYONE.
c r az e e baby4: I\'m just saying that I WILL GET TO SEE THEM AND IT WILL BE COOL BECAUSE I HAVENT SEEN THEM IN SO LONG
Someone: thats what u insinuate in ur entries though amy
c r az e e baby4: then its what you think when you are reading it i never put it that way to make people think i was going to ditch thenm
Someone: thats the way it sounds
c r az e e baby4: i\'m done with it i dont want to talk about it anymore this is fucking crazy.. and if you dont understand and dont even want to attemp to meet these people and try to be friends with everyone than whatever because I dont think its that big of a deal....i\'m not ditching anyone..not fucking one person. I\'m done with it i dont want to talk about it...say wahteve you want but i\'m not replying
c r az e e baby4: I dont think everyone will see it through your eyes

Then...he or she says he or she is sorry ...... I cant take all that then to have a sorry....I dont know what to do about things but I have taken a turn for the worst. I feel like shit ..all because of what people are saying...I\'ve never had this problem ever...
You dont make me almost or actually cry ..no one has.

If you want to know who someone is too bad i\'m not going to dig myself into a deeper hole.......